We have a downward modification hearing date this Monday and I'm scared to death. BF is paying $1010 a month for three skids. His current wages are $28K a year. I'm thinking that BM will show up with her tax returns for 06 which will include her side catering biz (schedule C) which, i'm sure she will deduct everylittle expense, show as a paper loss and greatly reduce her main gov't job income. Also i'm sure she will show up with phoney child care receipts from her mother and whoever she can get to sign them. He's also supposed to be responsible for skids full dental and medical care; up to this point he has been, but his new job doesn't have insurance. I also hear the examiner is very pro-BM!!
My teeth are chattering even as we speak!
Yeah, well
The judge still has to follow the law, even if they are pro-BM. Did your DH take a paycut with this new job? It is my understanding that if he left a job with a higher salary to take one with a lower salary, the courts can consider it to be "voluntarily underemployed" and may not approve a downward modification. Have you tried running the numbers on the state's calculator? It may give you an idea of how much he should be paying. Will he get credit for paying for insurance for the kids, especially if he's paying out of pocket? Is BM responsible for any of the health insurance costs? Are you represented by a lawyer or going pro se? Do as much research as you can before going to court. And for goodness sake, calm yourself! It may not be as bad as you think!
In reality
He's making slightly more than he was at the time the very pro-BM DD was pulled out of some lady's arse. At the same time, BM had a daycare biz so BF was most of the financial support.
Since then at that old job, BF had a salary increase, but the job was too hard on him since he had a previous construction accident. He had to change jobs otherwise he would have been crippled by age 45. The new job is about the same amount that he was making at the time of the DD. Let me just add that BF DID NOT (foolishly) use an attorney, but let BM get an attorney and he also agreed to EVERYTHING,even though the mediation people kept saying to him "are you SURE you want to sign this; you know, you don't have to agree to all of this??!!" and he foolishly said "yes" Gave her EVERYTHING and MORE in hopes that she wouldn't do a PAS number, which of course, she has.
And since then, BM has a sweet cream puff gov't CPS worker job so she is much better off financially then when DD was signed.
BF's new job doesn't have insurance so he can't cover the skids. he actually had BM on his insurance until the divorce was finalized, too; of course she dragged her feet on filing. if it was up to BM, they still wouldn't be divorced, i can swear on a stack of bibles to that!
Base CS would be (i figure unless BM LIES which I know she will) $156 a week
Why do guys do that?
I understand they are afraid to play hardball for fear the ex will keep the kids away, which unfortunately does happen a lot. If only they would realize what they are setting themselves up for in the future. There is no crime in requesting what is fair for all parties involved. If she has access to less expensive insurance, then she should be required to carry it. Any medical decisions, barring emergencies, should be made jointly...she cannot do whatever she pleases and expect him to just roll over and pay for it.
I hope he had the sense of mind to hire an attorney this time and follow the advice given. It could save him a lot of grief in the end.
Hiring an attorney?
We have one on retainer only b/c i prompted him to do so. This attorney is good but is understandbly concerned about walking in on a DD "do-over" Bad scene timeline:
Prequel:
A. BM throws BF out of the house with the shirt on his back; BF finds out that BM has thrown out on the front lawn several of his posessions (such as tools and firearm that his deceased dad gave him) and has left them to rust. BF comes to collect his stuff and BM immediately jumps on him and starts punching him in the back of the head in front of skids. BF never retaliates, files a report or charges.
B. BM immediately raids all skids college funds, while BF sends her his ENTIRE paycheck plus OT to her direct deposit for the next 6 mos. BM makes a farce of wanting BF in skids lives only to tell him that she doesn't want the skids around me or near my house. BF drives 45 minutes one way 4 times a week to see skids and put them to bed/tuck them in at BM's house (actually HIS house) I receive a handwritten 3-pg letter from BM basically saying I have no right to be around her "babies" and that she will not allow me to even glimpse them from afar. The irony is that soon after she starts internet dating, she allows unknown men to watch her "babies" within days of meeting them.
C. Everytime we drive over to BM's house to pick up skids, she is having a massive garage sale, selling all his belongings and all the household furniture, etc. she is planning to sell the marital home for a 24K profit, which she will keep in it's entirety. BF signs a "quit claim deed" (foolishly)
D. BF gets a call from BM telling him "where to find his van" that he bought for her as an x-mas present. The loan has only his name on it and she doesn't want to pay for it (violation of the pending mediation agreement) BF drives out to a used car lot where she has purchased her own saturn station wagon with BF's money to collect the car and start making payments on it.
1. BM and BF "agree" to mediate first and then go for pro-se divorce
2. Mediation drafts up an "agreement" with basically NO imput from BF only BM; of course it is horribly lop-sided
3. BF agrees to it all; despite even mediation people and my warnings
4. BM sits on the agreement for months on end, (18 in all) never filing for divorce (after all, she's getting $350 a week in CS voluntarily from BF and free med and dental health insurance from BF for her and the skids)
5. I fill out all papers necessary for a pro-se divorce including the horrible mediation agreement and give to BM to file
6. BM reports back to BF that it's "too complicated" and never files (WTF??!! I did all the paperwork for her all she had to do was go to the court and get a filing date!!!)
6. BF CONTINUES to wait on BM (now about 16 mos have gone by since mediation agreement was signed.
7. During this whole time, BF has 3 very horrible and very expensive skids EVERY weekend and not EOW like agreement says (BF and BM agreed to EW verbally; of course I was NEVER consulted)
8. I finally persuade BF to file first with our own set of pro-se papers
9. BM gets served by sheriff (how DARE we!!!) and tells BF it "traumatized the skids to see sheriff at the front door"
10. BM immediately violates the "pro-se" provision of the mediation and gets an attorney to file her own set of paperwork
11. BF drops the ball, rolls over and plays dead while BM steps all over him, BF never gets an attorney.
12. After over 18 long months of waiting, BF gets default no-contest divorce papers in the mail.
13. BM immediately trots down to CSEU to "enforce" the CS, all this time with no enforcement, she received her CS check like clockwork
My DH did the same thing at
My DH did the same thing at his divorce proceeding. He showed up w/o a lawyer.. the ex's lawyer got him to sign over all physical and LEGAL custody to the BM.. He was 26 and stupid... he is now 33 and I keep telling him that he needs to go back and fix this.. that he has to take back his LEGAL rights to those kids..
I have been telling him this for 4 yrs.. he has yet to do it.
My hubby, too.
She dragged it out for almost four years. He couldn't afford an atty, so he finally just signed and gave her everything she wanted just so he wouldn't have to continue being married to her. And, of course, she stopped letting him have the kids. Natch.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
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