I hsve a 24 year old step-daughter who i just dont understand and dont like very much at the moment...I really dont know what to do with her,i have tried everything with her,i have tried to be her friend but she just lies about what i have said..She rings the house and says "is my father there"gee how dumb does she think i am.Ihave looked after her two children for her when ever she needs time out.but this doesnt seem enough for her.A couple of months ago she tells her father that she doesnt like me and now i dont get to see the kids at all which really hurts as i treat them like i treat my other 9 grand children.Her and her partner are getting married shortly and she doesnt want me at the wedding,but my husband (her father)doesnt see why i am upset about this....She lies steals and cheats....Things seemed to get really bad when i dedided to take a full time job at the Hospital and now i am unable to have the children as often,my 5 chidren are in the same boat as her but they are supportive and understanding...Gosh i wish i new what to do about this as it really is ruining my marriage to her father.I am nearly ready to walk out and say you can have your daughter and leave me alone...If i had of had some-one tell me that step-parenting was going to be this hard i would have run a mile...please do you have any suggestions to get me through this or am i better off running...She has even put me in Hospital with a suspected heart attack through the stress that she is causing...
Oh, I am so sorry. She
Oh, I am so sorry. She sounds very selfish...she uses you for babysitting, treats you like dirt. Since when should you be the automatic babysitter? I've had to find childcare and pay for it since day one...no help from anyone. This girl needs to grow the hell up. Sounds like "daddy" doesn't want to make her grow up.
I am so sorry...don't have much advice as I'm basically in the same boat, only the "Princess" is a little bit younger.
Your husband needs to step up to the plate and tell his daughter, "This is my WIFE you will respect her. Period."
Hmmm... she sounds like a real peach!
But ask yourself this: WHY DO I WANT THIS PERSON IN MY LIFE, ANYWAY? I don't see that you're missing out on much. The kids, yes, but ultimately, she gets to decide whom they see or don't see. Since she doesn't seem to want you in her life (and since I can't see any reaason why you'd WANT to be in her life), I'd wash my hands of her and consider myself lucky to not be included in her drama.
Life's too short. Enjoy it!
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
so she doesnt
want you at the wedding good, saves you the stress of having to pretend you like her and are happy.
I understand you are hurt by it but if we were able to pick our family I am sure she would not be one, so let her be a bitch and you live your life and be happy- if your H wants to be BLIND then maybe he needs a MIRACle like living alone..
enjoy your job lexie and the family that loves you and respects you!!
we are here for you too!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
I would make it clear to the
I would make it clear to the dh.. If I am not invited to the wedding.. then WE are not paying a cent toward it.. and stick to that... then YOU write out the check for the wedding gift, and make it LOW.. the cost of 1 person.. seeing as how she didnt have the grace and social skills necessary to invite her dad's wife.
I would be ticked at the DH for not seeing the issue. My sd is 9, and yet I have told my dh that I fully expect to NOT be invited to her wedding.. That she doesnt like me now.. and that IF I am not invited, he will NOT be giving her OUR money to have her wedding.
Sorry you have to go through this.. Oh.. and tell her to grow up and find day care for HER children.
the terrible sd
The discusses has just arisen as to what my h is going to give IT for a present and there is NO WAY she is getting anything from our bank account if h wants to get IT something he has to pay for it out of his own spending money that we allow our selves each fortnight so at the moment i am in the bad books yet again as i am being selfish and childish,but i can live with that.Maybe if she wasnt such a cow she would have friends to help her out she doesnt even have them.thank you for your support it really means a lot as i didnt knoe who to talk to about this and it was driving me crazy and it nice to know there are people in the world who are going through the same as me.
Time to Disengage
If I've learned one thing from these wonderful forums, it's that life is too short to waste our energy and health on toxic people. Our time and energy should be spent on the people who reciprocate our love and joy.
Sounds like your SD is indeed toxic. She can only take you down and make your life worse--there are no redeeming qualities there. Though it might be hard, you should disengage from her as much as possible. I completely agree with FrustratedinMA that the bridezilla should see the consequences of leaving you out of the wedding. Less $$$ speaks volumes.
I also question why your DH would think it's OK to attend the wedding without you. He'll be giving the message loud & clear that he values his adult brat over you. If he's not funding any part of this wedding that's one thing, but if he's paying for the wedding then he should have the guts to set some ground rules.
Don't let her bring you down!
