My husband has custody of his son every other weekend. The rest of the time, his son lives with his mother. I want to stress that there is NOTHING wrong with his son except that which is normal boy behavior for his age. Even though this is so, she has been getting him "diagnosed" with all sorts of mental disorders (e.g. ADD, ADHD, Social Anxiety Disorder, etc.). Most recently, she's announced that she's going to get him tested for Tourette's, which he most definitely does NOT have. Neither I nor my husband know what she is talking about since we never observe the behavior. We have, however, seen him negatively affected by the medications he's taken over the last three years (Strattera, Concerta, Adderall,Zoloft, and Sertraline, to name a few). She acts more like his pharmacist than his mother. It drives me around the bend, but I'm the stepmother, so I have little influence. My husband has had a hands-off approach with his ex-wife and let her make all the decisions regarding their son in an effort to maintain a de tente. He now feels that the latest mental health suspicion about his son (Tourette's) is over-the-top, and he is considering intervening more directly, but doesn't know where to start or how to handle it. We both feel that this is a critical time to move before she tries to put him on clonidine and an antipsychotic. His son is only 10 and has been on these drugs since he was five. I need some advice. Does anyone have any to share?
Let me guess
Did all these symptoms in SS come about right around the time your husband and the BM parted ways?
Our BM is a CPS worker (un-friggin-believable) and since BF and she split up 3 years ago, all of a sudden oldest SS (soon to be 11) came down with ADD ADHD, has been constantly to the doctors office for every little scratch and sneeze (funny, divorce decree states that BF must carry full dental and medical coverage for all three skids how con-VEN-ient!)
BM ordered an MRI b/c SS tripped in school (SS is very big and very clumsy for his age) and then tried to scare BF half to death by stating that she was pretty sure SS had meningitis!!!! (he actually had a cold!!!) Everything is overwraught with DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!!
At the exact same time, SD (soon to be 9) showed up with inhalers and pregnizone meds b/c she suddenly developed "asthma" exactly one month after BF separated from BM! (how odd!)
this is about the size of it:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=X0zlTTJQcwk
BM to this day is CONSTANTLY taking skids in to the doctors, the orthodontist (10 and 8 year old) And it won't be long before she is dragging the 4 year old in for "ailments' due to the "breakup" (now three years hence) She hasn't slowed down one bit after these three years. We get more medical statements for the skids than we do credit card offers and publisher's clearinghouse "you won" envelopes combined!!
She is rife with hypochondria and has instilled this particularly in the oldest SS. Completely turned him into a whining, sniveling "big girl's blouse" who makes note of every sneeze and cough he has. Truly pathetic!
OH MY GOSH!!!
We are going through the same thing. It started Friday. My husband's ex took their 3 yr old son to the dr in May and the dr put him on clonidine!! There is nothing wrong with this kid whatsoever!!!! He is a typical three year old. We went to see the lawyer yesterday. She never told us that he was on this medicine. I found out because he is on my insurance and i was looking at claims the other day!! WE ARE LIVID over this. Bm takes the kids to the doctor for everything. I told my husband a couple weeks ago that I thought she had the much. disease by proxy!!!
Exactly!
"She never told us that he was on this medicine"
Exactly! Our BM does the same thing. She takes them for all sorts of unneccessary meds and appointments, slaps them in braces the second they turn 8, NEVER EVER tells us what's going on and then expects us to pay for it long after the fact!!!!
These BMs are all reading from the same script and it's just a "poor me, look at me" pity party and attention grab.
I'm sure that:
1. the medical profession ADORES these M by P and hypochondriac BMs as it keeps them in business
2. the people who do the medical billing could probably predict blind folded which households are led by these BMs just by the sheer volume of claims that come in.
3. if the BMs had to carry the insurance and pay for the services, it would be QUITE a different story.
4. as soon as the BM in question finds a love interest, the skids "ailments" just seem to melt away; things that make you go HMMMMM!
Get his records.
