itsgottostop's picture

DH & Ex In-Laws

Am I wrong for thinking this way?

Long story short, BM has put me through hell the past 4 years but the past year has been extremely tough to deal with. DH & I have been going to the fertility clinic and doing the meds for over a year now. Well, ever since BM found out we were having problems getting pregnant she constantly makes fun of me (this is a 30 year old mother of 2 now) for not being able to have children. She's said things to my face several times as well as saying things to DH about it. Her mother is just like her. DH recently went to court and I couldn't go this time. BM had brought her mother with her. Well, since I'm not there BM's mother walks up and hugs my DH and talks to him for a few minutes. This makes me furious!!!! How can he treat them as if they have done nothing at all??? It just makes me so mad that he doesn't stand up for me. He just lets them say whatever they want to me and I'm supposed to just take it. Really? Is this right?


Still Have Hope's picture

Very annoying when the EX

Very annoying when the EX in-laws won't let go. A few months after we married the first wife's parents came to visit her and the skids. My DH's ex FIL came over every day around 10 AM and stayed until dinner time. By the end of the week I was getting kind of fond of the old guy. Seems he really didn't like his daughter (the x) any more than we did. You have to feel sorry for someone who spends their vacation visiting with their daughter's EX and his new wife.

"There is no way to be a perfect mother but there are a thousand ways to be a good one." ~Jill Churchill

Totalybogus's picture

That is plain malicious. I'm

That is plain malicious. I'm sorry they have hurt you that way. I know it must be a heartbreaking experience for you since you are trying to have your own child. Yes, your husband needs to put his big boy pants on and protect you from these vicious pigs.

itsgottostop's picture

It seriously makes me feel

It seriously makes me feel like a crazy person. I said something to him about not standing up for me and talking to them like nothing is wrong and I just get accused of being jealous and controlling.

***THE JEALOUS ARE TROUBLESOME TO OTHERS BUT A TORMENT TO THEMSELVES***

Totalybogus's picture

Men are so stupid sometimes.

Men are so stupid sometimes. He has no idea how much this bothers you. Sometimes you just have to hit them over the heard with a 2x4 to get them to understand. Tell him how this makes you feel and tell him what you expect from him should either of them ever mention such things to you again.

donna123's picture

No, it isn’t right. EX MIL,

No, it isn’t right. EX MIL, hugging your DH is in my view a very inappropriate expression of fake sympathy. The implication being there, there dear we know that that woman isn’t able to give you any children and gosh how we love rubbing her nose in that fact. We know that she is the problem, and if it weren’t for her you and my lovely daughter would likely reconcile and you would come back to your real “home” and your real children where you belong.

Who told BM anyway? Hopefully it wasn’t your DH--because if he did that is a very large betrayal.

He should have firmly taken EX MIL’s arms off of him and said. “I don’t appreciate expressions of false caring and nothing that you have done and are doing exemplifies to me genuine concern. You are being vindictive and nothing less and please don’t pretend otherwise. I find your fake show of concern offensive.”

Problem with some men is they suck up this poisonous motherly pampering like little boys.

"I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people"...Jack Handey

itsgottostop's picture

Thanks! Dealing with a crazy

Thanks! Dealing with a crazy BM and a naive DH sometimes makes you think that you are the crazy one!

***THE JEALOUS ARE TROUBLESOME TO OTHERS BUT A TORMENT TO THEMSELVES***

oneoffour's picture

How did the ex etc find out

How did the ex etc find out about your fertility issues?

I would ignore them both and my DH for a while. If he wants those people in his life good luck to him.

If your DH told BM about the treatment, I am so sorry. After over 4 yrs he still discusses personal issues like this with her?
My DH has to have testosterone treatment for Andropause (male equiv to menopause) Without it he is like an 80 yr old ... tires easily, falls asleep, no muscle tone, loss if interest in anything. And he is in his early 50s!

Have I told anyone? No way! I think his immediate family know but there is no way I would share that with my family. It isn't embarrassing but it is very personal.

oneoffour's picture

How did the ex etc find out

How did the ex etc find out about your fertility issues?

I would ignore them both and my DH for a while. If he wants those people in his life good luck to him.

If your DH told BM about the treatment, I am so sorry. After over 4 yrs he still discusses personal issues like this with her?
My DH has to have testosterone treatment for Andropause (male equiv to menopause) Without it he is like an 80 yr old ... tires easily, falls asleep, no muscle tone, loss if interest in anything. And he is in his early 50s!

Have I told anyone? No way! I think his immediate family know but there is no way I would share that with my family. It isn't embarrassing but it is very personal.

oneoffour's picture

How did the ex etc find out

How did the ex etc find out about your fertility issues?

I would ignore them both and my DH for a while. If he wants those people in his life good luck to him.

If your DH told BM about the treatment, I am so sorry. After over 4 yrs he still discusses personal issues like this with her?
My DH has to have testosterone treatment for Andropause (male equiv to menopause) Without it he is like an 80 yr old ... tires easily, falls asleep, no muscle tone, loss if interest in anything. And he is in his early 50s!

Have I told anyone? No way! I think his immediate family know but there is no way I would share that with my family. It isn't embarrassing but it is very personal.

itsgottostop's picture

My husband didn't tell her.

My husband didn't tell her. She found out through a friend of a friend. DH doesn't talk to BM at all except through email and I have access to that email account as well.

***THE JEALOUS ARE TROUBLESOME TO OTHERS BUT A TORMENT TO THEMSELVES***