Let me start off by saying, I'm a newbie to this site and this is my first post. Hi everyone. 
Okay...so I have no one else to vent to, and lo and behold, I find this site. Seems to me from looking at the posts, I'll have people that actually, for once, "understand".
Long story short, my step daughter is 4...however she acts like she's 2. There *may* be some developmental issues, but Lord knows since no one will bother to get her tested.
My biological younger daughter is only 9 months older than my, now labeled "STEP BRAT", and the mental age difference is uncanny. The step brat can't talk without whining. She's incredibly rude to me, especially when her daddy isn't looking or isn't home, and it's gotten to the point where I can't STAND this kid. I feel horrible, and at the same time just don't give a darn anymore.
Before anyone asks...no she doesn't act this way because I came between her mother and her father. They were broken up a year before I came into the picture, when she was an infant, so has no recollection of her parents ever being together.
Anyway, she's just so whiny, and she'll cry to the point of making herself puke just for attention. She acts helpless to get everyone in her world to do everything for her (I refuse), and I was just recently told by her that she hates me. Well, at this point, whatever, because I haven't been able to stand her for awhile now. At first, when she was 2, I just blamed it on "the terrible two's", but she acts no different now than she did when she was 2. (*side note - I have 2 biological daughters who are 10 and 5, and neither of them have ever acted the way this child does. I've also been a daycare provider and never seen the likes of this kid*) And I am SO tired of hearing, "But, she's ONLY 4"....yeah...okay, so was my daughter until she turned 5 nearly four months ago.
I'll go into more with what I have to deal with if I feel like I've finally found a group of people that actually understand how I feel without making me out to be some sort of (pardon the term) b*tch.
Anyone out there that understands? Does anyone feel like they wouldn't care if they never saw their step kid again? I know that's horrible, I know it is....but a human being can't help the way they feel either.
It makes for trying to blend this family together very hard, because I never want to be around her. I can't stand when she's around. Thus, I spend her weeks that we have her with us out as much as possible. Family outings are not fun at all, and neither is being within 5 feet of this kid.
*sigh* Anyway, to whoever read this, thank you.
OMG....
Are you living my life? cause this is EXACTLY what I go through everyday with my fiancee's 4 year old son! He's the SAME way! As someone else put it in a previous thread...this kid is overcodded and babied and I can't seem to get to like him because of his behaviors. I don't know if it's developmental cause he does everything else fine, like bathing and brushing teeth, but he eats like a two year old and acts like one, even talks like one!
Desperate
My boyfriend has 2 kids; one is a 4yr old daughter, whom I can't stand. I pray and ask that these feelings I have towards her be removed simply because I don't want to feel like this about no child. She is 4 but acts like she is 2. They comes to our house every other weekend and I hate it. During that particular week I get so depressed because I know my house will be in an up-roar. Their father and I argue everytime they come, sometimes over simple things. I feel that their mother is not teaching them anything and him being the father is not doing his part either. Being that she is a girl, she needs to be taught certain things little girls should know, like wiping herself after using the toilet, then flushing and washing your hands (Her mom needs to be ashamed) this is NASTY! Everything this child touches she either breaks or tear up, she eats with her hands (fingers), don't know how to walk inside a house (always running), don't speak correct/proper english (at her age she is not expected to speak correct all the time) but the least her father can do is correct her when she do say the wrong words. for example: we mom said take us to the fair or is us clothes ready. When I attempt to correct or ask him why he doesn't he becomes angry. I really feel that you must teach kids or how will they learn. I hate to hear her voice or even look at her. They have no home training or discipline. I am not use to this and I did not raise my child to be like this, and really don't want her to pick up some of their bad habits. What do I do? I really feel like they are going to come between us!
