lexie's picture

Terrible 24 year old step=daughter

I hsve a 24 year old step-daughter who i just dont understand and dont like very much at the moment...I really dont know what to do with her,i have tried everything with her,i have tried to be her friend but she just lies about what i have said..She rings the house and says "is my father there"gee how dumb does she think i am.Ihave looked after her two children for her when ever she needs time out.but this doesnt seem enough for her.A couple of months ago she tells her father that she doesnt like me and now i dont get to see the kids at all which really hurts as i treat them like i treat my other 9 grand children.Her and her partner are getting married shortly and she doesnt want me at the wedding,but my husband (her father)doesnt see why i am upset about this....She lies steals and cheats....Things seemed to get really bad when i dedided to take a full time job at the Hospital and now i am unable to have the children as often,my 5 chidren are in the same boat as her but they are supportive and understanding...Gosh i wish i new what to do about this as it really is ruining my marriage to her father.I am nearly ready to walk out and say you can have your daughter and leave me alone...If i had of had some-one tell me that step-parenting was going to be this hard i would have run a mile...please do you have any suggestions to get me through this or am i better off running...She has even put me in Hospital with a suspected heart attack through the stress that she is causing...


ColorMeGone2's picture

Hmmm... she sounds like a real peach!

But ask yourself this: WHY DO I WANT THIS PERSON IN MY LIFE, ANYWAY? I don't see that you're missing out on much. The kids, yes, but ultimately, she gets to decide whom they see or don't see. Since she doesn't seem to want you in her life (and since I can't see any reaason why you'd WANT to be in her life), I'd wash my hands of her and consider myself lucky to not be included in her drama.

Life's too short. Enjoy it!

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

sarahbernheart's picture

so she doesnt

want you at the wedding good, saves you the stress of having to pretend you like her and are happy.

I understand you are hurt by it but if we were able to pick our family I am sure she would not be one, so let her be a bitch and you live your life and be happy- if your H wants to be BLIND then maybe he needs a MIRACle like living alone..
enjoy your job lexie and the family that loves you and respects you!!
we are here for you too!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

frustratedinMA's picture

I would make it clear to the

I would make it clear to the dh.. If I am not invited to the wedding.. then WE are not paying a cent toward it.. and stick to that... then YOU write out the check for the wedding gift, and make it LOW.. the cost of 1 person.. seeing as how she didnt have the grace and social skills necessary to invite her dad's wife.

I would be ticked at the DH for not seeing the issue. My sd is 9, and yet I have told my dh that I fully expect to NOT be invited to her wedding.. That she doesnt like me now.. and that IF I am not invited, he will NOT be giving her OUR money to have her wedding.

Sorry you have to go through this.. Oh.. and tell her to grow up and find day care for HER children.

lexie's picture

the terrible sd

The discusses has just arisen as to what my h is going to give IT for a present and there is NO WAY she is getting anything from our bank account if h wants to get IT something he has to pay for it out of his own spending money that we allow our selves each fortnight so at the moment i am in the bad books yet again as i am being selfish and childish,but i can live with that.Maybe if she wasnt such a cow she would have friends to help her out she doesnt even have them.thank you for your support it really means a lot as i didnt knoe who to talk to about this and it was driving me crazy and it nice to know there are people in the world who are going through the same as me.

Sarah101's picture

Time to Disengage

If I've learned one thing from these wonderful forums, it's that life is too short to waste our energy and health on toxic people. Our time and energy should be spent on the people who reciprocate our love and joy.

Sounds like your SD is indeed toxic. She can only take you down and make your life worse--there are no redeeming qualities there. Though it might be hard, you should disengage from her as much as possible. I completely agree with FrustratedinMA that the bridezilla should see the consequences of leaving you out of the wedding. Less $$$ speaks volumes.

I also question why your DH would think it's OK to attend the wedding without you. He'll be giving the message loud & clear that he values his adult brat over you. If he's not funding any part of this wedding that's one thing, but if he's paying for the wedding then he should have the guts to set some ground rules.

Don't let her bring you down!

Anonymous67's picture

Leave him

I would leave him and get on with my own life. Your husband should not think it's ok to go to the wedding without you! Leave and tell the daughter she is the cause of it. Let her live with the guilt for the rest of her life. In the mean time build up a life on your own and only date men who don't have kids.

