I don't know why but i really hate this woman. She is difficult to talk to she screams and yells and throw things if she does not get her way. (like when she tool my husband back for more money and she was caught in a couple of lies) She then calls and starts with my husband. If i don't push hubby he will not do anything. He just found out the other night the ex and the children have been lying to him about the little guy ( my stepson) going to counseloring. He was supposed to start back in april and only went once. He only found out after i told him to call the counselor and get an update. I could go on and on i have been nothing but nice to her and when my husband was deployed i made sure the child support was sent in and school clothes were bought.
She acts like my frined but i know she is not. I just have so much hatred for this woman. Maybe i am jealous- she gets her child support and she has things pretty easy!!!
does anyone else feel this way??????
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papergirl31128...
I'm sure we all feel the same about the ex, we just hate them to death....I was reading a book and it says that at lot of it is part of jealously....like we don't like to share our husband w/this ex, we don't want him to spend any time dealing w/her. It is harder when they had children cause ex will always be a part of your lives. Not so afraid about your husband getting back w/the ex but its the thought that he has to still talk to ex regarding the children is what bother me and I'm sure the rest of us feels the same. I am too had to deal w/that even today and 6 yrs now into marriage. I just can't stand the fact that he still has to talk to ex. Women are very territorial and emotional so when we see that this ex is in the picture we just get so upset inside. It's a normal feeling, we just have to assure ourselves that our husband is in love w/us and not her. Years will go by and it will be better, jealously will subside because you and your husband has better communication and love each other even more and not to let this ex ruin your lives. For now, just ignore her if can....she is never going to be your true friend so don't count on that. Be cordial when you're around her and knowing that she has a temper problem is truly her problem not yours. Tell your husband next time she yells at him over the phone or in front of him, hang up the phone or walk away.
The ex
I am an ex. I fell in love at 15 and spent the next five years with the man I came very close to marrying. We have a child 12 years old now.
He had a meltdown when I was pregant and was freaking out about getting married so young. We were both only 19 when I got pregnant.
We never saw each other for the first 10 years of my daughters life.
Now the past two years he has been making up for lost time.
Sometimes we sleep together.
And no matter what we both love each other. But sometimes damage runs so deep it can't be repaired. We won't ever get back together. But we are very close now. Talk and email all the time.
He has girlfriends here and there and I also have boyfriends. Right now he is living with a woman. He is 32 and I suspect the timing is right and he may marry this woman.
Marriage is all about timing. It's time. And that is fine with me.
But what is between him and I is there forever. And no doubt we will sleep together again. No i have no guiltiness about that. He is the father of my child and in many ways a husband to me. If the woman he marries is dumb enough to marry him and can't see that then thats her fault. We are already his family.
Not every story is the same. But if a man was with someone for a long time and they have kids together. It's pretty unlikely that he doesnt in some ways deep down love her. And if you believe anything else you are closing your eyes to the truth.
If you have feelings of jealousy it is your instincts that this woman is a threat. And then if you have those feelings quite likely she is a threat.
To: Anonymous RE: The Ex
Wow! I’m sad for you…sad that you don’t have enough self worth to believe that God will bring you a husband of your own and you don’t have to sleep with someone else’s husband to find happiness! His daughter is and always will be his family…you, however, are not! IF he wanted you to be, he would marry you and make you his wife or choose you and make you his girlfriend. All you are to him right now is someone he sleeps with from time to time when his well “runs dry” (literally) Neither of my husband’s ex’s are a threat to our marriage, TRUST ME! But I have at times been a little envious of the bond they share (their child) and I think it is only natural for me to want the same bond with my husband. But ex’es are ex’es for a reason…it is not meant to be…move on! Holding on is a threat to your happiness and i hope you can gain the strenght to see that!
Make a GREAT Day!
Are You Serious?
You have absolutely nothing with this loser. He didn't see you for 10 years or his child? Why waste your oxygen let alone an ounce of time with this cheater. Find a real life, and be a decent person and warn his current live in girlfriend. He may have given her a STD or worse aids....oh and you should quickly go and get tested.
I sincerely hope you seek some help.
It's pretty unlikely
"It's pretty unlikely that he doesnt in some ways deep down love her. And if you believe anything else you are closing your eyes to the truth."
