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New & Don't know if this is the right place...pls HELP or direct me in the right place

Yoda_Tweety's picture

Submitted by Yoda_Tweety on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 12:39pm

Here's my bio---I have a 10 yr old daughter, whose Bio Dad is not involved. She has an awesome Step-Dad (my HS sweetheart) He had a son with someone else, just as I had a daughter with someone else. My husband & I needed time apart and time to grow up before we realized we were meant for each other. Anyway...my step-son is 9, he's awesome. He's finally accepting me and enjoys spending time with me. His mom got married and than pregnant with quads!! They were born at 24 weeks. 2 have died-This is why I'm here...

Ok so if you read above you can see. At this time we have no warning when my step-son will be with us. We use to get him everyother weekend. I have no problem with having him more or all the time for that matter. The sitution with his mom having premmies has thrown all of our lives into chaos. I have MS which has been agrivated b/c of this. My husband & I talked yesterday & realized what a stressor this has been.

There is just soooo much more going on. I can't explain. Please tell me if I'm in the right place before I go into anymore detail

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 2:38pm

You are in the right place. A place where BM's and skids make life chaotic. They throw wedges between you and your H.

Welcome and I'm sorry about your circumstances.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 2:49pm

Is there a divorce degree or custody documentation which specifies parenting time?

If so, find it, send it to the BM and STICK TO IT. Don't allow any deviations from it other than EXTREME emergencies or it could become "daddy optional" for SS.

If you don't have this documentation, see an attorney STAT and get it in writing, send it off to BM and FOLLOW it.

There's nothing worse than an ad hoc, on the fly "I'll get them when I get them" type non-schedule.

It doesn't provide the necessary structure for children; it invites the temptation to tamper with father time as far as the BM is concerned (which is the gateway to PAS) and it makes your life a chaos; impossible to plan ANYTHING.

Believe me, I know. GG (biodad) refused to stick to a written schedule and make the BM (the Behemoth) stick to one either. It was 4 years of hell for me and eventually all three children PASed out.

Yme's picture

Submitted by Yme on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 3:32pm

oh sister you are in the RIGHT place!!!!!! VENT AWAY!!!!!!! you sound like you are in the early stages of "SM h3ll".....we have all been there....and are now in the place where we cant "fix" what we have let happen...I hope you feel comportable here and can weed the "good" and "bad" advice out and not take some comments toooo personal...
Were here with open ears and hearts....I dont know what I would have done IF I hadnt found this site a few months ago.....

on the fence's picture

Submitted by on the fence on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 3:44pm

Come on in. Sit down. Would you like a cup of tea? A glass of wine, perhaps some valium?

You are in the right place. This place saved my sanity, and even though I swore I'd never have a man in my life with kids again,(but did) at least I learned enough here to know I wasn't the insane one and make some better informed choices.