brenda's picture

my stepson keeps trying to see me naked

My 16 year old stepson keeps trying to see me and my 22 year old niece (she lives with me) naked. He is always under our bedroom doors trying to look inside. He looks inside our bathrooms too. I caught him yesterday, made him go to bed, it was midnight. Twenty minutes later he was at it again. What should I do? My husband is deployed. I am scared of his son. I am tired of having to look over my shoulder in my own house.

Conflicted's picture

EWWWWW!!!!

When I read the title, I was expecting you to say your 4-year-old SS!

My BD just turned 6 and she went through a phase where she REALLY wanted to see DH's package. She kept walking in when he was in the bathroom, trying to peak when he was changing, ect.
My dh has an awesome sense of humor and he actually made a big joke about it saying he'd be embarassed for my daughter to see his package saying that she'd be like, 'um, so where is it?' (I've told him how well endowed her dad is).

Anyway, I would be so completely weirded out by a 16-year-old male trying see me naked! what a pervert! He is old enough to know that he is being completey innapropriate. Can you call DH and let him know whats going on?

Georgie Girl's picture

Icky!!!

That really creeps me out. I thought for sure you were going to say your 4yr old ss or somthing close. Especially that he lookks under doors?!? WTF? Does he live with you full time?

frustratedinMA's picture

here is a thought... does

here is a thought... does your deployed DH have any close male friends that are still around?? Tell them the situation and see if that person would be willing to talk to your ss and tell him how inappropriate it is.

I would not contact your DH and let him know.. he already has too much on his mind as it is. HOWEVER, my dh is in the CG and when he is deployed or out to sea, there is an Ombudsman that is made available to the family members to contact and try to get some help (I know because I was it for my DH's last billet) That person might have some insight on how to get help from the military and such.. be it the pastor comes out and speaks to him, or they get the kids some counseling.

NaturallyMom's picture

Now THAT is a great idea. "A

Now THAT is a great idea.

"A witty saying proves nothing."
- Voltaire

"I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the end your right to say it," - Voltaire

CplStv's picture

Two Factors to Consider, Is it Only You and Your Neice, and

Two Factors to Consider, Is it Only You and Your Neice, and if it is, Why? I'd say the kid definitely needs Counseling. All Boys gop through a Voyeuristic phase, but this sounds pretty extreme.

Steve

Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

pissedoffinNC.'s picture

wow, you are a lot nicer

wow, you are a lot nicer than me!! I would have physically hurt that kid! Holy cow Im enraged and its not even me!! I think because I'm also a private person as well. I would seriously think about sending him somewhere else to live. That is dangerous and its sick. He needs help.

"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
-Joshua J. Marine

"Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."

pissedoffinNC.'s picture

I was just thinking.... mabe

I was just thinking.... mabe something that would work and be quite effective.. you should wait for him to look under the door again and make sure you are right next to the door also, when he pulls this again.. spray mace in his eyes!!!! THATS WOULD DO. HE DESERVES IT. PERVERT.

"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
-Joshua J. Marine

"Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."

CplStv's picture

If You are gonna do it, don't use Mace, use cheap perfume, etc.

Mace would be an Assault Charge, Cheap Perfume/body splash would be "Accidental"
Get something with a relatively wide mouth so You can fling a larger quantity that will splash and get him good. It will stink up Your room for a few days, but...

Steve

Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

Monica's picture

holy yuck

Wow,
He would be sleeping in the yard, in a tent, with a can of beans and a spork if that was my SS. Not to mention I'd be sleeping with one eye open. I agree with Frusterated. Get someone to talk to that kid before he ends up doing something worse.

"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman

"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman

arandomguysaishi's picture

maybe he is a randy teenager

maybe he is a randy teenager needing something extra...how about set him up on a date with someone. Or do the whole respect talk.

smurfy1smile's picture

My BS16

As the BM of a 16 year old boy, this is my take from experience. This is totally normal behavior. He is curious and that is normal. Not to say it is okay. My BF even walked in on BS with his hand down his jeans. Now he understands why we knock first! LOL Anyway, my advise would be to get him a magazine. My son started with MAXUM - ladies are dressed buy hardly when he was about 13 or 14. Then I got him, at his request, the Victoria's Secret catalog. Must be a big item for teenage boys - some of his friends have them too. I know he swiped a playboy from one of his buddies step fathers. They both took some. I would think it would be better to provide him with an outlet for his need to see a woman naked. My son has posters of scantally clad woman on his walls, so did my brothers at this age. It is okay and normal.

