If I had made a bet on this I would have won big!
Well, last Sunday we went to SD's place because our grandson was home from Afganistan and she invited her dad (and me) over for a BBQ. Upon arriving, she was in a hurry to get out door because she forgot she had a Pampered Chef party to attend. For me I could have done the happy dance right there, but DH was obviously hurt by this.
Fast forward to today....at breakfast DH tells me he received an e-mail from his daughter boo hoo hoo-ing because she had to miss the BBQ because I was there!? Apparently she is pulling more emotional blackmail on DH and she, and he, want me to apologize!
It was tough not to explode even though I could have won any bet I placed that she would be complaining about me to him shortly. I just calmly told him that it was HER DECISION to leave, she knew I was coming in advance as she issued the invite unless she expected her father to show without me. AND, there was no way in h*ll I am going to apologize because I did nothing wrong - period. I also told him, quietly and calmly that there must be something wrong if she feels that I need to apologize because that is not normal. Note I did not put the -with her- in the sentence, just left it to be understood as I didn't want to get directly confrontational, but just firm.
Interestingly, he said I did nothing wrong, but would I please, pretty please apologize so that he can have a relationship with her. I firmly told him no, I would not, and whether or not I apologized [to the twit] has nothing to do with HIS relationship with hier.
This is new behavior on my part because, prior to what she pulled on me after Christmas, DH would always ask me to apologize to the twit to keep peace, which I did. No more. She's not use to this and not getting her way. Grrr, I hate to see what she is going to pull next.
It is also going to be interesting to see just how much pressure DH tries to put on me - cause it ain't gonna work.
Yes, snickersgal, it is
Yes, snickersgal, it is crazy. You have no idea what a narcisistic loon I have to deal with here. She is self-centered, and vicious as well. She is well known for telling tall tails about family members and aggitating all kinds of trouble.
I refuse to leave MY home when the twit stops by. I just listen to her evil spewing about her BM, brother and sister. In fact, a few weeks ago she was doing just this when I could take it no longer and inquired, calmly and sweetly, if she talked about her father and I to them like she talks about them to us. No response other than her turning bright red. THEN, I left to run an errand. She was gone when I returned. Heck, she might even be peeved because I have her number on the trashing of others and us and called her on it. She might even be having a hard time facing me.....I hope.
But even then, she was doing the trashing/gossiping, etc. of her BM, I was just asking a question. A legitimate question at that.
Oh I so know that horrible
Oh I so know that horrible shade of red on an SD's face... :sick:
You have to APOLOGIZE for
You have to APOLOGIZE for going somewhere with your husband? Crazy husband. Crazy skid. Please. No. Do NOT apologize. Too bad. Heck, start showing up every time so she can disappear.
So, she got pissed because
So, she got pissed because you showed up to something she invited you to? LOL!
And your DH expects you to say what..."SD, I'm really sorry I came to the BBQ you invited me to. I should've known you only invited me out of courtesy. It really took some nerve of me to oblige your invitiation. I'm so ashamed."
I can't believe your DH would have the gall to ask that of you. What an idiot.
Wait a minute.... She left
Wait a minute....
She left because she wanted to go to a Pampered Chef party. Maybe the party should apologize....
I have blocked her from my
I have blocked her from my email over 2 years ago when she starting causing trouble....by telling lies....that had an effect on DH and I. That caused some serious problems and took a while to establish that it wasn't true. Of course, she saw nothing wrong with what she did.
Augusta, men don't understand
Augusta, men don't understand woman speak. We all know that a woman can totally tear down another woman and the guys, who are right there, don't have a clue as to what happened. They just aren't wired the same.
So true! LIKE LIKE LIKE
So true! LIKE LIKE LIKE
What should you do? Apologise
What should you do? Apologise for your existance, as for apologising to her, this would just add fuel to the fire, good on you for refusing to do it, stand firm you've done nothing wrong, madam will have to find another way to piss you off and look bad doing it tee hee.
If he carries on not seeing
If he carries on not seeing the point of your position, I would find that pretty astonishing even on the pages of this forum. But if so, then maybe ask him this: if you were invited to a gig of hers and went, and she appeared to have somewhere valid to leave for, he can conclude can't he that you were not at fault and that far from you imposing on her, she imposed several decisions of hers on you? Once he gets that far with your argument and agrees, then say, well if she now invites you to apologise and you do so, then how does he know she will not experience that as an affront too? Well, how does he? She might not be consenting to be apologised to!!! By asking you to apologise he could be causing her more hurt. It behoves you to protect her, and him, from such a painful outcome, because you're so kind and thoughtful! }:) :jawdrop: :sick:
Good for you! Keep focused
Good for you! Keep focused on how utterly obsurd this whole thing is. In the real world, it is just plain rude to invite someone over to your home and then vanish without giving any notice. Next time DH wants you to apologize to SD I'd say, "The only one I have to apologize to is myself for not putting my foot down sooner." IF anything, DH should be apologizing to YOU because he never taught SD any manners.