Leave him
I would leave him and get on with my own life. Your husband should not think it's ok to go to the wedding without you! Leave and tell the daughter she is the cause of it. Let her live with the guilt for the rest of her life. In the mean time build up a life on your own and only date men who don't have kids.
27 yr. old step daughter Satan Sara
Hi,
This is my first time here but I am letting my husbands 27 yr. old daughter get under my skin. I need help. She does not want my 19 month old grandson at my home while her 6 yr. old son is here because she feels my grandson takes time away from her son. Even though my husband and I are married she wants equal time with only HIM! She is very jealous of me and is disrespectful. I cannot believe how I allow her to get the best of me. She e-mailed her father (5 pages long) and said the most horrible things, the truth came out how she felt about me and my grandson. Do I have to allow this person into my home? She apologized to her father but still does not want my grandson at my home when they are here. My husband accepted her apology but I can't seem to let it go. I need help! She borrowed $20,000.00 but is unable to pay it back. That was part of her Dads retirement money. I have no respect for her.I also feel her father is disrespecting me by accepting her apology so soon. I want out!!!! I waited 20 years to get re-married and this is what I got. I almost lost my grandson. He was 5 months premature and stayed in the hospital for 100 days. He had 7 blood transfusions and was on kidney dialysis twice before he was 2 months old. I get so depressed about this situation. I need help!
When you say you "want out"
When you say you"want out" I suspect it is because of this and many other things. I have an 18 yr old step daughter who is a complete drama heavy train wreck. However her father supports me over her ALMOST everytime because I made it very clear AT THE BEGINNING OF THE DRAMA if I am not supported by him I will leave. This was sadi nicely and with great love. "It is the last thing that I want ot do but we all deserve to be happy and any other way is unfair and unhealthy".....which now would mean I would with our other two children age 4 and 2 we have had since. This does not mean it is ideal all the time and I often have to 'remind' him of this reality HOWEVER I think you will need to start right now to let him know your stance on this. Life is too short to let a child (who cares how old she is she is acting like a 6 yr old.....and a rude one at that) so you need to position it something like this so you take the high road and it is all for "the good of the family" ..." I am worried about her and her children (sound sincere as yu ppossibly can) because she is raising them with such anger" " I would never want to give you ultimatums dear like SHE IS because i think that is unfair ....but i think it is only fair to let you know that (and this is the veiled threat you say with a smile while dieally hugging him) our marriage is only going to work if we are a priority to each other first and foremost".."I suspect the sooner she knows that you will support me and will not cave to her demands then the drama and demands will stop and we can all be happier"....the more you appear to be concerned about the family (including her) the more obvious her selfishness will be...but the most important thing is that you dont let this fester and let him know right now where you stand on this..it only gets worse if you dont.
Please read my BLOGS!
I've been to HELL and BACK with my THREE adult SDs. They KNOW their
"daddy" is very HAPPILY married, but, BOY, do they try ways to screw it UP whenever they get a chance.
I took a MAJOR STAND on this two weeks ago, THANKS TO THE BACKBONE I NOW HAVE BECAUSE OF THIS SITE...and I quit trying to be their "friend"
(I did that ad nauseum), trying to make them "like me"...I could tell story after STORY of how these witches tried to get in between us.
Again, nothing like that from MY FAMILY. EVER.
The best advices I had ever been given come from here...DETACH; they are not MY PROBLEM. If they have "issues" (oooh, they do!), let THEM spend $$$ on a counselor. No more nights pondering "Why do they hate me?"; once you TAKE A STAND, you'll see how quickly they come to RESPECT YOU. NExt time she needs a sitter, you need to be TOO BUSY to compy.
Keep venting; this site keeps me SANE, trust me!!
Wow KittyKat
How did you get them to respect you? I have 3 adult SDs and they hate me, after 10 years of "liking me". WTF? I've detached and taken a stand and now they are not speaking to us. Tell me what you did to make the 'respect thing' happen!
SL, I said they RESPECT ME...
I never said they LIKE ME.
As I read over all the blogs, many of yours, and I think of all the "abuse" I put up with from them (DH of course just wanted us
all to "make peace" and be a big happy family...I think he's resigned
himself to the fact that it's just not gonna happen); the nasty
Emails and letters I received from them; being "yelled at" in MY OWN HOME, we all know the story. Sure, they "liked me", to, when I was forking over thousands of dollars on shower and wedding gifts, they couldn't stop hugging me or thanking me enuf. But, as soon as the
"show is over", it's back to the same old SH*T.