No, you are closing your eyes to the truth. Just because you opened your legs and got pregnant does not make any man love you. It is obvious that if he wanted you he could have you. Why do you waste your time with this piece of cheating garbage anyways? You probably deserve each other. Warn his girlfriend. She is the victim.
WHAT!?! Where did you learn your morals?
You will very likely sleep with him again? You say he's going to be married but you're already planning this? I believe women like you are a big part of the problem today. If your ex feels the same way, I hope his fiancee runs for the freaking hills.
And whether your child with him is a boy or a girl, nice example you're setting.
dude women dont really know what they want
dude women don't really know what they want they only know what makes them feel safe. shes holding onto the past with her ex and shes afraid of letting go cause it scares her. if shes gonna cheat on you with her ex then let go of her and let her have him back cause they deserve each other.
move on dude.
trust a stranger cause I've been there and had the t-shirt only person you can really rely on is yourself everything else is a bonus
Waiiiit a second.
Ok, I'm trying to keep an open mind on your reply, but it caught me off guard.
Well, what if he does marry this woman? How will you behave then? I'm not saying you're going to continue to sleep with the man, but will you be respectiful of the boundaries? Merely a "what if he gets married". Your thoughts?
hi iwas just reding what u
hi iwas just reding what u have to say and im sorry i dont agree with u he is having his cake and eating it. u are blinded by ur past and u by now off moved on get over let him see the child but u are a adult u should know better
I feel you are selfish and
I feel you are selfish and blind. If you love the father of your child as you say you do, then let him go and have a normal relationship. If you continue to sleep with him and keep him from being able to No other woman his going to accept him sleeping with you. It is wrong. Time has moved on, and unless you are going to marry him, let him go.
Oh My is my reply to you.
Are you serious? You will sleep with him again? You have no guiltness because you had a child with him? Please I don't know who is more wrong you or him to believe that crap. My husband of 20 yrs had an x that sounded like you. Even when we were newly married, she got married right after we did and had another child with her new hubby she called my husband and said that their child together was beautiful and she wanted another could he come up and get her pregnant. He told it was a job for her hubby and broke all contact with her. She never called to let him talk with the child and never wanted him to be apart of his life.
She continued to write and call him saying that she knew in her heart that one day they would grow old together. Do you know what finally broke that camels back? I talked to her and finally told her if she didnt stop calling I was going to send all those letters to her husband and see if he felt the same way. She still lurks and says that one day she will have him back but its not because of the child its because she is sick like you for thinking that. Go on raise that child find a nice new guy that will love you and your child and get over the old creep. He should be more of a man and tell you its over instead of keep allowing it. My husband doesnt even no if this child is his. She never gave him a chance. she was sleeping with someone else and they were not together when she told him she was 3 months pregnant. She had her husband adopt her first two kids that she had with two different men and then was pregnant so her current husband would marry her. Thank god he stuck where her even after all this. I hope you find yours.
It is not the relationship
It is not the relationship that is a threat Ma'am. It is the biological connection to your husband that is a threat. Because you are right, you are connected to this man the rest of your daughter's life. I hope his new love feels secure enough in the relationship and is mature enough to understand your inability to let go of a detrimental and destructive relationship.
But in all this, I hope for your daughter's sake, should her father and his new love have a healthy relationship, I hope she learns the model of a well rounded secure rapport and not the unstable one from which you have set the example.
Anonomous Loser
I'll say to you the things I think about my husbands Ex who keeps coming around seeking attention. You look and sound pathetic. he proved to you you are NOT number 1. You accept scraps of attention, and it gives you some sense of control and comfort. You will never be #1 again, he has made that clear. Move on with your life. Stop clinging to a past that doesnt exist in the present of future. Recognize that you are hurting yourself, him (if you truly cared for him you'd let go) and your child. You are teaching your child unhealthy boundaries, and showing her that you can be used. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
Also, if a couple can split up...
If a couple can split up, there is no reason to believe that it couldnt' happen a second time. Everyone has their breaking point and having stepkids just adds to relationship stress in a marriage. So I think some of the insecurity comes from knowing that they divorced someone they once loved...so why couldn't it happen again...reality is, statistics say that for over 60% of couples, it does. That is reality...the reality is scarey and makes second wives feel vulnerable! If it didn't, we wouldn't worry so much about time spent with the exs.
