After years of talking with bio mom, we get a call, SS stole $1500 from Mom and SD. She asks us what we think she should do. For years now we have tried to work with her to tighten the reigns on the boy and has brushed us off with "the court gave me custudy for a reason!" Now she wants are help. Honestly, I think she is just toying with us. I have some ideas but I know she will not follow through on any of them. This kid is so messed up and each situation gets worse. Just needed to vent. Any suggestions. How do we get BIO mom to wake up .. this kid is heading towards a life of crime!
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You can't make her wake up,
It is extremely frustrating, but you have to come to terms with the fact that you cannot make her get it, you cannot pull her head out of her a*& for her, there is nothing you can do but make sure the behavior does not occur in YOUR house.
At times like this, I say this prayer:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
Beware, it is a trap!
Every 6 mos. or so the BM calls DH, crying, saying she just can't handle SD, her own life, whatever it is that time. SD is doing X, etc., can he please help BM with SD. Then when DH sets SD straight, BM jumps in and says, don't treat my child that way, it is all your fault she is even doing this, because you are a bad dad!
So BM gets DH to deliver the message, 'cut the crap', then she undermines him and is the hero for SD, plus she can get her drama fix in. Now we are catching on, so he is saying, since I am so bad for SD, you handle it! It is very frustrating . . .
Most Evil
Beauty is truth, truth beauty - that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. John Keats
I was a single mom
I raised my sons on my own. Their dad lived within minutes of the house and never had a thing to do with my sons. He was a bible thumper that only cared what happened in his church that he was a pastor of. Everytime I ever went to him for help he would just give me scriptures. I knew I had to handle things on my own. This guy was on a cloud reading a bible and didn't have time to come down and have a relationship with his sons. He regrets it now.
At one point my son was out of control and I got desperate. It is very difficult handling a teenage son as a single parent trying to work and this child is making life impossible. I couldn't even go to work in peace. I never knew what was facing me when I got home.
The problem is both DH's and BM's. So if BM wont' take control then DH needs to somehow find a way to step in. If SS does something and gets in trouble legally both households will be held responsible. It will affect both homes. I would try to get this child some counseling before the problem gets too far out of hand. Don't just say well it is BM's fault and leave it at that. I wouldn't let DH take the blame either. Tell BM to cut the BS about blame and get this child some real help. My point is the each party can continue point the finger at the other and the child is spinning out of control to a point of no return. Stop it while you have a chance to.
"Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt"
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