I need help's picture

27 yr. old step daughter Satan Sara

Hi,
This is my first time here but I am letting my husbands 27 yr. old daughter get under my skin. I need help. She does not want my 19 month old grandson at my home while her 6 yr. old son is here because she feels my grandson takes time away from her son. Even though my husband and I are married she wants equal time with only HIM! She is very jealous of me and is disrespectful. I cannot believe how I allow her to get the best of me. She e-mailed her father (5 pages long) and said the most horrible things, the truth came out how she felt about me and my grandson. Do I have to allow this person into my home? She apologized to her father but still does not want my grandson at my home when they are here. My husband accepted her apology but I can't seem to let it go. I need help! She borrowed $20,000.00 but is unable to pay it back. That was part of her Dads retirement money. I have no respect for her.I also feel her father is disrespecting me by accepting her apology so soon. I want out!!!! I waited 20 years to get re-married and this is what I got. I almost lost my grandson. He was 5 months premature and stayed in the hospital for 100 days. He had 7 blood transfusions and was on kidney dialysis twice before he was 2 months old. I get so depressed about this situation. I need help!

Anonymous211's picture

When you say you "want out"

When you say you"want out" I suspect it is because of this and many other things. I have an 18 yr old step daughter who is a complete drama heavy train wreck. However her father supports me over her ALMOST everytime because I made it very clear AT THE BEGINNING OF THE DRAMA if I am not supported by him I will leave. This was sadi nicely and with great love. "It is the last thing that I want ot do but we all deserve to be happy and any other way is unfair and unhealthy".....which now would mean I would with our other two children age 4 and 2 we have had since. This does not mean it is ideal all the time and I often have to 'remind' him of this reality HOWEVER I think you will need to start right now to let him know your stance on this. Life is too short to let a child (who cares how old she is she is acting like a 6 yr old.....and a rude one at that) so you need to position it something like this so you take the high road and it is all for "the good of the family" ..." I am worried about her and her children (sound sincere as yu ppossibly can) because she is raising them with such anger" " I would never want to give you ultimatums dear like SHE IS because i think that is unfair ....but i think it is only fair to let you know that (and this is the veiled threat you say with a smile while dieally hugging him) our marriage is only going to work if we are a priority to each other first and foremost".."I suspect the sooner she knows that you will support me and will not cave to her demands then the drama and demands will stop and we can all be happier"....the more you appear to be concerned about the family (including her) the more obvious her selfishness will be...but the most important thing is that you dont let this fester and let him know right now where you stand on this..it only gets worse if you dont.

KittyKat's picture

Please read my BLOGS!

I've been to HELL and BACK with my THREE adult SDs. They KNOW their
"daddy" is very HAPPILY married, but, BOY, do they try ways to screw it UP whenever they get a chance.

I took a MAJOR STAND on this two weeks ago, THANKS TO THE BACKBONE I NOW HAVE BECAUSE OF THIS SITE...and I quit trying to be their "friend"
(I did that ad nauseum), trying to make them "like me"...I could tell story after STORY of how these witches tried to get in between us.
Again, nothing like that from MY FAMILY. EVER.

The best advices I had ever been given come from here...DETACH; they are not MY PROBLEM. If they have "issues" (oooh, they do!), let THEM spend $$$ on a counselor. No more nights pondering "Why do they hate me?"; once you TAKE A STAND, you'll see how quickly they come to RESPECT YOU. NExt time she needs a sitter, you need to be TOO BUSY to compy.

Keep venting; this site keeps me SANE, trust me!! Smiling

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

Delovely1's picture

Ignorant Stepdaughters

Hi KittyKat,
I read your post about your step-daughters and it was so wise and so to the point. And it was REALLY what I needed! My husband has grown daughters who have babies like they are rabbits and would not work TASTING PIES! THEY DON'T WORK, I HAVE ABSOULUTELY NO RESPECT FOR THIM BECAUSE THEY DO NOT RESPECT THEMSELVES. MY HUSBAND WANTS TO BE A LOVING GRAND-FATHER WHICH I UNDERSTAND, BUT THESE GIRLS ARE HAVING SO MANY BABIES. IT IS NO WAY IN HELL I'AM GOING TO BE A BUILT IN BABY SITTER FOR THEIR RECKLESS CHOICES. IT IS SO SAD BECAUSE THEY DO NOT CARE IF THEY CAN'T PROVIDE A STABLE HOME FOR THESE BABIES. I LOVED EVERYTHING YOU SAID ABOUT PUTTING YOUR FOOT DOWN. I DON'T CARE IF THEY DON'T LIKE ME, THE FEELING IS MUTUAL. I REFUSE TO COMPROMISE MY STANDARDS BECAUSE THEY CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE ANY CLASS. THE BEST THING I FEEL I CAN DO IS KEEP THEM IN MY PRAYERS. I DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS MYSELF, BUT I KNOW IN MY HEART CHIDREN DESERVE ALL THE LOVE AND CARE WE CAN PROVIDE AND THEY DON'T ASK TO COME HERE IF YOU CAN'T TAKE OF THEM.