life in my shoes
Hi, i just stumbled onto this site and can't beleive it!! I am sooo happy to see that i'm not the only one who can't stand her step son...i feel awful about it all thetime but now that i see others who are living the same as me i feel better!! my step son is 6 and he tries everything to try to make me look bad and my husband just can't see it...defends him all the time, for example, my step son spilled my drink last night and my husband blamed me because "i shouldn't have left my glass on the floor"!!!! he can't see that this empowers him all the more! he's whiny, irritating and plays the game well. \he's fine with me by myself, but as soon as my husband gets home he acts like he's had a terrible day and acts like he's scared of me!!! i have never done anything to this ungrateful child!!! i really can't handle this anymore, i told my husband last night that if something ruins this marriage it will be his son!!! my husband has 2 from a previous marriage and i have 1 from a previous relationship, and we have 1 together...if i knew then what i know now, i totally would not have gotten into this!! i'm only 27 and feel like crap all the time because i'm so stressed and depressed about this life i'm living, WOW it feels good to say this...thanks!!!!!!
I will be 26 in September
I will be 26 in September and up until recently I felt like you all the time. I have a 7 year old daughter, a 5 month old and a 3 1/2 year old step daughter. Most of the time I really like her but I try not to get into her too much because I'm the type to take control and co-parent. I cannot co-parent with my DH because he has a really soft side for her because she is under alot of neglect from her mother. ALot of times when kids are neglected by their mothers the father feels a need to fill that void and it turns into a spoiled brat. Most of the time she is disciplined currently and thats when I feel okay. The times when I see the babying is getting ridiculous I get very crazy. ALso when my 7 year old is in the house with her its always a fight. They have a sort of love hate relationship but its something that we can work on. I use to can;t stand her alot but I see a bright future with me and her father and I will not mess it up because of a bratty stage she's going through. Therefore I will stick it out until the skys get cloudy.
Good luck and try to understand that they will get big one day. If things cant change you will need to not be with her father because it can get very nasty. Dads who love their daughters are very offended and will not allow any stepmother to change the relationship they have with their daughter.
I'm turning 28 in October
Okay, so mom was RIGHT when she said to NEVER get involved with someone who has kids! Im in love with a man who has three children from a previous marriage and the oldest daughter doesnt acknowledge my existance! We use to live in the state they live, but we moved for better jobs and she actually came to visit our hometown. I was wondering WHY she would bother, and sure enough, she ignores the fact I am alive! Its more uncomfortable than anything. Im so freaking stressed out and my boyfriend cant understand why? I feel I am really trying to put myself out there and deal with his baggage, but with no appreciation. An DONT ever talk about them to him! NO WAY! you are always the villan when you try to vent your feelings! Im not sure if we can make it through this! I'm just over trying so hard for nothing!
Me as well!!!
I have been with my partner for 2 years and her older daughter has always made it perfectly clear that she hates me. She is 11 nearly 12 now and its getting worse every day. As others have said here, she has been molly-coddled too much since birth and treated as if she is some sort of unique child. Her mother I love, but I totally disagree with the way she has brought this child up. It isn't just me she is so rude to either. She refuses to acknowledge her paternal grandmother and blanks her when ever she is with her. She refuses to talk in a civil fashion to the school run mother who shares with us. The girl was put through private school for all the wrong reasons, not because her parents thought it was the best education but because they believed that their darling would find the state system too rough. She believes now that she is superior to other children in our village and refuses to acknowledge them as well. I am a teacher in the state sector and have a totally different view of the system to my partner (after 20 years in the secondary schools) and yet apparently I am wrong and don't understand that state schools are awful. The consequence of this fundamental disagreement and the fact that the daughter is so rude means that her mother and I have the most awful rows, and somehow I am always the bad guy. I feel that after 20 years of working with teenagers I have a better grasp of how to motivate and help them into the adult world than this first time mother, and yet she seems to be frightened of upsetting her daughter because she is so delicate and different from other children. Consequently there is little discipline and her mother believes it will undermine confidence if you tell a child not to do something. I could go on, but hope that my message is clear. I am so relieved to find that I am not alone with this problem. And yes I have ended up hating this girl, particularly after she tried to wreck all my clothes by spraying them with something sticky and difficult to remove. I have to remove my toothbrush from the bathroom after using it because she admitted to her younger sister (6) that she had brushed it round the toilet rim. Fortunately she hasn't turned her sister against me and I only have her to contend with, but it is now in danger of totally wrecking my relationship with her mother and though I hate to think about it I don't think I can cope with much more. Incidently I have had to leave my last school as in September the girl is due to start there (its a grammar school so acceptable to her parents) and I have taken a job in another school. I couldn't cope with my good reputation amongst the children at the school being soured by this awful girl, or having to face colleagues who have to deal with her constant rudeness.
