Step Talk

Yeah but sometimes it that way when you have joint custody as what my husband maintained in his divorce. Sometimes - it is worse this way also as you have to deal with the ex EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE.

This situation isn't fun either. The egg donor uses us as the bad guys when she decides to go party and change the plans. This means that our plans for that weekend change. Her excuse is ALWAYS that she has to work. However, if that was the case, then she works 2 weeks in a row? Don't think so. That also means that we have to tell the children that she isn't coming. She doesn't have to dry the tears, or try to make them not so sad.

We get to constantly be the bad guys while mom is the huge train wreck...unfortunately for ss, the state sides with the uterus holder, not with responsibility. So for us, we don't see ss any more, that is until gift giving opportunities...users...gotta love em.

10 years- didn't love alot of minutes but made the most of them, and the ones I do love were worth the rest. SD has amazed us by managing to be well adjusted in spite of every effort put in by BM and all her personalities! Now we're custodial and shes pissed that her meal ticket is gone but the SD loves being here and is sooooo much better off the improvements aren't countable!

BF and I have been together for 3.5 years, but we've only been getting SS now for a little over a year.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

It's been 8 years for me. Everyday seems to have it's challenges and ups and downs.

~Cheri~

8 months of absolute joy of having the child around.... absolute HELL dealing with the drama..... Sometimes I am happy sometimes sad, sometimes very resentful of the relationship...but I have to remember that I'm learning how to cope... this is new to me and i can't be too hard on myself..

.....psycho ex's suck....

or is it kind of scary that it seems like the biggest group is in the 5-7 year range and that 7-10 drops off? I am at the four year mark. Does that support the statistic that the largest percent of stepfamilies that don't make it seem to split between 3-5 years? I also noticed that 10+ years is really close to 7-10. Is that 3-5 year mark the most critical? The readings that I have done seem to support that.

Curious....

Georgie

my hope is that at the "longer" range it is either (1) things have FINALLY gotten better or (2) the kids are now teens and working and doing their own thing and busier so not as many issues or (3) the kids are now raised and in college, military, married etc and off on to a life of their own... thus there is no longer a REASON to vent, rant, cry and reach out for support, advice, help etc!

Wishful thinking? I hope not...

It is what it is...

I don't know if I am cheating but I was SM to a 12 year old til he was 15 then I met and married DH and now have an SS from 8 to now 11. There was an 8 month gap when it was just me and my BS.

My first SS and I got on great, he was really outgoing and smart and very musically talented, so he and I gelled really well, aside that his mum did the best she could and was supportive of my relationship with him. He always respected me and did as he was told. His mum used to tell him to stop his crap or she would send him to Catch and she will sort you out!! He used to get very upset and ask his mum not to tell me that he had been a shithead or Catch will kill me!! LOL they were the good times.

Now I am on the other foot where BM is an idiot and has lttle thought for her son, bags me & DH to SS and he is an anti-social hate everyone & everything type of kid. So I have had it both ways. i still get to talk to x-SS sometimes and he is 18 now and doing ok. He still says I am the best SM ever!! Maybe I should introduce him to SS11!!

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

And if I knew then what I know now .... I would get the gold medal for the fastest runner!!!! You guys are much stronger than me. I can't take this anymore.

My BF has moved in with me and my 2 children. Ages 10 and 6. Every week, his 3 kids come to stay for 3-5 days because of the joint custody. Our kids are the same age, and most of the time they get along fine, but his 3 are driving me crazy! They fight with each other constantly. Name calling, kicking, fighting over toys/use of computer...All The time!! They run in and out of the house, no respect for keeping my house clean. I swear all I do is pick up after them in some way or another! How do I control these little monsters?? I can control my kids, but no matter what I say to his, they do not listen or follow through!

WOW, 11 years. I can't believe it. Where did the time go? When we got together kids were 5, 6 and 8. It's been a bumpy road, (well, maybe under construction, OK, EXTREME construction) that I wouldn't wish on anyone. But I've found the most wonderful guy in the world. And I wouldn't trade a moment with him for anything. I would trade every moment with the ex for a root canal tho, OK a mouth full of root canals. Things are a little better with her, now that everyone is growing up. But when she wants something, hop to it or else. We've done the best we could when the kids were with us. Now we just hope that we've made a difference in their lives and they will see that we really do love them despite what other people say. (OK, well, one person in particular).

Whew!

Good friends are like stars....you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

With impending marriage that'll bring me a teen SD--it's all new, overwhelming, and confusing--for this previously childless cat Mom.