THANKS KITTY KAT YOUR A WISE WOMAN!

StepLightly's picture

Wow KittyKat

How did you get them to respect you? I have 3 adult SDs and they hate me, after 10 years of "liking me". WTF? I've detached and taken a stand and now they are not speaking to us. Tell me what you did to make the 'respect thing' happen!

KittyKat's picture

SL, I said they RESPECT ME...

I never said they LIKE ME.

As I read over all the blogs, many of yours, and I think of all the "abuse" I put up with from them (DH of course just wanted us
all to "make peace" and be a big happy family...I think he's resigned
himself to the fact that it's just not gonna happen); the nasty
Emails and letters I received from them; being "yelled at" in MY OWN HOME, we all know the story. Sure, they "liked me", to, when I was forking over thousands of dollars on shower and wedding gifts, they couldn't stop hugging me or thanking me enuf. But, as soon as the
"show is over", it's back to the same old SH*T.

I made it CLEAR two weeks ago, after FIVE YEARS of trying every
possible angle to be their friend. I tried to invite them to
events with us; I tried "confiding" in them with problems I had
with their dad (I even MADE SOME UP), I tried Emailing them jokes,
inspirational items. Not interested. If you know the Rugrats,
you remember brat Angelica. Well, these are THREE dysfunctiional,
mean, bullying Angelicas, and "daddy" is just like the dad there.
A total pushover. And, as was mentioned in another blog, who needs to appease these BRATS anymore? ANYHOO, I made it clear that there will be NO MORE THREATENING ME EVER; NO MORE DISRESPECTING ME in MY HOUSE or there WILL BE A RESTRAINING ORDER PUT INTO PLACE.

I REALLY thought I'd hear from them telling me off, but I haven't.
And, as I said in earlier blogs, I haven't even been talking to hubby the past few weeks. Screw him, too. Let him think about things.
Well, things really turned around this past weekend. NOT ONE WHINY PHONE CALL from those bitches (to daddy, of course), and we spent the WHOLE WEEKEND TOGETHER, just the TWO OF US, no BOTHERS. I don't think that's ever happened before. But, they KNOW daddy will be MISERABLE without me. And, it'll be all THEIR FAULT. (nyah, nyah!)

Sorry, SL, but I'm starting to take a humorous approach to this.
Da widdle girlies can't bug deir daddy no more, nyah, nyah...sorry,
that felt good!! Hee hee!! LIKE ME? I think not!! RESPECT ME.
YOU DAMN WELL KNOW IT. In fact, I think they're actually AFRAID OF
ME!! BETTER YET!!!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

StepLightly's picture

KK

I LOVE your sense of humor! I love your attitude too!

KittyKat's picture

SL, I'm feeling SILLY

I wrote you a poem (sung to the "Barney" tune..)

A-hem (clearing throat)

I like you, you like me,
Adult SDs are just CRAY-ZEE
So, let's get on with it,
Act with our usual class.
Far as I'm concerned
They can KISS OUR A$$!!

Don't know what it is, I guess 'cos we're both in the same LOONEY
BOAT, but I'm starting to REALLY see the HUMOR IN THIS!!

HELL WITH THEM!! Do you think I care if they like me? Do you care if they like YOU? I've read five of your blogs, I wouldn't know ya if I tripped over ya, BUT I LIKE YA!! Smiling

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

StepLightly's picture

LOL

Love the song...my sister and I laughed our A$$es off. You have to laugh to keep from cryin! I just got an email from middle SD (after 6 monthes of nothing but NASTY emails) saying "I need your support, bf and I decided to take a break. Poor me - I'm coming to stay this weekend." I replied "sorry but nope -- we are leaving to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary". The nerve! But I gotta tell you IT FELT GREAT to say "NO" for once!!! I was laughing as I was writing it! I love this site -- the humor that Kitty and Cru have displayed has rubbed off on me big time! WOO HOO!

sarahbernheart's picture

I am with Cru (once again)

I have been saved by this site and all the wonderful "parents" on here like it was said above detaching has saved my sanity, I no longer "babysit" I no longer cook or clean for the Skids
I dont care if ex calls FH to bitch about something, I dont care if his oldest ends up in jail. it has been a huge weight lifted off of me

I DO care about the home I have made and MY bank account, that I will not detach from!

so put that evil stepdaughter on a shelf and leave her.
enjoy your life...without or without DH too. Life is way too short

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

NoDoormat's picture

No $ towards wedding, is RIGHT !

