Step Talk

She's acting like an irresponsible high school kid. She shouldn't be bringing them all around ss but what are you going to do. My ss's Bm has just recently found yet another man on the internet. She is desperately trying to find love too. I think she is afraid or already knows that her live in ex has found a new girlfriend on the internet and she needs a replacement to do all of her work.

My problem is that Bm treats ss like a friend and includes him in her hunt for a man. Showing him pictures on the internet. Telling him who she's interested in and who she's not interested in romantically!! He's 12. He doesn't need to be included until she finds someone she is more sure about. It just doesn't make ss feel very secure!

Like you said, she's going to do what she's going to do. Dh can try to talk to her but she will probably just get mad. Your ss is much younger than my ss so he is confused. Who would blame him? My ss kind of just expects that kind of behavior from his mom now.

Dawn

Once again our BM is one in the same. There was three all within a few weeks of each other two Christmases ago. All spent the night during the school week. Not at the same time of course....one was a truck driver and I guess figured her apartment was the local whorehouse - with only one working girl....

Anyways, we did talk to her about it. Her mom actually was the one to point out what a horrible example she was setting. It was to no avail. She still does whatever she feels like doing. You can't expect someone to start behaving like an adult until they are good and ready. I too just can't fathom why she needs to involve these precious little girls in her sex life, especially since we have them EVERY weekend. Can't you just be a slut on your own time!?!? And what kind of man would want to f#ck someone with their daughters one room over anyways?

Just keep setting your good example.....sometimes talking is just a BIG waste of time.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

but my guess is that you wouldn't be able to bring it up in court. We had so many violations of the same kind, or just obvious good parenting stuff...like not showing your 6 year old R rated movies....we could never bring that up in court.

BM got pg on a one night stand and she tried to hide the pg from my dh, and even told ss to not tell us....like her stomach wouldn't eventually say something.

I'm not sure talking to her would do you guys any good b/c she is an idiot, and doesn't have good parenting skills. If you talk to her, she is going to get insulted, and do the "I can do whatever I want..." dance. I would talk to an attorney to see if there is anything remotely you can do to get her to change her behavior, or call a mediator and schedule a meeting between dh and the psycho. Sometimes mediation can do wonders, and the nice thing is there is a 3rd party there trying to talk sense into these mothers once in a while.

Sorry for this, it's really frustrating to see a 4 year old have to be put through this...

Candice

Keep these women away from me.

I don't get it either. When I was going through my divorce (and separated) I dated. Lord, I would never do that again, but thats a decision I made then and not now. Women did not meet my child until (and unless) I had decided it was going somewhere; that woman was a good person who could have a good influence on my daughter; and I wanted to be involved in a long term relationship with that woman.

Friends? My daughter met a lot of my female friends. My PLATONIC female friends.

I doubt that you can talk to a person in that stage of life. Just set a good example for your Stepson.

Kevin

What I have learned through all of my trials is to document document docment. A journal with dates and experiences is fine for court.

The real question is whether you feel the child should live with you full time. Or, just that you would like to have more influence on this child. First I would ask what you really want. Then, if you and your DH believe this is an environment that is detimental to his growth, I belive you need to follow through with a revised order of visitation.

Before you do or say anything, think about your life and think about this child, and your own. This is bigger than complaining about her slutty behavior.

Sometimes I think my BM should be jailed but then I think what that would mean for me and my family. Not trying to be selfish but I have to realize how my efforts to change things will also change my life in ways I don't really want.

With that said, I worry about whether I should send my child to a language immersion school or montesori. There are so many educational styles. What you are dealing with is waaaay out side of that.

So I'm not sure I have a right to an opinion but I like you and I wanted to give your some sage support, if that is possible.

Blessings to you my friend.

Daddysgurl, Maybe BM is overexcited and on a roll somehow and using SS as her friend, and somehow doesn't realize how that makes him feel. I think it is reasonable to ask that complete strangers not spend the night when he is with her, since like you say she has plenty of free evenings too without him. Is she feeding him things to tell you guys for some (weird) reason?

Maybe she does not think about the example or female role model she presents to her child, and would be more discreet once she realizes. If she would take it better from you or DH, that is your call, but I don't think that is too much to ask. If you can't say it in court, at least she can know the average person does not consider that ideal parent behavior.

Most Evil

Beauty is truth, truth beauty - that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. John Keats

This is BEYOND talking to her... she's not your responsibility, and sadly, you can't control her actions or poor choices.

The best you can do is be there for your SS....

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

At this point I am not sure which route we will take. Sometimes if I can catch her on the right day, she actaully listens to me. But that is a huge risk especially around the holidays when she gets especially lonely. I dunno. I will have to ponder all of your comments. I'll let you all know what we decide. I think we have a bigger fish to fry with her right now, I will post later, that one is going to take some time to write. UGGG, why can't she just be NORMAL?

Daddys Gurl

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?