SD recently put a pic of her Dad and Mom up
SD (36 yrs old) recently put up a pic of her mom and dad in her kitchen on a shelf. She used to complain that we did not have enough pictures of her and her kids up in OUR house so DH and I went out of my way to put more pics up. I wish now I hadn't done that - that was around 3 years ago - before the real bullshit floated to the top. I have been disengaged now for 2 months so I won't have to see that picture there again. I have no intention of going to her house ever again. It just popped in my head after reading a post here by another SM who's SD brought a picture of BM and DH to her house. Do your adult Stepkids have pics of BM and DH up ? I don't know, I guess she put it up around the time she really started having issues with me so I suppose i should have paid more attention to the message. Another sign of my naivety in identifying the passive RA that I have been living with.
Don't like my 30ish step
Don't like my 30ish step daughter much either, however, it IS her family and she has a right to put pictures of them up in her home. No, she should never think they should be up in YOUR home.
I think it makes perfect
I think it makes perfect sense for her to have pictures of her parents up in her home. Why wouldn't she?
My ILs have pics of DH and BM up in their home. It kinda gave me the willies the first time I saw them, but now I'm over it. They were married, she was (and according to them, still is) a part of their family.
Thankfully, my parents can't stand XH so there are no pictures up of us!
Yes, of course she can but is
Yes, of course she can but is that really the issue? How disrespectful! There are alot of hurt feelings with divorce, even with the marriages that claim to emd amicably. There's a good chance at least one parent doesn't care to see the picture and is just completetly disrespecting the new relationships that her parents are in. If a picture of her parents brings her warm fuzzy memories (even though in reality her parents were probably sheltering her from the misery they were feel) then haven't the picture in an album somewhere is fine but displaying it is just thoughtless.
I guess after reading a few
I guess after reading a few more I agree that she is saying something with putting them up, every family situation is different.
I only posted because I found
I only posted because I found it weird that ALL OF A SUDDEN the picture of just her dad and mom was put up in such an obvious location. It was also weird that at the same time she complained to DH only that there were NOT ENOUGH pictures of her and gkids in our home. There were plenty of pictures of her and her children just not in every room LOL. Now they are in every room except our bedroom. As I said it just popped in my mind because I was reading another post about pictures SD had displayed with dad and BM. Really when they went up 3 years ago, I didn't really give a hoot one way or another. Today, it just dawned on me that the games started way before I started playing. I have since removed myself from the equation. Just saying.... no biggie at this point in time, just an interesting observation.
i know how you feel. My
i know how you feel. My stepkids put a pic of their mom and dad( my husband) on facebook. It hurt my feelings. I hated how I felt, but it was a true feeling. I've been at this for 22 yrs and I raised the kids in my house for half their lives. Can't help if it's right or not, but it was a real feeling.
what kind of a person tells
what kind of a person tells someone that they need more pictures of them on their walls? :O as for sd, she's pathetic to be the age she is and playing games. does she think you're going to feel threatened by a picture from years ago? what a moron.
Now you are free of the real
Now you are free of the real her you can also liberate yourself from the pictures of her in your house (if there are any still up). Remove them gradually, like a thawing glacier.
Love that analogy - "like a
Love that analogy - "like a thawing glacier". Perfectly said. I have removed a couple... and will soon have most if not all of them put away.
Isn't it natural for kids to
Isn't it natural for kids to want to have pics of their parents together? That wouldn't bother me, because they are both her parents, and she loves both of them, and almost every child has idealized fantasies/memories of what it was like when their parents were together.... so this is her way of honoring that false memory.
But, the pictures you have in your house are your business. She obviously has some security issues. Let them be her issues....
That bundle is not yours, so don't feel like you have to carry it.
Good God, a 36 year old woman
Good God, a 36 year old woman put up a picture of her biological parents, and you think this is an affront against you?
Time for some recalibration, but not of the SD. It's not all about you, lady, and you don't get to control what other adults use to decorate their homes.
Never mind.
Never mind.
I know it's not all about me
I know it's not all about me "lady". wow!
don't bother, 20. some people
don't bother, 20. some people like to pick out one tiny speck in a post and blow it up to a thousand times bigger than it was ever meant to be. those kinds of people see what they want to so they can be right. it's a waste of time trying to rationalize with them. you don't owe anyone an explanation, anyway. you are allowed to feel how you feel. it's not right or wrong, it's just feelings. it's not like you demanded sd to take down a picture in her own house, for crying out loud.
Thanks for that. I truly
Thanks for that. I truly appreciate your support. I never reacted at the time and I certainly never will.
Seriously ??? I also said it
Seriously ??? I also said it was not a big deal just happened to notice the coincidence in timing with the nastiness. Sheesh.
Yes it is...It is very old
Yes it is...It is very old and kinda blurry.
Maybe she had a bug problem
Maybe she had a bug problem and figured a pic of BM would be good pest control?
LOL then she should put up a
LOL then she should put up a picture of herself.
I played the photo game.
I played the photo game. Like many step family members, what you do will never be enough, meanwhile there is no accountability for their misdeeds.
