I just want to say (((HUGS))) to you. I know your feelings all too well. I won't get in to my long list of WHYs now..but will in the future on my own rant LOL. I just want to say your feelings are more than normal. And you are entitled to them.

Right now I am doing a lot of reading on letting go. A buddism way of thinking. I am trying to let go of anger and all those negative feelings that are only hurting me, not her. All these things are boiling up inside of us...making us sick - both figurativly and literally. It is wasting our live's time. So, hopefully I can master this and go through the rest of my life at peace regardless of BM's behavior. SERENITY NOW!!! LOL.

I have delt with this woman for 11 years. I have seen it all and herd it all. Name calling, you'll never see your kid again, nasty comments about MY husbands hair cuts or clothing ect...ect.. and just think they were never married. I am his first and only wife, but they had a child together. So in the courts eyes on paper it reads in the matter of the marriage of for all child support documents. I tried to be nice to the ex-girlfriend same as the rest of you and it is really hard to be nice to such a fake person.
I love my SD with all my heart and we have a great relationship. She is now 10 years old and feels guilty about her feelings for me. Why? Because her mom won't allow her to wear clothing bought from our family or have any pictures and she told my SD that she is to never call me mom and that is because I am stupid.
My husband and I have two baby girls ages 2 and 3 years old. We also have my son who is 15 from a previous relationship. Since the birth of the girls I can't find it in my heart to be kind to this woman anymore. She told my SD that the girls are her HALF sisters and stressed that she is to refere to them as HALF sisters. Also she told me in a nasty reply e-mail (where I had kindley asked her to send the medical bills promptly instead of chalking them up for 6 months) that to keep my f****** nose out of it and my children are nothing more than a bi product of their previous relationship. (her and my husband). I have had many fights with my husband an nearly got divorced over his not going to ruffle her feathers attitude. He would meet her for drop offs and they would have lunch together and he was talking to her alot on the phone and told me I was jealous of their friendship. The only thing was I wasn't included in the friendship. I didn't think he cared about my feelings and how I couldn't stand there and watch this woman degrade my husband and my children and my life.
Thank god for myspace. LOL! She has a blog now where she tells everyone all about everything and you bet your sweet cheeks that I am getting a good idea of how she really is. One word Nasty! She tells all. When she has sex, takes a shower, complains about my SD, it's something else. So now that I can view this stuff I call my husband into the room so he can see for himself the things I have had to deal with. She wrote a blog last night about Him. It was hairy and full of lies about him never paying child support and his daughter has to go with out everything and she was his FIRST born and so on just one big pitty party!
Here is the thing. My husband owes $2,000 in back child support from when he lost his job during 9/11. He is paying it back through his check. We recently put our house up for sale and she has a lien on the property. She doesn't want the monthly installments on the back support anymore she wants it all at the closing of our house. This is fine and I wish she would have just told us that instead of posting it on the internet and suggesting that if she wanted to she could put my children in the street and she could force them to live in poverty. My god...all the power she thinks she has just boils me over! I am tired of crying and felling so helpless. This woman has my babies and my husband on her tongue when ever she wants and it hurts me to the core. I won't allow her in my house around my children anymore and I want to ask that my husband meet her somewhere in town for pick ups and drop offs but I don't know if he will do it. I truley hate her and will this ever end?

I don't understand how husbands can be so insenstivie and disloyal. He has a commitment to you through your children as well. I would bet that he was more than supporitive BEFORE you married! How does she think that your children are a by-product of her marriage to your husband....that is a tricky one! I would love to hear her explanation of that one....somehow that means she was involved...Yikes!

It sounds as though your children are at risk of suffering the financial impact of the ex's venomous attitude. Is this acceptable to you? If not, how do you create resolution and peace for you and your children. Why does your husband not stand in your corner united with you regarding these issues? I guess that is the $50,000 question and one that each one of us ask about step situations! I certainly empathize with you. I know that I wasn't strong enough to deal with all of these issues. I wish you peace. Take care.

Quit empowering her! Sit down with your husband and tell him in no uncertain terms she is not allowed to call. I've done this so I know. Agree to a pick up and drop off time, otherwise just minamize any contact with her. If you TOTALLY ignore her she will finally give up! When my husbands son was visiting we forwarded the mothers calls. She was NEVER allowed to call. She got her child support, but that was it because we related everything to the kid and instead of her he would call.