...my religion is kindness~ Dalai Lama

If only I had known what I was getting into, I too would have gotten the award for the fastest runner. The children (his) were 6 and 9, and mine was 3. We faced many challenges; some time resolved. My ex was easy to deal with as he lives in another state we worked together so he could maintain a good relationship with our son. My SS and SD's mom was deceased, so they were dealing with life's greatest loss. My husband had guilt issues because of their loss, so he mainly placated them and was not willing to discipline or set boundaries. SD and SS are now 21 and 18, both in college. Our relationship is good, but still not what I would like.

Plus two years before that when I was dating my SKs’ dad.

I used to watch them every weekend while he worked, and I don’t know if that forged the bond we all now feel, but it’s “I love you” at our house, every night before bed and at random times during the day. Their mother, whom I usually despise, has helped the situation immensely, I believe, by not talking bad about me to the kids (I believe).

I really don’t think I would have married their father had not these two children, now 7 and 10, been so generous as to accept me and love me like their own. They miss their dad and mom being together, obviously, but that longing never manifests itself in nasty behavior toward me (thankfully, and I know you 5-year SMs are saying “not yet, anyway”). But how wonderful is it to hear your SS tell his sister, who is saying she wishes her parents would live together again: “If Mom and Dad got back together, we wouldn’t have (my name here).”

And I’d do it all over again and only hope the kids feel the same way. (My husband had just better feel the same way!) My only regret is I no longer can afford Chanel shoes ...

Sometimes it seems like the time has flown by. Our boys were 3 and 5 when were got together. BM contact is only sparatic at best. Back then I had a whole lot more of a fiesty nature and could match her with whatever I had to. I have to admit that there were times that running away from all of them screaming may have danced across my mind like a fantasy. Those were the times that I wonder what was I thinking. Somehow, day by day, we weathered it.

Now that they are 18 and 20 I don't really even cross paths with her. Only our yougest lives with us now, he's working full time until he starts college. Our oldest moved out into his own appartment last December. He's making a go of it. We talk to him every week.

Can you believe that I always encourage them to keep in contact with her and not forget to send her cards for birthdays and special occations. They will go over to her place for a meal here and there, but they will never take their girlfriends over to meet her. I have to work on that. Even a meeting in passing would ease my mind, she's still their Mom. They will be glad they did such little things in years to come.

Good luck to everyone.

I Met my husband the same day he found out that he was going to be a dad. I was even at the hospital when Sarah had Christian. Sarah and I get along for the most part until Christian started calling her Sarah and me Mom. She sent me an Email saying that he Should call her Mom and Me Audrey because you are his stepmom... that pissed me off... I have been there before he was born! I got up in the middle of the night and gave him a bottle... I read to him.... taught him his prayers... I have done more for him then She HAS! Hell I even took him to his first Day of Preschool last month.I dont believe that giving birth to him entitles you to be his mom! I have been there for him when she wasnt! I think that he should chose for himself whom he calls mom! Audrey

Though... before I had my bio-child I had the same attitude as you, Audrey so I completly understand!! My SK was so little when I first started dating my husband that he couldnt really tell the difference between his mother and myself( we looked a like back then, fortunetly she got fat over the years...hehehe )then as he got older he called me Mommy____, and years later he only calls me by my first name, even though my role in his life has not changed. I felt entitled back then to be called Mom because I was doing all the work, and she was doing nothing but partying. After having my own child, I cant imagine another woman - no matter what role she had in my child's life being called Mommy. Just find a cute name that makes you feel special and go with that, in the end it will be more satisfying anyway cause you will be called something special and she will just be another Mom

I do have 2 children of my own. I grew up in a blended family. My 2 sisters shared the same dad. My mother gave me the choice of calling my Dad John Dad Or Step dad. I always have called him Dad... My real Dad Fred Came into the picture when I was 16. They are both my Dads. I dont think that I am taking anything away from Sarah. When we talk to Christian about her we always Call her mommy Sarah or me Mommy Audrey. step was never said in my house growing up. because they left it up to me. I think that he should have the same choice I had. When he gets older and if he wants to call me Audrey that will be ok as long as it is his choice. I just dont think that it should be Sarah or my choice. As for My other two kids calling someone else mom well if she treats them like I treat christian then no I wouldnt have a problem with it. I havent treated him any different then I treat my bks. in fact when people ask me how many kids I have I say 3.

Well, I dont think anyone, especially anyone on this site would down play your role in your stepson's life. It takes incredible will to get up every morning and do what we do. I also do not think there is any shame what-so-ever in being called by your name, or a special name. You wouldnt write on his school forms that you are in fact his Mother, would you? My SK lives with me 305 days a year and has since practically birth but I always identify myself as SM. Im proud of it! I do think it can be confusing to a small child, having 2 different women to call Mommy. I dont know, I guess I dont understand why you feel so offened by it. I embrace my role as SM because in all honesty I think its a lot harder than being a Bio Parent.