I would have a heart to heart with dear o'l hubby and ask why he feels that it is ok to DISREPECT you the way SD does. If he allows it, she will continue. He needs to set BOUNDARIES. Why don't you give him a copy of the book Boundaries.. might enlighten him a little.

I don't care if you like her, hate her, or are indifferent.... it's your DH actions that I would be upset about. His loyalty and putting you FIRST as he should... your feelings and demanding that HIS WIFE be respected.

Now, with that said... I wouldn't want to go to the wedding, but I WOULD GO and stand next to MY HUSBAND sending a loud and clear statement of your place in his life.

Oh, and definitely none of 'our' money would go towards a wedding for an unappreciative child.

The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.(Proverbs 11:29 TLB).

Exploit or abuse your family, and end up with a fistful of air; common sense tells you it’s a stupid way to live.

Mel's picture

Relating to terrible stepdaughters

This is an awesome site and Im so glad I found it! I used to think I was the only woman to have these problems, but its quite apparant I am not. My fiance and I have been together for 2 yrs, living together for over a year now. hes 45 and Im 44. we knew each other 25 yrs ago. and got hooked up again thru a mutual friend. I got to meet both his daughters about a month after we started dating and they seemed ok at the time. But the more i was around them, the more I sensed resentment. especially from the youngest. She is in college 3 hrs away and the oldest is married and has a 6 mo old baby which i am not allowed to see because of a falling out we had. they call their father and make him come and meet them places, and he kisses their ass and does it, then comes home with an attitude and we get into an argument. These girls are ruthless, they want their dad to get back with their alcoholic mom, altho they have been divorced 6 yrs. I had always let the hateful comments and the disrespect roll off me, I was always nice and helpful and always buying them things. I even shelled out 2500.00 to help the youngest get a car.Of course her dad paid me back eventually, but truth is, I didnt have to do that after all her hateful remarks and ugly attitude i had been putting up with. And when the oldest daughter got married,my fiance helped pay for the costs and my 10 yr old son was the ring bearer. I really didnt want to go to this wedding,I already knew I would be treated like crap, but I kinda had to go. Not long after the wedding, her and her husband moved in with his mom. well, I had a 3 br condo that nobody lived in and told my fiance maybe they would like to live there.
So we asked her about it and she was so happy and crying and seemed so thankful. it made me feel great to be able to help, thats the kind of person i am tho, very kind hearted and generous. I gave her the key so they could go look at it and clean it up. not 3 days later, she comes over. her and her dad are sitting in the LR and IM in the br. and I heard some shouting, so i walked down the hall and I heard her say "Im tired of that f@#$% bitch! I couldnt believe my ears! her dad got very angry and told her to get out. SOmetimes he is so good about standing up for me. But most of the time, he isnt. He has told me that his daughers come first, but i told him it shouldnt be a matter of choice. the girls seem to think hes "choosing" me over them. which is such BS. I mean what ive written is just a couple of the numerous times this kinda crap has happened. And i guess i should mention that this isnt the first time they have done this. my fiance had a gf for 3 yrs. before us and according to their father, the girls made their lives hell. when i found that out it all made more sense to me. no Im not the bad person here, but ive been made to feel like i am.

Run 4 the hills's picture

I empathise with you

I have an 18 year old step bitch that I have not seen for about 2 or 3 years.

We used to get on fine and then she turned into a lying, cheating, manipulative, waste of space mini version of her hideous bag of a mother.

Things were said by her that I won't forgive until she apologises. Yes I am the grown up but I don't need that crap from someone I took into my home and treated respectfully.

I think all this is about 2 things:

1. They are jealous of our relationship with their father. They see us as replacing them in some way.

2. They blame us from taking their father away from them/ their mother.

At the end of the day, yes it does make life awkward having to be excluded sometimes when they want daddy time. As long as I don't have to sffer the self-important little pain in the ass I am happy! It would be an ideal world if she would grow up and accept that she is wrong and that I am not the problem but that ain't gonna happen.

I know I should forget and all that nonsense but it really is not important enough to me and I believe the person in the wrong (whether adult or child) should be the one to make amends. I am sure the day will come that she will invote daddy dearest to her wedding to cosy up with his ex (excluding me of course). Whoa betide him if he goes but then he is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't really. She is his daughter so who am I take make ultimatums.

