Step Talk

Been there and done that! We've been in the same situation for the past six years... SUPPOSED to get EOW, alternate holidays, part of the summer, etc. and we're LUCKY to average one weekend visit a year. If I had a dime for every hour I spent researching the legal crap, I'd be a very wealthy woman. In the early years, it pretty much took over our life. About two years ago, we had to make a major life decision when my husband retired from the military... either find a job near the kids and keep plugging away, or take the better job that was further away. It really wasn't much of a decision. We left the state and took the better job. We never got to see them, anyway, so why stay? He's working on building up a better long-distance relationship so that they'll come visit maybe once or twice a year, but I think it was the best decision we've ever made. Once we moved away, there were no more fights over visitation, shared holidays and all that crap. It has lightened the atmosphere in our home considerably. We miss the skids a lot - even ME! - but we didn't get to see them any more than we did when we lived in-state. I was like you... we definitely fought the good fight, but ultimately, unless we got a lawyer and sued her for contempt every other weekend when visits were denied, what's the point? I feel sorry for the kids, sorry for my husband, but sometimes a situation is crappy and it's going to stay crappy no matter how hard you try to make it better. So we chose to live our best life, try to include them as much as possible, but to not sweat it if they didn't want to our couldn't participate. It's been very freeing. Now all our BM issues are dealt with from afar and it's really nice to not feel her constantly breathing down our necks.

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

I'm the same way...thank god we live out of state! I couldn't handle the BM or "SS" anymore than once or twice a year! I always felt guilty for not particularily caring for SS...but I realized I'm not the only one this happens to, so it must be somewhat normal! So now I don't stress about it as much.

You guys are SOOOOOOOOOO lucky! Your DH/BF realized early on that the court systems are a joke and you can spend hundreds of thousands to enforce visitation and STILL be behind the eight ball!!! I mean from what i hear the "success" stories are few and far between. Maybe two dads out of two thousand get custody and it is deemed a "success." But then those two dads usually receive NO CS from the egg donor and still have to put up with the BM's grief. It also doesn't tell the story of the long suffering step mom who has to try and undo all the damage that the BM has done (PAS, etc.). In the end the dad gets to say "i won" because he got custody and that's about all he has to show for it. The stepmom usually lives a life of hell on earth.

I say you can't fight city hall!! Until the laws change, there is no reason to go into debt from astronomical legal fees or live everyday worrying about what BM is doing or how horrible the skids treat you. Life is too short. I say DHs and BFs erase the slate and MOVE ON! I was told this by SEVERAL older wise men who had gone through the same things with their ex-wives treating the children as their personal property. THE KIDS ALWAYS COME BACK!! When they are grown they usually make an appearance to get the REAL story!

I only wish my BF would "get it" like Color and Melis' DH/BFs did!