Step Talk

Some of us have been discussing weight a little bit lately.

Ever since a few days ago, when H started laughing at me and said "even those jeans don't fit you anymore, they're too tight"....i've stopped eating fast food.

at first i wanted to go on an extreme diet. not to please him, but because I want him to be attracted to me the way he used to be, so that when I leave he's even more sorry.

I want to see if he will change the way he treats me. I want to know if he'll give my feelings more consideration and treat me with more respect, if I'm thin like I used to be.

Not because I want him to love me like he used to, I just want to get in shape for me, and then flaunt it at him and not let him have any.

So this week I've actually made the beginning of a lifestyle change. Not going to do what I've done in the past year, which is fast, lost a few pounds, then pig out and gain it back.

I've quit stopping at fast food restaurants on the way home from work. and bringing soup or spaghetti or something reasonable from home for lunch. and I've stopped skipping meals because I was doing that, and then pigging out later in the day.

The only thing I haven't quit is wine and soda. Both those things add a lot of calories...but one thing at a time. The fast food was really becoming a problem, and also doing serious damage to my saving $ to leave project.

My son is very upset with me because I don't give into his nagging to go to McDonald's when I pick him up from daycare, but he'll survive.

I was a stress eater, and used to go and order more than I could even eat, two cheeseburgers and a fish sandwich, etc...because I couldn't figure out what I wanted. I was just eating because it's the only thing I can do to spoil myself without everyone else finding out and interfering...no one else in the car with me, except maybe my son, no one else to feed or cook for...

but what a waste of time and money, and not good for the health at all.

so it seems to me that I've lost a couple pounds. It looks like the unreliable not-digital bathroom scale we have says 122 consistently. That's a low weight for most people, but I'm very short and it has nowhere to go but the stomach and butt.

I was 125 and sometimes around 130 before. I thought today, I'm really making a lifestyle change, so I'm not going to push myself to get down to 120 quicker. Just going to relax, eat well and it will happen. It will happen over time but it will happen, and it will last.

I should be back around 110- don't want to go lower, right around the time I leave.

H has still been very affectionate the last couple of days. He wants to hug in bed in the morning and he's been cuddling with me, when he wakes up he grabs me. I like it, except for the fact that he has bad breath. Those things, I'll really miss. But in the future, maybe I'll have someone whose normal, so getting a hug or a kiss doesn't seem like a miracle.

I suppose if SD walked in when we were hugging, she'd create some disturbance to get him away from me...she really doesn't have to worry, in a few months she'll have him all to herself.