I was wondering if anyone has ever found anything on distorted body image for girls who think they are smaller than they are. All I can find is stuff on negative body image- like anorexics.
My SD is not big, but she is short and muscular, with a wide back. For instance I am a 34 DD right now, she is a 36 A-. So we can wear the same shirts but she is offended at the thought, and always telling me that she thinks I should pass down my shirts b/c they would fit her better now that they SHRANK. She is always trying to borrow her friend's clothes who are tall and skinny, and they just don't fit her. Tonight she had a drama party where they were supposed to dress in character. Her tall skinny friend had loaned her a dress, which was way too tight on SD's back. Then I offered a dress of mine, a Medium which is very strecthy, very appropriate for a teen or adult to wear. It fits me because it's forgiving, but SD thinks I'm so huge that she was very offended and scoffed, "That won't fit ME." When I assured her it would she refused to try it on and ran out of the house in her friend's too small dress.
I think SD might be somewhat like Chava's, not because she's big, but because she refuses to wear what really fits her. Jean shopping is awful because she wants to buy everything a size or more too small. Then she blames the dryer that it all shrinks, when the crotch starts to blow out. I tell her cotton/denim does shrink which is why you take that into account when your're shopping. She refuses to wear the jeans I buy her that fit well, b/c they're not skin tight.
I am constantly having to remove too small of clothing from her closet. At the beginning of the year she tried to wear a child's size 8 skirt as a mini and I had to make her take it off and I took it after she left. Dh took over taking her shopping with her b-day Christmas money b/c BM will buy her too tight of clothes and think it's just the current fashion.
Anyone else? I am interested to hear what Chava thinks since this is an ongoing thing with her SD too.
Well
My Sd's do the same thing. DH has had to tell them several times to change their clothes. Their bellies usually hang out over their jeans and their shirts are always too tight. I don't want to hurt their feelings-their mom is about 280 so it's a sensitive subject anyway. They are not really fat-they just don't wear size appropriate clothing. It's a too much self esteem epidemic!!!!
Too much Self esteem- YES~
Did you ever read that article I posted about on here? It's incredible about the BS we've been fed regarding protecting our children's self esteem.
I'll repost if you didn't catch it the first time. It was one of the best things I've ever read.
Peace, love, and red wine
Yeah
Please do post it again-I would love to read it-Thanks!
Hey before I do....
I found a type of body dysmorphic disorder called "bigorexia" which, though related to body building not our SD's obsession with tight clothing, DID say that we have labeled body dymorphic disorder as an anorexic problem only. It simply is that someone has distorted body image either way. I really do think SD does.
Of course it could just be part of the personality disorder. Because she tells herself what she wants to believe about herself over and over until she thinks it is fact. BM does the same thing. For instance I took her to the Dr last and she weighed about 105, and she's around 5' tall. Like I said, not big at all. BUT it upset her to be over 100 so much that she continues to tell me that she is 86 lbs. (The last weight at her check up before that.)
When I met DH I asked him if BM was heavier when they were married. Some of her clothes were still there and I helped clean things out to take over or get rid of. She had queen size panty hose, size 14 or 18 pants...
DH said, "No I don't think she was heavy." Then I saw the pics. She was. Unlike me (with the 34 DD's which I HATE btw) BM carries it all in her trunk. So she would wear a lot of skirts, sweat pant material things to cover it up. I think she would tell him she was small, and DH doesn't really pay attention to that stuff so he just accepted it.
Must be where SD gets it.
Just thought you would appreciate that info on the body distortion stuff.
Peace, love, and red wine
My friend
I have a friend that suffers from that. The three of us were all the same size throughout highschool. Between a 3 and a 5. We are all older now, and one is a parent. I am now a 5-7. She has had two kids, and she still insists that she fits in a medium shirt with size 5 pants. She will borrow my dresses and stretch them out so bad, and then brag about how she has two kids but can still look hot in my clothes. And I love her too much to hurt her that badly. We hint. I tell her that her boobs are so much bigger than mine, and I'm a size M, maybe she should try on a different size. I don't say larger, I say different. I am usually brutally honest, but not when it comes to women and weight. But if she would just wear clothes her size, she would look hot. She is a very beautiful person, but she looks in the mirror and doesn't see the muffin top. What do you do, what can you say?
I guess as long as they can
I guess as long as they can squeeze into it somehow, it's okay...they don't seem to care if things actually look good anymore.
Then again, you see it alot out in public, so maybe some of that's an unfortunate current fashion trend. I see so many girls and women with the "muffin top"- I don't like to use that word because I think it's offensive, but you really do see a lot of females walking around with bulges all over because they wear things that don't fit.
My SD knows that she's overweight, her thing is that she seriously cannot resist wearing clothes that aren't hers, and since most people are smaller than she is, she ends up looking ridiculous most of the time. When she buys things for herself, she actually buys the size large, but she makes sure to wear all of my clothes, even if they don't fit.
But we also have the problem that you have- she keeps her childhood clothes and still tries to wear them. I have no idea why. She wore a skirt so short you could actually see her underwear when she was walking.
I think your SD just doesn't want to admit what size she is, maybe because we have all this media stuff telling us that the only size which is acceptable is small.