i understand where you are
i understand where you are coming from. i have been with my partner/wife for 3yrs and dealing with her son has just gotten worse. he was bad at 11 when we got together but now he is 15 and out of control. he's not rude to me like your SD, but he might as well be. He lies, steals, and has no respect for anyone, not even his own mother, and that doesen't seem to bother her. i don't know what to do anymore. i love my partner but i can't take living like this anymore. i dont want to do anything that envolves her son at all, and she can't seem to understand that. so i feel for you. i hope that things get better for you.
OMG I totally know that
OMG I totally know that feeling. BF's daughter came to stay with us for a month. She told her father that she hates me. She is mean to my kids, told him he had no business having another child with me. Ugh...I am pulling my hair out. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I pretty much hang out in my bedroom counting down the days until she goes home...yeah 6 more days!!1
replying to life in my shoes
OMG I know what Ur feeling. I'm 28 and my husband is 43 he has 4 kids (3 boys with ex wife and 1 daughter with ex gf) I have no kids of my own and he lied to me and told me we would have kids of our own but now he decided he doesn't want anymore because he's done raising them, the kids range in age from 22-7 yrs old.
I don't have a problem with my step sons but my step daughter is a horror. The drama that this little girl and her mom have caused us is ridiculous and my poor husband has no clue how to handle it. this little girl would hit me throw things at me tell me she hates me tell me its my fault her parents are no longer together, ok I’ve been with my husband for 4 years she's 7 he hasn't been with her mom since my step daughter was 2! C'mon!
This psycho woman would call for the stupidest things and get us all upset and at each others throats, she would love to stir the pot...just to be a brat. I've had numerous arguments with this woman about her phone calls and the stupidity that comes out of her mouth. She’s constantly telling me that my step daughter is not my business, when she is in my home she is, even if she's nasty and mean she still is our responsibility. she wouldn't let her come to our home after we were married and I told her that she's making a big mistake because she is depriving her daughter time with her father. It’s not about her well being it’s about the well being of her daughter, but she's such an air head she doesn't get it. Mind you this woman has 3 kids with 3 different men, great example she's setting for her daughters. Grant it it's not any better with my husband having 2 baby mamas. It’s hard and trust me at times I just want to grab all my stuff and run, run far far away and not look back.
It’s been difficult for me because I lost everything to be with this man my family my friends and my life. It’s my own fault because I’ve allowed this to happen and I’ve taken on the responsibility of a parent. I went from a happy go lucky woman who would come and go as she pleases I was very independent and now I’m not. I depend on him for everything. I hate that.
But love is blind and I follow my heart and pray to GOD that this gets better. I’m at my wits end with this.
My husband and I have started counseling and it has helped a little but that feeling of disgust (I know that sounds bad) is around every time she’s at our home.
I’m sure in time it will work itself out or with some family counseling it will get better but I really really try to tell girls to stay away from men with baggage cuz it does get old quick…but I’m sure it’s not like this for all.
Good luck with all but if anyone is dating a man with kids be aware that baby mama’s and kids don’t go away. They’re there forever!