Its really that simple but too many people LOVE the conflict. Get off that cycle.

My therapist said the same thing stop giving her the power. Start controlling your own thoughts....easier said than done. I am trying though.

I think if more husbands handled the situations better than we would feel better. I spoke about how the ex had SD's pc on a dating site, along side some provacative pics of her. Totally inapproriate. So it has been a couple of weeks and finally my husband spoke to his lawyer who suggested an email to her (documented). During the past two weeks DH and his ex have had conversations about the SD and I hear him talk to her..."Have a nice week etc" and I can't help think how can he be so friendly with her knowing those pics are there. Oh I know it is for the cause so he can get what he wants later (50%) but I couldn't do it. Can't he just say goodbye. He fights with me about it but can't say boo to her.....can't figure this one out.

My husband divorced his wife 3 years ago and she blames me for the demise of her marriage. The truth is, the marriage was over before it began and by the time my husband initiated his intent to divorce, she announced her pregnancy. My husband decided to stay until the baby was born and filed for divorce. That's when I entered the picture....The bottom line is she is a miserable person, mean, introverted and has no friends. Unfortunately their son who is 3 1/2 is now telling me 'mommy doesn't like you.' Now, my husband is recommending counseling with him as he is only concerned about the negative impact on their child and he wants her to hear firsthand, what this can do to a poor innocent child. Are there any books or articles out there that anyone can recommend on how best to deal with one's ex-spouse's spouse and the impacts of feeding children with negative information has on a child? Any help is much appreciated!

I hate to be negative, but if your husband's ex is anything like my fiance's ex, she feels totally and completely that she is the victim, that she is in the right, that all of her problems are other people's fault, and unfortunately no amount of counseling will make her see that she is damaging her child by always trying to "prove" that you guys are horrible people.

In our case, SD11 was in counseling and her therapist has said to all of us - SD, her parents, and me - that since Daddy has moved on, Mommy needs to learn to accept that. The therapist said to BM point blank - you will suffer terrible backlash from your daughter if you continue behaving in this manner. She will grow to resent you and will end up distancing herself from you, so even if you think that badmouthing the other side of her family is justified, you are damaging your daughter - and YOUR relationship with her - by doing so.

So BM pulled SD out of therapy. She is hopeless! I really hope that you have better luck. The sickness of it all is that BM really thinks she's right and she's doing right by her daughter.

I too am an ex, and I would never dream of sleeping with my ckids father , especially if he were with someone else. of course you share a bond, but after reading many posts, I see a common thread (pardon the pun) of immature behavior, epsecially with on the ex's part. The kind of women who wanted the divorce to begin with, then wants to have a hold on the biof forever, while they go out and act like teens. They treat the ex almost like a father figure. they don't want to be married to them anymore, but they better be there to fix thier cars and pay for everything, with out the responsibility of being faithful. and it only stands to reason that this poor guy finds us, the second wives, because they're finally ready for normalcy. Same goes for us women quite often. I'm getting kind of depressed, reading all these horror stories. but I've pondered this for a while. I have many stable male friends who went out and had kids by some psycho probably cause "she was hot", and many women had kids with some deadbeat for the same reason. Immaturity. then we wise up, and meet each other. I think that may explain why there's so many variations of the same story. maybe? just a thought.

