So DH and I have figured out how to talk to each other whenever the satellites aren't acting up. But arranging a time to talk to the skids is killer. So I did the letters thing as in the previous blog entry.
DH and I don't argue even when we both normally would because fighting is the worst thing for us right now. But ... he really got me when we talked yesterday because he said BM is claiming the skids on taxes. I understand that because she had them this year. No big deal I guess. But here is the kicker: she threatened (maybe a bad choice of words) to use the tax money to take us to court to get full custody of the kids. She likes the big chunk of change from the boys and wants them so gets the tax return every year. DH reminded me that we make far more than she does so we will be able to afford the case should she follow through, but the fact remains: she is the BM. Courts generally side with the BM. DH had to fight so hard to get full custody of the boys even though he could prove without a shadow of a doubt that she was an unfit mother. The judge said "I find it hard to believe a mother would abandon her children unless there was something mentally deficient with her."
Yes it IS hard to believe. But what do we do you know?
I am venting. I am insecure about them getting taken away.
I feel like crying (except I am at work right now and I don't cry in uniform). Sometimes I hope she would get hit by a semi truck. How self destructive is that?
I mean we have perfectly decent people here fighting a war that many do not support but we have to do it because we have to follow orders ... and she is sitting at home collecting the taxes and plotting ways to make money off of children she barely sees (they are always at her parent's house).
I know it is our fault that they are with her. Something DH and I won't do again.
It has been good and bad. SS6 is less angry and SS8 sees his mother for what she really is. But UGH!
I understand
I understand how you feel. The 1st time DH and I fought BM for custody, she was clearly mentally ill, but had no mental health record of such and we were in rural Georgia. We dont live there, but she did for some man. The judge told us basically that he didnt believe us and we lost. It IS very frustrating. It didnt get much better the subsequent times we tried. I will tell you from all my law experience, that, most judges WONT modify an existing order unless something has drastically changed. Meaning... if DH has joint custody, which is what your post sounds like, most judges wont give her full custody unless you are truly evil people. I'm sure your not, so I wouldnt worry about that, I know easier said than done right.
There is a book every DH should own, "A Father's Emergency Guid to child Custody", or something like that. If you google it, you can find it. It is excellent, and if DH doesnt have a copy, he MUST get one. Blue book as I recall, I gave our copy to a friend in trouble, so don't have it anymore. Anyway, keep your head up and know there isnt much she can do, no matter what state you live in!!!
By the way, I don't support the war, but I do support our troops. Thank you for fighting for my freedom!!!!! I appreciate ANYONE/EVERYONE who puts on a uniform to keep my family free!
I just bought the book. We
I just bought the book. We shall see if it helps. We have full custody and she has visitation. I am just very insecure about this one but thanks for reasserting I am powerless
I know DH is a little more secure with the situation but I want him to read this book anyway.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
I think...
...that you should relax and not worry about it right now. You are right in that judges seem to side most often with the mothers, but if a judge awarded your DH custody, then he/she must have had adequate reason to do so. Most judges won't change the status quo after establishing custody with one parent just because the other parent asks them to. There has to be a significant change in circumstances that would warrant a change in custody and that change must be proven to be detrimental to the children in some way. If she doesn't have any grounds to make this request, I don't see any judge granting it.
Hey Georgia! So even a judge
Hey Georgia! So even a judge in another state doesn't really make a difference? They got the divorce in New York and we are in Texas. I have heard crazy stories but I guess I shouldn't get my undies in a bunch over this ...
Thanks.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
Their bark...
is always worse then their bite. She is just trying to get her way and this tactic is the only way she knows how. Some people can't negotiate without threatening the other party with what they "might do".
You are a lot like me when it comes to dealing with all of this. You think of the worst case scenario. Then the fear takes residence in your head and stays there. I just want to let you know that 9 times out of 10, BM won't follow through on her threat. And your BM would probably rather spend the $ on herself than on a lawyer and once she has the check in hand, she's not going to want to give it up to a lawyer for children she's not all that interested in.
I also want to give a shot out to you and all that you do. You don't deserve this stress in your life with all that you're sacrificing right now. I'm 100% behind you and I am always here for you...
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Thanks lady. I appreciate
Thanks lady. I appreciate the support. I know I shouldn't stress but I am a fixer. I am a technician for a reason. I fix problems and now I can't fix my personal life. It is killing me. But I have to find a way to relax this is true ... thanks.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
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