irritatedgal's picture

my stepson is an asshole!!!! Do I put him in his place or not???

My stepsons last visit to my house was on Thanksgiving, where he acted like a jerk. I didn't want him over, hubby did. So I had him over to be gracious...what was my thanks?? Him talking on the phone for hours on end, using the computer without permission (when he's been told to ASK FIRST)making a pig out of himself, and hogging the last of two bottles of sparkling cider, thinking ONLY of himself, and acting like a jerk when grandma and dad set a limit on how many cigarettes they'd give him. He wanted to visit at the end of February but dad said no as we live in the second-highest place in the NATION with gas prices, and brat wasn't willing to help with more than $5 in gas money. He was mean and manipulative on the phone when dad said he had 2 young kids to think about (his half-brothers are 4 and 8 yrs old)and said "that's just an excuse!" First I think dad doesn't owe him any explanation second, brat has NO BUSINESS talking to dad like that. I mean, I cant wrap my head around why he thinks he can act like an asshole and then just invite himself over whenever? Puzzled

The thing that's happening now is brat called dad on the phone tonight and wants to come over and stay the night with his girlfriend. My problems with this are how I feel about this brat and his attitude, the fact that he eats like a HORSE, and we are struggling with our food supply-long story but suffice it to say we were hungry for a month and a half due to being screwed with foodstamps and a move and are still trying to get reserve supplies in, plus due to hubby's health conditions I have to keep junk to a minimum-meaning any sale I find on healthy foods I have to pounce on. Another is we are a 4 person family living in a 2 bedroom apartment...2 grown kids taking up space in my small living room aint my cuppa tea. When brat asked dad about this visit, dad said "my wife wouldn't go for it" (I was told what he asked after he got off the phone) and I could hear brat shouting "that's f*@^ing bull#%^$T!" and who knows what else-I left the room.

Am I wrong to not want this brat to visit after the crap he's pulled, at least not for several months? When I bring up how he acted at turkey day to hubby, he says it was a "long time ago" and I need to "get over it". I dont consider 3 months ago a "long time ago" and how do I "get over it" when I have ZERO reason to believe he'll act any different on another visit? Dads attitude is "well that's what I have to put up with to see my son."

I realize he wants to see his son but it shouldn't mean we have to put up with his BS...I am soooo tempted to put this little shit in his place but wondering if it would just make hubby more defensive of him. Help please. Sad


Lostinthemadness's picture

Nope y7our not wrong but your

Nope y7our not wrong but your DH should have had to balls to say no sorry son thats not possible , theres no room or whatever reason instead of blaiming you for the refusal... well unless you dont mind being the bad guy.

And as for putting him in his place, personally if he treated you badly directly then yes I would, if he treats your hubby badly then no, thats down to your hubby to fix.

`Tis better to stay quiet and be thought stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

StepAside's picture

I think you should stay

I think you should stay focused. You have two kids to care for and a family to look after. You're not wrong for not wanting him to visit. I do think you should shield yourself from his comments. Go take a shower if your DH is on the phone with him. You don't need to know or hear his son go off, particularly about you. All of that is huff and puff, and it only upsets you to hear or know about it.

I don't think you should engage your ss at all. He'll only go crying to your DH that you were a mean witch. You have nothing to gain. I think you will be better off if you split the things that you have to be upset over. Your DH is an adult. If he lets his son speak to him like that, that's his choice. You have to let that one go. If he is bumming cigarettes from your inlaws, that is between them.

Your priorities are supplies, your kids, what you expose them to and how your ss speaks to you and them. If he comes, make a huge pot of pasta and have it for leftovers the next day. I'd say no to having the girlfriend, period. If the kid wants to introduce his gf to your DH that badly, he can stay in a hotel. He plays, he can pay. In a space as small as yours, I wouldn't want my kids thinking that's acceptable behavior.

Anyway, my thinking is that if you get upset about the whole picture, your DH is going to keep telling you to "get over it". However, if you stick to the issues that directly impact you and your kids, then he has much less of an argument that you are overreacting.

(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

irritatedgal's picture

The other thing I noticed in

The other thing I noticed in a later conversation was DH telling brat about how broke we are and how our money goes towards bills, etc. What is it of brats business about our finances? I would love to hear kids end of a few phone calls b/c I get a feeling that kid interrogates dad-calls and wants something and then dad offers explanations. I dont feel this kid is owed an explanation. And considering the way he can melt into an asshole in a heartbeat, the only thing that appears to get through to this kid is harshness. To DH's credit, there has been times he's hung up on brat or not answered his phone calls...so that gives me hope. I know I have a tendency to complain too much (about this and other issues) and part of the reason I do it is I'm afraid if I dont I'll get walked all over as hubby has a tendency to make decisions w/o my input at times.

so my dilemna is do I complain and have DH see me as the bad guy? or do I NOT complain and risk having precious punk overstay his welcome?

Step aside, I realize that it is up to my hubby how brat speaks to him, but what I dont get is why he's so much easier on brat than our 8 year old? His attitude (unless brat was visiting and DH was dealing with his BS)when brat was a teen-check out my first post-"I'm gonna BE THERE for him" but he gets much more impatient with our 8 year old. And it wasn't just the in-laws giving him cigarettes, it was hubby too. We are broke (I'm looking for work) and I feel if brat wants to smoke, he should fund his own damn habit.

Any suggestions for making any visits of his less cozy and as formal as possible??

liks's picture

Cant you just make it so

Cant you just make it so uncomfortable for him when he is around that he wont wanna visit anymore???

If he users the phone tell him to get off as you have to make a phone call....hide the computer so he cant use it....unplug the TV....feed him horrible food....(vegetables will do it) Cut up cake and and dont have enough for him....

I would be saying to your husband that you really dont feel comfortable when he is over and really dont want to be in the house ....then go out with your kids for the day....stay over night....that should fix him...

Perhaps you can walk out the door be uncontactable and dont cum home the next day next time he visits....be a drama queen....u shouldnt have to put up with skum upsetting you....

'some parents really bring their children up'; others let them down!