Wow...think paying child support is bad? My bf's oldest (18) son wants to go to a 2 year college out of state immediately out of high school. Does this boy have a job? Of course not. Who is going to pay? My bf is paying half, and supposedly his alcoholic mother is going to pay the other half. When I heard that I almost fell off the couch laughing. This woman (who is remarried and has a dual income household) can never afford anything for the kids, although their house is full of the latest and greatest expensive gadgets and toys. I think the boy should work for a year or so, then use some of his own money towards school. The main reason being, my boyfriend has two other kids who are going to want/expect the exact same thing...college paid for.
We were planning on moving in together and finally having a life together when his kids had all turned 18 and hopefully were going to live with their mother full-time (they prefer it there because there are no rules). I AM NOT GOING TO FOOT THE BILL FOR OUR RETIREMENT because he's spent all of his investments to pay for college for all of these kids. I know...he's just my boyfriend I really have no say in how he spends his money. How do other peoples kids go to college? Part-time jobs? Student loans? I really can make no suggestions to him because I am, and will remain...just the girlfriend.
college
Tell him the same thing we told our kds, out of state tutition is about double so if you go , you pay. No if's and or but's about it. We just got 2 graduated and it was lots of money from us in addition to the CS for the younger ones. Also student loans, pell grants and work study. The problem is they think when they are 18 that they are grown and can make their own decisons. BUT they still want the deep pockets to pay the bills. In my world whoever pays the bills has the final say.
I keep reading that it's
I keep reading that it's better to save for your own retirement than to pay for kids' college tuition.
In my opinion, that's correct. If they do well enough in high school, they'll get scholarships. If they have to work to pay, they'll appreciate school more, do better, and be proud of themselves.
Even if they have to take out student loans like I did, it's better.
My H's daughter is going to college with him paying for everything, of course. And she flunked her first semester. Why should she care, it isn't her money, and the way she sees it, she doesn't have to succeed because daddy will always support her(barf) what she doesn't know is, he's broke.
I think they all can, and should do it on their own.
My BS had to pay his own way
He got a student loan. If my own BS has to pay for his own college then my skids are certainly going to do the same. There are loans, grants, etc. What they need to do is work for a year or two and get independent and go to college part time at night. If they can't deal with that too bad. If there is a will there is a way.
I got my education while working full time, a single parent with 2 small boys, and going to school at night. What the Government didn't pay I had a student loan which I paid for myself. If I can do it with 2 babies a single person with no responsibilities can do it.
BTW your skid can take his basic classes that can be transfered to start with. My DIL took 2 years at a community college recieved her Associates and then transfered to a larger college and received her Bachelors degree. It is cheaper that way.
"Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt"
You
are absolutely correct---------don't foot the bill for your life so his kids can make excessive choices about college. Out of state tuition is ludicrous; he can go to a local community college and live at home for almost nothing.
I have 3 college grads & they're all paying off THEIR student loans. They all worked part time & used all resources available (except my money).
He is only your boyfriend now; watch how he handles this one. Sounds like paying half of the ridiculous will cost YOU money if you marry.
Unless parents are wealthy, I think that kids should pay for their own college education. Parents can help out in many ways (pay for their car insurance/emergency use cell phone/free rent while they are STUDYING FULL TIME).
Their student loan payment UPON GRADUATION is like an expensive car payment. THEY ALL CAN HANDLE IT. So they don't drive a fancy car when they graduate, but their parents can retire at a decent age.
My SS, at 22 came asking to go to an expensive art school. Well I knew it was a phase (the kid wanted to draw cartoons), he came to ask for money & to sign for a loan! My husband refused & his mother signed. He went for one semester, quit & pretended to be attending college for another semester til we found out. Now he owes about 20,000.00 (or his mother owes)for his little immature excursion to his fantasy.
Just watch how he handles it & IF HE PAYS, RUNNNNNN
Well...the kid could have
Well...the kid could have gone in state, about 35 minutes away, to a different school that would have the same program, however, the one out of state was a better program and more accredited (so of course, that's where he has to go). Of course, now he'll have living expenses, too. Just one more thing that his kids have had handed to them on a silver platter. Geez...I was at the grocery store and pharmacy this weekend...who is working there? TEENAGE KIDS WHO HAVE JOBS!!!
I
worked 2 jobs and went to school full time. I had student loans and I paid for my own apartment and all that goes along with that. I tell DH if I can do it, his kids are no better than me and they can do it too. of course, he wants to "help" them. I say absolutely not. We will still be paying CS for SS for 4 years once SD goes to college and we will also have our own child to support. I refuse to help them pay for ANYTHING to do with college. My parents could not help me and I figured out how to do it on my own. This is a really touchy subject for me bc I know in our state, BM can file for us to continue to pay CS after they are 19 or force us to help pay for college. DH will be forced to get a secong job bc I refuse to have any more $$ than CS going out of this house. I am interested to see how this all plays out in the future.
