Step Talk

I swear, you have typed what I've been saying for months!

My husband has turned my step-daughter into a spoiled little brat. She'll be 17 in a week and came to live with us 3-1/2 years ago. That was the biggest mistake I've ever made...allowing her to come and live with us.

She's not happy unless she is controlling my husband and spending the hell out of our money. Then, when I correct her on something (not yelling, not hitting, just talking), she cries to Daddy and then I get a tongue lashing. So, I don't even talk to her anymore! Nor, she to me.

It's gotten to the point where I don't want to go home in the evenings and look for other things to do, like volunteering. I guess I should get a 2nd job and save up the $$$ so when I can't take it anymore, I can just leave! Xanax doesn't even help this craziness!!

Oh, and I have the # of days written on my calendar of how many days till she's GONE!! (485 by the way).
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!

It dosn't end when they turn 18. It got worse, My husband tries to make up for a past that that his ex took away from him so he continually give in to his 18 year old daughter. Helping with rent (each week) buying her a car getting the bond for her unit. helping her find work by driving her around because she can't pass her driving test from lack of trying.
And as she just quit her job we need to pay for her social life as well.
Then she goes around telling vicious lies about me to anyone that will listen.
18 & OFF YOUR HANDS,I WISH.

NO WAY....being a stepmother should be against the law..if we don't
have better sense getting into these messy relationships full of
baggage the government should do us a favor....seriously.
Think twice ladies before marrying that Samsonite luggage,

I'm with you. I have 4 more years till the 18th birthday, how much longer in hell do you have to endure?

I've been there tried that. Didn't work. I'm still going through this battle of being disrespected in my own home.

AMEN I thought I was the only one!!! She is 12 so I have a LONGGGGGGGGGG way to go if I can survive UGH

I married a man i thought was right for me. But after we married he wont let my three kids in our home. two of which are still under age. he wont let them spend the night with me. im trying to come with the money to get us a home. for they live with family. please some one out there help me out. thanks for letting me write.

I would advise anyone who hasn't already gotten themselves into this situation to NOT! I love my husband, but his kid causes us to fight SO much that everyone is miserable. When I met my husband (been married 8 years) his son was only 5. He is 16 now. There were minor issues then and I got the normal "He's only 5" excuses. Still get those now by the way. SS did NOT live with us then. He visited every other weekend and a month in the summer and then SUPER MOM (NOT!) pulled some crap and we had to get him out of there. We won the custody battle and now he has lived with us for 4 years. He can't stand me and I can't stand him and poor DH is always in the middle! BM is a liar and very manipulative and voices her hatred for me to the child. (before we got custody, she claimed to like me and was glad DH and SS had me in their lives - since custody, she hates me, wishes me dead and has called me every name in the book in front of SS). (NOTE: I did not come between DH and BM - they had divorced way before I met DH). SS has inherited some of BM's less desirable qualities. Recently DH says he thinks that I am intentionally trying to make SS want to leave as soon as he turns 18. Actually, I wouldn't mind, but I haven't master-minded any plans to get rid of him. I do have it slightly easier than some of you. SS is basically a good kid. Makes good grades; is athletic; is popular; has worked summer jobs (we did force him) for the last two summers to pay for his pickup. It is just his lack of judgement; lack of self control; lack of common sense; lack of respect (I could go on) that bug me. I know one of two things will happen. Our marriage will get stronger after he moves out or my husband will resent me from now on because I never was able to bond with his son. We have no kids together (we tried and couldn't). Now I think the good Lord knew what he was doing. We don't agree on how to raise a kid. I think they need structure, discipline and consequences. My husband thinks I am a hard a$$. If you do decide to marry a man/woman with a kid, please get counseling and try learn from the mistakes of those of us who have already jumped in and are now drowning in misery and anger. 24/7 tension in your home is NOT fun. Good luck to all and I would love any advise anyone has to give me to make the next two years better.

I happen to know the BM when we were in highschool together 20 years ago. She was a bi$%h then and is a vintage bi$%h now. I found out who she was right away because he still had a picture of her up in the main hallway. THAT should have been a sign. I was convinced by my entire family that it shouldn't matter because she left, cheated 2-3 times, swindled, harrassed and abused him. Logically, she should have not interest in him RIGHT? OH NO...the second I come into the picture she freaks out and has been for FOUR years!!!! I believed my DH when he stated he'll "manage" her. I hate that word. It hasn't stopped and I am loosing faith in my DH who is the biggest love of my life and a trully wonderfull man.
THe SS was violent, angry and confused young (6yo) when I met them. She still blames me for this, but he was already like that. If I could go back, I would date DH forever, never giving up my apartment on the beach and my friends and freedom. Just use him for sex.
But when is enough, ENOUGH?

It's funny when shes not very nice or hides crap in her room instead of throught it away. He always takes up for her and it works my nerves. There is no perfect child but we should help them no enable them to continue their behavior. I don't yell or hit. I only talk! I will tell you I told myself I would not let a child ruin my marriage. It's hard but keep on him and turn the table. I did! It's still a daily struggle. I am so good to SD and it doesn't even matter to her. I think BM would rather me be mean so then she would have more to talk about.

I too have a husband that keeps me real about my kids and his. WE both need each other to do what is right for each kid. We have agree what rules we will have if they need help, example moving home etc.and we balance each other out really well. He makes me see the light and I make him do the same... not that it will always be easy... hopefully worth it...