I have a story for you all! Gosh where to start isn't that amazing! Ha! I have very similar thoughts as you guys. I am just shocked about all the stories I've read. I have been together with my man for 3 years now and we just got married. He has been communicating with the X for his son since I met him and it has been so dramatic. She is jealous, retalliates, tries to make him lose his only son, and constantly trying to screw him over w/ child support, flips us off when she sees us and plays all sorts of head games and purposely is late on pick ups. Tries to put evil thoughts into my husbands head about me, calls and harasses him constantly, tells the kid bullshit lies all the time, and is into drugs, nocked up 2 other times by previous man. Funny thing is he says he is used to it and has no umph anymore about even fighting with her, he's like emotionally dead about it and almost loses sight and doesn't care after a while to where I feel he would lose his son. She uses him as a pawn, the lifestyle is way outta line, and I feel so bad for my step son he's the one that is gonna hurt the most outta it all. She badgers his son for information just to use against him. Tries to pry into our life constantly. She seems to me that she has nothing better to do but be dramatic in her own little miserable head that is so gone about whatever is that she smoked away and needs to seek serious mental illness help! Catch my drift.. Can someone possibly be so low to the ground like that that they have to try to bring everyone to her level! When it only makes her look like a bug that needs to be squished!! Don't know what my husband ever saw in her but dam makes me really wonder if he's any better...hmmmmm Good point ladies? He seems as though he has learned really bad behaviours and relationship skills from this, trust BIG ONE, self esteem, anger, resentment, no romance, sometimes he just sits like a bump on a log in some dream land off somewhere, I think that he doesn't know how good he has it and I don't know how much I can tolerate this situation people, its wearing on me A LOT , when to call it quits!?? Do I deserve this situation just because I'm with him, I married him , not his past problems, any suggestions on what i've said here cause women i'm sure you know where I'm coming from, I feel sometimes I would be better off with out him just to have PEACE for the sake of me and my kids. There are so many fish in the sea and if you are willing to put up with this bullshit for however long it takes then you can't get upset over it and deal with it, but if you can't GET OUT NOW you don't deserve this drama in your life! Thats what I'm battling, the stay or Go feeling, constantly fed up with this nonsense! Think to yourself is HE really worth the head ache his past brings to you and makes your relationship suffer, until the child/or children in the home is old enough to take care of themselves..?! Advice from anyone.. greatly appreciated.

That is what we signed up for when we meant our BF or husbands and decided to stick around.
I really truly hate his ex but i think right now i hate myself more i have let her control my life- i am going to take some advice i got off of here and detach myself from her and the kids- for some reason the kids don't like to come to our house so he goes and gets them and he takes them to his moms or someplace else. That is why the son needs counseloring to see what the problem is and how we can get where we once were. It is stressful for all of us but i know it is hard on my husband and i hate it each week he walks out the door and have to see the ex it is always something with her. so to save myself i have been detaching myself from the situation- and letting him handle it until it comes to paying something out- then i will step in or if he wants to talk. By hating her and trying to catch her in lies or trying to figure out what her motive is takes a lot of energy and time- time i could use and did use this weekend to clean take down my decorations and take my life back. I need to worry about my kids and let him worry about the ex and the skids right now- and when we do take her back to court and take stepson to counseling then i will be involved when needed. My position is to be supportive (which is hard b/c we all know how vicious and vendictive women can be ) but i guess i have to trust him to handle her- it is hard though because she lies and he is so naive sometimes- okay detaching now- lol
thanks for listening and thanks for the great words of wisdom.

My boyfriend of 4 years has been divorced for several years. Needless to say his X-wife hates me. We live about 5 miles from his X. He hasn't asked me to marry him yet but we have discussed it over the years. Here's the problem - my boyfriend is terrified to tell her that we will be getting married. His greatest fear is retaliation from his X-wife and using their son as a pawn. Additionally, he is fearful that she will move closer to her brother as a result- which is 50 miles away from us.

The truth is, she is still in love with him. Any advice on how to handle this?

I just found this site. For the longest time I had been thinking it was just me. My husband was married for 12 years to a woman he says he was never happy with. They had a son. My husband pays $960 a month support. I think that is allot, but he does it. The mother still calls him a deadbeat. We were decorating for Christmas at my in-laws and she calls to ask for directions to take their son to an Ice Cavern. I was annoyed. Was it wrong of me to get annoyed? It isn't like she doesn't have friends or mapquest, that can tell her where to go. Then she spends an hour on the phone with my father-in-law to tell him how upset she is with my ex because he gave her the news of wanting a divorce the day before Thanksgiving. That was over 3 years ago and it was just this past October that she did that. What do I do. I get so mad that I want to leave....

You are all just seconds.

Grow up send the men back where they belong.

Any woman who dates a man that already has(had) a wife and kids is breaking down society.

Men (while there are some good ones out there) tend to wander and stray. But on the whole they have a harder time than women being faithful.

If women stuck together a little more and refused to sleep with or date men who already have families things would be much better.

You all have good reason to be jealous. We were there first.
We have the right ...And you .....do not.

So move on to someone that doesnt already have a family.