MONSTER MY STEPSON
so my step son is unbearable and my soon to be mother in law broke out a huge fight last night 04/26 over this whole situation. now my husband and i are fighting and infront of the kids. we fight about my step son everytime he comes i get depressed a week b4 hes here because i know we are going to fight about something in regards to the monster step son. and now mom in law butts her head in and makes everything worse and even harder on me!!!! my step son is 3 and i hate hate hate hate hate him!!! i dont even want to try and like him anymore, i tried for the last two years and im done trying.. why should i cater to a 3 year old. although everyone else does for him...you guys think you know what whining is when he talks he whines and i want to smack him, although ive never hurt him i may have fantisized about doing so just cuz i cant stand the way he whines and crys all the time. and u know what i was a nanny for 3 kids and loved them so much and my own 3 kids i take care of and love, and its hard for my future hubby to understand how i can love other peoples kids and my own but when it comes to his its hard. not hard IMPOSSIBLE! and i tell him its beacuse i hate the way he looks acts and talks!! i hate everything about the kid, and i will never be able to accept him.... u know what the kid is fine when hes home with me and the other boys he may be a mopey child or a child of depression (his mom is bi-polar) however when daddy or grandma come over its tears tears tears i wanna go with you. so grandma thinks he doesnt like it at our house because of me. becuase i have time out and they get spanked when they hurt one another. i dont think the kid has ever gotten a spanking. i have 3 other children of my own whos 3 a 2 year old and then a 1 year old...so hello people like i dont have enough on my plate!!?? the 3 year old step son and the 1 year old have the same dad. i feel like water parts when his 3 year old is around and so yea well my future husband acts like hes tired of his own kids behavior but sometimes i think he acts like that because i tell him im sick of him not disciplining him and always taking his side. he punishes him but turns around and kisses and hugs him so no wonder the kid is confused and knows he can get away with bad behavior. nana doesnt help any, always holding him and babying him and giving him what he wants. OH LIKE HIS BLANKETS!! im sick of hearing hes only 3 whats the big deal about him having a blanket?? umm everytime he goes anywere any time he gets in trouble he says im cold i want my blanket I WANT TO BURN THEM!!!!!, and then its i want to blow my nose, im sick (just because hes in trouble mind u) and when i just ask him a question he starts to hyperventalate. my soon to be hubby puts a chip infront of him the other day and he starts to cry cuz he didnt want to eat it! MY GOD ITS A CHIP GET OVER IT!!!. and my soon to be hubby says well maybe hes this way because he gets bounced from house to house, maybe he follows me like my shadow because hes a guest in this house and he feels uncomfortable sitting with the other kids. maybe he senses your angry at him and that you dont like him. he says i can make an effort well u tell me does buying a bounce house for the kids riding bikes flying kites and going to the park sound like making and effort to you?? i mean i include him and he just brings my kids mood and my mood down cuz he crys or whines the entire time!!! my hubby cant move without that kids following him... did i mention he has a speach impediment so he cant say his ssssssss.. so instead of snake its nake and semi truck is emi truck and GOD DANG!!i make him say it right but no one else does, and my future hubby thinks its funny...he also thinks its funny when he throws a fit and jumps up and down screaming. and im like thats funny to you i would beat him and throw him in his room!!!.. i dont know what to do ive told him to take the kid to nana's house we live right next door to his mom .. shes making false accusations that i beat the kid, so i said fine he can go over there when he comes and i dont have to put up with his crap or see him, and THAT IS PERFECTLY FINE TO ME!! i tried to leave him( future hubby) last night and he said he wouldnt bring the kid around to our house if that would make me stay,( ive heard this b4, and then its well monster is comming can you watch him while im at work) u know what sucks is my three year old says "thats my friend i want him around" but im like how could u he crys even when my kid wants to play with moster kid..so i think my kid just needs to find another play mate it would have been nice if this MONSTER child would be normal, so my son would have somone to play with.. ive notice too that now my child took monsters behavior and started to be clingy and throws fits. it takes me a week sometimes two to get his behavior back to normal.... ugghgh i think i could just keep going forever about this subject.... u know i think sometimes maybe everyone is right maybe i am letting a 3 year old get to me maybe i do need couseling to help me accept him, but im past the point of trying why should i get counceling when the kids the one with the problem..??? im gald you all feel the same way!! THANK YOU FOR LISTENING!!!! signed a very destressed woman/mom/stepmom
step son
I am really glad I found this sight. I was really feeling guilty because I dislike my step son ALOT... My man and his ex have been separated since the kid was a baby he is now 9, so he does not remember his parents together. When I met my man he was living with his parents moved in with them after the separation 8 years ago my man is now 35 his ex lives with her parents since the separation. My man has never really had to look after this kid as his parents have always taken on that role. and his ex is the same. My step son and I got along well in the beginning until my man moved in with me, My man's son told my man he should of asked him for his permission to move in with me his ex wife agreed with the kid also. The kid disrespects my man and myself along with my 4 children. He comes for the weekend creates friction then sits back and smirks about it. My man asks his son to do something and he just ignores him. This kid has been babied and my man and his parents are always making excuses for this kids behavior. This kid has even lied to his mother and my mans parents telling them how mean me and my kids are to him. which was totally untrue, but my man's mother took the word of this kid and now wont talk to me and my kids. The kid finally told the truth saying he lied in attempts to get my man to move out and move back in with his parents but damage is done my mother inlaw still wont talk to me. This child has even told his dad how he hates him and does not want him in his life anymore and then turns around and asks for treats from my man. My man will call his son and its hit or miss whether he wants to talk to his dad or not. This child has caused so much damage I could go on and on. My man has to go to court next week as now his ex is trying to get visits stopped but wants double the money what to hell is wrong with people.
