Step Talk

So DH and I have been summoned to his sister's house for the annual Happy Family Bullshit Easter Dinner.

Frankly, I'd rather stick a pencil in my eye.

DH's sister will serve up a dish of snarky put-downs along with the ham, and we'll be forced to sit at a folding table with the two adult brats (SD18 and SD24) who we recently kicked out of our house. Oh, this will be a good time for all.

DH comes from a large emeshed family. His mother is one of 11, his father one of 13. DH is one of 6, and his siblings have all had at least 5 themselves. I am the only woman in the crowd with a college degree, ONE CHILD, and an actual full-time career, so they don't know what to do with me. I usually end up with the men drinking beer and talking about work, while the women are in the kitchen talking about each other.

Before these Happy Family Bullshit holiday dinners, DH's adult brats usually have a blowout. EVERTY TIME. SD24 whips them into a frenzy. It's like how dogs growl and bite at each other when they get stressed. Pretty soon after we arrive at the Event, the adult brats get into fistfights and hair pulling with each other at the BM's house nearby, and call DH, screaming and in tears. DH usually leaves me with his relatives, and drives to the BM's house to break things up. Last year I was the lone representative of HIS immediate family for the better part of 2 hours.

I consider these Happy Family Bullshit Events to be like military offensives, which require specific tactical plans. So, this year I told DH the only way I would attend the Event would be if he left his phone at home, and didn't respond when the inevitable panic call came from the adult brats. No leaving me alone with the relatives. In addition, I told DH that I will leave immediately if I am disrespected more than 3 times by his sister or his brats, and we will stay for a maximum of two hours ONLY.

He agreed.

My tactical survival plan is to take an aspirin, smile, be detached, and act happy. Only say positive things. When the women approach wanting information for later gossip, I'll compliment them on what they are wearing, say something positive, and ask them about themselves. "Your look great! Have you recently lost weight?" usually throws them right off track and I can turn the conversation around. Smile! Smile! Smile!

I'll let you know the result of my efforts. What a terrible waste of time all this is.