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I am new to this site and glad to find that I am not the only one out there that has this feeling, I have been a step parent for 4 years now, my ss6 is a pain in the ass I know he is just a young kid but has autism and adhd and dh gives into him all the time its like walking on egg shells most of the time and since dh gives into him all the time so he doesn't have to hear him wine and carry on.
LOL @ 'dont you think if I
LOL @ 'dont you think if I were wrong I'd know it?' Love that show!
Hi Nikki, my ss8 also has
Hi Nikki, my ss8 also has autism, and it is a beast that i'm sure would be hard enough to deal with in a biological child, it's even worse dealing with it with a stepchild. My fiancee still holds a high level of denial when it comes to skid's condition and other host of medical issues, so it's up to me to be the one to make sure that all of his shit gets taken care of. i finally laid it out there for dad last week, this has been 3 yrs we've been together. I told him that he needs to step up and start handling some of these issues with this kid. He's the one who works fulltime in our house, so he acts like he can just shut out every other responsibility. ss8's biomom is a drug addict and sees the kid 2-3x a year that's about it. So, I get no relief from this kid, and it's very hard to deal with. Glad you joined the site, feel free to vent to me ANYTIME re: dealing with the autistic stepchild, you'll get a complete judgment free ear from me!
Omy I so feel like you know
Omy I so feel like you know where I am coming from, we also have full custody of ss his mom is a control freak and when he first came to live with us he was 2 and 1/2 bm was messed up on drugs and he had gotten out of the house and was walking around town on a busy street he was picked up by the cops and when they took him home it was 130 in the afternoon and she was passed out in the bed with some guy that she meet the night before (she also tested positive for meth), they charged her with child endangerment and took ss into foster care dh was out of town and when he got back since we were not married at the time both him and I had to go though the whole dhs process that foster parents do just to get him back. At that point in time the judge gave dh full custody with bm getting reasonably visitation. well we had him for a year with bm only seeing him maybe once a month and that was only cus I called her and asked her to spend time with her own son, after a year she wanted him to come live with her dh said okay but they never changed the co for the first year she had him she would just show up and drop him off 3-4 times a week and would leave him for a day or 2 so even then we had him all the time. Then she meet a good guy I like him he feels alot how I do about this, but he has a bigger heart then I do and when he came in the picture he basically had bm grow up and they started keeping him all the time with us having him every weekend unless they had something planned which was almost never. Then we moved about 3 hours from them so it started being every other weekend and a week at Christmas, It was perfect less time for me to put up with him. Well about 3 months ago bm went back to her old ways and put ss in a mental hospital well dh was pissed and since he has full custody he went down and got him and brought him home and told bm that he would let her see him as often as she wasn't but that he needs to be stable and is going to live with us. Bm has now filed a modification for custody saying she is the more fit parent blah blah blah. My biggest fuss about all of this is dh is too nice to bm and then he feels guilty for ss and gives in, so then we get a kid that thinks he runs the house is ungrateful like last night for example he got 2 awards at school 1 for perfect attendance and outstanding achievement so I told him that I would take him to get a happy meal, then we would go ride the train at the mail. so we do all that, then he asked for something at the toy store I told him no that we have already done a enough, dh husband tells him its fine that we will get him something else this Friday grrrrrrrr I am hoping he forgets I don't think we need to go over board. After I told ss no on the toy he wined and cried about it. Our mall has a really nice play area and since my dd was with us she is 20 month and was so good at waiting for her brother and didn't get a happy meal or ride the train since we were trying to make it a spacial thing for ss. I decide that we could let them play for a bit, the whole time we pouted I felt like I just wasted money on this kid, felt disrespected and thought he should be taught about being ungrateful instead of dh saying we can get that toy Friday. Its always like this. I get frustrated trying to stare this kid in the right direction, I think some of my problem is I have 2 perfect smart kids of my own both are a head of everything and then I got the slow ss. My son can stand him he tells me all the time he gets on his nervous, and I see why since ss gets what ever he wants, and my kids I teach them that be happy with what you have and if you get something extra that's a big deal you earned it. I wouldn't have it any other way. Dh has agreed to let bm have ss for the summer with us getting him every Friday though Monday until school started but I think I liked it better when we had him during the week since by the time I got home I only have to really put up with him for a couple of hours a day. Guess its time for me to plan lots of work related weekend stuff the only thing about that is messing out with time with my kids since If I take then its like why cant you take ss too.
