I'm no stranger to the hibernating in the bedroom thing. It sucks that we SM's have to resort to that sh!t, just so we can feel halfway comfortable in our own homes!

NC Stepmom, your feelings sound normal to me. I have spent my share of time hibernating in my bedroom when 3-skids and 1 BD lived under one roof (full-time, BM deceased). Spoiledbratagain is correct, let DH be the mom. Unfortunately, it is their little quirks that are irritating you, but they are individuals and you just have to put up with them. They may all be feeling a little sense of loss of some sort - hence the immature behaviors to seek attention and getting it from the father, (whom I assume they don't live with full time...?) If they live with BM, they may not be getting all the attention they need and missing father?? (again, just guessing - don't know the story...)

But, while skids are in your home, you and DH make the rules to however you want things to be handled - rule-wise. If they are living up to those 'house rules' - and it is just annoying personalities, while I feel for you (and understand), it is just good that you can vent here about it. Just try to keep an even keel an dif you feeling 'annoyed' - step away.

You could discuss with DH and then have a family meeting with all to let them (and yourself) share how they are feeling about things. (I'm sure it is odd for them too). Just a suggestion. You are validated in your "Cringe"

OMG 4 skids! Thats awful!!! I can't stand my skids coming over and I am mean to my husband about it. I have been taking some Xanax before they come over to help calm me down and it really seems to help.

I too find myself hiding in my bedroom to get away from SD (15) and SS (11). SD particularly drives me crazy. She is so incredibly spoiled. Our vacations are planned around her every year because she has so many activities. she is flying to Florida after her weekend stuff and is complaining that she has to wait a few extra hours because the airfare is less. We're even keeping my 20 YO son home to fly with her because she won't fly alone. My 22 YO BD wants to fly back a day early to go to one of her best friends weddings and I'm told by my husband that she should have to pay for the flight herself. We can fly two people to vacation for his daugher but my daughter has to pay for everything herself because she's older. The only reason we picked the week we did was to accomodate his daughter. I feel if we do for one we should do for all of them.

SS has ADHD that isn't well controlled yet. He can't seem to sit still on a couch, he's contantly kicking people jumping around the room and screaming to talk. Dad constantly forgets to give him his medicine. It's always me.

Neither SK will take a shower regularly or brush their teeth. I am the one who is constantly reminding them to take better care of themselves. Dad just sits and plays his video games and ignors the bad behavior. He hates conflict (as we all do) so he just pretends its' not happening.

I'll cook dinner, then do the dishes and clean up after all of them. When I'm done and can finally sit down in the living room to relax, they're all spread out over the furniture and there's no room for me......so back in the bedroom I go. I'm ignored by them, cook and clean for them and then expected to just go away until they need me again.

when DH and I have a few mintues to actually try and talk about something, his children are constantly interrupting the conversation. talking over me and ignoring that fact that I was talking. DH will answer them and respond to them regardless of what they want to talk about. If it was an emergency or something I would understand but they interrupt just to control the conversation and he lets them.

I know it sounds aweful to feel this way but I just don't like these kids, and it's creating a terrible wedge between me and my husband. I've never felt this way about children. Everyone that meets them comments to me about how bad and rude they are. Even their own adult cousin doesn't like them. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to loose their father, but I can't stand being around them. PLEASE HELP!

I feel ya. I always ALWAYS think I'm going to change and that I'll embrace my ss and have a good time with him. But it's impossible! As soon as he comes over, I'm just in a bad mood.
If I can feel myself getting to the point where I feel like I might actually say/do something mean, I tend to hide in my room too. Or I take my kids (my husband is the dad) and we go do something. It might make him feel left out but I think it's better than forcing myself to stay around someone I can't stand. You never know when you'll blow up and say something horrible. I don't get involved in discipline or anything that a parent should do. I'm not his parent. Not my problem.

I have this problem. I can't honestly say I have a valid reason for not liking my step daughter, and it bugs the crap out of me! I feel quilty, but I can't seem to change the way I feel. I tell myself to just put it away and try to be happy when she's visiting, but when I see her or hear her voice I just want to run away! I have been struggling a lot with it lately. My fiance has even asked me if I feel like she's an inconvenience, or if I even like her. Of course I lied to him. He wants to know why I'm not affectionate with her, or try to spend more time with her. And then he throws in there that she likes me so much and talks about me all the time. I am not mean to her because that would just be silly, but I don't go out of my way to touch her or be around her. I have 2 little girls of my own who are my entire world, and I do everything I can for them and of course hug and kiss them all the time. I just can't bring myself to like her. I feel terrible for it. I'm being pressured by him to be more involved but I have zero desire to. It's definitely a struggle! If someone on here ever figures out a good way to deal with this, please let me know. I've considered going to counseling because I'm afraid it's just going to get worse for me.

P.S. I could go on and on about this subject! It's comforting to hear that other people deal with this too.

I'm the same way, skids got here last night and I tried so hard to be asleep before they got there...I just dread what is going to happen and how DH changes, he didn't come to bed until i woke up at midnight and found him in the garage playing with his iphone...normally we are in bed by 930 together! But skids come and my whole world is turned upside down therefore I blame them even tho it's really his fault. But I have no affection for them at all, I fake it the whole time. the day they arrive i start my count down to the day they leave...they weren't even there for 20 mins when I had to get onto them for playing and jumping in the house when I'm trying to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feel the same way I used to try a lot to bond but it seems like if anything came of it it was lost when SD leaves back to BM then we are strangers again next time she comes over, it gets to be rather exhausting, furthermore when I do something for her that I think was rather cool like when I got feather and glitter in her hair long time ago before anyone else was doing it she did say thanks but then her BM takes her the follow week copies my idea does same thing and SD puts all this crap on Facebook about how her mom is so cool ect ect ect, really pisses me off makes me say why the f should I bother. So now I don't anymore cause this has happened more then once.

First just shut up. Zip it. Nothing comes out. No glares - no evil eyes.

A 19yo can get any license he wishes. Looks like the 16yo is OK, you didn't mention anything. The 13yo could be going through a sexual identity crises. Our society has grown up to the point where we allow homesexuals of both sexes to exist mostly in harmony. There are no unwounded children in a divorce and the the youngest will take it the hardest. She's needs Daddy desperately and you want to take perhaps her only piller away from her.

Follow this program or leave - these kids don't need you when you're out of control:

http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html

I give you credit for recognizing this as a problem and trying to seek advise to correct it.

I feel like you just described my self when my sk come over, I cant stand her or her sisters and their annoying little things they do!! I go in my room too....and say mean things too....oh what to do what to do!!

It is not normal for two females who are unrelated and not friend to be in the same house to extended paeriods of time. It doesnt work.

hence my room is my saviour from my SD

4 Skids - OMG. I couldnt deal with that at all!

Your not alone. I try the whole be busy when there over thing or hide in my room, and it just pisses him off. I just honestly can't stand to be around them, and thought if I'm not there it can't cause a problem. I feel for yah, and I hope it gets better!!!

Your not alone. I try the whole be busy when there over thing or hide in my room, and it just pisses him off. I just honestly can't stand to be around them, and thought if I'm not there it can't cause a problem. I feel for yah, and I hope it gets better!!!

Did you know about his 4 kids when you got married? You sound totally immature. As these little people are getting used to you your giving anger and simmering rage.... you need to get some help hun figure out if you feel like your man and your own kids are worth fighting for... but your the one who needs the work its not normal for a mom to be so disrespectful of kids... little girls need their dads and its fine it boys want to play with stuffed animals nothing wrong with that...