I've been more of a lurker vs. a poster, but recent events have turned my world upside down from what I had adapted to.

My DH & I got married in 2003 but had been dating since 1999 - I met his kids in 2000 & have been a part of their lives since then.

There is SD13 & SS16. SS16 has been involved with drugs since 2009. DH did not find out till late 2010 & when SS16 got underage consuption charged in March 2011 DH drew the line & filed for custody in April 2011 along with BM's other baby daddy (husband #3). SS16 has been on probation since March 2011. In that time period he has failed 5 drug tests and only spent a total of 5 nights in juvi between those 5 failed tests. The juvi courts claim next failed test he is going to in-patient rehab for 4 months in a neighboring state. TBH - I'll believe it when I see it. Our juvi systems seems to like slaps on the wrist. Recently DH has discovered that SD13 is smoking & experimenting with drugs as well.

With that said, during all of this DH & I have tried handleing things different ways. We have found that for both of our mental & marital well being that I step back (disengage) and let him handle things the way he sees fit. **The two of us have very different ways of handleing the skids. I'm more old school, get a switch & beat their a**. For whatever reason he isn't. He is quite calm over it all.

We have a child together BS8. Light of my life & we actually parent him well together.

Now to the upset.

DH is out of town for work. Skids are over till the next day after school. Skids were already mad because DH chewed them out via phone for smoking in the woods. Then SS16 got mad at BS8 for throwing his shoe (Js aka Jordans) and choke slammed him. I even asked, err yelled at SS16 what happened & he said, "the punk threw my Js so I choke slammed him". So I tell SS16 to get into his room & don't come out for the rest of the night. The entire time he is mocking me and I am filling with rage. As SS16 goes into his room I shove him & put my finger in his face and tell him, "that one turn deserves another. BS8 cannot defend himself agains you but I sure as hell can. If you ever touch BS8 again you can bet that I will beat the living hell out of you." Probably not the best thing but SS16 & SD13 are NOT my kids. They are tennants until the age of 18. BS8 IS my blood, my son, my heart outside of my body. If ANYONE, DH included, were to put their hands on him out of anger you best bet you will have me to deal with.

Now, this past friday the 16th, BM had to turn in SS16 to juvi for a recently failed drug screen. He has court in front of the judge today, they release him, send him back to the same therapy/rehab place he's already been to & it did no good and threatened to send him to inpatient if there is another failed screen.

I'm just at a loss. I had it all figured out with being disengaged but polite & anything I had to do for the skids was considered a favor for DH. I know DH is emotionally going thru so much & feels helpless but at the same time is blinded. But I put myself in his shoes with BS8 & try to think if I would do what I want DH to do with the skids.

DH is thinking of giving more time to BM, which I'm happy about because that means they wont ben in my home. I'm thinking that when they are at my house me & BS8 go stay with my mom. BS8 despises SS16 & SD13. The skids have ruiened any type of good relationship they had with him by being sucky people. I've always taught BS8 to not give in to bad people/kids & to alwayd do what you know is right. He sees what the skids do, wants no part of it or them.

Any creative ideas from anyone?

Has anyone else had to deal with violence from a skid towards a bio kid?