My suggestion is that you take down some of her photos if they represent placating someone that has mistreated you.
I took down all the photos I put up of my Hs family in my house. I had put them up, in part, because some of the family member judged me so much and hinted in numerous ways how "unfamily" oriented I was. I really stressed out putting up just the right photos to make everyone feel welcome. This despite my knowing a couple of them would likely never have put my photo up.
After I disengaged, I took down all the photos I had put up and DH putsome in his study. It's really nice not to stare at photos of people who treated me very poorly in my own home. They never come here now so it's not a passive aggressive way to hurt them.
I agree. It was rude. Also
I agree. It was rude. Also understand what you're saying about the pics without you or your spouse. That's how it is with my stepkids. Mom and new husband are everywhere. We are invisible!!
I loved your last point
I loved your last point jennaspace. I did not like looking at a particularly self-satisfied photo of OSD in our home and moved it a while ago. I did feel ashamed though, as if I had done something uncaring. This was before she had come back into our lives after 5 years' absence, in fact come to think of it it was part of a process whereby my DH was attempting to gradually reintroduce her. Your explanation of the motive for removing these things is absolutely spot on. It causes emotional pain just looking at them. I suppose, to be fair, this is how the skids feel over our photos so good luck to them reducing their tensions by simply removing them. I'm truly sorry for their tensions, just wish they would not impose them on us.
This was the same problem I
This was the same problem I had when I married a widower. SD threw a hissy fit when I removed most of the family photos when DH and I got married. I don't believe in having all these photos of years gone by up on the wall, for my kids, we have a current picture, maybe a few baby pictures, that's it. SD freaked when this or that picture came down- it was all drama about how 'mom put up that picture' or 'they gave mom that picture frame for mother's day years ago'. SD played the game of putting up photos in her room when she lived here. Once she was off to college, DH eventually shipped all the old photos to the skids. There are photos of his kids in the house, IMO there are too many, but they are mostly ones of them after our marriage and not reminders of first wife.
Apparently, the skids have all decorated their houses using the old photos. SIL told me it's good I didn't visit SS recently, he has a big painting of his mother in their living room. It's definitely sending a message. DH knows that. I really wouldn't want to go to their houses because I know the skids would put on a big show making sure I knew I'm not their family and their mother died.
Unfortunately it is her home,
Unfortunately it is her home, she can do what she wants. My SD use to have the wedding picture of DH and ex in her bedroom where I lived. I told her to take it down or put it in her closet. I was married to her dad. No woman wants a picture of her husband and his ex wife in her house. She could put it in an album or somewhere, where I don't have to see it. It was gone the next day. Cause if it wasn't I would have taken it down.
Ask her next time your in her house (if ever) where is the picture of you and your husband. If she doesn't have one - come prepared with one, in a suitable frame for her decore (HA!). If she doesn't keep it up. Take all the pictures of her down in your house and only have pictures of you and your husband, friends, etc. who are your true friends and family.
I'm having one of those days that I am so sick of adult skids being little hurtful brats. Just cause were older they think we have no feelings - really? Good luck.
No SD pictures in my house.
No SD pictures in my house. I have to say, SD27 gave DH and me a frame with several pictures of her/hubby from their wedding this past summer for Christmas. I have not put it up on my house. I'm not even sure where it went. Maybe DH put it up in his office, which is very well possible. SD27 came over on Easter - and she looked through my house, in every room, probably trying to see where we put it. I'm pretty darn sure she doesn't have a picture of me and DH up in her apartment. She never asked about it to me. I'm sure she probably has whispered it (asking) to DH....
As far as photos of my DH
As far as photos of my DH daughters....I resolved the problem of having their framed faces posted all over the house.I bought my husband one of those digital photo frames with slide shows for his desk. I downloaded all the tons of photos he had of his daughters and his grandkids on this ONE photo frame which faces HIM while he's seated at his desk. Wham Bam thank you 'mam....i never have to see their creepy faces plastered all over the house again! PROBLEM SOLVED.
What a great idea! Kudos.
What a great idea! Kudos.
Very clever, he will find
Very clever, he will find this touching as well.
My ss put a pic of my hubby
My ss put a pic of my hubby and his bio mom and him as a little kid in his room, but on the other hand he says he Bates his bio mom and me also. So I just gave up trying to figure it out. Maybe he just misses his childhood before it became messed up. My advice....stop thinking about it and spend time on something you enjoy.
My SS tagged DH in a photo on
My SS tagged DH in a photo on FaceBook of DH and BM which must have been taken 30 years ago!! DH and I have been together for 20 years and married for 14!! SS has somehow never accepted me and personally I feel that it was completely mad-crazy to tag his father in such a photo. Especially as skids know that DH cannot stand BM.
DH deleted the tagged photo then had to explain to SS that he didn't feel that it was appropriate, coochy-coo, please understand, coochy-coo, have respect for my wife and my marriage, poor SS "child of divorce", coochy-coo........
It is her house it is her
It is her house it is her business.
When it comes to my house it is not aloud. My house stands for new beginning not the past of her parents.
When my Skids get their own place it is their business what they put up on their walls.