Step Talk

Wow, I am so glad I found this site! I just did a random search on Google and came across this site and I feel so good to know that I AM NOT ALONE. Here is my story. I met a wonderful man 6 years ago. At the time he had twin daughters (age 10) who lived with their mom. He and the mom were separated on their way to a divorce. I had a 12 yr old son at the time. During the process of their divorce, the mother decided that she wanted to move to Atlanta and my boyfried at the time decided that he did not want her to take the kids with her so he fought (with my help for custody of the girls). Before the case was decided the mother dropped the girls off to him one summer with two plastic bag of clothes and their immunization records and went to ATL. He and her have not spoken since and the kids now live with us. Fast forward to today, my husband and I now married 2 and a 1/2 years now have his daughters living with us and they have been for 4 years now. During those 4 years I have done my best (at least so I thought) to treat them equally as my son (who is now 18 and in college). Keep in mind that they communicate frequently with the mom who is a very negative person. Recently I have noticed a change in attitude of the girls. They barely acknowledge me, grunt good morning and the like and for all purposes basically ignore me. Trying to figure out what was going on I called a meeting with them and asked them if something was wrong. While talking to them you could see they were not listening and when I was done one of them laughed. When I asked what was so funny she had no reply. Then on the way out of the room she beagn to sing. Which really pissed me off. Keep in mind prior to all this things wer going fine (or so I thought). I told the father about the incident and he called a meeting and asked them what the issue was. During the course of the meeting they indicated that I was always yeslling at them (keep in mind that when all 3 kids were in the home I would "yell" at all of them to do basic things like wash dishes, do chores, move shoes out of the hallway etc). These were rules that they were all aware of but ove time they would not follow the rules and so I would call them out for it. Apparently each time I did so the girls held that against me (never mind all the times I took them shopping, or rewarded them for good behavior etc). I was not aware that I was morphing into the evil step mom. Anyway, when asked to give an example of the "yelling" one of them told a story of spilling juice on the kitchen counter and my response was to tell them that they could not come to my house and mess up my house because their mother could not afford the things I had in my house. Now this is such a blatant lie that I absolutely lost it (keep in mind I am 5 months pregnant at the moment). I jumped in her face and told her she was a damn liar and told my husband I wanted them out of the house. Of course in retrospect I should have handled things differently but I was so upset because I would not have said anything like that I was so appalled that this gril could like about me in that way (of course supported by the other twin).

Now let me just give some backgroud, I am a lawyer, my husband is a lay person and their mom is also a lay person. Coming to live with me opened up their world in ways they were not accustomed to but I fully embraced them and shared all of what I had with them. As did my family, At no time did I ever do anything to intentionally make them feel like they were not a part of my family. Needless to say we are now barely speaking and my husband is mad with me for telling him to make them leave in front of them (I agree that I was wrong but I was really angry). I am not sure if my pregnancy is the issue. I am not sure if I unintentionally did something. Maybe I was wrong to try and discipline them but I felt that I was treating them as I did my son who lived in the house at the time. I know their mom tells them a lot of negative things and I feel like I am at war with 3 people. I am at peace when they are out of the house and very tense when they are around. From the snickering that you have to endure to the singing it is all so tiring and I know my husband feels bad but he does not really do much to address the situation in my eyes. Sure he talks to them but so what, it makes no difference. I know I can't force them to like me but am I wrong in wanting them out of my house? Everytime they get into an argument with their father they are packing their bags but they never leave. It is so stressful dealing with this and even more so now that I am pregnant, my husband just lost his job and now I have 2 girls who despise me living in my home. I am so glad this site is here. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Thanks