i was very very sick this week. it was supposed to be a week off, and i was going to use it to prepare for an audition that was going to be friday. i had to postpone that. spent the week in bed, most of the time with a high fever, very swollen glands(until the dr put me on steroids) and various other problems, including extreme fatigue and legs that just hurt all the time. i had no appetite, and lost a few pounds. as a result of this, i spent very little time dealing with the skids, and H- he basically wanted to stay away from me, didn't want to get sick.
although i do want to mention the ordeal that happened at the beginning.
monday night H was out of town, and in the morning on Tuesday, I woke up to find out that someone had opened the very special bottle of wine that H told me was for a very special occasion. it was out in plain sight on the counter, 2/3rds gone, with the wine opener laying out, and two wine glasses in the sink. I told SS that it wasn't me who opened that, and I wanted to know if SD had a friend over the night before(I went to bed at 9:30)
She had been up all night with a girlfriend.
Well, I didn't put the stuff away, I just called H, told him what she did, he said he'd take care of it, and I went back to bed until 1:00(was already sick)
She came in with her friend, singing into my room, going to my closet, and then they left.
Well, That night I got the chills very very badly, and couldn't get warm, and had a fever of 102....so I was on the couch just watching a movie with the other kids...SD came in, and H didn't say a word to her. She was upstairs and started yelling at me to come talk to her- I told H "please tell her to come down if she wants to talk to me, I'm really not feeling good"---so he did. Five minutes later, she was yelling for me again...he screamed at her "She doesn't feel good, don't you understand?"
And she screamed back "NO I DON"T UNDERSTAND!!!!!" bitch.
Then she came down and started kissing her dad, who still hadn't said a word to her about the wine, although on the phone to me, he sounded pissed and said he wouldn't tolerate any kids drinking in the house. SS got pissed and told SD, don't talk to me---he went upstairs, and she followed him..they fought and that's how she found out that she'd been caught about the wine. I don't know what she thought- did she want me to just let everyone think I drank it?
So, she came downstairs all pissed off and started yelling at her dad that she only had one small glass, like they do in holland....I am so tired of this girl acting like she's some exotic foreigner...she was adopted...she's american, she was born in texas....but anyway...she's never lived in holland, only visited for a week at the most.
And she didn't have just one glass, it was almost gone. H told her that it was a very special bottle of wine and blah blah.....
then she walked away and started singing around the house, making sure everyone knew that she was happy, and rubbing it in our faces that she didn't get in trouble.
then she came up to me and said "Why don't you go upstairs?"
And she was looking for the sour cream dip mix, asking me where it was, no one cared that I was sick....I started thinking that H was mad a me for telling him what his daughter did or something...he said "why would I be mad at you?"
Anyway, the bottle of wine had disappeared so H couldn't see how much she had actually drunk. Until he found it in her room.. then he screamed for her to come up there, and she went, and she was screaming at him that it was her room and he didn't have a right to search through it....
I of course, hope he easily noticed that if she drank only one glass, why was 2/3rds gone, and why was the bottle hidden in her room?
The next morning, we got in a fight. I was already very upset because my audition wasn't going to happen.
I was yelling at my son because he wouldn't eat his breakfast...H told me not to yell. I told him "why, you don't want me to wake up your daughter? I don't care, everyone else has to get up in the morning, I'm not going to be quiet just so she can stay up until four every night and sleep until noon every day- " he told me to shut up and I called him an asshole.
Then he said "you can drive your own son to school" I told him "no way, I helped you when you were sick, and you're going to help me now" and he got in the car.
Then later I went to the dr and found out that I was very sick, and H started treating me a lot better from there.
But he let SS stay home from school on Thursday for no reason. I told him to make sure SS wouldn't ask me to do anything for him or bother me at all.
As soon as the fever broke, though, he started thinking I was ok again...I'm still far from being ok, but have no choice but to come back to work.
In other news, SD has got alot of new and very slutty clothes from somewhere. She claims that her friend gave them to her, but I suspect she stole them, because they were a bunch of dresses, and instead of hanging them in the closet, they are stuffed in the bottom, in bags, underneath other things...just the way she hid the clothes she tried to steal from me when she raided my hiding space. These clothes don't look good on her at all, and are way too small. She came in with a dress the other day, looking very slutty and asked H if she looked pretty. He said no.
She was shocked.