Which is stupid, because in some stores I wear a small, in others, I wear a large...you should just buy what fits and looks good without worrying about what the tag says. My mom actually cuts her tags off, so she doesn't have to look at the size once she owns the jeans
Oh and I get blamed all the time when SD's jeans are too tight "Did you wash these, you shrunk them!" No, you just got bigger....
There is one popular store where things actually run quite big, Express- so maybe that's good for someone who wants to wear a tag that says "small" when they're actually a medium.
My SD has reached the point where the largest size in that store is painfully tight on her. She really needs to be wearing plus sizes, and there are some really nice stores for plus size, with beautiful clothes and there's nothing wrong with that. But she just won't do it.
Ok...the article is on a new post
Let me know on that post what you think. I found a few more when I looked that one up. Hopefully, it shows a trend in redefining parenthood.
Peace, love, and red wine
How old in your SD?
There are many reasons why children have distorded body images. The biggest one is peer pressure and the fulfilling the need of acceptance.
If her life revolves around TV, Music, Friends, Ect. Probably. She seen Britney Spears in her seductive school uniform, Next Top Model, Magazine spreads, ect.
It is all well and good to want to be thin and cute, but all bodies are not made equally. I am so glad for that. I can understand her not wanting to wear your clothes, because that would mean SD would have something in common with you. (HEAVEN FORBID) Most Teens/PreTeens are discovering there own selves at this point and try to breakaway from parents. They want to make thier own decisions (right/wrong). No offense to you at all, believe me, But my 12y/o thinks that I road the horse & buggy to school ...uphill both ways, and I'm 37. I would have been apalled, if I had to wear my mothers clothes at age 10-18. Know what I mean.
Sounds like you want her to dress nicely in clothes that flatter her build. She is probably is uncomfortable in her own skin now, eventually and hopefully with your guidance, she will get thru it.
I hate to see kids or anyone for that matter who will wear a size 8 when clearly they need a 14. My first thoughts are did your moma let you out of the house like that? Come on, you know youve said it before. I would rather wear a 10/11 and look and feel good in my clothes than a 6/7 and cant breathe.
Keep doing what your doing, It may take one of her peers to change her mind. Unfortnately, her peers have more influence that us oldies do. Especially when it comes to fashion.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Usually....
She's trying to take my clothes. For instance I bought a new shirt when we were out of town last weekend b/c I packed quickly and didn't put one in for the ride home. I rarely buy anything new and she was just about obsessed with this shirt. When I wore it she said, "Is that new?????" I said, "Yes." That was it. Then in the car on the way home, "When did you get that shirt?" I said, "Yesterday. I forgot to pack one." Then when I had it on yesterday again she said, "I REALLY like that shirt."
Next it will be telling me it seems to have shrank and she should have it. I don't think it was about my fashion choice. She tends to wear similar clothes to mine, just WAY too small for her, or unbuttoned way too far. It may be that in a way she envys my huge boobs???? I don't know.
We have so much complication here. An emotionally absent BM, SD trying to absorb my traits at times- even asked her friends to call her Zen- my family nickname. Once I found a notebook that looked like a stalker might have written it, like she was infatuated by me.
Zen is beautiful, Zen is amazing, Zen is thoughtful and kind, Zen always listens,Zen is cool, Zen is talented, Zen is the most amazing mom, Zen is...etc etc... a whole page filled up in her notebook.
I didn't know whether to be flattered or disturbed, you know? It was too much. Like a frenzied thing she did.
It is so tough to try to figure out all of this. I do think SD has emotional issues related to BM, to not fitting in, to wanting to find out who she is but always diving into the personalities of those around her rather than discovering herself.
I reposted the self esteem myth artical I found. It's pretty enlightening. I found another that stated that self esteem and sense of self are being confused. I would have to agree whole heartedly. SD doesn't suffer from low self esteem. It's falsly inflated actually. She suffers from no sense of self. Not sure how to help with that one.
Peace, love, and red wine
She sees you as the "old" stepmom...
not the "hip" mom BM is trying to be. That's why she's not listening. Tight is in, Zen...you just need to find a compromise. She can wear tight skirts/dresses...but her butt crack is not allowed to hang out the bottom. That kind of thing.
She'll figure it out. I remember being 13 OH MY GOODNESS... the makeup, the hair, the multi-colored socks....my mom always cringed as I walked out the door. I say regulate her dress, not control it.
BTW, I think we must own the same kind of dryer because my jeans are getting smaller and my muffin top is getting worse by the day....
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
my muffin
is deflating....not actually going away persay...but I seem to be shrinking in mass but not volume (ie the scale isn't showing it!
DH announced the other day that unfortunately, he weighs more than ever but his but is smaller than ever!
I think it's contagious!
Peace, love, and red wine
I do have to say this...
Soda is my vice. (Well and wine) I've cut back on my soda and the snacks between meals. I've lost 5 lbs in a week and half.
BM is behaving herself though so I don't comfort eat like I have been in the past few months.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Congratulations!
I too have lost five. I have a terrible cold this week which should help for another five since I have NO appetite and have been drinking decaf green tea non-stop (how I lost the last five.)
I am very determined to hit my normal weight again by my 40th b-day in the end of April. That's very do-able for me (25 lbs.)
Peace, love, and red wine
Post new comment