ItAlmostWorked's picture

disengaging

So, it took me about two months to grieve the relationship I *thought* I had with YSD. Despite one short-lived wrinkle I crankily posted about here already, I have been focusing my energies on getting along better with DH, paying more attention to him and not complaining about YSD. I've let go (for the most part) of most of my $$ concerns because worrying wasn't helping the situation and the stuff I was worrying about is out of my control.

This disengaging business takes time and I am sure is not foolproof but DH and I have had the best week or so than we've had in awhile. I am sure I still have the capacity to be deeply hurt by YSD but thoughts of her rudeness and rejection are not invading my thoughts half as much as they used to. In fact they have barely I invaded my thoughts at all over the last week.

I thought our relationship (mine and YSD) would grow but the fact is, it won't. She is not, and has never been, interested in having a real relationship with me.

It worked well to think of her as an acquaintance I don't know well and what I do know, I don't like. Doing so offered some degree of distance and helped me be more ok with not caring what she thinks. She needs to disapprove of me to feel good about herself, even if it involves telling herself lies about me. How sad.


twopines's picture

DH has two adult kids. SS29

DH has two adult kids. SS29 and I get along very well. SD27 can drop off the face of the earth for all I care. I think of them as coworkers; some I like and some I don't. Every day I go home to my DH and don't talk about my coworkers.

“The witch in Hansel and Gretel -- she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it.” Miranda - Sex and the City

ItAlmostWorked's picture

Hahahaha, twopines,

Hahahaha, twopines, coworkers-that's perfect!!!

LizzieA's picture

I am trying to learn

I am trying to learn how...again...we had SS19 here for a week and I was so livid after he left last night I couldn't sleep. He has the maturity of a 13 year old. BM does things like book tickets for him without consultation re: length of visit or time of arrival/departure and DH won't say anything. He was here because he had his 3rd underage drinking arrest (this one on our turf). Within one day of court, he was begging DH to buy him booze. DH said no so he was a brat for the rest of the visit (sullen, didn't talk, wouldn't eat with us, etc.) He de-friended ME on FB, as if I have anything to do with his mess.

I am trying to get in the state of mind where I am concerned and pray for his wellbeing but not sucked into the anger and frustration. Where do you draw the line? It pisses me off to tolerate things because it's better if I don't say anything as the SM. Well, at what point do you just treat the SK (since they are adults) like any other unpleasant guest?

Also I am angry about the way his kids disrespect DH and act like everything is his fault although they continue to make really poor choices and act like gutter dwellers when he is so far above that. It must come from BM's side.