Step Talk

I have done the Big Brothers/Big Sister's route already. Actually, I did it before I was married, thinking it would be a sort of cool relationship and things would be great.

So - my little sister was ok. I was assigned to a 13 year old, which is a little unusual, they tend to pair up the younger girls - 8, 9, or 10.

I also do not have any children. Here is the deal, as I found out, and reflecting back - it is not so much different from being a step parent. The relationship is hard to define - you are not a parent, you are not a sibling. You ARE someone who comes from what is perceived to be "a better background." By that, I think I mean more money, more time, more everything.

When my little turned 16, she asked me to teach her to drive. I said ok, got the dirver's manual, and set some goals. Once we went through a certain number of chapter's, I would take her out in MY car and let her drive around a parking lot. But, she HAD to do the chapters first - and I set aside our weekly time to work on it.

She didn't feel like it. She just wanted to drive. Her mother also tried to prevail on me to let her just drive my car. Um. NO.

I had a friend who also has no children who also did the BB/BS thing. Her little's mother saw her as competition and had all kinds of rules about what they could do together. What was the point?

So - truly, it can be a rewarding experience. I did enjoy my little in many ways. But we are not in touch anymore. There were some difficult times. And many of the difficult times remind me of some of my step-issues. I was there to help and support - but sometimes they just seemed to want my stuff. And, well, I wouldn't give it to them. I guess I sound jaded and cynical, oh well. go in with your eyes open and you could have a great time.

BM thought/ after her and their father split up that the kids both needed a BB. & BS. BM never consulted their father about it BECAUSE.....she used these people as another way to bash their father. The kids at the time this started were 12,and 10, and she signed them up because ...as she told them....their father was never around for them, he was abusive to her(????) and she wanted good role models for her kids because she felt bad that they did not get any attention from their dad. WTF?? She never told them that their dad picked them up twice a week for overnite stays at his house, or had them every other weekend. It was only after taking his son to his ballgames, his big brother showed up, and we met him, and set the record straight . My DH did not even know they were seeing someone like this....of course the kids never told, and BM got away with that to. We never did meet his daughters Big Sister. It's all water under the bridge for us now..... but be careful when dealing with children of divorce. DH's son's Big Brother was really upset when he found out he was duped by BM. as he felt sorry for her........mission accomplished. ~"Resist all the urges.... that make you want to go out and kill." ~ Chel.

my husband told our pastor that my SD saw me as a sister,which is not true. our pastor jumped in and said that it was not right for her to see me like that because one does not show respect to a sister. that she will eventually treat me like i had no authority over her or my husband and that she would never take our relationship serious.

Wow..

I applied to be a big sister.. went through the whole application process, interview process and had recommendations. I was denied. This denial was much to the surprise of my friends, family and collegues.. they wouldnt even tell me WHY I was denied.

I am a little jaded from that experience.

I was almost denied because of my age. At the time I was in my early thirties - and they wanted younger women. They are really looking for folks in their early twenties. The thought is that they can "bond" better with the littles. Also - their could be a religion issue. I think it is a pretty christian group. They also did a "home inspection" for me.

At the end of the time - my Little was 18. They asked me to submit a close out report or summary or some such thing - which I did. Then - about 6 months later or so, I got a nasty call from them saying since I hadn't responded in so long I would no longer be considered for a new match. It was really bizarre - so it could also be that the person making the match decision was insane.

I like being jaded in cynical more than being wry and bitter. Except for sometimes...

Oh.. I was in my twenties when I applied.. Never got as far as the home inspections... Also am catholic.. so.. dont think it was the religion.. although.. I was living w/my bf at the time and perhaps they didnt like THAT!