Step Talk

Yes...I feel the same way. If my bf's ex-wife, her husband or his princess daughter figured it out, they'd run to him in a heartbeat. I think I found this site because I googled "can't stand my stepdaughter" (although thank God she's not actually my step daughter).

The really deep stuff I don't post. I dont' say anything on here I wouldn't say to BM myself.

If something is so personal you don't want to post then I would PM a person on here you know is for real. That way it stays private.

"Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt"

In my case SD's BM is pretty oblivious to my existence so if she looked me up online she would have to admit my presence in the world!

But...I will say that though my sons' SM and I rarely have a disagreement, I never post it if we do. The two of us get along way too well to risk a vent on here over something trivial.

Peace, love, and red wine

233 guests...only 5 users online. I know I've been on here before and it's been close to 300 guests. I stay permanently logged in (don't bother to logout), even though I go to a different website or turn off my computer...so I don't know if it looks like I'm online all the time. It's sad to see so many online guests who are most likely unhappy step-parents trying to cope and googling the internet for advice.

I'm new too, and not sure how the site works yet. I would love to chat, but don't know if if anyone is listening.

I looked up something about step parents when I was having a problem with my step dad & then overheard another guy complaining about his own step kids. I wondered what was normal (cuz God knows I don't know what the heck normal is) so I looked up things from step parents' point of view. I'm very grateful for this site, because it's helped me a lot.

Am I afraid people will find out? Not really. I mean, I don't want my mother to know what I say on here, but she's prone to denial so she doesn't really want to know. If anyone else found out it really wouldn't matter to me.

Hipi

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

Hey I googled Crazy ex wife too! And then I read someone's blog and they were going through the same garbage as me. Then I read another and another ....
So what do you mean not personal? This site is totally personal. Venting is personal in nature.

I can't tell half my friends or coworkers what I feel about the little snot who gave birth to my beautiful stepsons!

"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln

As long as you are careful not to use names or nicknames that someone you wouldn't want finding this site could search for you should feel safe. Obviously you also don't want anyone you blog about finding out that you blog online if you don't want them trying to find you. Just use common sense and you'll be fine.

One of the arguably nice things about this site is that Dawn chose to keep it open to the public. This allows people to search about their problems and find people here that have blogged or posted to the forums about the same problem. In a closed system this couldn't happen as easily.

A lot of people aren't comfortable posting about their situation, at least not yet. That's why you see so many "guests" online. Most are people that have just found the site by searching or through a link from another site, or they're people that just visit the site without logging in (there are currently more than 2400 registered users, any MANY more unregistered readers). Hell, as most here know, I rarely login myself, but I also don't have too much to offer since I'm a bio-dad. I do contribute from time-to-time though. But without people posting about their situation there would be nothing here for people to find. It's those people who make this site so helpful and successful. Thanks for that!

I've heard and read that just reading what people are going through on this site has been great therapy. People who thought they were having unique problems or who were alone in their situation find that the problems they are having are actually quite common and predictable. Their problems are just a result of a increasingly common situation are are "normal".

That said, I also know that the best therapy is "talking", or blogging about what's on your mind and getting valuable help from the many regular users on this site. There are lot of experienced people here and most are willing to help if asked. That's just so awesome!

Anyway, just be careful with what and how you post here and you should be relatively safe. From what I've read about people being "found" here, it's almost always because of what or how they've posted here, not because the site is open to the public. It's a HUGE Internet out there so "they" can't find you unless you post something that they would search for.

Happy New Year everyone!

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People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.

I can't remember how I found this site, but I'm glad I did. When I need to vent, I generally try to stay very generic. There have been times I've deleted what I've written just in case I was found out.

I have recently come across some blogs one of my DH's children had written, and the stuff they said is enough to curl your hair. I've shared them with DH, as it is currently the only way he can keep tabs on what is going on in their lives. A lot of the stuff his child has written is contradictory and very clearly shows how adept they are at lying. In fact, some of it is total BS, but whatever!
Mostly I keep my comments directed at spousal issues, as I do have experience in that department.

I guess the bottom line is to keep in mind that anytime you post something on a public forum you give up any expectation of privacy. Word your blogs in a way that it can apply to anyone on the street.

How do you keep yourself private from anyone being able to google you? I certainly don't want to cause a tornado in our relationships, sometimes I just need someone to talk to? What do you advise?

That's basically how I see it. Going through the Madison stuff, you'll see my full real name and email addy. As with zenmom, my skids' BM would have to acknowledge my existence to look me up here and that is something she would NEVER do. I'm sure she would think it's beneath her. Even if she did, I don't really care. I don't mention her or the skids by name. And I speak nothing but the truth. If you want privacy, set up a dummy email account somewhere and use a false name to register with, but I haven't had any problems with anyone finding me and I'm not even attempting to hide.

