Got off the phone with SS6 today. He is doing good. Chipper as usual. Using the iPOD Nano we got him because he LOVES the photos. He said "Mom wants to take the pictures off but can't figure out how. Can you tell her?" I asked him why she wanted to do that and he said "cuz she said real family should be on there and you are just my StepMom". I said that he can't take the photos off of there because Dad told me which ones to put on there and that I will explain that to his mother. He handed me over to her and she said "well I find that hard to believe but whatever". She gave the phone back to SS6 and he said "Ok well I love you Bye". It was so abrupt.
I have pretty tough skin for the most part but sometimes, when you aren't expecting it, those sucker punches can really knock you out.
Ugh
I wish I could say that it will change, but in my situation, BM, who was also stepmom to DH's son, says things to SD like "you don't have to listen to what she (meaning me) says." BM wouldn't allow any pictures of her "Montana family" during long summer visits and even told SD to tell us to quit writing her letters! Now at 17, SD feels I have absolutely no authority over her at all. BM is a condescending, self-righteous person, who really has very low self esteem and projects that onto everyone in her path. SD can see what her mom is doing now, but chooses whichever is the easiest path to get whatever she wants. After 8 years of this, I am bowing out - so I wish you much luck. I just hope your DH places you first - it is the only way it works in the wake of all the garbage you will get to encounter.
Just brush it off
Because you know those were the words from the BM and not SS. It is purely an insecurity thing on her part. Trust me, I have been on both sides of this. Some of us just handle it with class and others dont. Be glad that SS loved the photos. Ignore BM. As for SS hanging up abruptly, it is easy to get a six year old to do that. They used to wave and whisper bye to my SD to get her to hang up with us. She never realized it was hurting us. It is just a game played by the other side who doesnt seem to realize how lucky they are.
"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."
GEEZ
What is with these people??? Why do they do this to us?
Thanks though.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
My Skids BM tries to undermine me
My skids came from visitaion last year complaining that their mother said that thier other brothers and sisters (my DH's other 2 children_ were only half siblings. She told them that my Mom and Dad were not really their family. Oh but she failed to tell them that HER other children from a previous marriage were also half siblings. My Skids were upset because we don't teach them half and steps and they felt like their Mom was trying to lower their brother and sister in their eyes.
I quickly explained to them although I and my parents are blood related there is also legally related. By law I am their parent and by law my parents are their Grand parents because I married their Dad. I told them that BM may not like that but it is tough luck for her. She can't change that fact. My parents treat these kids like their own Grandchildren. BM's family has nothing to do with these kids. Why would anyone want to take that away from them?
I would have your DH explain to his son that you ARE his family. BM is filling that child's head up with nonsense. I wouldn't take it personally coming out of a 6 year old. This is BM's doing.
"Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt"
My BioSon does it to Me, and has many times...
Little kids have zero attention span anyway...He used to do it even before His Mother and I Split... I wouldn't take it too personally, especially considering the Issues already extant...
Steve
Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL
Well shoot. Knowing your own
Well shoot. Knowing your own son does it really helps a lot.
You know one minute he is totally a chatterbox and the next minute he is eery quiet. When he lives with us I don't normally get upset but since we are so far apart, and phone calls mean so much to me, maybe that is why I get so bent out of shape about it.
Thanks
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
At least she used the term SM
I have been referred to as many things, but never not once as SD's SM. I am:
"That internet woman" (H and I met on yahoo)
"That woman with no job" (I stay at home ever since we married and had our two year old)
"That fat bitch" I am still working on losing my pregnancy 25 lbs, but this one's interesting since BM is not any smaller than me)
"You're Go-To Girl" Said to H when I was going out of town and H asked BM to take SD somewhere to a practice when he had to work late. As in, "Why doesn't your GO TO girl do it?"
And then there are all the "Is SHE sitting there with you or are you alone to talk?"
Or "No way will SHE watch my daughter on MY day" (Confusing when she drops SD off for me to watch her if she's sick so BM doesn't miss work, or when I'm the "go to" girl referred to above.
Or to SD "Did you tell that BITCH you didn't want to live with me????"
Or to DH "SOMEBODY needs to get a life or a job rather than worry about what (SD) is wearing!" In reference to us sending back BM's UNDERWEAR that she had given to SD to wear (SD is 13 and this was satin lacy, adult size 8 lingerie) That was a fun thing to find in my laundry. Funny how it's the same size this "fat bitch" wears!
And let's not forget these diddy's-
"You only have ONE mom. I am your mom. Not that bitch."
"You are more important than that baby (mine and DH's) and your dad better know it."
