Step Talk

I can honestly say that if I knew back then what I know now I would have ran screaming in terror in the opposite direction of him and his nightmarish baggage.

Honestly, if he didn't have the step brat I think our marriage would be wonderful. He is truly a great guy in many respects but when it comes to his daughter he has created a monster and continues to cater to it! I can't stand my step brat and can not wait for the day she is out of my home!!

I can tell you this when her 18th birthday rolls around she is getting luggage and a bus ticket from me.

I swear, you have typed what I've been saying for months!

My husband has turned my step-daughter into a spoiled little brat. She'll be 17 in a week and came to live with us 3-1/2 years ago. That was the biggest mistake I've ever made...allowing her to come and live with us.

She's not happy unless she is controlling my husband and spending the hell out of our money. Then, when I correct her on something (not yelling, not hitting, just talking), she cries to Daddy and then I get a tongue lashing. So, I don't even talk to her anymore! Nor, she to me.

It's gotten to the point where I don't want to go home in the evenings and look for other things to do, like volunteering. I guess I should get a 2nd job and save up the $$$ so when I can't take it anymore, I can just leave! Xanax doesn't even help this craziness!!

Oh, and I have the # of days written on my calendar of how many days till she's GONE!! (485 by the way).
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!

I have a 17 yr old step-daughter that I cannot stand also! She is just a big pain. She is not horrible but whiny (has the "oh poor me" thing), tries to boss my 17 yr old daughter around and has told her Dad a lie or two about me. I am fortunate in that my husband does see through most of her crap. Her mother left when she was little and moved out of state, but is in touch. They talk weekly or so and see each other about two times a year.

My 17 year old stepdaughter turned into a monster too. I left over my DH's total naivity about her actions and after six months of separation, she is still blaming me for every bit of trouble she gets into. Luckily DH and I reunited, then SD ran away the very day. DH actually yelled at her (for the first time in her entire life) and she is claiming she is scared to come back. Never mind that DH is the most gentle, caring man alive and she knows it. She is telling BM that her life has been hell in our home for over 8 years (which is definitely not true) and of course, it is all because of me. BMs love to hear that. But when BM said she would transfer her to the high school in her state and she could live with her and finish high school, SD said she'd rather live at our house. So BM is now onto her game too. BM, incidently, was Stepmom to DHs son. He was a lot easier than this kid, but he still hated her, so she knows the role.

Since DH finally got a clue and quit making me the enemy in my own home, we are doing much better. SD is just having a huge temper tantrum. It is astonishing to me that a child I raised and seemed to have a good relationship with could turn into - well, this crazy thing. I guess it happens to birth parents too. Why does exerting independence have to be so destructive? I hope she will come around someday, but I won't hold my breath waiting for it to happen : )

Thanks for that statement about the number of days left. I secretly have them written down too. Since she ran-away and is now living with BM, it is a moving target. The worst part is that I hope she stays with BM and I can have zero days left. Every time there is talk of her coming back, I get a violent stomach ache! At least DH said having her in the house being disrespectful to me is not an option. We'll see.

I have a 35+ step daughter who could be that 17 year old. The first few years of our almost 10 year marriage were made tougher by that conniving woman because all of a sudden she didn't have control over daddy any more. It took a long while but we've finally reached a kind of truce, after an especially ugly Christmas 2 years ago. This woman was a major contributing factor to my husband's second marriage also, so I know it can be destructive to us as well. You and your spouse have to remind yourselves that you will NOT let the children come between you. They have their own lives to live and their own paths to travel, and the less you allow them to come between you, the less threat they become. I don't know how long this "truce" will last, but I am enjoying some peaceful times right now. Just remember that in the end it will really be you and your spouse facing each other over the breakfast table in those golden years, so vow every day not to let the kids split you up, no matter what!

It dosn't end when they turn 18. It got worse, My husband tries to make up for a past that that his ex took away from him so he continually give in to his 18 year old daughter. Helping with rent (each week) buying her a car getting the bond for her unit. helping her find work by driving her around because she can't pass her driving test from lack of trying.
And as she just quit her job we need to pay for her social life as well.
Then she goes around telling vicious lies about me to anyone that will listen.
18 & OFF YOUR HANDS,I WISH.

My situation looks alike, but my husband’s daughter is already 24. She is a very healthy,young woman,but she act like she is completely disabled.
She put us in a very bad financial situation, which never end.
She wasn’t admitted to any college, so she pushed my husband to send her to the private university in PA. Her daddy took many loans to buy her intelligence.
She never got any diploma and wasn’t a good student. Even she graduated in May she is still not interested about finding any job. Consequently, she also has problem to pass driving test. Despite it all, she is a very materialistic and jealous person. Uder the influance of her mother(school teacher with master's degree)she makes my husband constantly guilty, and tries to take advantage from both of us whenever is possible. She completely do not care about other people, and tries to break our marriage.

