No way no how not ever would I let my child's former stepparent take her out of state. For me there is no argument, and I don't owe anyone an explanation. Just a simple "no effing way" is all I would say. No grey area with that response.

I would absolutely allow it, provided SD is "normal" and there's nothing super crazy about him.

I say this because I had most of the responsibilities for SD, and after her father and I were kaput, she remained with me.

She lives on her own out of state now, all grown up. She visits us (me and her half sibs) for holidays.

I think just because Bm died, SD should NOT lose half of her family.

By the same token, ask SM how she'd feel if biodad died and she never saw skids again? (Of course, she may LIKE that...)

Why wouldn't she be able to? If he's a good guy, I would totally let skids spend time with them. They are her family too. I see nothing inappropriate about it at all. People go out of state with people who aren't their biological parents all the time, they just get written permission in case of emergencies. Unless there is some reason you aren't telling us (problems with the kids or the sdad), I think you guys should let them go.

I think it.depends on how the adults get on. If anything happened to my ex, id let thier SM take them. But SM and i are good friends. Ive got her two sons right now for spring break and she and the ex are enjoying a rare no kids couple time. Shes like a sister and we joke if we divorced our hubbys wed move in together.

Ive been married three times, yeah the second marriage was a huge mistake and lasted for a short time. This dude is mental. Even years after we parted ways, he still thinks hes entitled to my sons. Me and my ex don't like it and have blocked his # on cells and blocked him on facebook. The dude married the chick he cheated on me with, has kids with her now, i say leave my f'n kids alone. He wasn't that attached to begin with so go away.

Id say if the dad doesn't like what the step dad is doing, then there's the answer. Once in awhile visits is sufficient for the siblings. Other than that, oh well.

yes, try it. I appreciate that you try to understand how the stepfather might have a connection to the skids and it's in everyone's best interest that it continue if at all possible. That way, the skid has not lost 2 parents.

Some of you know that my son passed away last Oct and we got left with a bio mom and a Stepmom deal .. My grand daughter went back to her mother to live ( there was no reason legally she couldnt) the step mom & bm HATE each other .. step mom tried for visitation and lost in the courts .. even tho she had 7yrs vested into helping my grandkid grow up .. . Bio mom said lets move on in life the stepmom wanted to intrude and she lost .
Sorry SD in your case has no rights .. He has a bio kid ( half sib ) with the kids as the tie .. its not enough to keep him around .. he needs to move on .. the kids will be fine with the whole deal .. if they see him occacionsally .. ..

In my case I had a decent relationship with both the moms until court happened.... Now my sons wife has moved on in her life and we dont see her except once in awhile .. I see my grandkid alla the time and vid chat several times aweek .. I feel bad for the stepmom but this is how life works .. or maybe I should say evolves .. the kids will be fine .. StepDad needs to let go and let god ..
It would be nice if the parents would be friendly enough to make him a extended family but its not likely to happen .. Just saying how it worked out for me ..

I know I would be heartbroken if my dh passed and I lost my sd5 as well. I know for certain bm would block any contact with my sd and me. At her age now, I think she would be fine... But my heart would ache. I've mostly raised her thus far, and have been there since her birth.

I understand the awkward feeling about having a former step take the child across state lines... After all the surviving bio parent didn't marry him, and may not know him that well. I think there should be a meeting of all steps and surviving bios and figure out some visitation. It is unfair to restrict siblings interaction, and itay further mentally harm this child by losing two more people in their life.
If an agreement can be reached, and a level of comfort/communication I think former step should be allowed increased visitation time... Working towards weekend visits.

I think it depends on how long this man has been in their life for. If he has known them since they were babies and they view him as another parent, plus the fact that they have a half sibling, then why cant he have them over night sometimes? I agree there is no need for a holiday with him though. But if his wife died too he is probably just trying to hold it together and also do what he thinks his wife would have wanted, as well as what is probably best for the children.

I applaud the poor guy for still wanting a close bond with his wifes children. Its a luxury many step parents may never get to experience even when the bioparents are still living!

I would defo want my SO to have the choice of staying in my daughters life if anything should happen to me. Mostly because I think she would have had enough upset, without loosing anybody else she is close to. And in my case, id happily wish for him to take her on holiday.
But that is easy for me to say as I know him better than anybody else in my family who might be involved with him after I was gone.