But still refers to her Exfiance's daughter as SD's little sister. Even though she keeps telling SD that she's marrying BF number two. All the while still having dinner with ExF and his daughter.
Crazy....I'm crazy for feelin' so blue... is the song my DH used to hum when he would talk to BM. I told him to stop desecrating Pasty Cline like that!
Peace, love, and red wine
Wow that is terrible
I would never deal with children talking about me like that. I would have knocked some teeth in by now knowing my latina temper. I met my DH on the internet too. A lot of people do that.
"Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt"
No... those are from BM
Though some of them do come through SD.
Peace, love, and red wine
BM
Doesn't say much anymore to my Skids. She made a comment over the phone to SD one time about me being fat like her dog. SD repeated it to me while still on the phone with her mother. I just replied hey I am fat but I can lose the weight. There are some people who are ugly on both the outside and the inside and you can't lose ugly LOL! I never heard another slam. I was ticked she said that to SD but at the time I was just dating DH.
I am lucky in the fact that my skids love me and that drives BM insane. But we have the kids full time. I think if BM had the children she would do the same thing. She can't do but so much now because BM left the children when SD was 4 years old. I have known my skids for over 4 years now. I know the kids better than she does and I have more of an influence in their lives.
"Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt"
Gosh ZenMom, I am sorry to
Gosh ZenMom, I am sorry to hear that. But you know you are better than to listen to her in the end right? Thats the only way I get over this. Come here and vent, listen to other's advice and situations and hope to heal from another wound.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
Oh yeah...
I don't listen. But SD does. For instance before she admitted her mom called me fat, SD kept making references to all the other young moms we know who lost their post partum weight right away. Like my next door neighbor (25) who had twins and was skinny again within a month, my SIL who had a baby several months AFTER I had mine and was back to thin within a few months (she's also really tall with long legs.) And my other SIL who had her first baby 3 weeks after I had mine and was thinner than when she started when they visited when the girls were about 5 months old.
It stung. Then one day SD mentioned her mom got a nasty comment from her own sister at a Christmas gathering. Her aunt told BM, "Geeze...I remember when you USED TO be able to eat ANYTHING without gaining weight." I said to SD, "Yes I think she seems to have put some on. We're about the same size." And SD said, "Really? B/c she thinks you're fat." Then I realized why SD was encouraging me to lose- she didn't want her mom to have ammo anymore.
I am not that overweight- 20 pounds actually. So though I don't feel I look my best, and am taking steps to change that, I also know I'm not fat. I told SD "I'm just very curvy at the moment." She said, "Mom says curvey is just another word for fat."
My main concern is what this is teaching SD about weight. They both binge eat and SD is short, and broad- with her dad's Italian weight distribution. SD's going to have to face her own weight battles one day, and I can only imagine what BM will say to her given some of the lovely names she's called her in the past.
Peace, love, and red wine
GRRRRRRRRRRRR
Excuse me, but holy shit .... GRRRRRR that makes me mad. I was just looking through some of the old posts and came across this, and all those quotes sound exactly what our BM bitch says about me. My absolute favorite, the one that makes my hair stand up and my claws come out "Is SHE home or can you talk" Now, WTF!?!?! makes you think that he will only talk to you if I'm not around???? UGH that makes me so mad I can't even put it in words. All of those things, our BM has said to or about me. It's making my blood boil just thinking about it. I don't know where these bitches get their nerve but wherever it is they should go back and ask for some self respect, decency, common sense, morals, dignity.... just to name a few. I would be lying if I said I don't want her to sleep walk her FAT ASS into traffic.
"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman
Reminds me of when oldest SS
denied my existence to his friends. I took him to a school rollerskating party, he was about 10 yrs old at the time (about a year ago) and one of his friends asked him who I was? His friend had seen me giving him money, surprise, surprise, for the skating party! (now mind you, at that time i had been living with his father for 3 years; he and his siblings had been coming to my house EVERY F'n WEEKEND for the past THREE YEARS)
Friend: "Is that your MOM?" (with enthusiasm; I consider myself a little more "high end" than BM)
SS: "NO!"
Friend: "Is she your aunt?"
SS: "NO!" (More emphatically; by this time, SS hasn't told me goodbye or anything and has not looked at me since he hopped out of the van in the parking lot)
Friend: "Is she your STEPMOM?"
SS: (getting perturbed) "NO! she's JUST CRAYON!!!!" (he used my first name)
Finally the friend gave up. I felt like saying to the little corn fed porker "you can thumb your way home!"
