Step Talk

Congratulations! I know what he's mourning and it sure as hell isn't the loss of them being under his wing to care for and guide through life. It's the loss of his own brain cells that caused him to make such horrible choices for them when they were younger, because now, baby, he's reaping what he sowed. He's mourning the loss of whatever control he ever had over them. He's mourning the loss of what his children SHOULD have been, but will sadly never be. And honey, that's not your fault. It's his, theirs and their mother's. Maybe now that she's gone permanently (crossing fingers on that one!) the two of you can try to rebuild your marriage.

The cell phones need to go. And I think the cars should be sold and whatever money you get from them go towards paying off the debt. I know there's probably no chance in hell of that happening, but at least you have your house back. Congrats!

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

I kinda like the Humpty dance!!
I will doing that once FH oldest gets a place of his own so FH can move in with me!!
enjoy the silence!!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

Congrats..

The debt they left in their wake is STAGGERING!!! god lord! and yes.. I would put an end to their cell phone bills as well. I cant imagine they stay w/in their cell plan!!

You must be estatic though.. having regained control of your home!!!

When my stepson23 moved back to our town, DH was planning to let him get a cell phone on our existing plan and pay the extra for an added phone. It's only about $10 a month. This was the arrangement we had with him last time (only he NEVER EVER NOT EVEN ONCE paid the $10 a month). Although $10 a month is not a big deal, and the kid has no friends and doesn't use any minutes to speak of, I still did not want him on our plan. Here is how I handled it.

I reminded DH that last time stepson had a phone on our plan, he used it to call his drug dealer to arrange meetings. He even had the guy in his phone directory!!!! I told DH that if the dealer got busted, the police might investigate his buyers - people who called him. If the phone was on our plan, the police would have records that a phone owned by DH was used to call a drug dealer frequently. How would that look? Of course we could let the police test us, search our house and cars, whatever, we don't use drugs so I think in the end we would not be in trouble, but that it would take time, hassle, legal fees etc. Why put ourselves at risk? We're not the ones who called a drug dealer all the time, it was stepson23.

DH was upset with me, said to me "you don't want to be connected with stepson23 in any way" (gee can't imagine why not). But in the end he told stepson23 he would have to get his own phone!!!!! Yeah!!

So that is what happened. He had to get a prepaid one, since his credit sucks.

Nellie

DH and I are college educated and have good jobs, but by no means are we wealthy. Like most people we live more on the edge than we'd like. Unfortunately for us, the debt DH (translate: we) carries for his adult children is enormous.

Luckily for me, this debt was taken on by him BEFORE we were married, which means I can probably escape it all in a divorce. He is the only one who signed on the loans--I am not stupid enough to co-sign for any of DH's adult children. DH and I have some real issues about the amount of money that he spends on those losers each month. Frankly, I'm pretty pissed off, but that's another blog entry!

Here's the legacy of DH's adult children:

- $100,000 for SD18's on year of rehab. Payments on that loan are more than our 2nd mortgage. SD18 is using again, so this money was wasted.
- $125,000 co-signed student loans that adult children are supposed to repay. Three dropouts so far. No graduations planned.

Since January 2008:

- $1750 to pay for SD24's rent. She's working full time and cannot afford to pay rent?
- At least $300/month to pay adult children's cell phone bills.
- $1000 to purchase SD18's car.
- $2100 to repair SD18's car.
- $160 for SD18's driver's license after she flunked the test twice.
- $750 for SS21, who also works full time and cannot seem to pay his rent.
- $80 for SD24's car registration.
- $100 "borrowed" by SD18--who knows how much she stole in excess of that.
- $250 for SD24's car payment. Yep, she can't seem to afford car payments with that full-time job either.
- $250 plane ticket for SD26 to come visit...her MOTHER.
- $50 for a present for their cousin--only $20 of which went to the actual present.

DH is stymied about why we "fall short each month." I am making a more comprehensive list of expenditures for adult children since January, just so he can see how much he forks over to those brats. I am sick of working so hard to support them.

I hope some readers with younger teenagers will read these posts and save themselves some grief.

Sarah,

I am so happy for you that you don't have her in your home anymore. You have been MORE than patient with your living arrangements. Way more than I would have ever been (I've been ranting about my SS21 drinking our alcohol... you said to lock it up, we did, problem solved - I hope.)

You have mentioned before (other posts) about the money your husband filters to his ADULT kids... But, WOW, that's nuts. And I thought I was mad about the $1100 to go towards my SD18 second dui attorney. You win. That's just crazy. My head would be spinning with that kind of money going out the door.

I think I vote for Georiga's idea: "The cell phones need to go. And I think the cars should be sold and whatever money you get from them go towards paying off the debt."

That is definitely crazy.. I can tell you right now.. my dh does NOT make that kind of money.. and if he started dishing it out that fast, he would be cut off from the bank accounts... and credit cards closed.

As it is.. We are trying hard to get out of self imposed debt.. and yes.. part of that debt is from the Disney trip I mentioned in my post... lol.. I keep re emphasizing that we have no extra $$ to just splurge on stuff the skids do not need or USE.. (room.. full of toys going UNUSED)

craig's list is great.