As always our position in this is weak and the amount of disrespectful crap we have to put up with is HUGE!

My advice, cut her out of your life and be more selfishcoz the jealous little bitch doesn't deserve you. Hard but true.

TinaKay's picture

stop watching her kids

stop watching her kids and doing anything for her, she is taking you for granted.
Start telling her "sorry, no can do" and shove her away from you.
This is the only way you can deal with her is to show her with actions, you aren't going to be taken for granted.

I Feel Ur Pain!'s picture

my adult stepdaughter is so obnoxious

i anm new here and so thankrful that I found you guys. I am not married but may as well be! My bf has two daughters. One 23 the other 20. the younger has been nothing but a troublemaker for the past 4 years! She is so loud, and obnoxious I CANT STAND HER!!! my bf is truly the most wonderful man I have ever met and he would like nothing more than for us to get along, she makes me so uptight my skin crawls at the thought of her! She is living in a different town attending college, second attempt she flunked out the first time because she doesnt give a crap. as long as daddy pays for everything she'll take all she can. she is a lazy slob and disrespects everybody. She ruins everything she owns because she doesn't take care of anything. She has stolen my shoes, taken a few bucks here and there and uses anything she can get her hands on no matter whose stuff it is! my 12 year old daughter can't stand her either and locks her bedroom door when she comes around. She is coming around alot more lately and I'm a mess. She brings her dog home and that stresses out our dog and both of them mess on the floor and carpet...I want to rub HER nose in it! I really don't think I can like her anymore than what I feel for her now ,which is a very low tolerance! I try to avoid her as nmuch as I can which in turn upsets my bf. I told hem that he just had to let me deal with her however i felt necessary and if my leaving the room was the only way i could handle her being there then he just has to let me do it and keep quiet about it. If she wasn't his daughter I would have NOTHING to do with her at all. She has the kind of personality I CAN'T STAND!!! I hate feeling this stress it can be exhausting at times and I feel my relief immediately when she leaves! Honestly, my relationship would be perfect if it werent for her! Thanks for listening!!!Feels good to vent.

Pam Retz's picture

Stepwitches...

I have two stepdaughters, 17 & 18 and when I met their dad and them we got along great. We decided to get married and no one voiced any objections. My 4 kids were excited and supportive. His 2 were sullen. I have been through many of the scenarios described by others on this site and am at the end of my rope. My husband does defend me but he is always letting them walk all over him. It stemmed from them having an alcoholic mother and he did all he could to get rid of her and keep the girls happy. In doing that he was their "friend" instead of "dad" and they treated him horribly. Now they have transferred their hate onto me and told him "you've changed" , "you let her tell you what to do", etc...I never interfered with him and their relationship or tried to disipline them. If anything I made their lives easier. They have said things to me that if my children had said them they would have been severely dealt with. When their dad tried to "tough love" them for their behavior and when they got into trouble at school. They told him f-you we're moving in with mom and they just moved out. Now he is accepting that they aren't coming back but when he sees them he allows them to treat him bad because he wants to keep the peace. I say you still tell them they can't disrespect you in your own home and so what if they get mad because you say something. It has to stop. I've tried detaching and it has saved my sanity some but then I feel so bad for him because he misses them and misses being a part of their lives. I told him the next time they are here and they disrespect him or me that I was going to say something and I don't care if they get mad at me or not they already blame me for everything that has gone wrong in their lives so who cares. Now the abusive alcoholic mother has become their saint. Thank God we are moving to another state in a couple of months and all this will be behind us. If they want to come see us they will respect OUR house rules or I will ask them to leave. Thanks for letting me vent it's good to know their are others out there with the same problem.

Bridie 's picture

You Guys Are Soooooo Right On!

