Yes, it is that bad. Its a big job raising kds and only the stong survive.

I don't think it is all that bad. I think it is very situation specific. I was in a relationship before where it was going to be that bad, but in my current relationship, it's really pretty good. FSS8 does normal 8 year-old stuff that is awesome and normal stuff that is annoying. I think there are several factors that go into whether or not it works well.

First, your significant other and you need to be a united front. You don't always have to agree, but disagreeing shouldn't be discussed in front of the kids when it is about the kids. And, if a punishment or consequence has been set, whether or not you two agree, it needs to be supported by both.

Second, I'm not his mom, I don't want to be his mom, he has a mom, he knows all of that, and it works. That is not to say that I don't do motherly things for him since we have him the majority of the time, but no matter how crappy she is, he has loyalty and love for her. He'll figure it out eventually, but I'm only setting myself up if I try to get him to see it now. He has to find out on his own. FDH knows and respects this, and does not expect me to love FSS as my own.

Third, I don't deal with BM. FDH knocked her up and married her. They divorced because of bad communication and her cheating, and now, they need to learn how to communicate for FSS. I don't want to deal with her. She does not have my number. I don't have hers. The end. If I see her at a function, I'm polite if she chooses to acknowledge my existence. If she decides not to, I don't have to deal with her. The fact that punishment in one house carries over to the other is helpful, too. In as much as I don't like her or how she parents, at least she encourages a relationship between FSS and FDH. I do remind FDH when I feel like he should communicate something out of respect, but that's on him. He doesn't need me to mom him either.

Fourth, FDH is super supportive of my feelings. We talk as a family about things, and addressing the complications of blended families is not a taboo topic in our house. He always hears me out, and even if there isn't anything to be done, I've had a chance to say how I feel. FSS knows he can talk to either of us about anything. He expressed frustration a few weeks ago because his mom hates me. We discussed that logically, she doesn't know me and can't really hate me, and that how she feels is not unusual and we're going to try to have more patience with her as she adjusts.

When dealing with a complicated BM, I think the key is boundaries and consistency. Same for a 2 year-old. I do think that girls may be more difficult than boys, but again, I think it is situation specific. I think one of the best pieces of advice I ever got here was to let go of dreading the future and parent consistently. Pay attention to the now. Every parent fears that their kids may grow up to be buttheads, so as a sparent, I think that's a natural fear. But, you're in early, so hopefully, that will help. I don't think parenting is ever easy. Welcome to ST.

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