:shocked
9 YEAR OLD STEPDAUGHTER....ENOUGH SAID
HELLO EVERYONE. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW NICE IT IS TO HEAR ALL YOUR STORIES BECAUSE I HAVE REALLY BEEN FEELING LIKE I SHOULD BE SHOT FOR THE THINGS THAT I HAVE FELT AND HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH. I RECENTLY HAD A BABY BOY WITH MY HUSBAND AND HE IS NOW 2 MONTHS OLD. I HAVE A 9 YEAR OLD STEP DAUGHTER AND SHE IS A REALLY GOOD SISTER AND SUCH A SWEETIE...HOWEVER..... SHE IS VERY GOOD AT TURNING HER DAD AGAINST ME AND LETTING EVERYONE THINK THAT SHE IS ''STUPID'' OR ''OH SHE SHOULDN'T SAY THOSE THINGS AT HER AGE'', RIGHT OK! I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 4 YEARS NOW AND JUST RECENTLY THINGS HAVE REALLY BEGAN TO CRUMBLE. MY SON HAS BEEN REALLY SICK SINCE BIRTH AND I HAVE HAD TO REALLY FOCUS MY FULL ATTENTION ON HIM NOT THAT I TRY TO IGNORE ANYONE ELSE BUT MY HUSBANDS FAMILY SEEMS TO FEEL LIKE I SHUT THIS LITTLE GIRL OUT OF MY LIFE AND I SAY, NO IT IS NOT ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW IT IS ABOUT MY SONS HEALTH AND HE NEEDS ME. NOT TO MENTION THE FACT I AM DARN TIRED AND FEEL LIKE I AM ON CLOUD NINE BUT ALL SHE CAN SAY AND HIS FAMILY CAN SAY IS OH POOR LITTLE GIRL SHE IS LEFT ON THE BACK BURNER. I DONT GET IT! SO, IN A LONG STORY SHORT I AM VERRRRY ANGRY AND HAVE MOVED OUT OF MY HOUSE AND SINCE THEN HER DAD AND HER HAVE BEEN HAVING ALL TYPED OF FUN BECAUSE SHE IS BACK TO JUST HER DADDY AND HER AND NOW I AM BACK AT MY PARENTS AT THE AGE OF 24 AND EVERYONE THINKS I AM THIS HORRIBLE PERSON AND SHE IS JUST THIS POOR LITTLE PRINCESS WHO NEEDS A RED CARPET EVERYTIME SHE WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR. HELLLLPPPPP....
Hey, you are not a horrible
Hey, you are not a horrible person. It takes a lot of woman to take on a daughter that is not yours. Trust me, her and her dad are not having all sorts of fun. His sort of fun is being with you and his daughter but perhaps he is having torn feelings. You know, a lot of times guys don't want kids, and suddenly "bang" they end up having a child with someone that they really weren't sure of. So they go on with life, thinking that they should have wanted this kid. And here you are... right? Now think how he may feel, he has this kid with a woman that he can't be bothered with. He is tied to her for some time and we all know that its not 18 years. He probably imagines what a wonderful life you both would have if she wasn't around and that probably makes him feel GUILTY. And.. guilt is a strong emotion. So what to do with the brat (and he knows it, but can't verbalize it) that is a big thing to do.