I made it CLEAR two weeks ago, after FIVE YEARS of trying every
possible angle to be their friend. I tried to invite them to
events with us; I tried "confiding" in them with problems I had
with their dad (I even MADE SOME UP), I tried Emailing them jokes,
inspirational items. Not interested. If you know the Rugrats,
you remember brat Angelica. Well, these are THREE dysfunctiional,
mean, bullying Angelicas, and "daddy" is just like the dad there.
A total pushover. And, as was mentioned in another blog, who needs to appease these BRATS anymore? ANYHOO, I made it clear that there will be NO MORE THREATENING ME EVER; NO MORE DISRESPECTING ME in MY HOUSE or there WILL BE A RESTRAINING ORDER PUT INTO PLACE.
I REALLY thought I'd hear from them telling me off, but I haven't.
And, as I said in earlier blogs, I haven't even been talking to hubby the past few weeks. Screw him, too. Let him think about things.
Well, things really turned around this past weekend. NOT ONE WHINY PHONE CALL from those bitches (to daddy, of course), and we spent the WHOLE WEEKEND TOGETHER, just the TWO OF US, no BOTHERS. I don't think that's ever happened before. But, they KNOW daddy will be MISERABLE without me. And, it'll be all THEIR FAULT. (nyah, nyah!)
Sorry, SL, but I'm starting to take a humorous approach to this.
Da widdle girlies can't bug deir daddy no more, nyah, nyah...sorry,
that felt good!! Hee hee!! LIKE ME? I think not!! RESPECT ME.
YOU DAMN WELL KNOW IT. In fact, I think they're actually AFRAID OF
ME!! BETTER YET!!!
KK
I LOVE your sense of humor! I love your attitude too!
SL, I'm feeling SILLY
I wrote you a poem (sung to the "Barney" tune..)
A-hem (clearing throat)
I like you, you like me,
Adult SDs are just CRAY-ZEE
So, let's get on with it,
Act with our usual class.
Far as I'm concerned
They can KISS OUR A$$!!
Don't know what it is, I guess 'cos we're both in the same LOONEY
BOAT, but I'm starting to REALLY see the HUMOR IN THIS!!
HELL WITH THEM!! Do you think I care if they like me? Do you care if they like YOU? I've read five of your blogs, I wouldn't know ya if I tripped over ya, BUT I LIKE YA!!
LOL
Love the song...my sister and I laughed our A$$es off. You have to laugh to keep from cryin! I just got an email from middle SD (after 6 monthes of nothing but NASTY emails) saying "I need your support, bf and I decided to take a break. Poor me - I'm coming to stay this weekend." I replied "sorry but nope -- we are leaving to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary". The nerve! But I gotta tell you IT FELT GREAT to say "NO" for once!!! I was laughing as I was writing it! I love this site -- the humor that Kitty and Cru have displayed has rubbed off on me big time! WOO HOO!
I would say
It is a situation where I would NOT detach since it is YOUR bank account being affected here. Do not detach from your husbands spending money on this cow.
I detach from things that need to be done for DH and Skids like cooking, cleaning, buying stuff that they need. But adult SKIDS that are sucking my account dry. NOPE. I would take a stand and a hard one. I would only detach emotionally from SD and never have anything to do with her. Don't watch her kids. Don't participate in anything that has to do with her.
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
I am with Cru (once again)
I have been saved by this site and all the wonderful "parents" on here like it was said above detaching has saved my sanity, I no longer "babysit" I no longer cook or clean for the Skids
I dont care if ex calls FH to bitch about something, I dont care if his oldest ends up in jail. it has been a huge weight lifted off of me
I DO care about the home I have made and MY bank account, that I will not detach from!
so put that evil stepdaughter on a shelf and leave her.
enjoy your life...without or without DH too. Life is way too short
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
No $ towards wedding, is RIGHT !
I would have a heart to heart with dear o'l hubby and ask why he feels that it is ok to DISREPECT you the way SD does. If he allows it, she will continue. He needs to set BOUNDARIES. Why don't you give him a copy of the book Boundaries.. might enlighten him a little.
I don't care if you like her, hate her, or are indifferent.... it's your DH actions that I would be upset about. His loyalty and putting you FIRST as he should... your feelings and demanding that HIS WIFE be respected.
Now, with that said... I wouldn't want to go to the wedding, but I WOULD GO and stand next to MY HUSBAND sending a loud and clear statement of your place in his life.
Oh, and definitely none of 'our' money would go towards a wedding for an unappreciative child.
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