People change
Hopeful, you have a good point. It's true that he left someone he once loved and that can contribute to insecurity that he'll do it again... but I guarantee you he didn't love her any more when he did leave.
Blueberry's Baby
i have to agree
i just read your reply to this blog and i have to agree whole heartedly. my hubby's ex was his first love, first sexual partner and first fiance plus they had a child.s i have many anxieties about how stabel we are together.a lt of my friends say not to worry as he was so young when it happened but it doesn't help. i just hope that time and trust can see us through. heres to hoping
i have to agree
I was the first love of my current husband. We broke up 18 years ago because of a woman who called herself a friend. They knew each other from high school and the timing, our young baby him being involved in drugs and other things just pushed us apart facilitated by this woman, while she was still calling me on a daily basis pretending to be my friend. Just making sure he and I weren't getting back together. When I found out I was devastated. For 18 years she put a wedge between my son and his father, and hated me.
I moved away, went on with my life only called when absolutely necessary and never even took him back to court for more child support. I sent my son when asked sometimes paying the plane fare. But nothing was good enough for her. She had three children with him, a million dollar home etc... but still couldn't find happiness.
I had to go to my high school reunion and she decides, because she is having an affair she wants to rub it in my face. That not only did she interfere in my life but now she is with another man who has a young child. Only this time it is her oldest son's best friend, he her then husband my ex doesn't know for sure, but she wants me to know. So she tells me after all these years she wants to grant us closure.
Well in the fifteen minutes we spent talking openly I found out how many lies she had told him about me, even that I was fooling around on him with his brother etc..
I went home over a thousand miles away and forgot about the exchange feeling bad about all the years of lies but happy we could clear things up. A few months later he called me. Three years of a messy divorce she got everything and a ton of support, but she is still not happy. Of course the young man went back to his current wife and two small children, and now she wants to harrass us. We got married and I am very happy he has done everything to apologize and my son who is now 21 loves having his father around.
My husband does not have communication with her, she has a choice she can deal with me or deal with no one. She set these princples in place and now has to live by them. I said all this to say, do what is right by your husband your children and his children. Life is a mystery and you never know what can happen.
It's been three years and I have a million dollar home etc.. and a husband who loves me and is to afraid to fool around, there lives were miserable together, nothing in common but foolishness. I have not seen the children yet. But I love children and will do everything in my power to make them feel loved. I have decorated rooms in my home, purchased gifts, books etc.. I hope I can handle it.
Can anyone tell me a positive stepparent story I can immulate. I don't want to destroy another generation of children, the way she tried to destroy my son. Because of GOD she failed, and like the bible said GOD took what Satan meant for my harm and worked it to my good.
read your story have a positive!
I dont really get along with my husbands ex-girlfriend they had a daughter together. She is the most wonderful little person and it so fun doing all the girl bonding with her. When she comes we talk and paint our nails go to the movies and shopping. I love her and she tells me she loves me! I think you just have to be laid back and get to know them dont put on pressure dont try and be a mother to them. Just a good friend or mentor. I even talk with her about her mother and her past life when her father lived with them. The easiest way to do it is just see it as a different person try seeing through their eyes. Also understand they might not like you at first because they didnt ask to be brought into any of it and it feels unfair to them. Just look to God and ask for help anytime you may need it. Try to keep a good sense of humor. Good Luck!
Yes, but in this case they
Yes, but in this case they were not married. There was no commitment to break because he never did commit to her. He just accidentally knocked her up. She thinks he loves her just because he screwed her.
Oh, do I know how you feel.
Oh, do I know how you feel. My fiances ex doesn't get it that she doesn't have rights to him. I hate her and their kids. The ex is as big as the side of a house and so is their fat,loud and rude son. I hate him having to deal with her. She still lives in the house that he got in the divorce and he stills pays the mortgage until 2008. He also bought her a vehicle, he did this so she wouldn't touch his retirement since they were married 16 yrs. She is one of these people that thinks the world revolves around her and her kids. Everyone is supposed to cater to them. I know this is bad to say but I wish she and the brats would disappear off the face of the earth.I have told him the same thing about when she yells to just hang up the phone. He is a wimp when it comes to dealing with her because she tries to hold the kids over his head. She tells them he don't love them when he doesn't do what she wants. I love him very much so I know I need to find a way to deal with them can someone help, please?
