Step Talk

Oh, c'mere, lemme give you a hug, if you're a hugger, or if not, here's a shot of tequila. If you're not a drinker, well, watch Pulp Fiction. That always helps me.

Believe me, I hear you. I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, and for christ's sake I hope you feel better after spilling that all out. We're all here to lend an ear to you, that's what we here for.

And after reading your story, I'm surprised you haven't gone on a mass homicidal rampage. My hat is off to you, lady! Vent away, my darling, vent away.

HUGS
Fearless
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Rollin' with it since 2006...

You seem a wee bit upset. Is this the result of something specific, or did you just dwell on the recent past a little more than you should have?

I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!! You say it all PERFECT. I love it! You're not insane - we're the only normal ones...who are tired of it all...

If I weren't at work - I'd have a drink to your "vent"! Cheers!

"To the ass, or the sow, their own offspring appears the fairest in creation."

and have been there again and again and again. It's good to vent, gets it off your chest and at least we understand where you are coming from and can empathize completely! My bad week was last week...I was so angry I was actually shaking and I can normally keep my cool for a long time, blow my stack and its over with. I shook for over an hour, its a good thing hubby was only on the phone with me because I seriously thought about hitting him over the head! Just take one day at a time, if that doesn't work, one minute at a time....and breathe!

Corie

AWWWWW SHIT.

Daddys Gurl

It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!

I find that the crap I could tolerate from my first marriage was infinitely more than I choose to tolerate in my second. DH can take it or leave it. He keeps wondering why I sound so pleasant when I speak to him from work and wig out on him at night when he drags home from work at midnight. HULLO!! I've worked all day, fixed dinner, cleaned up dinner, asked about homework, checked homework, washed clothes, loaded the dryer, unloaded/reloaded the dishwasher, stepped into a million petty little arguments between his kids, tolerated snotty looks and replies from his kids; and when I wasn't running myself ragged, I was spending time in my own head peering into the black abyss that is my life and letting the resentment build to Vesuvian levels. Then I explode all over Mr. Howdy-Doody. I kinda look forward to it; great stress reliever.

I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.

Could be the full moon. My Dh displays some of these tendencies and I take and take and take until I flip out and then I am the bad guy. Always the same story, "poor SD her parents are divorced", "she doesn't understand, she is only a child", "all the other kids are doing the same thing", "That was her BM's decision, I don't have anything to do with that"....I could write his script for him for every conversation we have about SD. Why do these men (not all) think they stop being a parent after they divorce? Why can they no longer instill values in their own children? I just don't get it sometimes. 'sigh'

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

Just reading your vent....and I personally felt the release...absolutly perfect, RIGHT ON! I love the way you word it.

I tell you what... you have hit the nail on the head. That is my DH to a tee! You almost had me thinking about letting him read this post, so that he could see himself in your words!!! "GOD BLESS YOU!"

but when we're frustratd - "you worry too much" or "cheer up". DH is having a "blue Tuesday" and he gets to have his pity party but if I were to do the same, I'm bringing him down and "not helping the situation". I just don't get it.

Thought I'd post in this blog because I just know exactly how you feel Empty Risks. I mean I didn't ask for this bullshit but day in and day out, I suffer. My Biokids suffer because there always seems to be tension in the air. And his precious babies is all anyone seems to care about. What about the ripple effect it has on those of us who are just along for the "roller coaster" ride that he calls a life. This is no life and nobody deserves to live their life like this.

You are my hero today - you have said it just so perfect (like I said earlier). You lifted my spirits and then my phone rings and low and behold it's DH and he brings me right back into this dimented reality I call my life.....

"To the ass, or the sow, their own offspring appears the fairest in creation."

I am astounded that someone has finally put in to words what I have been trying to say for over a year.....although your post was incredibly true, it also had that level of humor that I so desperately needed! Thank you!

Go grab the bottle of wine, or whatever your "poison" may be, and know that somewhere out there, I'm right there with ya! Unfortunately, today was the day I decided to start detoxing after spending my last three summer months in a perpetual buzz. That's how awful my "host" is!

I read this and looked back on my last four years. All I could say was uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.

My ex gf was unhappy when I contrasted her twins with some of the kids that I see day to day. The ones in jail or the ones who should be. No way could her wonderful beautiful children ever be that way.

I remember the first time they threw a tantrum when we lived together. It was gf's birthday and I took special care to plan something nice. She was just getting over surgery and they wanted to watch tv rather than do something nice with the lady I loved with all my heart. A huge tantrum. I remember later on that night going outside and walking over to the park next door and sitting on the swing wondering "What the hell?!"

I stayed. I put up with their tantrums lasting 2-3 hours. Over nothing. I remember seeing them fight over homework for hours and hours. I remember one evening when the gf couldn't reach her ex on the phone during a visitation when he had the kids -- she slept on the couch all night long.

Sex was up and down -- how passionate can a couple be when the kids are constantly screaming and yelling? There was one time when my mother came up and me and the gf went out and mom and my daughter stayed home with the ss. They got in a fight and ran away -- in a neighborhood where there are several sex offenders living close by (they are everywhere).

Love was a roller coaster -- how much did I want to marry a lady who let her kids constantly scream at me. The kids were close friends, but we would point out how their screaming fits hurt my daughter. They were sorry until they threw the next fit the next day.