I would also have a little chat with him about respecting woman and let him know if he has any questions, he can come to you, or you will help him find someone who can answer his questions. My own son text messaged me the very bad spelling of a sex act word. He did not now what is was and wanted to know. He was embarrassed but he got over it and was disappointed with what is actually was.

In a lighter note, I think it would be more creepy if he was trying to see his own mother or sister naked. In his own little teenage boy way, he probably thinks you and your niece are good looking.

Travelguy's picture

I agree. Some think smurfy is

I agree. Some think smurfy is crazy, but from a male perspective I don't. I was always the "good kid" growing up, and even I couldn't resist hormones and the need to sneak a peek. The difference - I had self control and only noticed things when in plain view. Nevertheless, the desire to see those things as a teen with testosterone is very high. I like the playboy idea, although I was never into magazines. However, our country - and world for that matter - is oversexed. Confronting him about it is the best idea - but come from a place where you 1) understand his desires (even if you don't), and 2) explain how his actions make you and your niece feel.

The bigger question for me is whether this is symptomatic of other issues. If this is an isolated "fetish" if you will, it should be easy to control. If it is part of a larger group of misbehavior and inappropriate actions and/or communication, then you can't expect reason to work and more serious help will be needed - potentially for your safety in the worst of conditions.

stepwitch's picture

Buy him a playboy and send him to the bathroom

maybe then, he will loose interest or just be too damn tired to be a little perv !!!!!!!! 16 Get a Job !!!!!!!!!

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

stepmom_of_18yr_old_ss's picture

smurfy whats wrong with you?!?!?! brenda needs to stop him.

a stepson trying to see you naked is normal? i think not! its not normal when this 16yr old ss is trying like crazy to see this woman naked. brenda, you're scared of this kid? call an officer, let that kid be scared of the officer when he explains what can happen to the ss if he keeps trying to do this. it's not natural, it's sick. have someone show that kid what will happen when he invades personal private space when not invited. don't let this kid scare you brenda, no matter how tough or strong or big he may be. use the police to put him back in his place because his behavior is unacceptable when you can't even be comfortable in our own home, your own room. if some guy was peeking in your windows to see you naked and wouldn't stop, what would you do....call the police. ss or not, the same thing needs to happen because if you let him continue this, what's next...an ss that forces himself onto you? an ss that think its ok to force you into sexual acts (because you never stopped him before so why would you stop him now)? he's old enough to know what he's doing and know that what he is doing is wrong and highly inappropriate.

smurfy1smile's picture

there's nothing wrong with me

Sorry, there is nothing wrong with me. Teens are curious and naturally they want to know what the other sex looks like naked. Why not give them a better option than peeping? My mother was not modest at all and I saw her naked many times when I was growing up. Granted we are both girls but girls are just as curious as boys. I have taken many psych classes and they confirm that it is totally normal behavior. Boys tried to get peeps at summer camp and so do girls. I think it would be weird if a boy was trying to see his own mother naked.

lil_teapot's picture

tough subject

It's hard to say what's right. I'm sure Brenda feels pretty icky about the whole deal, but I have to also agree with Smurfy that teen boys do dumb things. I have two teen ss's now and they're going through the whole randy little goat phase. Its kinda cute...brings back memories of boys in school snapping bras and sneaking peeks. I'm not saying it's cool, because as a recipient of a snap and peek, it's way not cool...but i understand its normal and how guys behave. BUT, Brenda is troubled by how her ss is behaving and it may be more than usual boy stuff. If he's behaving this way and Brenda is upset, she could call in an outside male influence to talk to him and let him know it's not ok to be a peeper. And maybe Smurfy is right, some nekked women calendars or mags would be a better outlet for his hormones. But honestly, only Brenda can judge the seriousness of this situation, and if she's feeling that upset,she should seek outside assistance to deal with ss.
This might be a bit of a delicate situation. This kid may just need some better male guidance or he may be on a really bad road.
I'd take Frustated's advice and get someone else's opinion of the situation and go from there.

