Let me start out by saying that Bm is so lucky that my Dh is how he is. He never wants to be confrontational. If I had to deal with her, I would just tell her like it is!!
So, Dh, Bm and ss sat down face to face to talk about how ss has no responsibilities at Bm's house. She knew this was the case but didn't realized how bad it was and how bad it was affecting ss. I mean ss basically wasn't responsible for anything at Bm's house. She even picked out his clothes and he's almost 13!! He couldn't pick out things that he liked like deodorant, hair gel, etc. He had to use what she said he had to use. He was basically like a robot with no mind or say. Bm couldn't believe that ss gets himself up and ready in the morning with very little input from me. It sounds like Dh got through to her and ss backed Dh up. We shall see.
The only problem that Bm brought up is that she admitted that ss hates his little sister(Bm and her live in ex's daughter) and is very verbal about it. She said that she has big problems with the little girl(no discipline basically). She lets the girl get away with murder and ss he gets blamed for everything. So he is being very disrespectful to Bm because of that. Bm says she has no idea what to do about it except for the 3 of them to go to therapy.
First of all, I think Bm needs to go to therapy for herself and also take a parenting class. Then think about therapy for the 4 year old girl. In this case, I don't think ss is the primary one that needs therapy. I hope she doesn't think that we are going to put it on our insurance!!
Dawn
wouldn't hurt
for SS to have some counseling in conjunction with BM and her ex. In fact, therapist would most likely insist that he be seen, since the dynamics between he and the four-yar-old are bad and subsequently, he takes it out on BM. But no, he is not the problem here, the two adults are. The therapist might get a lot of beneficial insight into BM's interactions with SS if she gets an idea, from SS, of how very different his two worlds are and how he thrives in one and stagnates in the other. And amen to parenting classes--they might really be helpful if she follows through.
I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.
I wish
Even though I think she needs to take a parenting class, I don't see it ever happening. I guess it's just wishful thinking on my part.
I'm also not saying that ss shouldn't go WITH Bm when she goes herself or takes her 4 year old to therapy. I'm just saying that I don't think it should go through our insurance. We will be paying for ss's Sylvan Learning Center, indoor soccer, Ss's chosen summer camp(which isn't cheap) and our half of ss's braces Bm's problem with her 4 year old should go on her insurance. I mean Bm doesn't contribute to any of ss's activities or extras, at all.
Dawn
Dawn
but . . .
does BM even carry SS on her insurance? I agree it's not fair to you guys, but if you carry him and have primary residence, you are most likely the primary insurance carrier, even if she does have him on her policy. The primary policy has to handle the claim first, then it can be submitted to secondary insurance, which would be hers. Only exception would probably be if Skid is actually insured by a step-parent's insurance in one household and a biological parent's insurance in the other household; then the bio parent's insurance would be primary, regardless of who has primary residence. She needs to at least pay the co-pay if it has to go through your insurance.
I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.
But
If they go to therapy and ss is just brought in on it but he isn't the primary person getting the therapy, then it shouldn't go towards his insurance since it is separate from Bm's insurance. She has never carried ss on her insurance.
Dawn
depends
if the therapist decides she has to see all of them separately from time to time, then ss's individual therapy--which she may insist is necessary in order to get the whole family unit functioning together--will have to be billed to ss insurance, simply because there is no one else to bill. If it is family therapy, then you are right, it will just be charged to the primary person's policy at the "family" rate. I used to audit health insurance claims. You can bet that BM will be eager to inform the therapist that if she wants to see SS alone, he has a policy--especially if she thinks that she won't have to pay his copay, which will probably be quite steep. SD had several sessions last year at $75 a pop.
I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.
the only good thing
is, if she goes to the same office where ss went before, ss's therapist knows our whole story. In fact she was the one who was very instrumental in Dh getting primary custody. So, I'm pretty sure Bm won't be able to pull any fast ones if she goes there. Which, knowing Bm, she would go there because she is familiar with it.
It's probably a mute issue anyway. I'll be surprised if Bm actually follows through with it.
Dawn
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