I have started to snoop around my BF home and now in his e-mail account. I know this is bad but I didn't intentionally try to do these things. I am plannin a suprise dinner for an upcoming event and I needed some e-mail addresses for my BF's family. It's a suprised so I can't just ask him. Since we are going to move in together soon, I have access to his e-mail account when I use his computer. I accessed the account while at work but then read some of his old e-mails (he never deletes them). I just had to read the ones from the ex. It just makes me sick that she still acts so concern in her e-mails and chats about little shit that has nothing to do with the kids. For a while she also noticed that she went back and forth between her married name(his) and her new married name. That just makes me sick and how is he supposed to feel about that too?
She is just a crazy sick bitch. Also, when I went to put something away in his home I noticed his old photo album and THEIR pictures are still in there. It's put away but it still bugs me.
Can anyone tell met how long it takes for a man to completely box up the pictures w/the ex and put them away. We have been together almost 1 1/2 and they had been separated and divorced for almost a year before we got together.
I hate that I did this because it only makes me feel upset about the fact that she is still a part of his life. Advice???
I have been here..
I just recently got married and had some pictures in our closet of him and his ex and there kids.. So what I did this past week was I took any picture that had her in it and boxed it away. The album I would get a box and put in there and pack it away. I do not think you are childish or petty you are human.
The emails well he obviously does not care that you read that stuff if you have access to it, so I would not worry about the emails. She sounds like my husbands ex.. Wanted the divorce and now does not really know if she did the right thing.. O'well not your problem.
Even my ex husband had photos of his first wife and I took all the photos and made his son a photo album with all those pictures in there. I even signed my name in there for him.
My daughter says her dad has one of our wedding albums.. So I told her to ask him if she could bring it to our house so I could pack it away with all the other things from that day for my kids. Plus then his GF does not have to look at them. My daughter looks at pictures a lot and I can just imagine what she feels like.
Hang in there.. You take the inicitative to box them up.. ANd if he asks why just tell him they bother you.. YOu will feel much better.
Been there -- Done that
I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry here. I know exactly what you're feeling and it sounds totally irrational to anyone who hasn't been through it.
I've read my man's email. I got into it innocently - it automatically opened when I was borrowing his computer, but then I'm embarrassed to admit that I kept reading. I didn't find anything inappropriate, of course. But there were little things that drove me CRAZY. I can't explain it, but the littlest emails made me so upset. Like why is he emailing her to remind her about my SS's soccer practice every week? She's got a calendar!! Or why when he emails her about days we need to trade does he explain all the details about why we need to trade? She doesn't need to know what we're doing! This must sound crazy to get so upset. But I can't help it!
Okay, I have to admit this. One day I was feeling insecure and I felt like she had been involved in our whole day, either talking about her or dealing with her. Then she called. My fiancee answered the phone and said "what's up" and then later ended the conversation with "talk to you later." I was SO annoyed!! How dare he talk like they were good buddies!! How silly is that?
And then on the "past life" pictures. Ugggghh. I can see right now as I'm sitting here the drawer where my BF has some wedding photos stored and what they look like. I can't stand it. If his daughter wants to someday see pictures of her mom in a wedding dress, shouldn't the mom be the one to have those? Why does he need to keep these pictures? I promise I'm a rational woman, but I can't even go near that drawer!! It makes my teeth clench to even think about it.
What do I do? I can't stand the constant reminders that she's still in our life. I can't stand that the man I love created the children I love with some other woman! And that woman gets to be inserted in our life EVERY DAY. Help.
Oh I have felt your pain..
Every human being is insecure in there own way about something. But I can tell you that you are normal in feeling the way you do.
I hear you about the telephone conversations, the phone calls have slowed way down but that is because we are married now and she cannot have him now.. I am pretty sure. She used to call all the time. But my then fiance would answer and walk off to have privacy. So finally it pissed me off enough that I asked him why do you walk away everytimt she calls I said to me it looks like you are hiding something. So he does not do that anymore. But what I did was when my ex husband would call me I would walk out of the room and talk quieter and if he came in the room leave to another.. Pretty soon he was asking me all the questions.. He did not like it and i think that may be why he stopped.
I say that he needs to box alot of that stuff up and say good bye.. What I do not get is when these people are going thru the divorce its not all rosy you can bet they were not calling and saying hello, no I am fine.. I think the divorce is great.. One person in a divorce gets hurt.. SO why when its over is everyone best friends all of sudden? I do not get that.. I will say with my kids dad we are very civil for there sakes and get along but I do not call him about everything.. Anyways if anyone has that answer let me know..
Most divorces are ugly. Mine was not ugly but that is because I was STUPID.. seriously I was.. If I knew then what I know now that man would have had to give me way more then he did.. But that is my own STUPIDITY.
Anyways smile and hold your head up high.. You will get thru this..
I wish that my husband now would have been my first at everything. Because I would love to erase his past.. He married the girl he dated and got pregnant in high school. So they have like prom and kids and 20 years together.. YUCK.. ok well that is how I feel.
I love his kids though.. The daughter is a little toough right now we have issues .. BUt I so get what you are saying.
"Horrible thing"
Hey, I've been there before. I know how you feel! Before going through all this drama and fights w/your husband. My advice is to develop a comfortable communication w/your husband & start now. You need to tell him how you really feel about the emails & photos. I realize that when it comes to communicating w/men you'll need to tell them staight out, they can't guess what's bothering you. Talk calmly and no yelling. You can tell him about the email stuff after his surprise party, tell him the truth. Tell him that you don't want him to discuss w/his ex any other topics besides issues regarding their child (if any). About the photos, tell him you don't want it in your house. My husband got rid of all his ex's photos when he married me, he knew how I felt about the photos. I even had his mother in law take a photo down of his ex in her house. I felt insulted when I saw that displayed at her home. The key to a great relationship is to communicate what you want to see and don't want to see happen. Be open and don't start of yelling, that was my mistake. Let us know what happens.
Guilty also
I am guilty of checking my BF emails...heck if not for some of his emails from the ex I wouldn't know what was going on. Of course most of the emails are regarding the children, but there have been a few personal ones. As for snooping in his personal stuff, I am guilty of that also. When we first moved in together, I was responsible for putting stuff away and came across some old letters between him and his ex. What can I say curiousity got the best of me and I read them. I did eventually tell him and he was not too happy about that. However I needed to know why he kept them since most were from when she started cheating on him. It bothers me that he won't get ride of them. It is just nice to know that I am not the only one who has done this. I guess you can chalk it up to human nature.
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