blackandwhiteangel's picture

cant accept my stepson, spouse accepts and loves my children

Sad I have bn w/ my spouse for 2.5 yrs, im 30, hes 36, we were together when I was 15 yrs old, he was 21, my mom forced us to break up because of the age difference. he moved on right away w/ an old friend of mine, from school, they lasted 12 yrs and she got pregnant towards the end of their relationship, while seperated, she admitted to sleeping w/ her supervisor and 2 other guys but somehow made my spouse believe the baby was his, he went back, gave the baby his last name, was there for his son for the first year. it was a bad relationship, alcohol abuse, physical abuse to my spouse, mental/ emotional abuse, physical restriction and confinement to my spouse, control, insane jealousy, manipulation, she kept him from his family and his dying dad, he didnt get to be there for his dad at all, even last year he was alive, she didnt allow him, just a horrible mean woman. I moved on with one of his best friends ,about a year after I had to break up my spouse then, we lasted 6 yrs, we had a baby together, broke up when our son was about a year old. couple yrs later, I met some1 new, lasted few yrs and and I had another baby. since my 2nd child I wasnt or looking for serious relationships, went on few dates, didnt have time tho, single mom of 2 young children. my spouse finally got away from that crazy woman in 2009, we got back together, was ok for 1st mo. bn rocky since. right away he loved and accepted my 2 kids, we had a baby together about a year ago, hes great with my kids, his son and our baby. our 4 kids are 9,5,3 and 1. im having a hard time accepting his son, he looks like her and her supervisor, who is past on now, my stepson looks like her, sounds like her, whines like her, showing signs of trying to lie like her, aggresive like her. I feel bad tho, I love my spouse . I realize he is just a kid, he didnt ask to be here, didnt ask for the unstable life hes living. my stepsons mom is abusive to him, scratches, yells, swears at him, pushes him around, chronic alcoholic, always abandoning him, leaves him w/ babysitters he doesnt know or manipulates her family n my spouses family to watch him. and shes always causing trouble, making up lies, spreads.rumours to try to break us up, she is obsessive, posessive, shes always looking for a fight or arguement. theres alot of resentment, hate, bitterness between me, my spouse and her. we rushed into moving in together, trying to be a blended family too fast, I know, his son cant accept me or our baby, hes jealous, tries to exclude our baby, hits him, gets mad at him, so makes it harder for me to accept him. should we take steps back and should my spouse keep his son away until hes older? i'd get time alone with my kids


Orange County Ca's picture

This kid is really getting

This kid is really getting the short end of the stick early in life. Dad should be setting up to gain custody to get him away from her.

Perhaps you should suggest that he do so and set up a seperate home from yours where he can raise his child. After everyone is grown you two can get back together.

Meanwhile a legal seperation would seperate your finances legally while keeping the marriage intact.

Disneyfan's picture

If mom is harming her son,

If mom is harming her son, why isn't dad trying to get full custody?

imaSmom's picture

So your dh and you are fully

So your dh and you are fully aware that your ss is being abused yet no one has taken action to remove the kid from this unsafe environment.

The freedom, the strength, the will to do as I damn well please.

blackandwhiteangel's picture

sorry im new here, I replied

sorry im new here, I replied under everyones comments

blackandwhiteangel's picture

we have tried to get joint or

we have tried to get joint or full custody, we have filed reports to child protection. we have filed reports with on and off reserve mcfd,(we are all first nations, except their son who looks caucasian) the bm lives on reserve, my spouse and I live off reserve. the on reserve mcfd are lazy, careless, few of the social workers in there are horrible parents/step-parents. my spouse was refused joint and full custody, I had to really talk him into applying for it. hes scared and intimadated of bm and her family. I had to tell him to make reports for his sons safety, my spouse is scared to take any kind of action with bm, as shes always making threats, of keeping their son away, taking him to court again, changing their sons last name to her last name. she was awarded full custody and full guardianship, which confuses me bm wanted my spouse stay in his life and pay child support, I thought if u ask for that, u basically dont want anything from or anything to do with the other parent? she did this behind his back, filed for custody, lied to the judge and her lawyer, saying she had my spouse served with the papers, he received the papers after court, she lied to my spouse, told him to be at court on such n such date, he went, she wasnt there, he went to registry, they told him it was dealt with, and gave him a hard time for not showing up if he wanted access or joint, full custody. now I keep trying to report bm to mcfd, nothing happens, bm always appears innocent, kind, civil, n she always has explanations ready, saying it was a cat, her sons cousin(same age/ household) hit him, scratched him, denies the drinking, appears be a good mom, works, home all time, they believe and on reserve told us they cant do much on a 3rd party report would have to come fr 1st n 2nd party for them to take action. bm lives w/ her parents and couple of her siblings has all of them wiping her @&$, they wouldnt report her. so my spouse and I have never known whats best, we can never win, get anywhere w/ legal system, we've thot of staying away, tried it, too hard on ss and my spouse, and every week its random days, bm drinks any day of the week, she has very active party/ social life so basically she treats my spouse, her family, my spouses family as last minute sitters, flips out if they dont take him, I dontknow what my spouse or I should do, very difficult situation, always has been and always will be, bm seems to have severe mental problems

blackandwhiteangel's picture

and our lastest drama and bs

and our lastest drama and bs is, I confronted bm about getting a paternity test, I realize and understand it wasnt my place or my business, but im getting so sick of all this drama. bm went crying to my spouses family, theyre all furious w/ me and my spouse. bm has been getting my spouses family against me from when she learned of us, being back together, and they were broken up for 3-4 months she didnt allow my spouse to see their son until she found out about me, bms bn tryn to order my spouse to leave me, she said she'll allow any1 but me, she makes up lies, rumours to her friends, her family and my spouses family they all believe her and my spouses family has never liked or accepted me based solely on her lies. so now bm and my spouses brother and his brothers gf are all threatening to beat me up. ive gone to the police and asked for a peace bond, doesnt look like it could happen. bm painted picture to police shes the victim im just a mean jealous gf, that hates her and her son. I dont hate her son, ive admitted its hard to accept him, I get annoyed w/ him but I dont hate him, wouldnt hurt or harm him, she does tho. should I let my spouse go for his sons sake? or just stay completely out of it?