I'm under the impression
I'm under the impression that sometimes, things can get much worse once they turn 18. If they've been handed everything up until that point, it doesn't magically stop, it just gets much more expensive.
The sad thing is my boyfriend has run a backbreaking business for two decades and was looking forward to selling the business, semi-retiring and getting his back operated on. Not now...he'll keep killing himself, end up in a wheelchair to shell out money for the kids to go to college, or if he does sell his business, his retirement investment will have to pay for it.
"I'm under the impression
"I'm under the impression that sometimes, things can get much worse once they turn 18. If they've been handed everything up until that point, it doesn't magically stop, it just gets much more expensive."
EXACTLY- it may never stop
Working before college
Working before going to college is actually a great learning experience for young adults. Not everyone knows which direction they want to go right out of high school. A couple of years in the work force is a great way to save for college expenses and give them some time to figure out what they want to do. Not only that, most times making a young adult responsible for their own college tuition is a great impetus for them to take college seriously and not act like it's one long party. They will appreciate it more and want to do well in their studies.
Sasha, you are 110% correct.
Sasha, you are 110% correct. The kids do NOT have to go directly from high school to college. There is a TON of career choices out there that kids don't know about. I always said working in the mail room of a large company was the best thing anyone could do. You are exposed to every aspect that a company has to offer.
Unfortunately, my bf's kids are allergic to getting a job. They grew up with their father raising half the time them plus handing their mother cash every week and her calling him every time she needed more money.
Grants, Scholarships
I posted another thread before reading this one. Sorry.
So I see why someone would be opposed to paying for skids education especially if it takes away from your retirement.
My husband and I refuse to take away from our retirement. Hence the savings bonds.
I went to college on a scholarship and halfway through changed majors.
If a kid knows what they want to be at 18, then that is outstanding. I sure as hell didn't. I didn't know what I really want to do until about 4 years ago.
I would say get that big scholarship book that is available at community colleges and the high school library and tell them to get cracking.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
I worked to put myself
I worked to put myself through college. DH enlisted in the military because his family couldn't afford to send him, either. That's why we are planning on paying the lion's share of college expenses for our two. And DH has to pay half of the skids' college expenses, as well. I don't mind this. I expect them to get part-time jobs and work during the summers for their spending money, gas, car insurance, etc., but we'll pay for tuition, books and fees. As long as they do well, I don't mind paying. I know how necessary an education is and how important it is for them to succeed. The way I see it, an investment in their education is an investment in their future independence... college degree = better $$$ in their chosen careers = they won't be sponging off of us forever.
I don't think taking a year or two off to work is a good idea, because then they run the risk of not wanting to go back to school... they start making money, they get out of the habit of studying, they get impatient, they get cocky and think they can make it without a degree, etc. I think, when the time comes, if our kids aren't sure what they want to study, then we will advise them to just go part-time and get some of the general studies stuff out of the way while they are also working part-time.
To avoid out-of-state tuition, the kid can always move there and establish residency. That means neither parent can claim him for tax purposes, but compare that to the cost of out-of-state tuition and it may be a better deal. That's how I got around the out-of-state tuition.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
I'm with cruella and the self-help crowd!
my BS is paying his way thru college. I wouldn't have it any other way. Our BM is a great example why you don't foot the bill for college. My BF paid for her college loans after they were married. She continually got in trouble, flunked her courses, party party party and even plagarized. She was irresponsible then and she is today. The skids are taking her lead. If my BF wants to pay for their college he can find himself another GF!!!
UPDATE: Well, the paying of
UPDATE: Well, the paying of college is a dead issue now, since the kid has decided to drop out of high school.
Isn't this the 18 year old?
He's dropping out of high school? Shouldn't he be ready to graduate?
Yes, it's the 18 year old.
Yes, it's the 18 year old. He made the announcement last week that he was dropping out with a month left to go.
Bummer
My niece did this because 'the other girls were mean to her at school'. She had to go to summer school all summer to get her GED whih she realized immediately she really did need. If it is too late for him to finish, he will learn the hard way soon enough. I am so sorry honey!! we felt like we were robbed of seeing her graduate, ya know?!
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus
Hmmmm
Maybe that will happen for us! Husband is so sure SD15 will go to college, he puts twice as much money away for her as he does for BD4 (and nothing for BD1). I don't think she's going to do it, without him there pushing her constantly to study, etc. I even said that to him one day (I don't think he appreciated it). BM didn't go to college and found a husband who works two jobs to support her, so I'm sure SD won't see a need to either.
Well, if she decides not to
Well, if she decides not to go to college, I'm sure he'll hand the money over to her anyway to pay for other stuff.
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