Sorry to hear you've been
Sorry to hear you've been sick. My son was very ill all of last week as well. I'm really surprised your H actually went into the sd's room and found the bottle of wine. Maybe since she has a friend, she'll want to move out and get an apartment with her or something. Did your husband ever end up punishing her for stashing the wine in her room?
I love that idea about her
I love that idea about her moving into an apartment with a friend
Of course, H would be paying SD's half of rent, utilities, etc....so he wouldn't let her do that because he can't afford it.
I would love for her to move into her own place, even if he did pay for it, as long as it would mean that she wouldn't be able to come into my room and take things anymore- because of course, when she had her dorm room, all of my things ended up over there, and I couldn't get to them.
No, he didn't punish her for that, and in fact, he has never punished either of his kids for anything. They've never even been grounded or had a single priviledge taken away. The most he does is "talk" to them.
I hope your son feels better! Is he ok?
I had a friend
First of all....
WELCOME back. Well... I wish you felt back to normal and "break a leg" for your audition whenever you rescheduled it.
Now...as for all this stuff...
I had a friend who acted very much like your SD, I may have written this before. She was attention seeking big time and would steal the clothes of others (even underwear and bras) their cologne, and eventually their credit cards. She was found guilty of ID theft for stealing from a very well respected family in the local (theatre and otherwise)community and served three years probabtion. At that time she was in theatre and eventually worked her way through scamming and stealing in every local theatre community in NE Ohio, to the point that now she is blacklisted EVERYWHERE. Another theatre friend of mine sent me a facebook of hers and she posted on there that she had dropped out of theatre and was now a writer because theatre people were flaky and mean. (Always blaming others for her own faults- sound familiar???)
She has decided to switch to an English major at yet another college where no one knows her (she's in her late 20's now.) She also has a three year old girl (poor child).
I was very close to this girl for a couple years. And even though she was crazy, stole things from me, I still miss the nice side that I feel was really under there somewhere. She was also a very talented dancer, singer and actress. Too bad the disturbed side won out all the time. But it's always interesting to me that she was convicted of Identity theft, because I think her mental problem was due to no identity of her own. She took our things, used to compliment me on my house, my kids, "I wish I could have a house just like this one, kids just like yours, be such an awesome mom as you are," Etc. I think she took such personal things to try to try me on, become me. Sorta the "single white female" thing. She also did this to a roommate of hers who ended their friendship and kicked her out of their appartment because of it. She made up fantastic tales of an abusive dad, having cancer in high school, a family that kicked her out all the time. She made up jobs, or losing them because other people sabotaged her there.
I guess what I'm saying is that your SD's behavior is very disturbing. I think I am headed for your issues in the future. It's so hard because like this ex friend of mine, or my ex-husband...when I had unhealthy relationships with adults I could end them. I still mourn those relationships sometimes like my friend, but I know it's not good for me to have her in my life. There is no trust in that relationship based on lies and deceit. I used to feel like a failure to my friend, because I really thought I could make a difference in her life the way she looked up to me. Now I think I wasn't in her life to help her. She was in mine to raise my awareness to mental illness when I later encountered it with BM and now SD.
So how do we make it through with kids when we can't just walk away?
I know you are trying to do that and I don't blame you. If my DH wasn't so supportive and didn't put us as his number one priority I wouldn't stay for this roller coaster ride either!
Good luck and feel better
Peace, love, and red wine
I remember reading about
I remember reading about this friend of yours, and how she's so much like SD. I'm sure that if SD didn't have her dad to provide for most of her needs, she would also be doing the same types of things.
Unfortunately, I guess these people need to alienate everyone before they realize that they need to play by the same rules as the rest of us.
I hope that with this lady starting over with a new major in a new college, that it means she's going to be living a new kind of life without the stealing and dishonesty.
I guess you're right that everything happens for a reason, to prepare us for something..good luck with your SD, I hope everything turns out ok.
Unfortunately
I think these types of people continue to alienate people their whole lives. Like I said, this young woman now has a three year old child (she got conveniently pregnant during her ID theft trial and pleaded for mercy from the judge because of it.)
The dad of this kids apparently finally proposed to her according to her blog. He must have been leery if he waited til their kid was three to decide.
She just keeps changing colleges/theatres/groups every time people figure her out. It's funny because I think each one of us who finally got what she was up to felt that this was the first crisis of her life, then we would hear of others from people who knew her before we did. It's a cyclical pattern, a compulsion I guess. I mean underwear and bras? Weird!
