Step Talk

The BS that I hear is they wanted their kds to have a better life than they had themselves. Therefore, they gave them everything and the kds never had to put forth any effort to get anything. I suppose the pot smoking generation raised the entitlement generation.

into what's behind the entitlement movement from my husband last night. He's 51, so about the age of parents with kids in their teens and 20s. I have a SD14 (his child), and she has been a thorn in my backside since we got married (6 years ago). However, this is primarily due to his parenting style.

He was raised with very little, and he resented that very much. So, now that he has a kid of his own, he wants her to have everything he didn't have. To the point of excess. He thinks that if one other kid in her class or peer group has something, she should have it to. He has said to me multiple times, "I want her to have everything the other kids have."

Hence the sense of entitlement. If I want it, I should have it. She informed her dad the other day that he would be buying her a car. When he said no (although I'm sure he'll pay for a large portion of the car), she said, "Fine. I'll just tell my grandpa and he'll buy me a car." No thought of working to earn it. Just who will give it to her.

I don't see this getting any better until this generation of kids grows up and becomes parents, if then.

I've read articles that call the 20-somethings Generation Y, & they have a sense of entitlement. They go into the workforce & expect the best jobs, & employers are trying to accomodate them. They also expect to start out having everything they had at home... cable tv, all their furnishings & decor, all the new technological gadgets. Despite having jobs, they still lean on mom & dad a lot. I don't get it. It's like a sense of self accomplishment means nothing now. It's all about how much stuff you've got.

And they still call Generation X slackers! Sheesh.

Hipi

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

The parents want to treat their kids like babies and then like PALS instead of keeping the parent/child divide in tact.

Our BM was one of the first to be raised by her mom and treated as both a PAL and a BABY (coddled to death) she has ALWAYS been sheltered from any consequences of her actions.

Today's 20 somethings AND YOUNGER have that mindset; that mom and dad should be their safety net at all times; that mom and dad are their BUDDIES!

that this is so common, especially the "new rich". Maybe this is a broad bush, but I see this more common with kids from parents that were from a modest background, doing better than their parents and SHOWERING their kids with everything under the sun, to the detriment of the future (their retirement, the kids college education. These hardworking parents "pridefully" give their kids everything they didn't have and create monsters.

There are great lessons to be learned in the "struggle" to achieve.

I see many teenagers every day that are not "middle class" kids & they don't display the same arrogance.

My ss (at 25) asked my husband for money & when my husband told him that we had painting (WORK) to be done, he got angry & said that the reason for my husband's existence was to give him money. The bm gave them every gadget available because she could. She was very poor as a kid and this idiotic idea made her proud.

My kids were not brought up as beggars. They NEVER ask me for money. I never asked my parents for money. IT IS CALLED F... PRIDE.

So when do I get a computer. When you get a job. My parents did the best they could for me and my siblings, which wasn't much.

Have you ever noticed that this attitude does not exist from children of immigrants. I hazard a guess it's because their parents tell them how flipping lucky they are to live in a country with so much more opportunity then the one the immigrant parents left behind. And these kids have that I'm lucky attitude.

My spouse bought SD a scooter for no particular reason and I said to her, wow you are a lucky girl. And she said why and I said you got a scooter and it's not even your birthday. She kind of understood until her dad proceeded to inform her that she was, and I quote "entitled to get a fun toy for no reason, it's her right". Uhhh Dad, WTF are you doing? What's wrong with feeling lucky! Lucky to be in a good family, occasional treats, getting an education and having a future that only requires hard work, determination and a dream. What is so wrong with that?!

However, my parents taught me that to have anything, YOU have to work for it. My parents were not rich by any means growing up. We did not have the latest and great gadgets or clothes, but you know what. I realize now that all that stuff does not really matter. i work everyday for the homes I own and the cars I drive. I went to college and worked 2 jobs to pay my own living expenses. Now, each month that I make that student loan payment, I feel proud that I did finish and can afford to have a nice life. I do not want my child to grow up anything like my skids. They have everything they could possibly want plus some. I want my child to acutally appreciate what they have and not grow up expecting things. Please tell me exactly how you do this. This is one of my biggest fear is to raise another spoiled brat.

My husband is well on his way to cranking out yet another child who feels entitled to everything. My SD14 has chores but doesn't do them, and husband conveniently doesn't notice. Until evil stepmom who is already overwhelmed by working full time and raising two BDs 4 and 1 pitches a fit. Then I am the bad guy.