Hey papergirl31128- I was in
Hey papergirl31128-
I was in tears when I found this site for the first time today- what a lifesaver- to know that I am not alone in how I feel. I read your response several times... It made me stop and think about why the ex drives me 'crazy". Thanks for the insight... made me feel a little better
i agree with you
i agree with you TOTALLY!!!!! Everything you said sounds like me.
and if I can add to that? my husband and i have talked about all these
things,and i told my husband straight out,I DON"T CARE anymore if my kids don'tlike you in the picture (liking and accepting are two diff. things)and vice versa with his son.i'm sooo tired of trying to force everyone to get along. the bottom line IS who are the last two people standing in that house when all these people leave and make there own lives,eventually (i hope) the ex will be less and less present in our lives,as these children become adults. i'ts time for them to deal with each parent on an adult level, and the ex should't HAVE to be speaking on behalf of the now adult child. I dread their graduation days, wedding days,grandchildrens birthdays all these things that are yet to come in the future,and my husband to, is one of these men that still kisses her butt and it pisses me off. but yet i love him more now then the day i married him weve been together 5 years and married for one already.we laugh about some of the things she does instead of fighting about it because we both feel like she doesn't have a life so she has to still has to cause problems.she knows we are now in his life and her childrens and she doesn't like having us there anymore then we like her in the picture, she feels threatened with her children and replaced with the ex family members.my ex is'nt around at all and his lives in another state so we have the best of both worlds except for the fact that we only see his son on summer vacations and some holidays, but believe me she still tries to control from half way around the country. i guess what im trying to say is I read some of these peoples problems and mine ar'nt so bad. LAUGHTER really is the best medicine....
Hmmmm....
This hatred stuff is hard for me b/c I'm really simply not nor have I ever been jealous. Especially of my DH's ex. She is completely nuts, totally has no self esteem and is a miserable human being. That's why she brings out the worst in me (hatred as you put it.) I posted about this recently myself. I'm such a peace-seeker that it just kills me to deal constantly with this irrational person. My thoughts are constantly drawn back to her wishing I could break through for the sake of my SD. Part of it comes from the huge contrast between no relationship with BM as a co-parent to her daughter, and the complete trust and friendship I have with my ExH's wife and SM to my two sons. It sucks to be a really good BM involved with a SM myself, and then to have my SD's BM not acknowledge my existence. It's her jealousy that rocks our lives non-stop. I talked to a counselor (who is also a SM) about this once, and she said, "But you don't hate her. Your not a jealous hateful person. You HATE that SHE hates you...with no reason. No one ever HATES you b/c you're so easy going. So that's what your hating here. And your feelings are just you being human." I do believe she was right.
Peace, love, and red wine
I'm so glad to read this
I'm so glad to read this comment...even though it is almost 2 years old. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Can anyone recommend a good book to help me deal with the anger and jealousy issues??
It feels like my husband's ex
It feels like my husband's ex is running are lives and causing tension between us. His ex was a girl who he was with for a matter of weeks and then she found out she was pregnant. He didn't love her and even though it was just a few weeks she was in love with him. He knew the relationship wouldn't be a healthy one so he broke it off. I'm not trying to take his side but at this time a was a friend so i got to see it first hand. Shortly after the baby was born he and i started to date. The second she found out she did everything in her power to break us up. For years this girl has caused nothing but problems. She had refused to let him have the baby for weekends or over nights for the first two years of the childs life. The whole time claiming it would all end if he went back to her.She called saying he was sleeping with her. She would ask people to fight me and so on. She would just be evil and it seems like it may never end.After three years my husband and i were married and had a child. We now get my step son every weekend and other times when school is out because the truth of the matter is shes out and about and can't be bothered. Still she causes problems she tells my step son bad things about my husband and i. He's five now and loves his mother so he doesn't want to make her mad. So he says things to her like i just want to stay here with you mommy. which hurts my husband. He has become a problem child at his moms he does what he wants and gets a way with it. She not around much so i think he acts out to get attention. At our house there are rules ,he follows them and for the most hes great. No child is always an angel but for the most part at our house he's good but the second he gets to his mothers house he a different kid. My husband is always fighting with her about this and that. Now i fear it's hurting our son that we have together. My son loves his big brother but when school functions come around my son and i are not allowed to go and to make sure we don't go she won't tell us about the functions until the day of. i've reached a point where i can't deal with her anymore and i just don't know what to do.