My SD is 24 years old with a 3-year old and she is still invading my life. She's married to a Navy man and is living in San Diego. Well, she calls my DH last week to tell him that her husband is being deployed to Cuba for 7 months (she can't go with him) and that she doesn't want to stay in San Diego without him. So, she coming back to PA to live with her BM and BB, but asked if she could "escape" to our house whenever things get too crazy. He told her that we only have a small room with a futon for her to sleep (which incidentally is MY room to escape - tv, crafts, etc) but she said that she didn't care. I told him that it was my room, and he said "well, I'm not going to tell her no". I can understand wanting to be around family, but why couldn't the little witch rent an apartment for 6 months instead of free-loading off of everyone. Of course, he's leaving in 2 weeks, so she'll be here for the holidays. Merry Christmas! Oh, and she hadn't talked to her father and I for 5 years because she blamed us for whatever personal issues that she was going through at the time. But, she started talking to father earlier this year. I haven't spoken to her in over 5 years, and now she's going to be staying in my home & in my space whenever she feels like "escaping" over a 7-month period. UGH.

Sorry for the rant!

NO WAY....being a stepmother should be against the law..if we don't
have better sense getting into these messy relationships full of
baggage the government should do us a favor....seriously.
Think twice ladies before marrying that Samsonite luggage,

I agree. Run quickly in the other direction.

Oh my did you hit the nail on the head. Never never never marry a man who has kids. No matter how much you love him!!! If you think the kids will accept you they will not. No matter how hard you try! You will always be the hired help the one on the outside looking in! The one doing all the work with no glory. And trust me when I say when one of the stepbrats acts up don't even think about being able to discipline without causing big problems. And don't even get me started on the whole Exwife thing.

Tell me about it! If I knew what I know now, the fact that I have to deal with the drama of 2 ungrateful teenage boys and a bitter ex-wife I would have ran as far as I could. To make matters worst we have a 1 year old son that the boys are jealous of because they were both adopted. The fact that my son is my husband's biological son disturbs both the children and the ex. Is this my fault? No! Furthermore, they came over on Christmas and did not have a present for their Dad. I know he was hurt but he pretended not to be. He is always going above and beyond to make their lives comfortable. He even presented them with money to shop with to buy their mom and grandparents a gift. They had no excuse for being so inconsiderate. I am really frustrated with this situation. I dread seeing them.

I'm with you. I have 4 more years till the 18th birthday, how much longer in hell do you have to endure?

But who's counting?

...and trust me, either SD goes or I go.

hate to disappoint u but in my experience it has got worse as one of my stepdaughters is now 19 and has got worse.now that she is an adult she thinks she can say whatever she likes and as far as i can c that wen he divorced their mother the children stepped in and took over in her shoes

I've been there tried that. Didn't work. I'm still going through this battle of being disrespected in my own home.

AMEN I thought I was the only one!!! She is 12 so I have a LONGGGGGGGGGG way to go if I can survive UGH

I married a man i thought was right for me. But after we married he wont let my three kids in our home. two of which are still under age. he wont let them spend the night with me. im trying to come with the money to get us a home. for they live with family. please some one out there help me out. thanks for letting me write.

I would advise anyone who hasn't already gotten themselves into this situation to NOT! I love my husband, but his kid causes us to fight SO much that everyone is miserable. When I met my husband (been married 8 years) his son was only 5. He is 16 now. There were minor issues then and I got the normal "He's only 5" excuses. Still get those now by the way. SS did NOT live with us then. He visited every other weekend and a month in the summer and then SUPER MOM (NOT!) pulled some crap and we had to get him out of there. We won the custody battle and now he has lived with us for 4 years. He can't stand me and I can't stand him and poor DH is always in the middle! BM is a liar and very manipulative and voices her hatred for me to the child. (before we got custody, she claimed to like me and was glad DH and SS had me in their lives - since custody, she hates me, wishes me dead and has called me every name in the book in front of SS). (NOTE: I did not come between DH and BM - they had divorced way before I met DH). SS has inherited some of BM's less desirable qualities. Recently DH says he thinks that I am intentionally trying to make SS want to leave as soon as he turns 18. Actually, I wouldn't mind, but I haven't master-minded any plans to get rid of him. I do have it slightly easier than some of you. SS is basically a good kid. Makes good grades; is athletic; is popular; has worked summer jobs (we did force him) for the last two summers to pay for his pickup. It is just his lack of judgement; lack of self control; lack of common sense; lack of respect (I could go on) that bug me. I know one of two things will happen. Our marriage will get stronger after he moves out or my husband will resent me from now on because I never was able to bond with his son. We have no kids together (we tried and couldn't). Now I think the good Lord knew what he was doing. We don't agree on how to raise a kid. I think they need structure, discipline and consequences. My husband thinks I am a hard a$$. If you do decide to marry a man/woman with a kid, please get counseling and try learn from the mistakes of those of us who have already jumped in and are now drowning in misery and anger. 24/7 tension in your home is NOT fun. Good luck to all and I would love any advise anyone has to give me to make the next two years better.