OMG you all are so right. I feel your pain so much & can totally relate. My adult stepdaughter is a hateful, snide, lazy, and immature little person, and is also a pathological liar and burgeoning alcoholic. She has **always** resented my marrying her dad, of course she would have hated anyone he had married, its just the way it always is and always will be. There is nothing you can do about it. Her mother was mentally ill and an alcoholic. For years I tried to be nothing but nice to her, showered her with gifts, paid for things, took her shopping, you name it, and she lied and threw away all the clothes, jewelry, and other goodies that my hard earned money bought. She is so manipulative with her dad and other people its sickening, and when she realizes she can't get what she wants from someone she dumps them & we've watched her do this to friends and other people. We caught her drunk at our house and throwing a party when we were away after telling her not to have guests in our house. Some of my valuable jewelry went missing after this. While she sweet talked me to my face she trash talked me to her facebook friends and threw all the gifts I'd given her in the dumpster. Then she's act all cute and childlike afterwards. I learnt a hard lesson that you can never make a stepchild like you by being extra nice to them. She won't work and can't hold down a job for more than a few weeks at a time because she either drunk or stoned. She doesn't want to work or pay rent and parties most of the time on huge drinking binges, and won't go to counseling - we tried to get her in to counseling for several years and she refuses to go. I finally put my foot down and said that I'll no longer try to be her friend and that she is not welcome in our house, and since then we've had mostly little to do with each other and don't talk. It's so much better that way. She is such an asshole and tried to cause so much friction between her dad and I, hoping we would get a divorce. But luckily our marriage is strong and he and I can talk about this, and we're sticking together and he agreed that she has a drinking problem and is a sociopathic liar, even though it hurts him terible to admit this. Good luck to all you other people in similar situations out there; don't let your motherfucker ingrate stepdaughter break up your marriage - stand up to her and lay down the rules. It's the best thing you can do for your sanity and keeping your marriage together.

Darlenep2006's picture

StepBitch

I am so glad I have found a place to vent a little as well. My husband of 6 years is 68 and I am 44. I know this may seem strange but after many failed relationships and 2 marriages I thought he and I were perfect for each other. Previously I had known him for 13 years. Anyhow, I have a step daughter that is 42. She has been in trouble with the law, stolen from us, and lied about everything a person can imagine. She has 2 children as well a daughter that has very much potential and a son that started out just like her. She lived with us until the 15th of this month along with her son. What a nightmare. I hate her with a passion and of course my husband has no backbone when it comes to her. She treated me like crap for 1.5 years in my home while living here and they were all against me for this time including my husband it seemed. My children hate them as well because they have stolen from them too. My children no longer live at home but this is the second time his daughter did. The first time was the same as this last time and was terrible for me. I was under lots of stress and it affected my health. My husband has played favorites and chosen sides and I am so close to leaving him. His daughter still comes for an occasional visit and I told him that she has to visit outside with him as I see no need to keep the abuse going. This openly bothers him but he does not communicate well and it starts a fight everytime. Any advice????

Janey1970's picture

Lexie, having been in a

Lexie, having been in a similar situation, I can honestly say now that I have stopped worrying over how much and why the adult stepdaughter appears to despise me, I feel a lot happier.

I, like many others on this site spent years supporting them financially when her own mother paid NOT A PENNY for their upkeep. I helped adult sd move into her first house, cleaning and gardening, buying her a car and loads of other things for her home.

Yet in return, she treated me with utter contempt. A month ago, after another of her twisted games, I could stand it no longer. I read her the riot act (something her dad should have done long, long ago) I told her exactly how she made me feel and how angry I was.

I am sad that it had to come to that but strangely enough, on the 2 occassions I have spoken to her since, she has shown me more respect than she has ever done. I still do not like or trust her. But isn't it strange how some people bully and intimidate others and will only stop doing so once they have had a dose of their own medicine? A measure of their immaturity I think.