SD14 is playing club volleyball in a town 1 hour away where her mom lives. This entails transporting her to that town Wednesday afternoon for practice, then transporting her back to our town Wednesday night. Then transporting her back to that town for weekend practices and games. And nobody but me (not BM and not husband) saw a problem with her even asking for something like this. She asks and she gets.

Would husband drive BDs two hours twice a week for a recreational activity? I don't think so!

One time my SD asked H how much money he made at work- she told him "You have enough money to pay for everything I do"

And then when he was complaining about how much the house cost, she said "If you hadn't bought that house, you would have been able to give us so much more"
AND HE AGREED

To add to the LIST:

I expect my attorney fees, class fees and ticket paid when I drink & drive.

I expect extra cash for me to buy cigarettes and gas for the car that you gave me, not to mention for all repairs, insurance, maintenance, and registration fee.

I expect dinner to be waiting for me when I get home even though I cannot be on time AND I expect you to heat it and clean up after me.

I expect everyone to believe me when I say for the past 6 months “I HAVE been looking for a job, there just are none.”

I expect you to drive me to & from school since I have had my license revoked from so many dui’s.

I expect me bad mouthing and back-stabbing my step-parent to be excused since I didn’t want you getting married again.

I expect my lies about being molested and abused to be excused since I thought I deserved more attention.

I expect to be given everything I asked for Christmas even though you just shelled out $1100 in attorney fees from my dui.

I expect you to keep shelling out money so I can sit home, watch tv, talk on the cell phone you pay for, play games and smoke.

I expect you to understand when I lie to you on Christmas Eve and tell you “I will be back at 11pm,” but end up not coming back to your house, calling you to lie and say I am at mom’s, and not show up to mom’s until after 3am!

I expect you to understand that I have lied to all of my friend's parents about you abusing me and still show your face at neighborhood parties and church like nothing happened.

I expect you to not hold any grudges for me FALSELY accusing you and your spouse of things and having the police come into our home with a search warrant. Forgive and forget, remember?

I expect you to pay for the "morning after pill" when I have unprotected sex.

I expect you to keep taking my mood swings and refusal to help with anything around the house because I am tired and might threaten suicide – again.

I expect you to pay for my counseling AND the additional charges when I decide at the last minute to not go to my appointments.

I expect you to keep lying to your spouse for me since I am your child and she is just your new wife – secrets are ok.

I expect you to keep coming to my rescue and believing all of my lies because you got a divorce – you were not the one to file or commit adultery (that was BM), but you have guilt, so you will pay the rest of your life!!!!

A lot of families are dysfunctional, broken up homes, divorce and single parents. I also feel that a lot of the entitlement comes from parents who parent out of guilt- the I want to be your friend factor, not your parent. Sad isn't it?

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

delete

I just saw that movie last night, and it actually has a great message about entitlement issues.

That sounds like my skid...He's basically a loser already...he got his girlfriend pregnant...they can't stand each other now...he is flunking out of school...he has broken several doors with his baby fits...he's basically had everything go his way all of his life...thanks to rich relatives...he smokes...he does not do chores...he does not help with the pets...he does not do anything but consume. Oh, and he doesn't respect me one bit...I can't wait until he is gone...Or I'm gone...whichever comes first.

Thanks for the posts!

I can relate to this, but I have a skid who is 31 years old, and like the posts on here, he feels entitled. To use our car, eat, drop by at 1AM, and lately he has used a new tactic, that that is to talk to dad in private, and not even talk to me at all.

He goes straight to the source, because I will NOT put up with his tactics, in anyway. They go into a room and shut the door......this way I am cut out. This has been going on for over 10 months.

I can tell you this. I have never seen a 30 year old have a temper tantrum before. Its a pretty awesome sight. Yelling, stomping feet, etc. similar to that of a 2 year old.

Incredible!

I can relate to the comments above with my SD who is only 7!!! Her BM gives her anything and everything she wants. She has learned all she has to do is pout and summon up a couple of tears. SD will tell you very matter-of-factly she knows exactly what to do to get what she wants from BM. At 7!! The BM has gotten SD a cell phone at 5yo and a $200+ ipod at 6yo. The latest thing SD wants is a laptop and it would not surprise me a bit to see it happen. The sad thing is the BM really doesn't have the money to buy this stuff all the time, but will charge it to her already overloaded debt, just to not say no to the SD.

When SD comes to our house she expects the same treatment, but has learned it doesn't work here. She still tries everytime we go into ANY store, she wants something, ANYTHING, and of course doesn't get it. SD will pout a little and try the tears and we just look at her dispassionately and it stops.

SD thinks the world revolves around her at 7. I shudder to think what it's going to be like as she gets older.