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Crazy Bio Mom

rocknrollmommy22's picture

I am here because I am desperate for some answers. There is so much history to this story that I don't know where I should start and don't want to make this so long that nobody wants to read it so I'm just going to start with the most recent issue. Then explain a little history. Ask me anything you want to help me find the answers that my family needs...
The most recent issue was that I went to www.portablenorthpole.tv and made personalized videos for my two neices, my daughter, son, and step son. My step son stays with us every Wednesday night and every other weekend. Last night his Dad and I showed him that Santa had sent him a video message. To say the least he was super excited. It was truly amazing to watch all the kids when they watched their Santa videos (I would highly recommend that website btw). The problem began when my step son returned to his mother and I'm assuming with excitement, told her that Santa sent him the video message. She proceeded to cuss me out via text message saying that it wasn't my place to make the video for him and that I am inconsiderate and always doing things that are inconsiderate. I have not responded to her. That is the current issue so my question first is was it wrong of me to make the video? There was a place on the site that ask your relationship to the child and one of the options was step mother. In my opinion, I wasn't wrong. This is both of our second marriage. I have an 8 year old daughter from my first marriage who lives with me and visits her Dad every other weekend. He remarried and she has a step mother. We don't always see eye to eye but she loves my daughter and I am grateful. I would not have been upset had she made her such a video nor seen it as not her place. But I welcome all opinions.

To give you some history, my husband and I met in middle school and dated off an on through high school, we broke up and started seeing other people, we ended up marrying other people, I have a daughter (, he has a son (6). We were not in touch for years and our marriages ended around the same time. We got in touch about a year later. Became good friends, then dated, then moved in together, and we just got married in October. We have a son together who will be 2 in a couple of weeks and I am pregnant with a baby due in April. Our marriages ended about 6 years ago, his son was not yet a year old...just to give you a timeline. Obviously, I had nothing to do with the ending of his marriage to his son's mother, I was not around until a year later. She and I got along pretty well until shortly after Easter last year. I am not really sure why she started disliking me but our "friendship" or "healthy relationship" ended abruptly. I did attempt to talk to her about it and it didn't go well. I have never said anything mean to her, about her, or done anything that I find as disrespectful to her. When she found out we were engaged, she started texting Tony about every thing she heard. He bought me a camera for my birthday and she was mad because he didn't do enough for a son....mind you, she gets over $800 per month in child support for her son plus he gets everything he needs, wants, and more at our home...then I had a picture of my 2 children and her son as my profile picture on facebook, which was fine when she liked me but then she sent me a message that I was stepping on her toes and she wants it down. I took it down and told her I didn't mean to offend her. But I did delete her from my friends list shortly after, because honestly, I felt if that hurt her we weren't friends. She charged my husband with kidnapping when they switched days and had the police come to our house in the middle of the night. The charges were thrown out in court, we had proof of the change in the agreement with text messages. She took him to court to try to revoke Wednesday night visitation stating he was late for school on Thursday, the judge called the school...he had no tardies...the Wednesday nights were not revoked. She has continuously drug us to court with bogus charges and changes to the custody agreement.

My main question is, how do you deal with someone like this?? She is saying things to my husband's son to try to manipulate him. It hasn't worked but I am scared for all of us. I read about something called Malicious Mother Syndrome. Has anyone heard of this? What can I do? What can my husband do? I am desperate for answers.

I go out of my way to be respectful to this woman despite how hard she makes it. I deleted her from facebook but have not put a picture up of the kids together since, except for our family picture taken at our wedding. I am very conscious because I have a similar situation and I don't want to treat someone anyway I wouldn't want to be treated.

PLEASE HELP I am worried about my step son, my family, my husband, and even her...I think she needs help.

ctnmom's picture

It sounds like you did something wonderful for her child that he'll always remember. Giant red flag that it made her angry. TOTALLY agree w/ AAA just go about your happy household and put her on permanent ignore.

StorybookGirl's picture

You were not wrong in what you did for your stepson. What would have been wrong is if you only did it for your biological children and he finds out that Santa didn't send him a video, too. That would have been truly tragic.

Sounds like the BM has a major case of insecurity and jealousy. Think about it, the kid comes home super excited for something you did. She's feeling threatened so her response is to take it out on you even though she could have done a similar thing or just said "That's so cool that Santa got in touch with you!"

My response to her would be no response. Ignore the bad behavior. If she makes an issue of it, simply tell her you are not in the habit of responding to people that are rude and inconsiderate. That if she wants to have an adult conversation, you'll be happy to talk with her.