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

This is my place to vent to say things to people who wear the same shoes and understand the trials of being in a step family. Sometimes the things I say are not nice but once expressed dissipate and set me free from those negative feelings. If I kept these things unexpressed, the feelings would only fester and make things worse. I use a online name and use a different email address. It's not hard to set up. And if you are afraid of someone stumbling upon what you've been viewing on your computer you can password protect your computer from others using it. And there should be a function on your browser to clear history or clear private data after every use. That way no one will know what sites you have ever visited.

I like the notion that the BM would have to acknowledge me to actually find this site. I'm new to the site as well, but figured there are enough people on here....and it's in everyone's best interest that I find a place to "vent" rather than take it out on my family and have them deal with these frustrations

I found this site when looking up things on blended families and getting along with the Ex. I'm so happy to have found it!

You don't say anything behind someone's back that you wouldn't say to their face. When I broke up with the ex gf I told her I had went on here and was looking at other people's perspective. Perspective's of people who had been in the situation that I had been in. She also knew that I talk with my friends -- perhaps thats why she was so mad at me. She found out that a lot of people didn't support her choices. I know her ex husband told her when we broke up that she hadn't been supportive of me.

My ex wife...her and I are on a friendly basis now. I wouldn't bash her for different reason though. She is the mother of my daughter. I do understand and agree that if someone says something bad about one parent kids can and will interpret it that since their parents are part of them, that the comment reflects on them. My ex and I (or rather I did) just had reached the point we wouldn't talk -- our daughter is now a teenager and frankly we have to communicate now. I will communicate with her in a friendly manner, she is not my friend but she is someone who I shared some experiences with that no one else will ever be able to share.

I do think that perhaps one day someone I am interested in dating might read this stuff on this site. I try to write things of a positive nature -- about the ex wife and ex gf. Those two ladies (and everyone else I dated) are a reflection of me. I chose to date them. No one placed a gun to my head. For right or for wrong. Whether I am still in touch with them and consider them friends (I do still stay in touch with several people I dated and consider them as friends) they are a reflection of me or me who I was at one time.

Did I always like myself? No. Do I know that I need to try and always like me and try and be the best person I can be -- yes, I do need to do that. But for me and my daughter. Not for anyone I might date.

A good friend also pointed out once that everything we write might one day be seen by our kids -- if you want to keep it private keep it private. MySpace allows you to keep blogs private. I for one will say that the information and support I have gotten from here has helped me a lot. I wouldn't want it to change, and I think everyone realizes I didn't share all the dirty details of the end of my relationship or the details betwen me and my ex wife. Some of my friends (both online and in real life have heard the dirty details though). Isn't that what friends are for?

Kevin

I googled Bi-polar Birth Mom or Bi-polar ex-wife and found this site a few weeks ago and it has helped! Three times it has kept me from speaking my mind to her and keeping my mouth shut about things. Iknow she posts about me and that I ended their marriage. First, it was because I was in his life and she wanted him back and I was standing in her way, then it was he and I were having an affair, now it is that she actually caught us in bed together!
(See - I am venting again, LOL)
Truth is, I met my husband after she moved out of state and was involved in another relationship.

I am entitled to my opinion and my blogs and the last thing I care about is her knowing how I feel. Reality bites and my motto is
YOU CANT REASON WITH AN UNREASONABLE PERSON

So off topic - sorry

More than anything if she sees me on here and realizes what the other point of view is maybe we can work out a civil enough relationship that PAS wouldn't be hurting Steve or his son so bad.
I personally don't think she has the brain that it takes to find this site, read it, understand it, and use it.
Lisa Dawn

but only because I would really not want to hurt any feelings. I do not think sd or dh go on this site, but you never know. If they do it would be pretty easy for them to figure out that it was me. Usually, when I blog it is to blow off steam and is not necessarily positive. However, I would rather blow off steam here than to say something scathing out of anger that I cannot take back.

Georgie

but really I do not say anything that I have not said to FH but hell he doesnt really hear me anyway why would reading make any difference?
I found this site by looking up help with step kids or why do I hate his son...something like that..

I truely believe that. I googled how to deal with stepchildren - I wanted to read a step by step manual for stepmoms. And wala - If my SD read this site, maybe she would get a clue. I'm not gonna tell her but if she stumbles upon it maybe she could understand. I'm not scared.

Only been on this site a few days, and dang, I feel so much better. I Luv all who has given my support/advise - thank you.

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

exactly what I googled to find this site, but boy I'm glad I did whatever it was. One night I was watching TV. DH was on the computer just a few feet away. I glanced over at the PC and saw the orange banner at the top of the screen. I realized he was on Steptalk trying to figure out what I had been doing. Man was I pissed. I grabbed the computer away from him and deleted some of my posts. Next day at work, I went in and modified the ones I left just in case. Not that I hadn't already vented to him the same stuff I vented to ya'll, it just pissed me off he would check my stuff!