Tonight DH had a job interview then had to vote and I had to vote and then go to a committee meeting about 40 mins away. Normally I only leave the baby (almost 2) home with my 13 and a half year old son, and usually only when he's alone so he won't be distracted by SD or 10 year old son.
But tonight they would all be here alone for about a half hour. So to cut down the time alone I ran out to vote, then came back for a little while.
When I was home the other day, SD pushed younger son down the stairs (b/c he was in her way) and the baby was on the bottom couple of stairs. So I yelled at SD for her behavior and she just shrugs and smirks like "FU." So I told her she's headed back to the counselor.
Then tonight I was so hesitant to leave them here while DH was out voting, but I had to leave to get to my meeting. They all made a big fuss about how well they would watch the baby. But I still left home feeling wrong about it.
Then I drove the wrong way out of the allotment, away from the highway. When I turned around and drove back past the house to the other entrance, 12 1/2 year old SD was letting a girlfriend of hers in! I stopped just a few houses down watching to see if she was going to tell her to leave, but she didn't. Then she saw me and her friend suddenly darted out of our yard. I pulled back in and talked to SD who swore that she was telling her friend to leave (though I saw her open the door all the way and her friend start to enter the house before they saw me.) I reiterated to her that when no adults are home no friends are allowed in and left. Then I called DH to make sure he was on his way home, and told him, "I just don't feel like I should leave them all alone tonight." There's that mamma intuition.
So...I come home tonight and DH says, "We need to talk after (baby daughter)goes to bed. I come to find out that my BS "threatened" SD and younger BS with a knife while DH was out voting and I was on my way to the committee meeting. Baby girl was alone downstairs during the horseplay. I'm sure at their age this was a "joke" but not so funny. Then we found out that he got the idea from my SD when she did it to younger son when I left them alone to go to the store a few weeks ago. My 10 year old has more sense than either of the "teens." I have only recently let 13 1/2 year old babysit our toddler. Usually only when he's all alone, b/c all hell breaks loose when he's here with SD (who is super hyper.) He was so proud of the privilege. Well it's gone. SD was jealous of the babysitting privilege and kept bugging me to let her. NO WAY.They are 12 and 13 going on 5. They complain I am too strict but every time I give them an inch they attempt to hang each other with it. I was babysitting newborns at TWELVE! What is going on with the kids in our culture????? I feel like I am raising juvenile delinquent children who mostly get straight A's, live in a 2000 square foot, 9 year old home in a beautiful tree lined allotment. My kids have some nice things,but they aren't spoiled by any means.
They complain that I feed them healthy food, that I don't buy them whatever they want, that they don't have enough freedom. But they act like idiots!
Now the older two are both going to the counselor.
I swear my 10 year old is the only one who will ever babysit my toddler when he's older. The other two (mine included) are rude, argumentative, manipulative, lying jerks.
I can't WAIT til the turn 18. At least then we can kick them out of the house.
Please slather me with sympathy. I don't know how much more I can take.
Too much stress
Hey Zenmom. Just the stress alone makes it too hard for you to enjoy your own activities. I wouldn't leave my daughter alone with my step kids for my life. I don't even want to leave her with my husband when they are around. Is there an older college kid (preferably male) who could watch the baby? Bet those tweens wouldn't like it so much if they had a sitter too.
We are short on sitter
We are short on sitter availability. And honestly, the last time we left all three of them with a sitter (who was 18) my son gave her a terrible time, just like he does me. Just like he does SM. Just like he's starting to do at school.
Here's my only complaint about my boys' SM. My 13 year old was giving me a terrible time a few weeks ago. That same week my two year old had a respiratory illness and was coughing herself into getting sick at night several times. So consequently I was up all night four nights in a row.
So when my son continued giving me a hard time by day three no sleep, I called his dad and said, "I need you to take him back a day early. I just can't take him right now b/c I'm so exhausted with two year old I'm actually ready to yell at HER for being sick." My exH said no problem. Then I get a call from his wife gently reminding me that I'm giving into BS's well....B-S. That his goal is to go back to his dad's so I've just rewarded him for bad behavior. That's not true. He was mortified when I was going to send him back a day early, he felt rejected.
Really I know the reason SM doesn't want him back a day early (we go week to week) is b/c he and her son (same age) are having problems that she and my exH fight about all the time and she simply doesn't want an extra day of it. The whole time we're talking, my exH is trying to call me and then her b/c he knows that she is calling me trying to guilt me into taking back my request. What she also doesn't know is that I had already called exH to tell him nevermind, b/c I forgot that the kids didn't have school the next day which meant since Ex and SM both work the kids would be alone over there all day and I know that's not a good thing. So exH is likely trying to call her to let her know that BS wasn't coming back early before she called me to vent at me. Did I mention she's irritated about it all and talking to me on her cell while driving a half hour on the highway home from work? I was afraid she would get in a wreck.
BUT... I finally told SM, "Look, I know you and ExH think that I undermine myself when I call for back up. But I do not see it that way. I want BS to know we are all supportive of each other. I am ready to yell at the baby I'm so exhausted. I just needed some support from you two this week." She paused and I think really didn't know what to say. I should be able to ask for a favor when I'm up for four nights no sleep with a sick 2 year old. We have always been flexible with the schedule.
I guess they had a decent disagreement over it later.
Then this week when BS got a D on his final science grade, and a detention for not doing homework, failure to have us sign a bad test score, and one more offense I forget now, ExH and I talked about what should be discipline for BS. ExH says "Oh- he's losing all privileges here." I tell him "Great, all we have here is mp3, gameboy, and TV. We'll take those away." My exh says that's great with him.
THEN....I take away gameboy and BS says, "That's not fair! I played Xbox at dads all day yesterday."
So I call his dad. "Ummm well... I guess he did get his grade up to a C. But no matter what we do here you're always entitled to take away his things there."
UMMM....WHAT???? Why am I the only disciplinarian????
So...I call him last night and tell him about the knife.
He is speechless. But since it "only" happens here he once again states, "I don't know what to say. That's just not cool at all...we don't see it here."
Which is a lie. SM does see it there. That's why she doesn't want extra time. But in fairness to ExH she doesn't see it with her BK's. So they spend all this time arguing with each other in front of all the kids trying to get fair treatment for and favoring their own kids.
My DH and I don't do that. We are equally disgusted with the older two. Period.
So where's my BS getting the idea he can argue his way out of consequences with me do you think?
UHG.
Peace, love, and red wine
deep breath
they will move out someday! LOL
you know those women who have perfect kids, the ones who have the rose tinted glasses?
I am sorry , you are great mom, otherwise you wouldn't go back and check, you would not care what they ate, etc.
I do have one idea , perhaps you can ask counselor about or throw out to your DH and you guys see if you think it may work. Kids do misbehave when needing soemthing they can't even put words together to express. I bet you could find baby sitter for baby girl and DH could take SD and ex take younger BS,then take BS to movie and dinner just you two.
In the midst of losing it over fact they are such little s--ts sometimes , and that we ahve NO time for ourselves or our significant others, we forget they may need some 1 on 1 also, if nothing else they know your love is unconditional and might be good calm time for you to tell him you love him, but you are his mom ,not his friend and that you do care what he eats ,becasue you care about his health and you do care how he acts and what people think of him because of his poor choices and you want to encourage him to be the guy you know can make better ones. All this and I will add, drama queen , drama king, u think he doesn't have hormonal changes happening right now. I scared my sons to death talking about chnages that would come with teen years, said that some moodiness, words without though would be understood ,but no excuse on consistent basis. Also told younger brother not to take it personally when his brother started acting short tempered occasionally , he would be doing the same soon enough.
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