You gave me chills when you wrote about her friend commenting on the scarf. My ex friend and I were at a rehearsal when her mutual friend walked up and asked her, "How long have you had my dance sweater?????" Earlier that day I had noticed that she had on a dance bra that was mine, and she swore her mom just bought it for her. But it was this really different design that I could see through the leotard- a mesh strap that was identical to one I was missing that I had bought several years before...one I could never find again at stores. I was always fairly large chested (D) but this girl was DD or bigger, so I knew even if I got the bra back it wouldn't fit anymore. Plus....ummm.... I'm not given to sharing underwear!
At least for now your SD tells the person it is theirs so she's just "borrowing" not stealing yet. YET.
Peace, love, and red wine
That is really sad, to think
That is really sad, to think that a person would rather have things like a dance sweater and a bra than friends who trust her.
And it feels really bad to have someone take your things, and creates a resentment you can never get rid of. That girl just really has her priorities messed up.
SD kind of does the same thing, because several times I've bought things when she was not with me, for myself, and somehow she ends up saying they are hers...I don't know any woman who doesn't know her own things- we can basically tell the story about how/where we got every single item we own. "My mom bought it for me"- I've heard that before. It's too bad.
I'm predicting that it won't be too long until this girlfriend of SD's quits hanging out with her. And when that happens, SD is going to tell everyone "I stopped hanging out with her because she was a bad influence on me"- that's what she's said before.
There are three or four girlfriends that she's had who's parents don't allow her in the house.
I don't know what happened with this girl you know. I think that with SD, she got every cute thing she wanted growing up, and now H can't afford it anymore, so she's stealing instead of facing that she has to go without. She's got alot of things that aren't hers.
Oh no-
Oh no-
"There are three or four girlfriends that she's had who's parents don't allow her in the house."
This is a major bad sign!
My friend sort of crashed at different houses and then would act like she lived there. This is easy to do in the theatre community, especially because she lived about 40 mins from the theatre. First she stayed at her BF's house (a friend of mine as well) who called me furious with her because he was convinced she had taken his tip money. It was ironic because she had showed up at my house to cry on my shoulder about his accusation, and when he called I pretended that he was calling trying to find her rather than to talk to me about what happened (she was also paranoid that he had a thing for me and threw many temper tantrums about our friendship even though this guy and I were friends first, and I got to know her through him!) Anyway, I actually chastised him for accusing her, but through talking to him later when it happened to her roommate, then the other theatre folks (two different ones) that she stole credit cards from, THEN when she took my things etc...I apologized to him. She started staying at my house telling me her car was in the shop for repairs. Found out later her mom had taken it back because my friend wasn't making payments on it. Her ex BF actually had stopped by my house the night I was about to throw her out- I mean take her back to her parents who had contacted me and were concerned about her. He was with me when I went through this garbage bag she was carrying from house to house and I pulled out my lingerie, a couple shirts etc. One shirt she took I never got back and it was something my exH had bought me- a cast shirt from the final tour of Superstar with Ted Nealy (now retired) and Carl Anderson (now passed away.) That was the most hurtful thing she kept of mine. Her mom promised to mail it to me but I never got it.
Oh- wait she took two things that were worse. She took my sons' collection of state coins, AND one night during a performance, she stole a fifty out of my purse (we didn't know who was doing it then) that was from the CS check I had cashed that day. She stole from my children.
That was the last straw.
I had to tell my sons, who were quite fond of her as she could charm honey from a bee, that if she showed up anywhere they were not to go with her (they were about 8 and 5 then and cried about it b/c they loved her.)
I'm telling you all of this because your SD might need some serious help. DH needs a wake up call. I believe these people have such strong imaginations that they actually believe the lies they tell others. And if your SD is taking peoples things, ID theft might be next. This girl took credit cards from two different people I know. I'm so lucky she never found my info on my computer or I would have been in big trouble. For a year or so after I kept checking cards, canceled a bunch, switched banks. And when things went missing I kept thinking, "Maybe J took that."
It was a horrible experience.
I would guard your credit cards with your life.
Peace, love, and red wine
It does completely suck, the
It does completely suck, the way anytime something is missing, I have to wonder if she has it-
I never leave my purse or wallet out in the open, always hiding it somewhere and always losing it as a result.
I often lock my car, but they get mad at me when I do that and ask why, and assume I'm hiding things from them.
It's really too bad about your friend- I often wonder what makes certain people think they don't need to work for things like everyone else, and why they feel ok with just taking whatever they feel they want. it's too bad about your kids. i guess they had to learn a lesson about people early.
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