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Living in *ell! Losing my mind bc of crazy BM

modernartemis's picture

My husband's ex is psychotic. She lied about taking birth control to get pregnant in hopes of saving the relationship. She has had custody of his daughter since day 1 and uses her as a pawn. I began dating him when his daughter was 2- she is now 7. In the past BM has done things like try to get my husband falsely arrested, cyber-stalked me, wrote my family and friends saying I was a "home-wrecking whore", told her daughter not to talk to me, refused visitation, wrote "WHORE" on my car, tried to instigate physical fights, etc.

She claims to be disabled but has no problem sleeping around. Her roomate told us she woke up to find her out in the parking lot having sex with some man in a car while SD was asleep! She denied it of course. She lives off of her random boyfriends and anyone she can dupe into feeling sorry for her. She is classic anti-social personality disorder!

Her new thing is pretending SD is sick and asking for money for "meds" or "co-pays". She has taken her to the dr so many times she ran out of state medical ins. Now she is having the drs offices send us the bills, and trying to get her cs raised bc SD is "disabled" too. We know she is lying bc she has said things like "there is goo coming from her eye" and "She has a rash"- then when we pick her up that same day there is nothing wrong with her.

I had to change my phone # because of her harassment, and she won't stop. She calls my DH all hours of the night, saying something is wrong with SD, and she throws herself at him when he tries to visit. When he turns her down, she flips out at him! SD now hates me and her father and doesn't seem to want anything to do with us, but she is obviously suffering psychological damage- she is doing terribly in school and having behavioral issues. I COULD GO ON FOREVER THERE IS JUST SO MUCH CRAP. Everytime something happens she tries to use that to get attention from him and rekindle their relationship- it makes him sick he has told her to stop but she won't. It got so bad that he didn't see his daughter for months at a time bc he didn't want to be sexually harassed!

I am so stressed now that I feel like moving across the country and changing our numbers just so we don't have to deal with it! I know that sounds horrible but we have been to court so many times and told we have no proof to get custody. We are going back in July- and I am done. Her sister is a lawyer who helps her out- we can't afford 30,000- 50,000 to get a lawyer! I don't even want to go because it is so stressful and I am taking accelerated summer courses in college and I can't deal with it.

What can I do? I get no say but have to deal with the drama! It's driving me crazy!

tweetybird74's picture

Get your DH to go back to court in July with documentation of all the issues, get school records if you can, make notes of all the times she calls, all the unnecessary doctors visits. Everything she says if you have to and write it all down with dates etc. If she calls at all hours of the night keep phone records etc. The more proof you have the better chance will be that someone will see what is going on. I know it may not change things but it can't hurt either.

modernartemis's picture

Yeah- we have the school records, and a statement from her teacher about her behavioral problems. I have many messages- some of them she has sent me through social networking by creating fake profiles, so I don't know if they will count as proof. He has emails where she admits being mentally unstable, drinking, but it seems like so far the judges we have dealt with don't care- she always "cleans up her act" and "gets sober" whenever we take her to court. Even with the voicemails though they said it wasn't proof she was unfit to be a parent, they need 100% proof. I don't know if I can go through the interviews, accusations, inspections all over again just to be turned down. It's really hard.

I am hoping this time will be different, and if it is, that my SD isn't permanently psychologically damaged from being mentally abused. The last time my SD saw DH she tried to put a spell on him and was talking to herself. BM told her that DH was trying to "steal her away". It scares me and at the same time makes me hate the situation even more. She used to be so sweet and innocent. Now she acts so hateful bc we are trying to "take her". Hopefully she will see what living in a normal home is like and will realize how living with her mother wasn't safe or a good place for her.

Anon2009's picture

Document, document, document. Build a huge paper trail on this woman. Take pictures of SD in the clothes she comes over with. Keep and make copies of every doctor's report, report card, etc. Keep copies and records of her cyberstalking you. Print off every saved message you have from her and keep it in your documentation folder, along with your other documentation. Make copies of everything she has written to your family. If she has cyberstalked them too, ask them to copy and paste all of her messages to them in emails to you and print them off to save in your documentation folder. Also, keep and print off every email and text she sends to you and DH.

You probably won't get custody initially. You'll get every other weekend visitation. If BM tries to withhold it, she may likely face a fine, prison time, loss of custody or all three. Have your lawyer ask that counseling be court-ordered for SD, and BM, separately.

Make sure your DH has a pit-bull of a lawyer. So many of the lawyers who "fight" for these guys are like chihuahuas in that they are scared of the bigger dog bullies (BM and her lawyer). Your lawyer needs to be aggressive and know fathers' rights inside and out.

If you have hard evidence that SD is being neglected, like documents or pictures, bring those to court too. Is SD being neglected by BM in ways that are worthy of CPS calls? I don't know if you should call CPS just yet. You don't want that to be used against you in court. However, DH needs to keep his eyes and ears perked up to help SD and still be on the lookout for the first sign of trouble at BM's. However, after the judge makes a ruling and you've got proof that BM is neglecting/abusing SD, absolutely notify CPS and give them your documentation. You can file an anonymous report.

unbelieveable's picture

Is there anyway to get the medical history from her doctor that has dates of the visits and what she was taken there for? And if the doc saw anything wrong with her? We went through something like this - BM kept trying to say SD was diabetic - the kid was actually just dehydrated because she didn't "have time to eat or sleep" because she was helping mommy with her new baby and her sissie" No 9 year old should have that responsibility - anyway - it got so out of hand Dh said he would take her to court and get FULL custody because she was turning the kid into a hypochondriac and he was done with her using her as a labrat when all the tests kept coming back negative. It suddenly stopped after she knew he knew of her little plan to collect and stuff...