Yes, I am still alive for all who were wondering. Here are some updates on what's been going on in my life these past several months!
BM had been doing very well, her psycho-ness had died down and she was functioning pretty much as a normal person (or at least so we thought). BF and I were basking in the new-found normalness and escape from the stress that she usually put us through. A lot of you newbies may not fully understand the implications of this, but for those of you familiar with my situation, you will grasp how amazing this is. He even (against my better judgement, but I didn't say anything) loaned her a couple hundred dollars and a laptop to get her by since hers was broken.
WELL
Let me start by saying: We are pregnant! Hooray! We're due in October and we're super duper excited. We decided to start trying in January while we were in Disney World with SS (yes, BM actually let us take him to Florida. See how different things had been??)
However, BM being the stalker-at-heart that she always has been, tracked down BF's Myspace page online. His page is private, but there is a tagline that is displayed on your profile even if it is private. She read on there that he was going to be a Dad again and flipped out. I was getting messages from fake people saying it was horrible that SS had to find out by a Myspace page and not being told by us, and how the world would be a better place if people wouldn't procreate with just anyone, and that we were sending a bad message to SS by having a child together when we're not married, blah blah blah. She claims that SS was the one who found it. She's started this thing where every time she finds a new piece of info about us, she blames it on SS. Then BM emailed BF and asked him to call her IMMEDIATELY. So he did, and she started going on about how she knows now that he left her because she can't give him another child and asking him if they would still be married if she was able to have children. Of course, she turned US having a child together to somehow be all about HER.
Well, after a day or two she calmed down. Then she called him again asking for more money...this time to the tune of about $600. He told her that now wasn't the best time for him to let go of that kind of money but that he might be able to later on. Well! She started going off on him about how he doesn't care about his son anymore, that he loves my baby more than he loves his son and now SS is going to be pushed aside and ignored. BF tried to get her to calm down and have a rational conversation but she wouldn't have it. So instead, he drove out to her house, gave her back her broken laptop and made her give his back. The whole time she was cussing and yelling mean things about him, me, and my baby blah blah blah.
SO
Now BF is back to as little contact with her as possible. We all knew it would happen, but oh well. She had been so nice for so long (we're talking several months) that both of us were beginning to be convinced that it might be for real. Oh well.
THEN
Come to find out this morning that BM was FIRED from her job in October...she claims she was fired because of her personal medical issues and because she has a "special needs" child (I hate it when she says that!). Though, I've heard of her calling in to school and work several times (we're talking once or twice a week) because SS or herself would be "sick", but he and she were perfectly fine. Or there were the doctor's appointments that never existed. She called in to school the day after SS got back from visiting us saying that she had caught the bug he had had for a week...but he was perfectly healthy when he visited us. So for the past four months she's had no income at all and didn't even tell us. I just don't understand why someone would call in so much without a real reason? She must have known that she would be fired...and how can you make money when you're sitting on your butt at home instead of at work? I just don't understand it I guess...like how she could complain about not having any money when she always called in to work.
Question: Does anyone have experience dealing with a BM who does not work? What happens or could happen custody/CS wise? I would imagine the reason she hasn't told us is because she is afraid that SS could be taken from her if we find out she is without work...?
But anyway, thanks for reading this update on my crazy life!
Well, as far as the CS goes,
Well, as far as the CS goes, that shouldn't change just because she lost her job. The courts would tell her, "too bad". Does she have primary custody of the child and your BF pays her child support? I don't think that the amount would increase due to her getting fired and the courts would tell her that she should get another job (at least that's how it works in my area). I don't think her son would be taken from her because she lost her job...unless that leads to complete poverty and him not being cared for, but I think things would have to get pretty extreme.
Hey Nymh!!
Long time, no see! Congratulations on the new baby, how exciting for you and DH. Sorry BM went off the rocker again but at least you had some drama free time. I keep waiting for the day that BM starts her stuff again but so far so good. About your question; BM no longer works due to her midical issues but nothing else has changed, still no CS because we have SD 50/50 but DH will give her $ occasionally for taking SD to and from practice on our weeks because of our work schedules. DH still pays for everything for SD but that is it. I believe she gets disability and perhaps other federal aid but she has never really shared that with us. Glad to see you back!
~Evil
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren
To the original poster...are
To the original poster...are the medical reasons REAL or bogus ones? They sound bogus to me, and chances are the courts won't buy it.
How nice to see you again!
