Step Talk

My SDs have NO MANNERS!!! At the table I have to indure burping, slurping, licking food off their plates, and chewing with their mouth open! Excuse me but am I the only one who can't stand disgusting behavior at the table?! All I get from my husband is their "just kids"
Excuse me but you learn manners as kids and they are 11 and 12! At that age if I had acted like them at the table my mother would have worn my hiney out!

Oh and when they are being terrible little demon and throwing tempertantrums! When I tell them to cut it out, once again I hear, "Back off some, their only kids!" I'm sorry but you didn't act that way when I was growing up and they are not going to act that way in my home.

I told them if they wanted to eat like pigs and act like heathens then they can stay in a barn and I'll build it for them, complete with a slop bucket. I try to remind them that without the most basic manners they are not going to get far in life. That no man wants to be around a woman that he can't stand sharing a table with. And the temper in a workplace and your out of a job and even McDonald's wouldn't hire you.

Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns

I have the same issues with table manners. I finally said I couldn't eat with them as a family unless things improved. I've taken it upon myself to correct the behavior, and so far, it's getting a little better, but progress is slow.

I am also sick and tired of the sense of entitlement that ALL kids have these days, but particularly the ones who live in my house! Yeah, they ARE just kids, but if we don't start teaching them values and ettiquite now, they are SCREWED later as adults.

wow skyD you do have your hands full.
first off your husband needs to stop being "wonder dad" and become Dad.
as you will read on here you are not alone and you will get great advice on how to handle your "demons"
you are not going to succeed discipling those animals without your husband standing with you.
what are the chances of him realizing his angels really are devils and need a good dose of parenting?

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

except at the dinner table. My fiance gets aggravated mighty quickly when he sees food slopped everywhere and hears smacking and slurping.

To keep some humor in the situation we sometimes eat the way we see them eat. It grosses them out. by the time they come back from BM, though, it seems like we have to start all over again.

He asked the kids what chores they have at BM house. The reply? We have to brush our teeth.

that's it. that is all she expects of them, besides dressing themselves. It makes my stomach churn to think that I am the person most concerned with teaching them how to keep themselves clean and minimal self care. Scary to think of all the kids that don't even have an evil stepmother to take them to task.

Um, my s-kid's mom still brushes their teeth FOR them at her house...oh, and she dresses them too. It's sick.

Now that the girls live with us they have to clean the kitchen together. That way they learn NOT the make the mess in the first place. As for my husband I'm working on him b/c a good husband is not born but taught.

I remind him that I'm not trying to be like my mother (he hates her and the way she treats me), but like my grandmother that I lived with half my childhood. I FINALLY got him to realize that our marriage comes first and that we have to show a unified front to the girls or they'll pick us apart.

He just says I act like a drill sargent and need to let up. I tell him that if they would listen to me the way they listen to him then I would let up. But that he trusts me to be alone with the girls Monday thru Friday so he needs to trust that I will do right by them and teach them to be ladies. I have to admit that in the past week instead of fussing first then listening, he has started to let me explain why I did what I did. And 9 out of 10 times he's started backing me up. Heck I can't do any worse than the BioMom did! She said she didn't want them anymore because they were out of control. To bad she doesn't realize she the reason they are that way!!!

Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns

"Um, my s-kid's mom still brushes their teeth FOR them at her house...oh, and she dresses them too. It's sick"

Please tell me they are under four years old!

Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns

Coats zipped, shoes tied for them otherwise velcro shoes or tying once and then shoving the feet into already tied shoes; i don't think teeth get brushed at all at BM's house. The oldest two have "vanity" braces since age 8, they are now 11 and 9 and i see food stuck in them CONSTANTLY. They never wash their hands by rote before meals or after using the toilet, so you can only imagine what goes on at BM's house.

BF thinks they have chores at BM's house. I don't see any evidence of this. NO routines whatsoever, then when things become unmanageable (b/c BM and her BF are complete slobs) she yells at them to "clean up their rooms."

To top it all off, I caught the flu from them being over last weekend. . Oh joy!

a worthwhile victory!!
keep communication open and you and the H will have those girls straightened out in no time!!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

...unless someone teaches them what it means to GROW UP.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

Two weekends ago, when SD18 broke into a locked cabinet in my closet in search of money while we were away for the weekend, my DH attempted to rationalize her behavior by telling me that SD18 is "still young." That's a variant of "She's just a KID." WTF???