I dont think Jealousy is the problem
A feeling of "Jealousy" would mean that the ex actually has something you don't & in most cases I don't think this would be the problem, my personal belief is that the lack of respect for the new sitaution from the BM can lead to feelings of "resentment" towards her - I think it comes from an unnatural situation where another woman is often trying to manipulate, take advantage of & even harbours some resentment towards you & your husbands new life together (this is not always the case of course). This is worsened by the fact that you are actually assisting in caring for her children every second weekend or more often & despite this you are not really recognised or respected for it by her. If there is any jealousy it is probably from the BM towards you - as you do have something she doesnt "a loving relationship with her childs father". It is all about boundaries - my experience is that if there are good boundaries in place to protect all the people involved then the likelihood of feeling so angry at the BM is less. There were times when the BM seemed all consuming in our lives & finally i had to put a stop to it by confronting her & letting her know the damage it was causing & how we could manage it so much better with some boudaries in place (It just got to the point where i couldnt keep it inside any more - & i have to say it helped). It was hard to do that - but now we have the boundaries & my husband put them in place with her which is the way it has to be. We dont have as many issues - but my advice is get some boundaries about what is acceptable & what is not & make them clear, if the BM chooses to ignore them then at least you have the option to DISENGAGE - SEPERATE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION - WALK AWAY & SHOW INDIFFERENCE - DONT BUY INTO IT - & if you really want to annoy her "have a good life without an unnatural focus on her or her life - & of course never speak badly of her to the step kids becuase they will end up resenting you if you do that & then you would be just as bad as the BM.Keep you chin up & remember it will get better.
I know what hate is
I am so relieved to know that other women feel as strongly as I do. I simply despise my husband’s ex-wife. He pays her child support, and is shacking up with a wealthy man. This woman has had everything so easy all her life. My husband and I struggle to make our marriage work, and right when I think we are going to be okay, the ex will call (to talk about the kids of course) and I get outrageously jealous. I feel that no matter how much we love each other, his ex will always have a bond with my husband, and that really tears me up. I hate the fact that he has ton be nice to her, “for the kid’s sake”. UGHGG! I wonder if I’ll ever get over this jealousy and resentment.
i know how YOU feel
this is my e mail- i cant figure out how to get an account set up.
bech311@aol.com I thought i was reading my own story for a moment.
my husbands ex is a "gold digger" to but yet she made it quite clear that since we got married a year ago she gonna be digging in our direction.she got married 4 weeks ago but told my husband that she will make our lives hell for as long as she can. its not the point of paying support that pisses me off it's the fact that she doesn't have a job doesn't plan on getting a job and her "suger daddy" and my husband take care of this little guy. she honestly thinks she doesn;t have to financially support him at all?? we have a court date coming up soon and i'm scared that we are gonna get our ass handed to us.
i have 3 kids my self, work full time and this financial hit will affect me. My children's father died so they are supported threw ss benefits. They all have a half way decent bank account for when they turn 18 but god i read some of these womens stories and i'm scared to death. Oh ya my husband can't jump fast enough when she calls either
write back to my e mail Tammy
I too am relieved to know
I too am relieved to know Iam not alone. I hate that my husband has to talk on a regular basis to this woman he once loved. She calls and texts him all the time. We have to struggle to make our bills while she is on easy street. My husband is a very good father, she knows that and uses it against him every chance she gets. I hope there is some ease to MY jealousy and resentment someday.
I am so happy to see that i
I am so happy to see that i am not the only one that has these feelings. I hate my husband's ex-girlfriend because she uses their daughter as a pawn and he acts like she can do no wrong. This girl has given my husband STD's, cheated on him, the girl that he thinks is his daughter may not even be his because she lies so much. I have told her for the last 4 years to take him to court and she refuses to do it. She calls my house and hangs up if I answer she calls my husband's cell phone and if I answer she hangs up and we were at his daughter's birthday party and she pulled him to the side to talk to him and when i walked over there to them she walked away. He does nothing. I feel that my husband still has feelings for this girl and he respects her more than he respects me. I am really tired of dealing with the situation because I don't know what to do that will change it. My husband tries to blame me for everything but I don't see it that way so at this point what am I supposed to do.
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