Find out who his doctors are and go get copies of his medical records. Get school records, too. As the father, even if he doesn't actually have legal custody, he is still entitled to copies of the documents. Get them. Get them all. Then call a child neurologist and request a complete evaluation, to include review of the medical/school records and any testing he/she may deem necessary. Ain't nothing wrong with getting a second opinion, especially when it comes to putting a child on serious, mind-altering drugs. See what's what. If YOUR doctor finds that something's up, then he/she can confer with the doc the mother takes the kid to and find out what's going on. Also, watch out for multiple doctors. She may take him to several, just to shop around for the diagnosis she wants.
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
Good point...
One thing to note... It's been determined that patients with Munchausen syndrome are aware that they are exaggerating, while sufferers of Hypochondria actually believe they have a disease. In other words... A hypochondriac worries whether symptoms she has means she is ill; a person with Munchausen syndrome gives herself fake symptoms and insists she is ill for attention. They are very persuasive and often know medical terminology for many of them work in the healthcare field.
The problem that this presents is that some abused children fear contradicting their mothers, or feel that no one will believe them if they tell the truth.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
Get records as far back as possible
Wonderful suggestions of STEPMOM and ANNE and also look for changes in doctors and those lovely notes the doctor makes of his thoughts..I did this while starting to look at custody since SD would come to our house w/nebulizer and 2 inhalers and a pill to top off for asthma but SD was always running around like mad at our house and we NEVER saw any symptoms or attacks but when we got these records and saw that BM took SD to 2 drs "telling" both of them she was asthmatic and the first one would not agree BM got the only 2nd opinion seen in the file!?BM has done this alot with both of her children and had SD to the point of wanting to see the dr. immediately for every little thing-not a problem if you have no job and the medical card but back in the real world.One dr. even noted her insistances that SD had about knowing SD had severe asthma. If you find this type of stuff find out what you can do about getting some type of medical power of attorney over SS.
My dad is in the same
My dad is in the same situation with my half-sister (who is 4) and his soon-to-be-ex-wife. The child has NEVER had an asthmatic attack in front of my father or anyone else on this side of the family, but the ex claims that she is asthmatic and FREQUENTLY needs her inhaler throughout the day. She has also had her medicated for allergies, which she has never exhibited in my father's care. My dad was under court order to get rid of his dog (which my sister had been around since birth), only to have the mom now take the child OFF her medication and place her for child care for a week with a woman who HAS A DOG. I think the mom wants the child to be sick, and I too fear MbP. What can be done to bring this to the attention of the courts? We have pointed out that she has doctor-shopped (3 different doctors in one year...always changing as soon as my dad has shown up for an appointment), we have pointed out that she is NEVER ill when with us...what more can be done to ensure that this crazy woman doesn't hurt my little sister?
Well - if you continue to
Well - if you continue to have proof of the info then take it to your local DHR (Childcare authorities)
If your dad has the legal right to assist in medical decesions and care I would stand my ground - she is in contempt by not letting him be involved and he has every right for a second opinion. If he doesn't have that right in the papers then it does sound like to me that he has enough information to file a Motion to Amend the Order. He would need to talk to his attorney about this and how much he needs in order to be succesful
SDs' BM is the same
At one point she had them on meds for ADD, ADHD, Tourettes, Bipolar, something due to their anger?, and antidepressants. My SDs were like walking zoombies. I think their BM drugged them so that they would be so dooped up she wouldn't have to deal with them. I screamed, yelled and threw fits until I could finally make my husband do something about it.
He went to the BM and told her she had Munchausens By Proxy. This was in front of BM's father. BM asked what it was and my husband told her to look it up or better yet since she loved drugs so much to go to the doctor about it, but if something wasn't done he was calling social services. BM/s father had a fit! He made BM take them off of every medicine they were on.
They've been off the meds for 1.5 years now and are doing fine. The only thing wrong with them is their little shits. I'm glad I put my foot down though b/c I found out from the oldest SD yesterday that over half the meds they were on weren't given to them by the doctor and she was making them both take meds even if only one of them was perscribed the medicine.
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
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