Feedback Needed's picture

HELP HELP

It is really interesting for me to read all these post. I am in a little bit of a different situation and have been now for the past 10 years. You see, me and my now ex-husband got together when his one and only daughter was 17 years old & their relationship was and never has been a normal father & daughter relationship. He was for all intense purposes an absent father to some extent. The reasons why is still not real clear to me other then the fact that he was an absolute horror of a husband and young father to his first wife (his daughter’s mother) and so the story is that she made him pay in any and every way she could for the things he had done her. He was unfaithful and bluntly so, messed around with all of her girlfriends and so on. Anyways, so 17 years later I come into the picture, mind you this man had never had a relationship last more then 2 years.. So here I come onto the scene and his daughter then had left home and was living with some guy and was working but had dropped out of school. You know she was pretty much the wild child, running away from home, laying out with boys, doing drugs and so on.. Anyways, the relationship they share is a different one and has always been. She absolutely hates me, I tried to have a nice long talk with her after me and her father had been together for 2 years and this girl now 19 looked me in the eyes and boasted about being able to run off every female in her father’s life. Guess she was a little disappointed that she hadn’t been able to run me off. This talk did nothing but make things worse. I hated seeing her come even though she never really came around a lot and alienated her father to try and make him pay for staying with me.. whenever she did come around they would sit on the couch or whatever room they were in and sit and whisper and be outright disrespectful to anyone who was in the room. I put an end to that. Anyways, her we are years later and after the divorce and me and her father are back together again. She is needless to say VERY unhappy with this because for the better part of the past three years her dad has pretty much given her whatever she wants and done anything and everything for her and her two children. She is trying everything to split us up again. I detached myself from her years ago and it really bothers me that she gets on her myspace page and rights this long blog saying how she doesn’t understand how her father could do this to her and why he would be with someone who makes him choose between his flesh and blood and so on.. This is clearly not the case at all and never has been. The way I looked at years ago for my own sanity was this… she was 17years old living out on her own as an adult when I came into the picture and it is clearly not my fault that they have the relationship they have because I had no part of those 17 years. At this point I’m really not sure what to do..she even has a 28 year old friend of hers sending him raunchy emails trying to get him to hook up with her.. his daughter is now 27, will she ever grow up? She doesn’t do this kind of stuff to her mother & stepfather so I really don’t know what to do at this point. She is extremely jealous of my daughter also, my daughter was 13 when he and I got together and so of course they have a relationship and she can’t stand that. She uses the grandchildren against him and won’t bring them around.. I am at my wits end again…

Feedback Needed's picture

One of the Myspace Posting from my ADULT SD-

Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The ol familar sting......
Current mood: blank
Category: Blogging
You know I have been on this earth for some time now and have had the same problem in my life that I have right this second which is I am looking for a void to fill that someone has left there, I am not talking about the love between a man or a woman but the love between a parent and child. I continue to let my heart get broken by the same person over and over again. I am not going to sit here and say I have a perfect life or that I have even had the hardest but I certianly don't have the easiest. I know life is what you make it and anyone else that would have said the things that I was told yesterday would have gotten their teeth knocked out but in this case I just had to grin and barrett (tee hee) which I am used to but makes it hurt no less. I have tried to make up for my faults over the years and know that I was not the perfect child, but I have forgiven for the all the years that I shed tears and didn't understand why the one person that is supposed to love me the most .....well hurts me the most. I don't think that I can do it anymore, I have to wash my hands of it and say let the cards fall were they lay. I look at my children and thank my lucky stars that I am not that kind of person and would never put anyone before them or put them in a situation where they had to choose me or not me. I learn from everything and the person I am talking about has taught me a lot good and bad but I just cant watch him or me go thru this anymore. I want him to be happy and have a good life I just want to be a part of it and when they choice to be with someone who doesn't excatly like or care for me at all comes in the scene I am knocked from my place and that is excatly what has happened. I am coming to find out that you can't trust anyone for any reason when it comes to the matter of your heart and in this case I can't just write a "john dear" letter and be done with it....simply put I am stuck with it. I have heard that I am the center of the world and that no one can take my place yada yada yada but what are the meanings of those words when they are just what I want to hear. I feel the sting and I am so numb that I cant bear the thought of just seeing his number on my caller id. You see he does this to women all the time but what he doesn't realize is I am not them I can't just tuck away into whereever I came from or just turn my phone off and forget all about him I am the one that has to stick around and watch it fall over and over and over again. I never feel sorry for these women that have to go threw it beause I am the only woman in this mans life that cannot ever change who he is to me. When the sun opens back up and he realizes that I am not standing in his shadow anylonger will he realize.....does she love him or does he love her enough to throw away the one true person that vowed that she would be behind him even when he wasn't for me. I do have mad love for this person and honestly......I always will because like I said this is not a boy/girl relationship..... My whole life all I have wanted was for him to just be simply what he is supposed to ...... and when he is he is the best......but when he isn't I am 3 years old again on my grannys sofa in my purple bathingsuit with all the faith in the world that he is coming I just know he is coming for me..... Will I ever get to take that bathingsuit off and breath and just know that even if he doesn't come I will be okay? END>

You see there are so many untruths posted in this that I the evil stepmother is having a hard time even knowing where to start. First of all, Me and her "dad" have been together for 10 years. Yes the past three years we have been apart and even divorced to only end up back together. This SD was 17years old when I came onto the scene and actually at that time her dad lived over 1300 miles away and had for 7 years and because of our relationship he moved back home..closer to her, his mother and me and we married two years later. The relationship between the two of them had already been formed and I had no part in it and i am SOOO sick of taking the blame for it. She is trying everything she can to split us up once again. I just dont know what to do.. she uses her two children as tickets and a bunch of other crap also.. I would love to talk to someone who understands me a little and what I am going through and have been going through for 10 years now.. I dont know anyone personally that has had to deal with this. Please help

had enough's picture

so over it

i dont know what to write because it hurts so much to think about it. the lies, the disrespect, the feeling like no matter what the sd does her dad will never see bad in her, never stand up and make her accountable for what she has said and done.........and not done. I think she will never be happy with who ever her dad is with.....i am at my wits end, i feel like screaming i really do Sad everything i read here i can realte to.....seems like we are and all ways will be the wicked step mum, because they will do and say what ever they can to make us so Sad

fabzionj's picture

My Stepdaughter. I think I

My Stepdaughter.

