Another poster started the topic of: "What were you surprised about?" in regards to our home situations.
I am intrigued by my reflection and the response that I came up with. I wanted to bring it over to my own blog, so that I could keep track of it. I feel that I should spend some more time really thinking about this as it very well may put a whole new perspective on things for me.
"As I am reflecting back, thinking about the evolution of my relationship with my DH and I realize that, no matter how bad the skids and BM are, I came into this with my eyes wide open. I suppose there were times I've underestimated how screwed up BM is, but considering she's always just a shit storm brewing, I'm never really *surprised* by anything she does. The skids are still just kids. Badly behaved and poor mannered, but still just kids. I'm never really *surprised* by them either.
The ONE thing that I could say that I was blind-sided/slapped in the face/surprised by is the fact that the in-laws are so sick in their passive aggressive behavior, that they would passive aggressively undermine every effort that I made to try to help the skids. It was a total and absolute shock to me to learn that those people really just wanted the right to bitch about how bad the skids behave and that they are not, in any way, invested in the type of adults the skids grow into being. On top of that, I was absolutely and totally shocked that they were scapegoating ME to my DH -- telling him that I'm an evil step-mom and that I, "... should be doing a, b, c..." and, "... shouldn't be doing x, y, and z."
While I was trying to lift their son up and as a man, a husband, and a father -- they were silently tearing him down.
Never in a BILLION years would I have guessed how sick my in-laws are. Living with them for the first 8 months of our marriage was a huge, huge mistake. A mistake that almost cost us our marriage because of their intrusiveness and manipulations."
Implications worthy of further consideration:
1. I did come into this with my eyes wide open. I made a conscious decision to marry into this drama. This is both a good and a bad thing. Most importantly, due to the fact that I consciously chose this life, my right to bitch is pretty limited, right?
2. It will do me well to remember that my DH was not taught how to be a father and a man by his parents. In fact, they have gone above and beyond to infantilize him his whole life.
3. I think that it's interesting that my whole life I fall into the scapegoat role. What does this say about me?
I'm sure there is way more, but this is a good start. I feel that I can really build upon this.