Should I give SD18 a pacifier and a bottle next? For goodness sake, I hold my BD11 to higher standards than DH holds his adult children. And guess what--it SHOWS.

This is not an age-thing. It's an enabling-thing. IMHO, our responsibility as parents is to teach our children what they need to know to become functional adults. Anything less is completely selfish on our parts.

I sometimes consider the dysfunctional, lazy, addicted, hateful adults my DH and his ex raised, and wonder if they could have turned out differently if their parents had just raised the bar in terms of their expectations. Instead of raising functional adults, they now have 5 undereducated adult barnyard pigs who burp and fart and can't even manage to hold a fork correctly. Some legacy, huh?

So stick to your guns and keep the bar high! Your kids will thank you for it in the end. And if they end up hating your guts, at least they'll be able to discuss it with their therapist at a decent restaurant while holding a fork correctly :=)

Psychological! It's as though they remember the "good times" when their marriage was still young and fresh and their kids were in diapers. I think BM feels that:

1. If she keeps them dependent, they'll always NEED her in their lives

2. She keeps mentally drifting to the days when BF and BM were "one" and this was when the skids were babies; if she AND BF keep seeing them as BABIES they remember the (very few) good times they had a couple.

I told my husband that he should encourage his son to learn to drive. To take him for a spin in large empty parking lots. He told me that the man/child (almost 6 ft tall) is not ready yet, almost 16. GIVE ME A BREAK.

At 12 his mother was still cutting his meat for him. I taught him how to properly use the fork/knife for cutting when we got married. I was amazed at the level of immaturity they are encouraging. Unbelievable! & they (the two parents) can't see it---they actually can't see it!!!!!

My bf claims his 16 year old daughter "can't" do any chores because she "doesn't have any sense" to know which end of the broom to use. That's his excuse for never making her do anything. I've seen her grades ....mostly A's and B's. His sons got dirtbikes for helping out around the farm...Princess gets a 4-wheeler which was much more expensive than any of the dirtbikes and she does NOTHING. As soon as she got it she said, "I want a car..." D'OH!!!

I have heard that soooo many times. I also get well he/she is just speaking his/her mind. What a bunch of crap. How come the skids don't have to be polite or have manners of any sort and that is okay? I don't get it. I know that this does not apply to all, but it does apply in my house. ugh.

Georgie

When husband and I got into a heated discussion about the problems in our house, for him it boiled down to the fact that I am adult and SD15 is just a child. OKAY!

Then that child needs to OBEY the adult (me). Until that happens, and until husband treats her like a child instead of his spouse (letting her make decisions for the whole family), she's not JUST A KID.

my mother in law thinks that an 8 year old does not need to have good manners. she also thinks that my husband and i are evil when we get after her for trying to teach her good manners.

sorry for the children of divorce, THEN DON'T DIVORCE. The guilty parent syndrome is killing the kids and the new spouse!

I was 37 when I became a step parent. I lived 37 peaceful years in a world where my only child contact were my brother's kids & my friends/neighbors. I was fortunate to be surrounded my good, sensable, responsible parents who somehow managed to balance family & career & was around children who were disiplined & well behave.

My step kids are for the most part good kids. ( the oldest is a bit of an authority & the youngest I think has adhd ) Their BM is better than most although she does baby them. SS almost 8 had valcro tennis shoes as of last year & ties his shoes like crap. I don't know if they have " chores" at her house. They are expected to clear the table & out away their folded laundry & pick up after themselves when they are told. They are good about helping with the baby when asked & if they whine about or argue about who should do something I usually tell them " how would you feel if I said I don't want to feed SS's or wash your clothes ect..." that usually drives home my point. One time SS 10 said " but sweetthing likes to clean" I told him no I don't, but I like things clean & there is a big difference.

They kids I see at cubscouts, baseball, school events are out of control beasts. And guess what, they are not from divorced families. Somewhere something has gone seriously WRONG! BM was telling DH that there are 3 boyscout major league baseball nights coming up. One on her weekend & two on ours. She offered to pay for the oldest ss who is not in boyscouts if DH paid for SS7 & took both boys. We already have tickets during opening week that I bought for us as a family for valentines day. I told DH the biggest issue is you have to be there with all these other bratty kids & their dumbass parents.
( our baby almost got nailed in the face at one boyscout event with a shoe beacsue the kids were throwing their shoes around the room while their parents sat there & allowed it)

This is a bigger issue than blended families it is just lazy poor parenting. These little idiots will be running the world when we are old. God help me!!