It's amazing
to me that the BM tries to pull things like all of this that you guys are talking about. It's just silly that someone (no matter BM or whoever) cannot be happy that Skid(s) have one more (or several) people that will love the Skid(s) even more.
It's just silly that the BM in our case has continually fed SD lies and such. This could be about me, my son or even DH. It's range from the following:
1. SD(about 3 or 4 at the time) called DH "That F-ing guy." This shocked me & DH. We asked SD where she had picked this up at---guess who? BM & BM's family.
2. When DH & I were dating (after I saw BM) SD would come over and say that I was "fat." I asked why SD thought that---same people SD had heard it from before (BM & BM's family). This coming from a BM who weighs a whole heck of a lot more than I ever have. I admit I am no Kate Moss, but I am not over 220+ pounds like BM. This whole "fat" issue has ceased since BM & SD have gained a lot of weight (and I just keep losing for some unknown reason).
3. BM has repeatedly told SD that I am not her mom (not even step) and my son is not SD's brother (not even step). BM continues to say that BM is the only parent (not even including DH as a parent) and the only one SD needs to be with. Huh? Immaculate conception, eh?
4. BM has started up in about the last year or so planting in SD's head that I was the one that caused the divorce between BM & DH. Yeah right, I didn't even know DH when the two of them separated (it was about 7 months later!). Plus I never met DH in person til AFTER his divorce was final with BM. Yeah, I'm so the reason why they divorced. Haha.
5. The list goes on and on but those a few things BM says. Any time I hear/read SD or BM make comments like this that are off the wall the only I think about is "BM is a fruitcake." It usually makes me smile.
I think one of the main reasons why BM continues to throw junk out like that about me is b/c SD actually likes me. SD has, for the most part, started calling me "Mommy." What's funny is that fact that SD usually comes flying up to me first when we pick her up.
SD for the most part is a good kid, but unfortunately SD has picked up some awful habits while in the BM's care (like lying, hitting, whining, expecting to get her way all the time, etc). This behavior usually stops after SD is with us for awhile. Each time though is like pulling this kid down from her sugar high and attitude problem. Ah, the fun of step-parenting. 
"Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat."
SD wrote a bio poem in school two years ago....
She listed my sons as her brothers
Her parents as DH, Me and BM
Her address as here
And...."future big sister of" my BD (I was about 8 months pregnant.)
It was on the bulletin board for parent conferences and BM tore it down. Then told SD that "THEY are not your brothers! and SHE is not your mom!" Then she told SD, "And since you only live THERE, I am getting rid of all of your things in your room!" She then got a garbage bag and started throwing all SD's things in it.
The funny thing is she never could bring herself to say that then future BD was not SD's sister. Even her warped mind couldn't do it, though it's probably because she didn't want to even mention BD's existence either.
The beauty of it? SD's teacher witnessed the ripping down, and SD was upset we didn't get to see the poem. So the teacher let her do another copy and re-color it to send specifically to our house. Check off another witness for our then to be custody case.
Peace, love, and red wine
Whoa!
I think the fruitcake (the BM) in your case has a whole lotta more nuts in it then the fruitcake in our situation!!
I can't believe that BM would do something that brash in front of, not only SD, but WITNESSES! And then to tell the SD that BM was getting rid of ALL SD's things at BM's house?!?! Whoa, lady---take a chill pill!
"Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat."
Honestly, that's one of the
Honestly, that's one of the worst stories I've heard, zenmom. It's just so mean. Why would anyone ever say such a ridiculous selfish thing to her child? It's one thing to have those feelings and struggle with them, and it's another altogether to place them on her daughter's shoulders. I am sorry for you, having to deal with that mentality!
Thanks....
You know...I know that BM is crazy and all, but it's nice to just tell you all the bare bones of a story and hear back unbiased support. In other words it's nice to hear I'M not the crazy one
I'm glad to have revisited this one b/c these days we are the mean parents because we expect SD to learn to be responsible and compassionate for others, rather than BM's way of pushing everyone out of your way for the first piece of cake at a party.
Amazing now, just a few short years later that SD is on a "BM is the greatest" swing. SD lives in a black and white world due to the same personality disorder as BM. So as long as BM is buying her love, stroking her ego by confirming that anyone who challenges her by trying to make SD responsible for herself and for how she treats others- is a bad parent, bad friend, bad teacher etc.
Way back when we had shared custody and BM was bribing SD (at 11) that if she picked the high school where BM lived that BM would buy her a new car, I asked SD if she thought that was appropriate parenting. SD cheerfully responded, "Yeah...bribery's not right. But unfortunately, it works!"
Peace, love, and red wine
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