you have an autistic stepson
you have an autistic stepson with a drug-addicted baby momma too! OMG, it's sooo nice not to be the only one "stuck" in this situation. And, let me be clear when I tell you, that you, my friend...if you stay with this man....are STUCK with this kid. Baby Momma is NOT going to come riding in on her white horse and RESCUE you from this kid. It took me a while to figure this out in my situation, and I have chosen, because I love fiancee, to stay in the relationship and deal with stepkid and all of his issues. There are more issues in my situation than just the autism, although that's the biggest concern of mine.
I get embarrassed of his 'autistic' behavior when we go out in public, I know that people are staring at him and, thus staring at, and judging me for it. I feel terrible that I feel this way, but I do and there's nothing I can do to change it. Fiancee has no idea I feel this way. But, he does know that I am concerned with ss8's 'stimming' and I feel that we have to do SOMETHING to try to get him to learn other ways to cope with his stresses. The way he stims is VERY profound and odd, people can't help but STARE when they see him doing it. It drives me utterly insane. Dad doesn't seem to even be phased by it. He clearly chooses not to notice. Story of my life with this kid and dad. Dad chose not to notice his Autism until I came into the picture. Complete negligence and denial, as I had the pediatrician PROVE to me via her medical records that she did in fact diagnose this kid at age 3 durin the FIRST VISIT she ever saw him in!!!!! now i pick up all the pieces from it. ss8's gross and fine motor skills at age 8.5 are equivalent to a 4 yr 6 month old child!
I guess most of my resentment toward this kid is because DAD never did anything about the kids deficits....now i've got a kid on my hands who lacks any self care abilities, etc. And, he thinks he only has to listen to DAD, and often won't comply with mine, teachers, etc. requests. U know, classic manipulative meltdowns geared towards me. I pray every night that baby momma will clean herself up and come after her kid...but it aint happened, and likely will NEVER happen!!!
Omy I would think that we are
Omy I would think that we are talking about the same kid and same bm, I am thinking about leaving dh in Aug when our lease is up but still I guess hoping that I can find a reason to stay. On top of having this kid dh mom lost her job and is staying with us until she can get on her feet and was just informed that she will be with us till Nov. My big fuss is that since his mom and ss have came in to the picture full time, he has less time for our daughter and he is getting harder on our daughter then he ever is with his son. Our daughter is 21 months and he is so strict with her and he still babies hes son because of his problems, and he had the nerve to tell me to quit babying her, I looked at him and said well she is a baby. Since his mom and son have gotten its like pulling teeth to get him help me do anything for our daughter its always an argument. I am getting to the point if I am going to do it all my self then why be unhappy and with no help.
have the same problem
have the same problem here
Ive posted once on here but that was before I realized my stepson age 4 and 1/2 is autistic. He comes over tuesdays and wednesdays. He drives me nuts. There are too many red flags in his behavior that signal autism to me, but his BM so far has just made excuses for him. He was even in head start just this last year and his teacher said she suspected he had autism, but BM never had him tested. I made the phone call to get him set up with a psych eval, and that is happening next week, thankfully (we had to get BM's consent). My fiance agrees with me that he is definitely behind, but can seem to tolerate the behaviors a lot more easily than I can. We were with family yesterday and ss was supposedly being watched by fiance's sister, but he got away from her and ran right into the house and almost pushed her 6mo old baby out of a swing! He has no concept of safety or danger, and I was upset with my fiance for even letting it happen, as I feel it was his job to be supervising his child-- not his sister and not me. He will also let me get up in the mornings and feed him and turn on the tv and supervise while he sleeps in, because stepson usually gets up early. I've tried to tell him its not my job to watch his child, but I don't think he really cares. I'm putting up with it for now, but I dread him coming to our house every week. When he goes back to his mom I take a day to recover and then life is normal. My fiance has said he wants to get full custody, a thought that makes me cringe.. children are a lot of work, but special needs kids are at least 3x as much work.. I am due with our second child in August, a girl, and I do not want his stepson to come around my baby at all! I am somewhat embarrassed to admit my feelings about this child to anyone, after all, he is a helpless child, but then I can't stop getting angry and frustated. It sucks!