you may have already read my blog on this, but here it goes....
the other morning i stopped in the house before going to work (i was at an early morning dentist appt) so me stopping in was unexpected to anyone in the house. when I went into my bedroom, the bed was empty - i was startled as my husband should have been there. i couldn't figure out where he was, looked in SD's room and there he was sleeping in her bed (SD was sleeping too). this is eating me up and really bothering me. i don't think that a father should be sleeping with a 13-yr-old even if it is completely innocent. i am overly concerned that he may have molested her either in the past, or ongoing.
since you are a father of a girl close to the same age can you offer me any insight?
my husband did tell me about a story when he was 12 and an older cousin (boy) made him perform a sex act on him and i know abusers are usually abused and that is what can make someone an abuser.
this is taking over my thoughts and making me crazy, repulsed, and worried about SD's safety.
now that I have stumbled upon this there are other warning signs, poor hygiene, grades dropped dramatically, dresses inappropriately (cleavage showing), extreme jealously of me, etc. Also, one main reason i am concerned is because this was hidden from me and only is done when I am not in the house, sneaking around = bad?
I did get another father respond with his take on my issues, but I need as much advice as I can get.
I'm a S-Dad with BioSons, but I have 5 SD's at home...
They are 9,10,11,16, and 18. The Oldest one and I aren't real close, and I am closest with the youngest two. I cuddle with the youngest, relatively often, the 16 year old occasionally, and the 18 year old very rarely, and the 11 yr old basically never.
Our 18 yr old and I have had Issues all along, on and off, but I still DO Love Her,and am Here when She needs Me, When She is Upset, I'll Hug Her or hold Her while She cries Herself Out, and I kiss Her Goodnight on the cheek or Forehead, most nights, like I do all the Girls, except the 11 yr old, who doesn't like Me to. I am closer to Our 16 yr old, and I do occasionally let Her cuddle on the couch with Me, when We are watching a movie or whatever. The Youngest two will come and sit on My lap,to talk,apologize, etc. or cuddle on the couch. I have and will lay with any of the kids if They come to Me when they have a nightmare,are sick, etc. to comfort them. I have even fallen asleep doing it once or twice...If cuddling has been a regular thing, all Their lives, and They do it when You are home, too,then I wouldn't worry too much, unless You see innapropriate behavior. You didn't say if She has recently "developed/hit puberty" but that alone can bring about much of the other behavior You mentioned, We are dealing with those types of things with a couple of Our Girls, as well as Our Boys. Have You objected to Them cuddling in the past? He may have been doing it only when You weren't home to try to avoid disagreements...
If You want to contact Me directly, feel free to, I would be Happy to try to Help You, if I can.
Steve
Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL
My hubby is here for this one- Heres his take
Hi. I have a 14 y/o daughter and as far as the bad hygene, wanting to show cleavage thats pretty typical for this age I have to constantly be on my daughter about this.Theres no reason to sneak around to climb into bed with his daughter, my daughter does still snuggle up to me during movies but I wouldn't lay down in her bed with herr- not because it would make me uncomfortable but because it just would seem a little weird.I would take this serious hope for the best and pray theres nothing to worry about.
If your SD is in counseling you should let the counselor know about your concerns, she(SD) may not feel comfortable talking to you about it maybe a counselor could get more information from SD.
I hope you're wrong.
Jeff
There is no reaon where logic does not exist
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