Im cheering well said
Im cheering well said
Yep amazing isn't it! DH
Yep amazing isn't it! DH knows I did nothing wrong. He was the one that felt bad when she left the house after us arriving. I didn't. To me the whole visit with grandson was going to be oh so much better. I did feel bad for DH, especially as I knew what would be coming down the pick from the twit.
DH just wants me to apologize to "keep peace" with her. Nope, that ain't gonna happen, no how, no way. That is the behavior she wants from me because it shows her she has the upper hand in our dealings and the dealings with her father. DH doesn't like confrontation and SD really knows how to push his buttons to get her way. There is something pathetic about a 48 year old woman boo hoo hooing to her daddy that I hurt her feelings. She is a manipulative, cruel and vicious twit. She even brags about how vicious she can be and how she goes for the gugular and never, ever forgets a slight.
And I am soo glad to have this forum to post on rather than having smoke coming from my ears and fumming all day trying to settle down.
Yep, she's 48 and a real
Yep, she's 48 and a real piece of work. Pretty pathetic of someone that age crying to her daddy that her feelings are hurt....boo hoo hoo.
She thinks she is great and the most normal person on earth, especially in her family, and tells us so all the time while trashing them.
You know, one time I did snap at her for what she was doing....it was something small but very anoying. I caught myself immediately, and, as I am not like that, I did apologize as it was my fault. Instead of accepting my apology she states that she doesn't know what I am talking about!? It is like there is some misconnection between what happens and how she sees things. Very disturbing and very hard to deal with. I have since found out that narcissist have that trouble.
YOU ARE A
YOU ARE A SAINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nope, no saint, though I
Nope, no saint, though I thank you for saying that Poodle.
It's tough. I am on the verge of a divorce (my idea) and have to find ways to either stop the SD nonsense or go nutz. I have calmly pointed out some things SD does to DH, at appropriate times, and I hope the light in his attic is starting to go on and stay on regarding her.
That is why I am SOOOO glad to have found this forum and all the advice and encouragement I get here. Far better to vent here than at DH (unless it is truely warrented) or to give in to the Twit.
I'm with Snickers. 48???
I'm with Snickers. 48??? :jawdrop:
I guess I read about the grandson being there, & skimmed over the Afghanistan part, so it didn't occur to me that she was anything beyond middle-late 20's.
Yeah, if daddy's way of coping is begging his wife to offer an unwaranted apology to keep peace, he's got some work to do as well. Unreal.
Stand your ground.
stormabruin - love your id.
stormabruin - love your id. Yep, she's 48.
She once called social services on a widower who was raising 2 boys. Why? Because he had the audacity to tender his resignation to the company she worked at and she and the boss, wanted to fix his wagon and make things tough on him! When relating this story she was laughing about it! Man, this is one twisted woman. But I tell you that so you get an idea of just how vicious this twit can be. One has to keep an eye out on things.
As to what she started between my hubby and I...she emailed him (on our account) that I was planning to come down (this was when we lived in another state) without him because I needed to get away from him. The induendos were that I was looking to find some where/some one else. This was not true at all. And it did cause problems. When we both inquired as to where she had gotten this, she claimed I had emailed her that, but she never produced the email and nothing in my sent out box said any such thing. She is DANGEROUS and certainly has problems. It didn't make sense either, why would I be wanting to do such a thing by going down to her area? Ridiculous.
Wait.....I thought she had a
Wait.....I thought she had a Pampered Chef party? Now she's sayng she left because you were there? DH didn't put 2 and 2 together?
Yeah, I know. I don't know
Yeah, I know. I don't know what she is talking about half the time. Whatever serves her purpose. She is just trouble.
Your DH may pull a hissy fit
Your DH may pull a hissy fit but you need to disengage and he'll have to get over it. You do not owe it to him to continue any relationship with this sick woman.
Honestly, that's pathetic.
Honestly, that's pathetic. His dtr is hurting you by proxy and he's in on it. She's acting like this because he's taught her that no behavior is off limits as long as she still likes him. He sounds like he has a codependent thing going on with her.
I'm really sorry the person who should be sticking up for you is throwing you to the wolves.
If I might say this, there is
If I might say this, there is one thing that really concerns me. This SD is very malicious, vicious and cruel. She has done some pretty rotten things to people in the past, things that hurt them in their working careers and life. She has even done that to me.
Anyway, I have this nagging fear of what might be in store for me by her. The nut she is, I never know what is next.
Yes, I agree, DH is wrong for wanting me to apologize to her. He knows she has a history of starting trouble between people and family, but in his old age I think he craves peace. And if my consistant apologizing does it, then so be it.