I think I have a very sad story to describe here but I need some advice…and I don’t know that is me if I’m doing the correct thing or if I’m way wrong…but I just want the best for my kids…I will describe what is going on for the last 10 years and you guys let me know what is wrong…:

My wife and I are together for over 13 years and she has 2 daughters one of 29 and the other one 19 we got married 10 years ago and we have 2 kids my son of 9 and my daughter of 7…since the beginning everything from the side of the daughters was only hate they always blame me for take her mom away from them…and make my live so miserable any way many years pass and now the second daughter finish high school and went to college and my wife wants to keep her room as is and no one allow to get in even thought my 2 kids share the same room…I talk to my wife that since her daughter doesn’t live in the house we should give her room to my little one and she refuses and the reason why is because every weekend for the last 6 months her daughter only come home for the weekend and as soon as she come home she is going out and she sleeps out of the house in a relatives houses …? Why I told my wife that her room is not a closet that she must stay at the house an used or else…I will take that room for my daughter but she always refuse…neither the less she was always mean with my kids and not even say hi to them or anything…and to me she always insult me and say gross words even in front of my kids when she was under edge she call me the police because she blame on me that I took a calculator from her room and even my wife get in her side…nothing else to said but just the next morning after that day she found the calculator under her bed and come to me to say sorry after all the big show…right away I call the police and I make the police take her words to put it in the police report…? Do you believe that?

Years ago I use to have business with South America and all the things that I bought come to the house and she was stealing from me one day I say something to her and she got crazy and start getting everything and throwing everything all over the house when I saw all this I just walk away and I called my wife and told her what it was going on…when she arrive home the house was spotless like nothing happened that makes me look like a big liar …?

Another opportunity she was insulting me in front of my kids and I couldn’t take it no more and I took it from her arm and I send it outside until her mom’s come from work…guess what…she went to the hospital to the emergency room and said that I broke her arm…a big and very well plan to get me in jail…but thanks god the doctors knew that she was lying…because she didn’t have anything…and even she bring me police to the door of my house and they were ready to take me in…and even with my kids…feel so embrace because I work so hard to have my house in a nice neighborhood and all my fellow ask me what is going on or just look at me as the bad guy of the movie.
This morning and just to finish she pass in front of all of us not even good morning to no one and went to the basement and her way back I said how hard is to said good morning…and she right away star raising her voice…and I said no more…that’s it because I told her when she turn 18 that no more shows or raising voice in the house I told her show is over now no more police or shows because you were under edge …well she star with the famous word I Hate you and all this in front of my kids when we having breakfast how nice ehhh…of course my wife always defend her against everything saying that I provoke that…and that was enough I said this morning she is got to go…pack her things otherwise I’ll do it…I won’t take it no more I won’t take her insults or offensives words the worse of the worse that in front of my kids.

She get into her room and start screaming that I’m leaving and my wife begging her to stay a whole new show…I took my camera just in case and I record the whole thing.
Personally it was very strong experience for my kids and personally to myself I wasn’t raise in that kind of environment and I can’t take such an aggression.

After that I took my kids to school and of course they were crying also I told them to calm down before we get to school…that nothing will happen.

I know this is just few days before Christmas and I know that my wife for now on will make my live very miserable but guess what I have my kids and the rest believe me I don’t personally care…many times I told my wife to get divorce because her daughter but things happen and we still together.

Now you guys decide and help me how to approach all this conflict that to me looks very complicated.

Email me fabzionj@gmail.com

shorty50's picture

My step-witch is getting

My step-witch is getting married and I found a post to her fiance' where she is planning on getting a 2 bedroom suite at the hotel and putting my DH and me in it with her witch mother...because it would bug me! Her words, not mine. I don't like her mother but I'm not mean to her (which they mentioned that I was)I just don't have anything to do with her. We don't even live in the same state! I don't even want to go to this wedding.