If that would have been me doing that to the kids or the gf, I would have been arrested for domestic violence. I tried to tell the ex gf that, but they were good boys. Her ex said they had problems. The babysitter and the neighbors would roll their eyes at the kids. They knew what was going on and the kids weren't that well liked. But to her they were the best kids in the world.

I became worried that because of their actions that I might lose visitation with my daughter. Can you blame a little girl for not liking being in a place where two strangers were screaming at her father all the time? My ex is not all that nice of a person, but if she would have filed a motion to modify visitation, I don't think I could have blamed her that much.

Yet, when I finally had enough and told her that they were running the house and not us. She threw me and my daughter out in the street. For a while, she wanted me back. She had us go to counseling. The counseling was about "our communication problems" -- I kept telling her that the problem was the kids fighting and screaming.

When I asked for her to have them evaluated for additional problems -- I "gave her an ultimatum." Yes I did -- care for your children; treat me with respect and then we can love each other. Very unreasonable ultimatum. Uh huh.

Reading these posts helps me cope -- it is easy to think that I could have done something; that I should have done something different. Guilt is a terrible driver. I know there is literature out there about "Finding the Right One;" "Dating;" "Picking up women;" "Meeting the Right Man;" etc.

There are more blended families than traditional families now -- how long before there are a steady stream of books about dealing with the stress we are talking about. How long before step parents are on Oprah telling the horror stories we are relating now.

Until that happens I don't see very many people dealing with out complaints -- except for the nice friendly people at Jack Daniels distillery!

Kevin

I was just thinking the same things that everyone else has mentioned. We are not allowed, really, to vent anywhere BUT here. Our spouses don't want to hear about what we see ("You are just too unreasonable about that; s/he is just a kid with a lot of issues to deal with right now") or they just put their heads in the sand and do nothing. We are not allowed to have bad moods ("Are you ever happy with ANYTHING anymore?"). And we most certainly don't dare correct the children ourselves.

Thank you so much for posting your vent. I hope it helped you as much as it helped me!

marika

My hubby is the 1st to admit that my kids are much better behaved and more mature than his own children. But, when his children are over, I find that he is extremely lenient with them, does not make them abide by the same rules, & they are constantly disrespectful to both he and I. He said he doesn't want to have the kids hate coming here because they have to mind all the time. I say, how can they learn responsibility in life and grow to be adjusted, well liked people if they don't abide by rules. There are rules everywhere you go in life...from the police, to driving, etc.

BM has no rules for the kids and does not believe in any form of grounding/punishment. When the kids are here, hubby doesn't do a lot of enforcing, I am the heavy. I can not handle disrespectful children and I make them write lines out saying they will not be disrespectful to us. BM even called children services on me once about the line writing. They called and spoke to us and said this was acceptable, but they just had to follow up because there was a complaint laid and they closed the file immediately. In a sense the kids are just doing what they are taught, because BM is constantly downing us in front of the kids, but in the same instance, the children are old enough to know right from wrong. You must be held accountable for your actions.
Corie

KILL BILL...oh yes sometimes I wish I could beat the shit out of a man like Uma Thurman...LOL

And as for words about this site...I used to sit and stew and get upset and then angry and then of course drunk. Now when something bad happens I just think well, you wait til the girls (and Kev) hear about this!! They are gonna f@#k you up when they hear what you have done this time!! LMAO..Love it. Heheh

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

However, there are no victims here, only volunteers......

Janice

I too, was in a situation where my emotional ties far outweighed the obvious solution, no matter how simple it seemed. I, like you, felt victimized by the people who "duped" me into believing I knew exactly what I was getting into....only to wake up later and find out that my situation was a lot closer to insanity than I was willing to admit. I gave it my all anyway. Again and again. Only to be manipulated, conned and lied to, again and again. But I wanted so much to believe in that situation, I compromised my own sanity for it. I wanted to prove to myself, and to those who "told me so" that they were wrong. All of it, at only my expense. Because while I was pouring my heart and soul into an impossible situation, those who were doing the manipulating were like scavengers, picking at what was left on my bones.

And then I met someone who finally was able to help me see the truth. That it was ME who was volunteering to stay and live in the situation that I had no control over. I was willing to allow myself and my life to become insane, without realizing that I had the power to walk away from it. I could finally give myself permission to quit. To chuck it all away for what was left of MYSELF.

They explained to me that I was riding an elevator that was going down. And they made me see that although I was riding that elevator, I had enough sense to see that the elevator could stop at any floor on the way down. All I had to do was step off before it hit bottom. After all, when those doors opened on EVERY floor on the way down, NO ONE was holding back from getting off except myself.

I had to learn that my children and I were worth more than the hopeless situation I was in. I could always, always, decide that my efforts towards these people were fruitless, and channel my energies towards what was left of ME.

Empty, I was, nor am I in any way blaming you for your unhappiness. I was simply trying to say that your elevator also stops at every floor on the way down........

Since my decision to do what was best for my sanity, my life has not been a bed of roses. There are still thorns. I just choose not to touch them as often......

Good luck to you.

Janice

We share a life! I could NOT have typed that better if I tried to!! I am in the middle of a fight right now. Hang in there!!

That when I pushed the button to get off the elevator the floor was supposed to be one of quiet and peace...

Not one of trying to figure out why 2 spoons are missing from my silverware I got back...

Or wondering (at 2 am) ws it me?

Kevin