Can you not make a big deal when she arrives? Can you maybe just say "hi, good to see you" and go about your day? Would that help you adjust to her not feeling like a princess? And.. think of what she may be feeling. She may know that you are indifferent to her but she knows that her dad she can manipulate. That her dad will never get rid of her. Trump her card. You are the grown up and you have many more tricks up your sleeve.
Maybe "you do that at your house but I am not doing it here", or "your mom may make a big deal about that in her house, but its not that big of a deal here". You have the right to do what you need to do in "your" house to survive.
In closing, I am sorry about your sons condition and sometimes takes everything out of us to be civil. Focus on your baby.
My mantra: These *^*(^ kids are not going to be here forever. Decicde if you want to be with DH and if your relationship is worth it. That is what life is about. Will he be there when everyone else is gone?
Take care... I hope I helped a little. I am certainly not an expect just a BM, SM and a hell of a hot momma for my new husband.
I like the advise
I like the advise the you gave and am using the advise myself. I do not hate my step daughter i just do not understand why i have these feelings sometimes that I should not be having. I love my SD and want her to know that I would do anything for her but I also hate repeating myself daily and being taken for granted.
To who much is given, much is required.
~Sexi Toni~
First Welcome you have found
First Welcome you have found the right place
Second, Take it from a bioparent that has been there. Sit down and talk to your DH and tell him she needs to have some testing done. I have a BS6 and a SD6 exactly one month apart, My BS6 has what is called Global Developmental Delay (it is in a catagory with high functioning Autism) he is 6 but acts more like 4 or 5 but my SD 6 is fine with no problems at all. My son was diagnoised 3 years ago and it is a fight with the school system to get him the education he deserves. The longer he pretends there is no problem then the worse it will get. Belive me it can get really bad. The she is only 4 comment well he needs to get over that what is he going to do when she turns five or six or seven or even older still say it is ok because she is only --old the only person he is hurting by not doing anything is the child. Sorry if I seem rude but my BS6 dad was a well he is only --yr old or well he is my baby (Well wake up he can't stay a baby forever) now I get the well he has problems. Yeah he does but babying him is not going to help him overcome these issues it only will make them worse.
Sorry if I offended you in anyway but hope my story will help you.
Live for today,you may not have a tommorow
me too
My husband has 2 daughters- 9 and 7. The 9yo I can deal with, no problem. I hate myself sometimes for wishing the 7yo would never come back. She lies, steals things, doesn't ever take responsibilty for anything, screechs for her cat that died 4 years ago and her mommy every time you correct her about a simple thing. She power struggles about EVERYTHING! She is negative and screams at my 4 & 5 yo all the time. Whenever she doesn't get what she wants she throws herself on the floor and sucks her thumb- and she's 7! I find myself mutttering under my breath all day long when she's around "SHUT UP S*****!"
We've had her in therapy, extra classes at school, had hearing tests, everything you can think of. There is nothing "wrong" with her. This is who she is unfortunately,(just like her BM, which doesn't make it any easier on me- as soon as we make progress on changing her behavior, she comes back from her mother's f-d up again)Her father doesn't know that I feel this way and he never could.
I know in a few years she'll choose to live at the home that she can manipulate more to get her way and that is NOT where I live. Until then, I just keep screaming in my head.