I know that if anything happend to him, I would never see my SKIDS again. Not even for visits. ...Even if they had a half sibling (which currently they dont)

I think there are too many variables unknown to make a decision.

How old are the kids?
Does they want to go?
How do they feel about Sdad?
How far away is it?
Does the bio-dad trust the Sdad?

A week out of state is a long time for small kids. Also, if they guy is going alone, taking care of multiple kids would be difficult. I wouldn't let a guy take my kids anywhere like that.

I this it would just depend. If the skids really liked him, he was going to a family's cabin for a week and there would be lots of fun things to do and lots of adults to keep eyes on the kids, and the father felt comfortable with the idea, then they could go.

If the guy plans to be the only adult and take several little kids to Disneyworld by himself, no way!

I would work with StepDad to make it happen. As a CSP married to the CP and being full time dad to my SS-19 since he was 1yo I would for damned sure have a relationship with my SS if my wife had passed while my son (SS) was a minor.

If the SpermClan even thought about preventing me from having a relationship with my son including taking him on vacations where ever I felt like it I would own their asses.

So, I would counsel that BioDad and SMom should work with S-Dad or he will very likely sue and win visitation rights. I know I would if I were him.

Being the surviving parent to the SKid's sibling and for all practical purposes being the full time Dad to his SKids (I make an assumption that BM was the CP) will give this guy a huge amount of traction in court if he is forced to go that route to retain a relationship with his Skids and to ensure his child has a relationship with it's sibs and they with his child.

This really does not have to be very difficult IMHO. This guy raised these kids for a significant period of time so I do not get the hesitancy of SMom and BioDad to be reasonable.

Our Will very clearly granted custody of my SS to my brother if my wife and I had co-deceased when our son was minor. That has no legal standing but we also were very clear that not one penny goes to the SpermCLan even if they were to get custody. The entire estate was to go in to trust for SS until he graduates from an accredited 4yr school with a bachelor's degree or turns 45 whichever is first.

We felt it was our parental duty to our son to do as much as possible to protect him from the shallow and poluted end of his gene pool should his mom and I pass.

Just my thoughts and opinion of course.

Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate the various perspectives. I can clearly see both sides. Its such a sad and difficult situation for them. I am a bit more sympathetic with sdad because I have lost a husband. I know that feeling of wanting to maintain some normalcy when your world has flipped upside down.

The parents shared 50/50 custody and I do know for a fact that mom was more passive and sdad handled a lot of the running around and interactions with his skids. He is a very active father. I imagine at the same time, bio-dad is struggling. He is also a very active father and feels a lot of sympathy for sdad. I don't think there was a typical animosity there between the dads. I'm sure that bio dad won't admit to smom, but I would imagine there is sadness at the loss of bio mom too.

Both children are in counseling and bio dad is handling that. I told smom dad should address this vacation issue with the counselor.

I did actually ask smom how would she feel if the roles were reversed and she actually admitted that she would not expect to be in their lives much if bio dad died. This surprised me because she is also very involved with her skids. She also has two of her own. She is lucky because her husband is structured and disciplined parent and they are both on the same page about parenting and rules.

I think I would let them still go over if they wanted to. Its not their fault their mom died and thats awful.. just the family breaking up is hard enough.

I had a stepdad(who had a stroke) and I was super close to him. When my mom and him divorced, I missed him and my stepsiblings so much. I would have been wicked hurt if they didn't want me around but it wasn't like that. He was much more involved with me than my own mom was or dad even-my dad and him got along OK. My step-bro and step-sis still visit and consider each other family.

I have had 3 step dads so far ( yeah, yeah, I know! I can't control it!)

SO this may be unpopular.. but I would base it solely on what the relationship with the kids is and how the kids feel about it.

step dad #1 was downright evil and i STILL hope that guy burns in hell!

Step dad# 2? Has been divorced from my mom for about 5 years, didn't show up in my life until I was 17 (I am now 30).... and I still see and talk to on a regular basis... he went out of his way to be my dad, and that has not stopped.

#3 has only been a step for about 5 minutes, but we also have a good relationship thus far....

I would talk to the kids and ask how they feel about it. The guy obviously loves them, they have a half sib, and unless there is more to the story where he is some sort of crazy douche I think it would be good for the kids to have one more adult who loves them and who loved their mother and has different ways of feeling about her remain in their lives. Just MHO.