onlygirl's picture

I'd have to combine a couple

I'd have to combine a couple of options.
1) Contact the omsbudsman or local family support group
2) Contact male relative or friend to talk to him
3) Make sure you and your niece's doors have locks and use them
4) Have a long talk with him about right and wrong ways for sexual exploration and the immorality of looking at family, step or not
5) Then hand him the girlie magazine

Good luck!

Lord please keep me sane.

Rags's picture

Pepper spray! When he peaks under the door give him a little

Shot of pepper spray under the door. Or Mace for that matter. After the first time you blast him, tell him that any time he feels like catching a peek that his eyes, nose and face will be burning for a while and he will be on his way to jail because you will call the police and file charges.

You should not have to live in fear in your own home. If your SS repeats the behavior after you have blasted him with Mace one time inform him that he will be spending the remainder of his Dad's deployment in foster care or juvenile hall then CALL THE POLICE!

I don't disagree with the perspective that 16yo boys want to see women naked. They do. If the neighbors 20yr old daughter was in the habit of changing with the shades open and you SS could see her from his bedroom window that would be one thing. Pulling commando peek raids on females in the family home is something entirely different. When I was in my preteens and early teens I would occasionally spend the night with a friend of mine who had an older sister. One time I walked in the downstairs game room from the back yard and his sister was standing in the bathroom toweling off her hair with the door open after getting out of the shower. I was pleasantly shocked to the point that I stood there for a few seconds rather speechless then I took a few steps and closed the door. Later she thanked me for closing the door and apologized for leaving it open. An accidental "exposure" can happen but what your SS is doing is deviant and should not be tolerated.

Sorry, I have zero tolerance for that kind of crap.

Take you home back.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi

A parent is an example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian. Not a buddy. Parenting is not a popularity contest. -Rags

If you can't listen and learn then you will have to feel.-WLR

If you want to be a piece of my life then use your head

Felicity's picture

Can you put locks on the doors?

I would put locks on the bedroom and bathroom doors so they lock from the inside and he can't open them when you are in there. I would also put up some blinds or curtains so he can't look through the windows. I don't know how much of a gap is under your doors but you could put draft stoppers at the bottom of the doors. This is what I did years ago when I was renting a house with some other people and I was living with an 18 yr old that kept trying to walk in when I was changing or showering. Local hardware stores usually have some simple and inexpensive slide bolt locks that only require a few screws to fix in place. Once you know that your privacy is protected in your bedrooms and bathroom, then you should talk to him about how what he is doing is a violation of your privacy and that he can be charged.

TheRealDemon's picture

I know this was posted some

I know this was posted some time ago, but new to this site, but would comment as follows;

Anyone who thinks this is strange or weird clearly has never been a young lad growing up... never played 'Kiss Chase', Never tried to lift a girls skirt? As a young lad, we have all tried to see a woman naked as we got older, we didn't always know why or what we would do if we saw a woman naked, but the urge to peek is almost 'driven'.

As a former young lad and now a SF of two young girls, I find some of their behaviour a bit strange or weird, but according to my 4 sisters and my new wife, this is PERFECTLY NORMAL behaviour and I need to stop worrying...!!!!

roseslady2's picture

It's weird because it's his

It's weird because it's his SM, not becuase he's chasing a little T&A... I'm so thankful my boys view me as a "second mom".

So-tired's picture

It's his step mum but he

It's his step mum but he probably doesn't see her that way. I don't see my SS as a true relation to me and I have no desire for him to think of me as a 2nd mother (nor do I want him fancying me - lol). I agree that it's perfectly normal, according to my husband boys really are sex mad, that's about all they think about and the fact that girls mature later is very frustrating for them. I think a girly mag and a box of tissues is the best way to go for sure. Eye-wink