Where ya been honey! Congratulations on Baby, that is huge-!!! I hope you have a beautiful experience with it and share all with us
Our BM has not been able to 'keep' a job for a while now but still has full custody and no one will do anything about it, we have tried. She has declared bankruptcy/foreclosure twice now that we know of. It ticks me off so bad that SD would have a much more stable life with us but she will not give up the steady money SD brings in. I pray SD can get away from her at some point.
Sorry she turned on you again, sometimes you just can't trust these people.
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
Nymh!!!!
I'm so happy for you!!!! Congratulations!
I still stick to my everlasting assessment that your SS's BM is the craziest of all the BMs. So I'm not too shocked that she flipped out with your otherwise wonderful news. It's just too bad.
As far as CS, my skids BM became "underemployed" at one point. She was working at a daycare even though she has an Associates Degree in Nursing. Our lawyer stated that CS would not be affected (unless she became disabled or decided to go back to school) and that the in the CS calculation, her amount of income would be based on her "potential" income regardless of what her current income actually was. It goes both ways - it also prevents NCPs with college degrees from becoming Fast Food employees in hopes to reduce their child support. So I wouldn't worry too much.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Congrats to you both!
What a blessing! It's also great to see your name again and I hope we'll hear more from you!
I wouldn't worry about the BM because you don't need that kind of stress while you're pregnant. Please try and enjoy this miracle that is yours and BF's.
CS I'm not sure about. It's hard because I'm sure she's tightlipped about it and the real reasons why she was fired. From your post, it doesn't sound like she's collecting umemployment benefits and maybe it's because she was 'fired' for cause? Meaning she did something really stupid to get herself fired like not doing the work expected of her and calling in sick all the time...maybe that's why she hasn't told you anything...she got fired and she can't collect and she's embarrassed? She got put in her place maybe? You'll probably never know. But don't dwell on it...not your problem Nymh!
I know it's easier said than done but please try, try, try to enjoy the miracle of being pregnant and ignore the BM as much as you can. You already know the reason why she's being so awful...you have what she wants: her ex and a baby on the way and she has absolutely NO CONTROL and it's making her crackers!
MamaJenn24
Congrats Nymph
I am so happy for you!!! BM must be turning green with jealousy. Don't let her get to you. This is a very happy time for you and DH.
As far as the CS. I can personally attest to the fact that if she is underemployed the Judge will look at past tax returns and impute her income. They did it to my skids BM!!! PM me or hit me on my space and I can give you details. If she were layed off and at no fault that may be a different story but then she has to prove she can't find another job. As far as being sick she will have to have Dr tesify to that. That is what my Attorney told me when I asked the very same question. Even then if she can't work she will have to claim disability and that income will be factored in. At least in my state. As always it depends on the Judge. My husband appealed the first Judges decision but the second Judge was fair. You see BM quit a fulltime job to start her own business. According to BM she was making less then minimum wage. The Judge said fine it was BM's choice to quit a good paying job and it is her choice to start a business. However it is not in the best interests of the children to have to pay for BM's decision to take such a cut in pay. BOTH PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CARE OF THE CHILDREN!!
Good luck! If one Judge doesn't see it your way then another higher court may.
"Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt"
RE:
Thanks to everyone for all the advice, well-wishes, and words of encouragement and support.
Cruella, most of the judges within a 100-mile radius know who BM is, and will most likely see her being fired from her job as par for the course. The way I see it, it was only a matter of time before they finally got sick of her crap and fired her. She's had to take 'incompletes' in all of her courses for the past 3 semesters because she continues to call in sick week after week and eventually fails the courses, then begs her professors to give her incompletes instead of failing her.
Mustang, she is very rarely legitimately sick enough to have to call off from work - no more than a normal person would be. But according to what she claims to school and her work, she's "sick" at least 3 days out of every 7. Or she can't get out of the house because her road is iced over. Or SS is sick and she can't leave him which is never true either. The last time SS was actually sick was in December of 2006, but she uses that as an excuse very often as well.
MamaJenn, I don't know if she is collecting unemployment or not...but I know she has some sort of income. She has mentioned that she "would have the money to do this at the end of the week" several times when asking to borrow money from BF...like she doesn't have the money but is expecting to get paid soon and will have it then. I still assume that the reason she hasn't "told" us is because she has already checked in and been told that she can't have a raise in CS, and she may be afraid that she could lose SS if we found out. Believe me, if she could use this in her benefit, we would have found out the day she was fired. She loves playing the victim and using everything that happens to her to her advantage.
Well I need to get back to work, but thanks to all of you for your responses! I love you guys!
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
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