I just found this site and I
I just found this site and I am so glad that I am not the only one who says terrible things about their step children. My husband has 4 girls 14,12,8,and 6, then we have our 2mo son. The 8 and 6 year old live with us and I am at my wits end with those two. The oldest is miss attitude and the youngest has been given everything she has ever asked for, never been made to do what she's told and lies and steals and is manipulative and tries to get all the other kids in trouble just for the fun of it. No kidding she bit her self till she bled to try to get the others in trouble. You can watch her do something then confront her about it and she will call you a liar and scream "I want My MOMMY" who has been in Prison most of her life. I think it all boils down to respect and responsibility, both for her self and for other people but I just don't know how to get past it. If anybody has any suggestions I'm all ears
thanks
Dear mee tooI am in my
Dear mee too
I am in my first marraige. Will be married a year in November. My step-daughter in seven almost eight and acts like she is two. My husband has joint custody of her. She acts like she doesn't have to listen to me at all. When I tell her to do something she will ignore me and roll her eyes at me. I tell my husband but he doesn't do anything about it. We have had her and ourselves in counseling for 6 months now. It has helped in some areas. My husband always takes her side and that hurts a lot. She doesn't tell me she loves me that much any more. I have argued with my husband about her behavior and also how he doesn't correct it. I feel like my marriage will not last and it will be because of my step-daughter. I tend to resent her and hate her. I feel my life would be better if she did not exists.My husband treats her like a baby and still helps her put on her shoes and holds her in his lap in public. He also lets her interfere with adult business such as finances and we tend to argue about that. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I can go on and on and write a book about this. Please help.
i know how you feel......
I'm in the same situation with the 11 year old that want to be the wife and you're right they always make excuses for the child and don't anything about it...the sad thing is that i have asked my husband to move out not sure where this gonna take me,but i've try everything under the sun...and nothing ever worked....i guess u do what right for you and your kids...for they suffer as well...im just tried of crying.....and being sad all the time while she has the run of my new home...im taking back.....whats mine...
Same Problem Here.........
I completely feel for you.. I have the same problem. She to is 11 years old and thinks she is his wife. The worse part is he treats us the same and it kills me. I have been dealing with this for several years hoping it would get better, but instead its getting worse. I have no problm with them spending time together but when she starts telling me what to do "not in front of her father of course" thats where it ends. Then i discipline her and she gives me dirty looks and walks away. I have told my husband and he says I need to discipline her more, but I feel he should do that and show her that he respects me enough to put her in her place. I keep telling him she is 11 years old not 20. I can only imagine what the next several years are gonna bring.
I feel you
my step daughter lives with my husband and I she too is 11 (going on 20)its obvious that she cant stand me I catch her giving me dirty looks at times. When i tell her to do something she gives me attitudes(mind you I have helped my husb. raise her since she was 6 yrs old)She sometime stays a day or two at my mother in laws house and when we pick her up she gets mad and tells us how she hates being in our house. (but whar she really hates is me)i guess she feels she'd be happier with her dad if i were'nt in the picture. My husb is well aware of the situation and tells me not to stress it because we have other things to worry about (like our two daughters 3yr and 6mo) but this situation really bothers me because I'm really good to her i give her everything she needs; there is no reason for her to hate me. I also found out that she talks behind my back!!!! I dont know what to due in this situation im really tired and even thought about leaving my husband because of this.......
I hate my SD
OMG, this is exactly my life. I have SD/10yrs. She is also acting like his wife, and like telling me what to do and try to control my life. she even said that she doesn't want us to have another kids. She doesn't want us to say vows on our wedding, she doesn't want us to kiss on the wedding (even after the wedding), we're not allow not kiss at all. She doesn't want to talk about wedding or marriage after the wedding day,she doesn't want to call me step mom. She sleeps on our king bed while her father and I sleep on her single bed everytime she visit us on the weekend. What drive me crazy is her father listen to her and didn't try to talk to her or at least ignore her. He let her doing whatever she want. I know He feels guilty toward her because of the separation with BM. What I don't understand, why I have to put up with his guilt. So, He f#cked her mom 11 yrs ago, get her prego, didn't work out (and not because of me). I came to the picture 6 years after they separate. So, what the f#ck did I do in the past to deserve this?
Don't tell me to talk to DH. He wouldn't listen to me. He acted like he listen and promise to clear thing up, but NEVER DID.. Like he got amnesia everytime. I am going insane everyday. Please somebody help me!!!
