Ok, so we have had ss for a whopping 3 days now. I posted about the wonderful letter bm's brother gave to my dh at the p.u. of ss, and my concern's in regard to the b.s she wrote in it.
While we were in bm's county for the p.u, we decided since we had time, to run over to ss school to get copies of all progress reports, report cards, teacher/parent notes/conferences, attendance record ect. We were going to mail a letter requesting these items, but figured " what the heck, we are already here". Bm is a school teacher at same school ss attends, different grade. Bm recieved her bachelors degree for reading and writing..and yet ss(6) is struggeling very badly in this area...hmmmmm, kinda like a Mathamatician having a child that doesn't know how to add or subtract!!
So I think the school finally notified bm that we were there on Friday, now it is Monday. So here we are, enjoying a big watermelon with our kids and the phone rings. My daughter(expecting a call from her b.f.) answers and it is the friggin bm asking to speak to dh!!!!Ok, so dh had let bm know over a month ago that he would not speak to her as our attorney advised NO PHONE COMMUNICATION, only by certified mail. So bd hands phone to me. I say " Hello", and immediatly bm goes " I need to speak with dh!" (real demanding like) I soooooooo politley remind bm that dh and her are to have no phone contact at our attorney's advisment, to which bm starts yelling at me..."Well dh is behind 500.00 dollars in c.s and he needs to send...(this is where I interrupted..politly of course)Uhhhmm No, we are current on all c.s bm. "No he is not, I have not recieved any for 2 weeks" bm agian yells at me. To which I respond, "Bm, dh and I have ALL of dh's paystubs and each and everyone show's the c.s deduction was made, I suggest you contact Child Support Enforcement and find out where your money is from them". Bm loses it here, " I HAVE CONTACTED THEM AND YOU NEED TO LET DH KNOW HE IS GOING TO GO TO JAIL!!!!!!!!!!" Agian, I reiterate, "BM I suggest that contact C.S.E and btw, we(dh and I) have no problem with you utilizing our home number to contact ss while he is here with us if you cannot reach him on the cell phone you sent with him, but please do not utilizie this number to attempt to speak with dh or I agian". And I hung up. Immediatly, I picked up the phone to contact our attorney, she was in court, so I left message and am waiting today(Tuesday) to hear back from her. We do not have caller I.D. or star 69, but our phone kept ringing and when voice mail would pick up, the caller would hang up. As everyone who know's dh and I can tell you, we typically screen all call's, so most will say "Hey! it's so and so, pick up the damn phone,lol". So I KNOW this is bm calling agian and agian. I picked up the phone, call BM'S attorney and request to speak to her. I am questioned as usual to what this is in regards to ect. and tell receptionist that it is in regards to attorney's client and I will discuss what the call is in regards to with only her. So bm's attorney gets on phone,I explained what has just transpired and request that she notifiy her client to adhere to our attorney's advice as to no phone contact with us, as we do not wish to be harrassed or threatened by her anymore! Fine say's her attorney, "I will let bm know that all communication is to go through the attorney's!(real smartassed). Of course I reply "That is acceptable to us as well,Thankyou for your time, I will be letting my attorney know of what has transpired as well as my communication with you". Then I called C.S.E to see if there was indeed a deliquency showing...Uhmmmmm NO! The account is showing current. WTF!!!!!!!I am not exactly sure what this woman is up to or expected to get from that phone call, but I sure hope her attorney at least gave her an ass reaming! This womanis mental!!! We had ss picked up at 1pm on Friday, bm was calling his cell 3 hours later, then 3 hours after that. Since she calls at a minimum of 2 times each and every day, sometimes more if we miss the call's. I am documenting EVERYTHING from call day,times and lengths..on down. Is there anything else I should be doing? What is everyone else's opinion on my contacting her attorney..bad move, good move?
Good Move
As I always say CYA as much as humanly possible. This woman in unbelievable. Well, I guess that is not true since we all have one just like her of our own or we wouldn't be here, right? Good for DH for not giving in and talking to her, your attorney should be proud. This is going to be a LOOONNNGGG visitation for you if this is how she is acting already. You still goin camping???
Daddys Gurl-
Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.
No camping here...
Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.