Thats what they do, STEP all over you - MY partner is on top of it all an alcoholic - she was living with us permanently and together we have a 2 year old. The only 2 things he did for me and they were extremely good was 1. Giving me our baby and 2. Took his 15 year old brat and left me and bub on the 29th January to go and live with his mother! She is 74! The brat wont go to her mother, according to them she is a drunk/junky etc. But when THE BRAT wants something she rings the mother. I wish he "shits" me out the way he "shits" the brat out when there are probs. She gets away with everything, shees drinking, sleeping around etc. I will NEVER take them back .. I dont want my baby to grow up with a sister like that. I have had so much probs with them, that I now feel so hatered towards them. She is a troublemaker and some families in our town cant stand her due to gossip and trouble she caused for their kids. She caused so much trouble between me and my partner's family with gossipping etc. that we dont see each other. She is daddy's little princess and I honestly think she has a hold on him. He acts like he is in love with her. His face lights up like a Xmas tree when he sees her. Gives her money. He knows she is drinking/sleeping around etc. but told me thats what teenagers do!!!! My son doesnt do it! He cant say no to her and she is the misses in the house, i am the housekeeper/cook / taxi etc. I have a 16 year old son and he is no trouble at all - he plays sport, works for his pocket money and a pleasure to be around .. I was living in a nightmare for 4 years! He comes to the house every single day to see me and bub, fill in time because he now picks her up from school, drives her around wherever she wants to go etc. Everything is about her, in all the time we were together, she NEVER gave him a birthday card/present/xmas card/present.

It is wonderful to live without HER in the house .. I gained 50 kg in the time they were here, have no make up and no nice clothes etc. I cant believe I have let myself go for so long. NO MORE. I soooooooooo HATE THEM!!!!!!!!

i have taken on my step daughter and she treats me and my kids like crap always trying to get them in trouble . I treat her as though she is my very own but it does no good. her dad {my husband)sticks up for her all the time when she gets in trouble. the only time we argue is when savannah is being bad and i punish her. i don't hit her but i have to yell at her.my kids have chore and things they have to do she don't have to do anything cuz daddy is always there to stick up for her. im ready to call it quits and get a divorce just to make the brat happy. any advice? HELP PLEASE!

For those of us who would remarry our DH's in a heartbeat is that they are supportive, put the marriage first and are on the same page about ALL the kids (yours/mine/ours.) If I wanted to make my life secondary to my kids' lives, I could have just stayed unhappily married to my exH. He's an ok guy and we are friends now. I'm sure my sons would have preferred it.

But the support, nurturing my DH gives to me makes all the rest worth it. Just the other night he gave me this lovely back rub. I fell asleep. I felt bad when I woke up the next morning b/c I assumed he was trying to "get lucky!" I apologized for falling asleep and he said, "Why? I wanted you to fall asleep. I know you've had a bad week and I wanted to help you relax."

How could I give this guy away????

Peace, love, and red wine

Peace, love, and red wine

I too have a husband that keeps me real about my kids and his. WE both need each other to do what is right for each kid. We have agree what rules we will have if they need help, example moving home etc.and we balance each other out really well. He makes me see the light and I make him do the same... not that it will always be easy... hopefully worth it...

All the respect and appreciation is great, but there are days when I would like to change my identity. Problem is I love my husband. I have 5 stepchildren and the work emotionally exhausting. BM is nuts and not in the picture. They respect me (4 out of 5), but there are days when I am not sure I can hold on any tighter. What a wild ride. Will I look back on this one day and laugh or cry?

I'm not so sure. I never knew it would be so difficult! It's like when you're in love your dreams seem so real and easy to achieve. I think what most people don't realize is that a stepfamily will never be a nuclear family no matter how many doctors and parenting advisors try to tell you how to behave like one.
My SS is almost 8 and due to his upbringing of being ignored and "seen and not heard"isms he is to this day incredibly insecure. He has a constant need to be the center of attention - which is incredibly annoying all the time!! He is very lovable and I think if I didn't have children of my own it would be much easier b/c I could "fix" him. Having three others around who need me just as much as he does makes it difficult to help the way he needs it. My son, on the other hand due to his attachment parenting upbringing is secure, knows how to play by himself if need be and doesn't have those sorts of issues. Well, dearest stepson constantly criticizes and ridicules my son making it difficult to really want to have a relationship with him at all.

All the while my husband doesn't really get the whole parenting thing. He doesn't understand why his son is insecure and is annoyed by it!!

Argh!! Just want to pull my hair out sometimes, but my SS adores me and desperately needs a Mommy. I have been that for him for three years now and recently he just digs into my son so badly it is taking a TERRIBLE toll on our relationship that only makes his insecurities worse.... praying for resolve!!

YoungStepMomof2
I'd be with him again if he didn't have his baggage, and like you I was always super nice to their mother and all I got was bullcrap from her. I am ten years younger than her, that's enough reason for her to hate on me lol. But I hate her for trying to be so involved in my life and having her kids lock themselves in my bathroom so they can talk about me and answer her questions. When my hubby and I had our daughter 9 months ago she sent them here with a camera and begged for them to take a picture of our baby and I didn't allow it.