Any way, I am quite concerned and SCARED about what she will do to me if she gets angry. The last time she got angry with me because I wouldn't play her game, she sent an email to us, mainly to DH, telling him that I was planning to leave and move down by her and find someone new!!! She claimed I had emailed her my plans and she just wanted to let him know. She never could produce the orig. email because it was a figment of her evil imagination. That was about 2 years ago and I have been distancing myself from her ever since. Of course she still claims this is true and that I owe her an apology for denying what she did. She just got angry for some imagined slight and wanted to start trouble for me. That is how she operates. Can you IMAGINE!!!
Seems the more I distance, the worse she gets.
BTW, I have no intention of ever apologizing to her for anything again. IMO she owes me more than a few apologies
She has no real friends. Her own husband's best friend's wife won't have anything to do with her. She is personna no gratis as far as going to their place. And she brags about this as though the other woman has the problem, not her. I once asked her why this woman did not like her and she trashed her claiming she was a nut etc.
x
You're right she may attack
You're right she may attack again but I would not b too scared if I were u. The attacks have no weight or force in the real world outside her fantasy life. For example the alleged email 2 years ago did nothing other than make u look like a free spirit and totally flopped because it was manifestly unbelievable. The pampered chef crap likewise bombed cos she left the scene for a valid reason in front of witnesses. She's a pretty useless showman,I'd say ask for your money back or throw rotten eggs at her poor performance! She has no real power so don't let that get in the way of anything u want to do.
Thanks Poodle - The problem
Thanks Poodle - The problem is that when she boo hoo hoo's or does other nasty carp, it seems to catch me, and her father, and cause us a lot of time and aggrevation to clean up.
Do note that DH has not said another word to me about apologizing to her for keeping her away from her own BBQ. She's probably peeved because we stayed and didn't just eat and run. We were there visiting with the grandkids for about 4 hours. I bet she thought that if she pulled this I would be insulted and just eat and run.
Wouldn't be surprised if she tried to come home before we left and found we were still there so she had to go drive around or something.
In all, I really don't care except for the fact that DH was so hurt. Here he thought she was trying to be nice and then..... When you deal with someone like her, it can be pretty scarey.
Yeah but in this instance,
Yeah but in this instance, her behaviour was so cryptic that you couldn't even be sure she was trying to make a point. I'd say you and your DH should not have to feel you are walking on eggshells if the eggshells are invisible to the naked eye. This is real princess and pea/emperor's clothes land, and though it's easier said than done, I'd hope to persuade DH that the best thing to do is forget any gripe that isn't spelled out at the time. Who's to say it wasn't a gripe invented later? In which case, why deal with it as if it were ever real, I would say to him?
You know, as I write this, it
You know, as I write this, it occurs to me that maybe DH knows just how nuts she is and doesn't know what to do about it, or is in denial. I just don't know.
That is why this forum is great. I get to unload, get support and input from others. I need it.
Yes, precisely. Wonder if
Yes, precisely. Wonder if there is a non-threatening way of asking that, just frankly out of curiosity? She seems a real case.
I'm goingto have to watach
I'm goingto have to watach for an opportunity to bring this up to him. I mean there is something seriously wrong here with this SD. Her imagined slights are bizarre and I am afraid to say anything around her for fear she will twist it into something she can carp about.
I do know one thing, she isn't going to get another thing from me...period. I use to treat her like I treated my own daughter. When I would buy things I would get one for each of them. Difference here is that my daughter says thank you. SD just grabs, runs and b*tches at me for existing.
After the time she bawled in my living room about her imagined not getting anything from us after we passed, I did offer that if there was something she wanted to let me know and I would, if possible, see she got it. She wants a guarantee of $$ and the things that are worth money. Well, that ain't gonna happen any more. She can whistle up the wind if she thinks she is getting anything - but I am not telling that to DH or any one else.
I have been married to DH for 18 years now, but it is my second marriage. She once saw my engagement/wedding ring from my first marriage and commented how she would LOVE to have it. Ha, ha, ha, that AIN't gonna happen at all. Reason she wants it? It was custom made and has a very large top grade diamond in it so it is worth something. I think I am going to pass it on now to my BD so there is no chance of the twit getting it. I think I am also going to have my daughter, next time she is down here, tell me what SHE wants so I can tag it and see that she gets it later on.
You see, I bought the first house we lived in, before I married DH, and that money went for the second house. I bought this home in my name with that money as it was mine to begin with. All the furniture was mine etc. So as I see it....greedy ingrate SD deserves nothing and I think that is what she is afraid of. That is why she wants the guarantees. Perhaps she has inquired of her father about the title of the house etc. and he told her....don't know. I know he didn't like it, but tough, this is not a community property state and the first house was in my former name.
Sorry, I guess I am having a
Sorry, I guess I am having a bad day today.