And you are right, this has already become a long vacation and its been a whopping 4 days. Spoke with our attorney today, she was contacted by bm's attorney,who states that bm is now alledging that dh and I are interfering with her phone communication with ss. The allegations already are starting, I laughed to attorney and told her we expected this. Attorney agree's that this is sooooooooo not a vacation, it is essentially a SETUP!!! That bm waits for almost 2 years to allow visitation then when we finally have the money to take her ass back to court she lets dh see ss....Attorney said this is going to be a case of bm allowing the visitation only to gain more ammunition agiants us and make her allegations. Great!!!!!!right now as hateful as it sounds, I just want ss to go home( no, I honestly wish he just did not exist and birth bitch didnt either, hateful I know)...I do not have ANY DESIRE to even attempt to reconnect with him. School just started for my son, stress there, daughter is home to visit...dont even feel like I am able to share and laugh and enjoy or make her visit enjoyable. I feel like I am walking on egg shells and am about to have an emotional break down...camping,lol, thats a joke....we dare take ss anywhere or do anything with ss that might become yet another of the many allegations from this bitch once the 2 weeks is over! Further I get the priviledge of caring for ss while dh is at work, oh joy, I can only imagine the b.s that bm is going to pull from this. Right now daddysgurl I want to cry but I can't...feel like falling apart, but agian I can't, but most of all I just want to take my son and daughter and run away....very, very far away. I am back in Salem during the witchhunts right now and I feel very much like it is my neck that is gonna be swinging or on the chopping block very soon.I went through round 1(the divorce) with dh, and though I love this man more than anything, I am just not sure I am as emotionally prepared to go through battle #2.I just want to go to sleep and wake up with all of this having been a mere nightmare.
Oh, I hate to hear how bad it is
But, please try your best to enjoy your son and daughter. The rest is BS that you don't have much control over. Just do what you always do as a mom...what you do for your own kids...and try to put the worries and stress aside as best you can. It's not going to help you in the end. Keep your journal, be sweet to SS, enjoy your own kids, and live your life as if Bio-B*tch didn't exist. At least for now. I know court is coming up...but this woman is not going to come out looking good. That letter she gave you is not going to help her. And her already making false accusations is not going to help her. Take care of yourself!! ((((HUGS))))
Been There
Keeping a log of every time she calls, how long it is and how many times a day is very good we got my xhusband in a ton of shit doing that he would call up to 13 times a day to talk with my son, you can also have a copy of your phone records sent to you from your provider. Also call the cops about the hang ups they can see about putting a trace on your phone to find out who it is calling. I would also advise at least getting caller ID to help. I had to go through all of this with my xhusband. He got what he deserved in court and was fined for stalking because basically thats what he was doing. Do what I did, in the next court order all correspondance be via certified mail and limit calls to your SS while he is with you to one a day, its working for me. If your worried about having your SS during the day while your husband is at work make sure to have a friend over to observe your actions so bio mom can't say anything and document everything you do during the day from waking up until sleep and all punishment and why he received it because bio mom will try to make something out of it and if you have a journal to show the attorney asap they won't think your trying to make up any stories about what happened you can go striaght to that days happenings and read right from the journal. Both you and your husband should seek counseling if its possible to make sure you have a united front against bio mom and to ensure that her pressure doesn't affect your marriage. I found the support from these blogs is so helpful. You have my support and I think you did everything correct by contacting her attorney and yours and cutting the conversation short. If child support is not behind then she was only saying that to get a fight started don't let her do that to you telling her to check with the department was perfect. If it's taking out of his check and they say your up to date then you have nothing to worry about. Be strong and remember your not the only one with a bio mom thats nuts my SS's bio mom is so bad she is court ordered never to see him again so were kinda lucky.
BM was trying to control your home
We went through the same drama where if BM was pissed about anything she would just grab any retarded false statement to goat DH or I into defense and that way BM had control over our feelings for the moment if not longer due to trying to vent and having the WTF how stupid can a functioning human be conversations. We too tried the no contact and have always kept records but we found that contacting her attorney never was helpful but the big stack of reminders of these advisements came in handy nd did make an impression on the judge.I really do think caller id is a step family neccessity!!! and you could even ask your attorney about subpeonaing her phone records if this becomes can help you to set the guide for a harrassment action if your state allows. Best wishes.
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