Step Talk

You are in for a world of hurt down the road if you truly do not have any help from either parent in caring for this child. Ask Cruella. As per how to get bio-parents to play their part . . . you can't. You can't MAKE them do anything. But you can certainly ENABLE them to remain blissfully unaware of how much work it is to raise a kid if you do it all for them. Are you custodial and does your DH work days? If so, the homework and reading, etc., are probably going to fall under your watch. But taking him to do things on your day off if DH sits around doing nothing?? No way. Save yourself and your sanity--and possibly your marriage--by creating boundaries about what you will and will not do, and creating expectations you have per SK's care, and stick with them. If DH shrugs off his responsibilities still, then you have some hard choices to make and some thinking to do.

I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.

Vickie, I agree 100%.

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

There is only so much you can do without help from your significant other. When he comes home you want to almost flip a switch that says, "okay, I'm still here but you are the primary parent now". And you should. I fell into that. My husband worked, I stayed home with my SD's. When he walked through the door, I would mentally shut down a bit because he was home to "take over". Boy was I stupid! I realized that he is at work all day and he may need to unwind a bit. But you know what? Unwind on the drive home, cuz these are his freakin kids, not the SM's. We commit ourselves to the kids because we commit ourselves to our husbands. But don't let him take advantage of your kindness and affection of his son. Trust me you end up resenting him and the SK. Certainly set boundaries.

We never talked about it at all, but somehow DH and I both always had the mindset that his kids are ultimately his responsibility. He can ask for my help and has a right to expect that I'll back him up, but we share the workload 50/50 for all five kids alike. Over time, we've each found our niche in each child's life and in the household. That's one thing that I can say he never did, expect me to do all the work. I don't think he does enough with the skids, but I think there are some extenuating circumstances (PTSD) that are kind of helping to put up some walls that wouldn't otherwise be there with them. So I have been picking up the slack a little in the communication department for him, but as he makes progress in his treatment program, I see him getting back on track with the skids. There's gotta be give and take. No dumping allowed.

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

Sorry I have been not on for a while, been dealing with the wonderful step-parent issues. but thank you all for the wonderful advice it is much apperciated.