MeToo
MeToo,
You are not alone. Me and my DH had a huge fight one time over the issue about letting the Skids and the BM dictate our marriage. One year for my birthday, my mom was going to keep my BioKids so we could be alone for the weekend. It was not our weekend to have the Skids so we made plans, just the two of us. On the day of my birthday, his wife decides she wants to volunteer to go out of town for her job to make extra money, so she drops them off at our house, ruins our plans. We argued so bad because he is always taking their side, even when they are wrong. He figured I wouldn't mind because they are his kids. That night he told me that I wanted him to choose me over his kids and that was never going to happen. He didn't seem to understand that was not the issue, the issue was I did not want to spend my birthday with his kids. So, I told him to have a nice weekend and left him there with his kids all weekend. I rented me a hotel room with a jacuzzi and celebrated by myself. His daughter would try to compete for his attention too. I would just ignore her and when she saw that I didn't care, it was no longer fun to her.
Oh WOWEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! kudos
Oh WOWEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! kudos to you my dear. I wish i had the nerve to do that everytime my SD12 screws up my weekend. Does this really work......ignoring her>???? I have a SD 12 and she decides when she is comign over so of course if she calls and says this weekend then this weekend it is..never mind my plans and my DH does not see anythign wrong with that. It;s like if he is the kid and the SD is the adult. SuckS!!!
YES, THIS DOES WORK. I HATE
YES, THIS DOES WORK. I HATE MY STEP DAUGHTER TOO. SHE ONLY COMES FOR THE FUN STUFF AND NOW I DON'T TAKE HER ANYWHERE I JUST LEAVE HER AT HOME WITH HER FATHER. HE WANTS TO SPOIL HER AND LET HER DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS FINE! BUT THERE GOING TO DO IT BY THEMSELVES. I'M NEVER MEAN TO HER IN FRONT OF HER FACE BUT I DON'T DO ANYTHING FOR HER, I DON'T DISCIPLINE AND IT MAKES YOU FREE. I LET HER DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS, IF SHE WANTS TO BE NASTY AND LOOK MESSY FINE WITH ME NOT MY PROBLEM OR MY KID. YOU CAN'T LET THE MENS IGNORANCE STOP YOU FROM LIVING YOUR LIFE. MY SD LIES ALOT AND BLAMES OUR BD 7YRS OLD FOR EVERYTHING. OK, CONTINUE TO RAISE MY THREE CHILDREN AND INCLUDE THEM IN THEIR FATHERS LIFE. BUT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIS CHILDREN I DON'T WANT TO HEAR OR BE INVOLVED IN. THAT TAKES ME OUT THE WHOLE EQUATION, I DON'T BABYSIT ANYMORE OR ANYTHING, AND AT THE END OF THE DAY OR 2 WEEKS SHE'S AT MY HOUSE I STILL FEEL FREE!!!!!!!!!
Hi there, I have adopted
Hi there, I have adopted your philosophy with my SD age 11. The funny thing is it is really working, I have removed myself from all responsibility, and on her own she is starting to show her self up to her father, messy dresser, appalling bedroom thats not fit for a pig, whiney, manipulative. Because my 3 children have had discipline and guidelines through out their life they are tidy (ish) polite, well rounded children, and her behavior is so apparent now that I dont nag him about her! Its really interesting how, when you dont tell a man how to behave they figure it out on their own. He is starting to yell at her now, and generally make her life not so pleasant, and it does make me smile (terrible eh!)
Wish I could do this, mine
Wish I could do this, mine unfortunately lives with me!
so?
what happened when you got home?
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
sd from hell
sorry, that happened to you.i have 4 sd to of them are great,the other to are awful. The bad ones dont live with us (YET)the ages are 15,16,18,21.I also have many fights with my fiance about them.(the bad ones)I even said if the 15 one moves in ,im moving out.well, lets just say i didnt come home that night.From there on he decided i was making him choose.lets just say now i feel like its all about them and what they want who cares about me.so good !luck cause this feeling sucks.
"I did not want to spend my
"I did not want to spend my birthday with his kids."
I'm stuck "celebrating" my birthday with the skids this year too. So NOT excited about that prospect.
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