Step Talk

STEPPARENTS BILL OF RIGHTS

I WILL BE PART OF THE DECISION MAKING PROCESS IN MY MARRIAGE AND FAMILY AT ALL TIMES.

People of outside my immediate family, including ex's, in-laws, and children cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.

I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.

I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long.

I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.

I will be consulted on all family financial matters.

Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.

I will not be treated as an outsider in my home.

My spouse and stepchildren will treat me with respect.

Our marriage is our FIRST priority, and we will address all issues together.

"I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits."

That's not what the CPS worker told me when our BM (who is also a CPS worker in the adjacent county) made up a huge fat lie and turned BF in b/c the skids didn't like to be scolded or do chores at our house. She stated that I, as a "stepmom" (and i'm not married to skids father btw) am ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY responsible in the eyes of the law for ANYTHING that happens to skids while on visitation. So if my BF is scolding his skids and they don't like it, i'm personally responsible to pull BF aside and tell him to stop it right now as those poor little darlings don't cotton to his tone. I am also responsible according to CPS worker to make sure the little angels don't do "age inappropriate" chores. No farm-like chores. just some light sweeping and dusting and only when the cuties are in the mood for it after they've watched their 5 hours of cartoon network (/sarcasm tag off)

CPS told us that we were reported because BM thought we were unreasonable by sending the kids outside for some fresh air. Ummmm....and the problem here is??? She BM never makes the boys go outside unless they want...TV, computer, video games are enough exercise I guess.......well at least for their fingers and eyes!! You can imagine what CPS was told! We welcomed to call and make arrangements to see how our house was run at anytime. We have my 2 girls here 15 & 12 that have good marks in school, very seldom miss school unless they are really sick, are very social, involved in extra curricular and do not need counselling. They both have regular chores as this is part of learning responsibilities. They both show adults and others respect. We have the 2 ss that don't live with us, are both in counselling because they have social issues and problems dealing with their anger when they interact with others, they are both doing poorly in school, also miss apprx 2-3 mths of school each year for no reason, neither boy is in any extra curricular either and neither show any respect for adults, ESPECIALLY dad and stepmom. So you tell me who is doing what is right and who is doing what is wrong. Prime examples of how households are run differently and rules are put in place for a very good reason!
Corie

The People's Socialist Republic of NY

Everyone wants to say that a little work and punishment will just break these kids today but if you can't spank, give extra chores, or even raise your voice to them how will they learn boundaries and is that CPS worker going to be reponsible if skids become ridiculously out of line since they think their ideas work? Growing up I had a healthy love for my parents and an equally healthy fear I have no idea what I'dve done under those ideas.

where I no longer feel comfortable around the skids. After all this; after all the back breaking sacrifices we've made, these skids don't like being scolded or doing chores so they tell BM and she works the system in their favour.

If I have to be responsible yet not be able to set limits, I want no part of these little "angels."

The STB 9 yr old SD is the catalyst; always has been; and is a chronic liar. Frankly, I don't want to see her little perpetually sarcastic and smirky face again!!!

Unfortunately this will play right into BM's hands as she wanted to alienate "her babies" from BF and me from the git go. We really can't afford to spend any more time, money and effort salvaging the relationship as we have our own lives to think about. We went at it like gangbusters for 3 years and I for one, am exhausted and emotionally worn out trying to please the two little princes and the princess who acts like a cross between Queen Elizabeth, Paris Hilton and Brittney Spears*** when she comes to our house. We've taken the "high road" for so long and bitten our tongues when BM did some truly outrageous and horrendous things to ruin the relationship between skids and ourselves. This is the last straw!

As I mentioned earlier, I feel that BM owes us a year and a half of weekends free since it was by verbal agreement (between BM and BF; I never got input) that we have the little darlings EVERY weekend and not EOW.

Funny, though, BM is TOTALLY eager to get HER kid-free weekends back for the last 5 weekends! We're just some third world child care service to her that she can kick in the teeth and then order us back to work at her beck and call.

***actually, for those who have seen the new "Willie Wonka" movie with Johnny Depp, she acts more like a cross between Veruca Salt, Violet Beauregarde with a little Augustus Gloop and the Video maniac kid thrown in for good measure!